How to hide you're not drinking alcohol

kiwiaussiemum · October 2018

Hey guys - I need your advice. I just had night one of a week and a half tour of Australia and New Zealand for work. After days of presentations, everyone goes out for dinner and drinks following. Last night I ordered a sparkling water instead of a martini and everyone at the table automatically started asking blatantly if I was pregnant. Obviously nothing has been announced at work so I just stood under the guise of 'im a strong and independent woman and I can order whatever I like and tonight I feel like sparkling water!' At the next restaurant, I caved and ordered champagne and then everyone quietly judged while I sat on it for the whole night and ended up only drinking half while all the time plotting on how to empty my glass without drinking it! But the question is, what the heck do I do tomorrow and for the rest of the week??? Tomorrow I've got a formal dinner booked so there's no way of pretending I have a headache and staying in my hotel room.. I will also be there with people from last night. Argh I've learnt a lot about what not to do when a colleague doesn't order alcohol over the last few hours and now I'm struggling to sleep because I'm all anxious about how to handle the rest of the week... any ideas would be super welcome!!

Dcwtada · October 2018

If you have a formal dinner booked, I’d call the restaurant ahead of the dinner and/or find a moment to take your server aside and say you’ll order a certain drink and make it virgin. That or confide in a coworker and have them help in the deception or say something along the lines of you are refraining from gluten/dietary/medication needs. My ulcer was a fantastic crutch

jhems776 · October 2018

Show up early and get a fancy looking virgin drink from the bar. Then sip it slowly or have your waiter clued in so you just say you want one of the same.

nmbrcrnchr1 · October 2018

Talk to your server. I had a work happy hour the other day and I got there before everyone else thankfully so I asked to speak to my server, they do these types of things all the time. I’m a beer drinker so luckily they had a non alcoholic beer so she brought it to me in a glass and when I asked for a refill she knew what to bring me without me saying the name. I’ve also done apple juice in a wine glass and vodka/club soda (hold the vodka). Most bars can make any drink a non alcoholic drink.

If you can’t get a moment alone with the waiter/waitress before you order, go ahead and order and then excuse yourself immediately after to find them before they make your drink.

good luck, I have another happy hour later this week and I’m hoping it goes as well as my last. It’s so hard and stressful!

SunflowerMama428 · October 2018

I was an event coordinator for a bar during my last pregnancy. I just politely declined and said I was on medication that I couldn’t mix with alcohol. No one batted an eye. Usually I ran the event while drinking beer or wine and eventually my staff stopped asking if I wanted it after that excuse and it never came up again. They did feel lied to when I announced I was pregnant but they got over it.

kiwiaussiemum · October 2018

Thanks guys! I think I'm going to have to make friends with waiters for the next week!

whitney812 · October 2018

I always just order vodka soda and then say I have to go to the restroom and change it w the waiter. No ones ever questioned me.

allydsal · October 2018

I usually say I'm on antibiotics and lie about an ear infection or what ever I can think of. it buys me 10 days.

wiseh · October 2018

Do they not just accept that you don’t feel like drinking that night? What about saying you’re on a health kick and trying to cut out alcohol?

KissMeImScottish · October 2018

I’m usually a Prosecco drinker, and my mom legit can’t keep track of her wine glass (usually ends up drinking from mine and my sister’s), so having the champagne flute helps keep that from happening. Last night, I was mixing seltzer and apple juice to make it look like Prosecco. Worked like a charm.

spacepiraterunner · October 2018

I usually go a little early and get a club soda with lime. Looks exactly like a G&T, as long as they put it in the right glass. Also, Moscow mules are still super trendy, which means most of the bars (at least near my office) have ginger beer on hand, which I'm drinking anyway to help quash the nausea, and I just ask the bartender to make it a virgin, and no one can tell the difference, since the ginger smell usually masks most of the alcohol smell anyway. Doesn't help if you have to order from the table in front of everyone, though.

battleangel · October 2018

Tell them you’re trying a dry October. A few friends who aren’t pregnant use that one when they don’t want to drink

harrierwife · October 2018

I've been pulling the "Sober October"/health card lately, but I LOVE some of these suggestions!

amaren-2 · October 2018

I've had strep throat that wouldn't go away so I used the excuse that I was on antibiotics, which was true.

lovebamalife · October 2018

I second saying you're taking a medication that doesn't mix well with alcohol. If you're taking a prenatal it's technically true.

ncm1919 · October 2018

I find being in cahoots is the easiest way to hide it. I order a vodka soda and then get a plain soda water as well. If you start drinking the cocktail like it’s just water that also quickly makes you stick out like a sore thumb. After 2 rounds are so people have a nice buzz and usually leave you in peace.

r_k · October 2018

I had to spend last weekend for a friend's birthday brewery hopping and was successful in fooling all 10 people I was with! I ordered drinks along with everyone else and pretended to take a few sips and then excuse myself and said my husband or a client was calling and just took my drink with me where I proceeded to pour a good portion of it out each time - here is one of the positives of a job where clients do call quite often haha. I did find a couple places that had ginger beer so there I just ordered on my own at the bar and had them pour it in a beer glass.

