SAHM Thread - Novemeber

Lbloom · November 2018

We have a working moms thread (which is good, we have lots of working moms on this board) and we have a childcare thread. I thought we might try a thread for moms who stay home with their kids. How many of us are there? If there is a big enough group maybe we can continue this thread.

(I'm trying to gear it for FTM and BTDT moms.)

What are you most looking forward to?

What challenges do you forsee or are most nervous/worried about?

Topic for the week: Do you feel pressure to be "all mom all the time."? How do you maintain parts of your own identity?

GTKY: I know it's early but anyone have Thanksgiving plans?

Feel free to bring up any other thoughts, feelings, or concerns you are having.

Kenneylynn3 · November 2018

So I plan on being a sahm. Currently I don't work since this pregnancy has been so rough. I thought I'd join in here since this is our goal once lo is here. Thanks for starting this thread.

I'm looking forward to taking care of lo and being around for everything. I know childcare is sometimes the only option, but having worked in childcare, I'd rather not go that route if I can avoid it.

Currently, I'm not worried or nervous about being at home. I think the challenge will be to parent and take care of the home, but I figure it will go best if I get a routine. The other challenge I foresee is the feeling of being cooped up, but I plan on making a schedule where we will get out of the house.

Topic of the week: I don't have anything on this matter. However, I'm open to advice, tips and insight from btdt moms.

GTKY: We moved closer to family back in August, so we plan on spending Thanksgiving with them.

lovesclimbing · November 2018

I have been a SAHM since our daughter was born. That had always been the plan. Even when I was young, it was important to me that I stay home with my children when I had them. My H agreed (probably wouldn't have married him if he wasn't on board!). So yea, it was never really a discussion. Yes, it makes money tighter, but we believe it's worth it. And if I had stayed working, daycare would easily consume 3/4 of my salary anyway.

What are you most looking forward to: Umm, well, I'm already doing it. It'll be interesting to see how my daughter adjusts to having a little sibling.

Challenges: Ugh, I've been thinking about that a lot. I feel like I've been a terrible mom to D because I've felt so bad physically this pregnancy compared to with her. Achiness and pain. So tired and lethargic. She only just starting walking a month ago, which means she's not super stable, so I have to carry her a lot still. She's so heavy, and I feel like it definitely affects me physically hauling her around. And we're hoping to start potty training soon (she's almost 17 months), but I doubt it will be 100% by the time the baby comes. And we're still nursing (although, that's might have just ended last night!), and it's been painful since I got pregnant. And I just dread nursing her. And last night we were both crying. She was cranky because she is at bed time and diaper changes, and I had the audacity to wipe her nose on top of that. So then she wouldn't nurse and we were both crying. (H ended up holding her and soothing her and putting her to bed with no nurse. No crying or anything, so I think I'm going to try putting her down with no nurse before naps today and maybe we're done now!) And with some of her crankiness and fussiness, I keep thinking we were crazy to not wait a few months longer to get pregnant again. This pregnancy was planned, and they will be 20.5 months apart. And I know people who had babies that close and closer, but still ... You know? I hope it's not too hard of a transition.

Topic: I try to still get out and do things with just me. I anticipate it will get more challenging with more children. Sometimes, I do things in the evenings after H is home from work. I also have my sister nearby who I can trade babysitting with and another friend who is willing to do it. Also, I always dress nicely and put on makeup when I go out, even just to the store. I like being put together, and it feels good to be "normal." Right after D's birth, I felt like I needed to put on regular clothes and makeup and go out and feel like myself, even at just a few days postpartum, even just to the store or library. Otherwise, I'd just sit at home and feel bad and cry. And I don't feel great if I'm in sloppy clothes I wear around the house or for cleaning.

GTKY: None yet. I'll start talking with family in the area about it soon.

Lbloom · November 2018

What are you most looking forward to?

This is probably going to be my last pregnancy so I look forward to all the newborn baby snuggles and am hoping that I can really live in the moment and enjoy the front row seat for watching another baby grow into a little person. Because of PGAL, I have tried to really enjoy all the moments with my other 2 but now that I'm pretty practiced at this parenting thing, I'm hoping for even more enjoyment. I really tried to enjoy every moment with my last one and was actually very cognizant of it because I knew how fast it all goes but going from 1 to 2 was a big adjustment for me. I remember all the work along with the good stuff. But time blew by with DD2. I expect it just goes faster with each one.

What challenges do you forsee or are most nervous/worried about?

Honestly, just starting all over at the beginning again!

I've heard from other veteran moms that going from 2 to 3 (or more) was easier than going from 1 to 2 and I'm hoping that this little one will just fit right in and things will be a little smoother because of experience.

Topic for the week: Do you feel pressure to be "all mom all the time."? How do you maintain parts of your own identity?