I also agree with being in cahoots with the bartender or waiter. I also went to a wine bar with some work friends and not ready to tell them so I just excused myself to order at the bar and they made me a sparkling water with a splash of cranberry in a champagne flute so it looked like sparkling rose. If a girlfriend asks to try it just say you have a scratchy throat.

vikinganna87 · November 2018

It's interesting how not drinking is considered socially unacceptable in a lot of circles. I've been TTC for a while and have also been on IVF drugs on and off for the past year+. As someone who has enjoyed relaxing with a beer at a bar, the first few times I'd be almost apologetic with the bartender if I didn't order something alcoholic. Now I simply order a seltzer water with lime and keep it at that. Or just say "I'm not drinking alcohol tonight." If you really need to, you can use driving as an excuse. In certain situations I'll order non-alcoholic beer or mocktails, but I don't really like sugary drinks so it's easier to stick to seltzer. In my experience, after a while you're used to it, you own it, don't make a big deal of it --- and people don't ask any questions.

KissMeImScottish · November 2018

@vikinganna87, while I definitely see your point and agree with the frustration of the social expectation, I think the issue many run into is the sudden shift in behavior that people notice. And if you’re not trying, it is a sudden shift. At family gatherings, I very much enjoy a glass of wine - I rarely drink to excess, but I also rarely turn down that one glass. I can get away with refusing one or twice, but I see my family at least weekly. Over the course of 3 months, I’m going to run into problems if I repeatedly refuse on multiple occasions before I am ready to announce.

My son was a fertility baby, so I begged off alcohol when I was pregnant with him by saying we were trying, so I was abstaining. With the twins, who were planned but happened faster than expected, I told people we were seeing the fertility doctor again, so I couldn’t drink.

This time is a surprise, completely out of left field - we weren’t trying and I’m not comfortable telling people we are as a diversion. And if I suddenly start turning down alcohol, especially as we approach the holidays, people are going to notice. So having a couple tricks up my sleeve helps keep people from (rudely, admittedly) asking if I’m pregnant before I’m ready to say anything.

ShadeofGreen816 · November 2018

Last pregnancy, I found out the night before a big birthday party we had planned for my H at our house. I filled a vodka bottle with water and only filled it like 1/3 full - enough to “drink” all night but not so much that people would feel like they should ask for some. And then I made “Moscow Mules” all night. They’re delicious with water instead of vodka and the ginger beer is great for nausea. Just an option if anyone is fake drinking in a home setting.

shamrocandroll · November 2018

My local co-op food market sells dealcoholized red wine. It tastes like feet, but it looks just like red wine, so I usually have DH sneak downstairs and swap it out after someone pours me a glass. Then it takes me all night to drink it because it tastes so bad. 😂

die_frau · November 2018

ShadeofGreen816 said:

Last pregnancy, I found out the night before a big birthday party we had planned for my H at our house. I filled a vodka bottle with water and only filled it like 1/3 full - enough to “drink” all night but not so much that people would feel like they should ask for some. And then I made “Moscow Mules” all night. They’re delicious with water instead of vodka and the ginger beer is great for nausea. Just an option if anyone is fake drinking in a home setting.

Okay, I need to know how to make a Moscow Mule with water! Is it literally just the same recipe, but with water instead, or do you do something fancier? I'm already missing wine, so I'm planning to incorporate fun mocktails into my life.

chachacharrrmin · November 2018

@ShadeofGreen816 I've just been drinking ginger beer straight - it's delicious and great on a nauseous belly.

ShadeofGreen816 · November 2018

@die frau - I made it the same with probably 1/2 ginger beer and then I’d do soda water if you’re not faking anything and a generous splash of lime juice and some mint. I’m not very exact when i make cocktails. But one thing like that.

spacepiraterunner · November 2018

@die_frau I do straight ginger beer with a splash of lime juice and mint and it is delicious and helps with the hangover feeling - both the ginger and the mint are great.

die_frau · November 2018

Thanks, @spacepiraterunner & @ShadeofGreen816 ! I'm going to have to try those combinations...

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