I have gotten better about this in later years as my oldest has gotten older (she was super clingy) and my second was really laid back and easy going so it has been easier to get away and let others help me. I have my hobbies, I go to things with other moms even if it means my DD2 is being watched by someone else and now that I live in a new place with more amenities and family around, I exercise and visit more with family, and DH and I get out more for date nights when budgets allow. I will say that because of the way I nurse and use attachment parenting practices, I keep LOs with me almost all the time while they are infants. I know that it is a short time in the grand scheme and I have no problems starting to separate more when they become mobile/aren't nursing as much thanks to starting solid food.

GTKY: I know it's early but anyone have Thanksgiving plans?

Dividing up the entire weekend bw my family and ILs. Also, because DD1s birthday is on Thanksgiving, we'll definitely be trying to see everyone that is in the area. But because this PG is high risk, I'm not traveling out of state to see family like we did last year.

Lbloom · November 2018

I wanted to add that DD2 is still home with me and since we only want to pay for 1 year of preschool, she will be home with me next year, too.

mschanandlerbong1214 · November 2018

What are you most looking forward to? Getting to watch this baby grow up like I did with his brothers

What challenges do you forsee or are most nervous/worried about? Getting my others up and off to school everyday when DH goes back to work.

Topic for the week: Do you feel pressure to be "all mom all the time."? How do you maintain parts of your own identity? Yes I do. DH works A LOT and I don’t have a lot of help around the area we live in. It’s me or nothing 95% of the time. I try to keep my identity by using the 2.5hrs they’re both in school to do something I like to do. Even if it’s just getting my nails done.

GTKY: I know it's early but anyone have Thanksgiving plans? We go to my aunts every year (except 2014 - it was 3 weeks before my EDD). Lots of food and family around and always a lot of laughs and good times! One of my favorite times of the whole year

tennisbabymama · November 2018

What are you most looking forward to?

I have been a SAHM since DD was born almost 2.5 years ago. But I am excited to see the two of them together!

What challenges do you forsee or are most nervous/worried about?

I am nervous about going from 1 to 2 children. I’m nervous about being able to divide my time and attention.... DD and I have our routine and we have so much fun just the two of us that I’m scared I’ll really miss that.

Topic for the week: Do you feel pressure to be "all mom all the time."? How do you maintain parts of your own identity?

I’m mom all the time with DD is awake and with me. But when she is asleep (she goes to bed each night at 7:30) I’ll go to the gym, have a girls night or a night with my husband. That would be my advice for all your FTMs... get your kids on a schedule and early bedtime (they will sleep in still. Kids need 12 hrs at night) so you can have the evening and night to yourself and your husband.

GTKY: I know it's early but anyone have Thanksgiving plans?

Family, family, family!

momofmanyinthemitten · November 2018

What are you most looking forward to?

Middle of the night nursing sessions are high on my list. It’s the only time our house is quiet, as we have 4 children (7, 5, 4, 2) already.

What challenges do you forsee or are most nervous/worried about?

I’m not worried about the logistics of adding another member to our family, but I’m a bit worried about l&d because I’ve changed providers twice in this pregnancy, and not by choice. I won’t have my preferred doula at this birth.
Topic for the week: Do you feel pressure to be "all mom all the time."? How do you maintain parts of your own identity?
After being a sahm and homeschooling mom for 8 years to a child with special needs, along with 3 younger children, I have lost pretty much all me time. I have a husband who helps out as much as he can, but it’s still a struggle to finding time for us and for myself.

GTKY: I know it's early but anyone have Thanksgiving plans?

My fil has been on hospice for 5 months, but is still hanging in there, so I assume that we’ll be eating with my husband’s family. His parents and one brother live around the block from us.

kristimh80 · November 2018

FTM and planning to be a SAHM when baby gets here. If I do work, it'll be 1-2 days a week for my own sanity / adult social time.

What are you most looking forward to? This maybe our only child due to how hard it was to get pregnant. So I'm looking forward to enjoying all the little things! My mom was a SAHM and I always said I wanted to do the same. It meant a lot to me growing up knowing mom was there when I go home or if was sick, she'd be around.

What challenges do you forsee or are most nervous/worried about? Just getting a schedule down. I know at the beginning things will be all over the place and little sleep, but looking forward to having a schedule with the little one whether it be naps, eating, play time outside of the home, etc. Luckily, my mom is about to close on her house here so will be super close if need anything.

Topic for the week: Do you feel pressure to be "all mom all the time."? How do you maintain parts of your own identity? Ugh, I feel like this will be me! Already almost everything I talk about concerns baby stuff. Hoping I'll find some local mom groups to get in and make good friends that way so we can have social girls lunch / dinner w/o kids. Most my bff's don't live close by or have older kids or not interested in having them.

GTKY: I know it's early but anyone have Thanksgiving plans? We'll stay in town. Usually, doing the family rounds at MH uncle's house then SIL's house.

stmgsam3 · November 2018

I just switched to being a SAHM this week. I worked full time with DD, but my husband just took a job in a new city and honestly with 2 kids in daycare it wouldn’t be worth it financially to work (or barely).

What are you most looking forward to? I am looking foreword to finally having more time with DD and this baby. DD just turned 2 and has so much personality.

What challenges do you forsee or are most nervous/worried about? Given I just moved to a new city I don’t really know many people in the area. At my last job I happened to work with people who ended up being some of my best friends. It’s rather easy to have time with other adults when working. Now I know hardly anyone in the area and there’s not an easy way to meet new people really.

Topic for the week: Do you feel pressure to be "all mom all the time."? How do you maintain parts of your own identity? Not most of the time, though it does seem that as soon as I tell someone how great and well behaved DD is she decides to go into full on make as much mischief as possible mode lol

GTKY: I know it's early but anyone have Thanksgiving plans? Traveling to both our families for thanksgiving.

maggiemadeit · November 2018

I am completely lurking here, but I just want to say kudos to all the current and planned SAHMs. I sincerely wish that I could do it, but we can’t afford it financially, and I am not sure that I would be that good at it. I know it’s a really hard job, but what a blessing to have that time with your kids. Hats off to you!

catlady2015 · November 2018

What are you most looking forward to? Actually getting to be home with LO all the time, and hopefully getting to witness all his firsts.

What challenges do you foresee or are most nervous/worried about? I wasn't intending to be a SAHM, but it's looking like it will be that way. I've had difficulty getting myself into a routine without working, and to know I'll need to do that for the baby too is a little scary.

Topic for the week: Do you feel pressure to be "all mom all the time."? How do you maintain parts of your own identity? I do worry that I would feel pressured to be "mom" all the time. With DH working over 40 hours a week for the clinic, I know all the mom and house stuff will fall on me and I'm concerned that I really will lose part of my identity. I fought to get a sewing room in our new house, hoping it would give me an outlet for my creativity and I can be me, not just a wife/mom.

GTKY: I know it's early but anyone have Thanksgiving plans? We are staying home this year. DH is on call at the clinic for Thanksgiving, so we're not traveling. I invited my dad out to visit but he's going to see another sibling instead. MIL/FIL and my BIL/SIL take turns hosting thanksgiving and christmas so they usually do that and don't come to our house. I refuse to travel that far away from home (6 hours) while pregnant, so I'm glad I won't have to worry about it. In a way I'm happy that he and I will get a last set of holidays just the two of us before LO arrives.

kristimh80 · November 2018

@catlady2015 I agree...enjoy your time while it's just the two of you! And I don't blame you for not traveling 6 hours while pregnant. Plus, when preggo, it may take longer depending how much you stop. It took a lot longer when I drove my grandma to Texas because the need to pee alone!

sejica · November 2018

What are you most looking forward to? Hopefully I will have sold the apartment building by the end of this year, so I can be 100% home, instead of trying to sometimes work outside the home too.

What challenges do you forsee or are most nervous/worried about? Given that it has been emotionally hard for me staying home with just dd, I'm especially worried about doing it with 2.

Topic for the week: Do you feel pressure to be "all mom all the time."? How do you maintain parts of your own identity? Yes, but it helped to delegate as many things as possible, so for us DH does bedtime and bath, and I go out every Thursday with some child-free friends.

GTKY: I know it's early but anyone have Thanksgiving plans? For as long as I can remember we've travelled back to my parents hometown for the whole weekend to visit all my living relatives (currently a 2 hr drive for me, 3 for my parents and my brother's family). Fortunately(?), DH family has always done thanksgiving with friends instead, so there's never been a conflict, which is nice.

Lbloom · November 2018

For those of you concerned about finding other moms to hang out with or have places to go so you're not cooped up or if you've moved to a new city and are looking for friends a few suggestions:

Local libraries usually always have set storytimes and you can meet other moms that go regularly and maybe strike up a bond. Plus, they're free. The same goes if you have a local nature center.

Look for a group like MOPS (mothers of Preschoolers). I joined up with one in my new town and have met lots of moms this way.

My state has Parents As Teachers programs for kids 0-kindergarten age. My last group had weekly playdates. I made some of my best mom friends that way.

La Leche League meetings are also a great way to meet other moms who may know of more local resources for you. Don't worry if you aren't totally breastfeeding.

They're out there if you're willing to put yourself out there and look for them!

Want a personalized experience?

SAHM Thread - Novemeber

Re: SAHM Thread - Novemeber

Choose Another Board

Search Boards