Mental Health Check-In (10.22-10.28)

hnbergeron · October 2018

I have been doing so well until today. Anxiety spiked for no reason. I rearranged a closet so I felt accomplished. But then hubby got home and there goes my feeling.

Sorry if this is long! Back story: he works as a carpenter now but this was a long time coming. He has collected an abundance of random tools and wood peices(that he says he will use). These items have follwed us move after move. There are now so many that our last two apartments had to be 2 bedrooms so he had a place to store them in addition to the garage we used. Now we have a house and he stores them in a spare room and also part of the dining room. Not a huge deal until now. Tje spare room he jas his stuff in has to become baby's room. So he now plans to build a workshed. Again no issues. Tonight he gets home and I show him my nesting accomplishment. He liked it and so I asked about when he was starting his shed secause time is running out. I want to be able to put a sembelance of a nursery together before time for baby to appear. He freaking looses it. Gets all huffy about how I keep reminding him amd blah blah blah. And then it turns into how he is stressed about being done on time. I get mad because he thinks he is the only one stressed. Well now, I am sitting here at almost midnight thinking about everything I need to do and add in all the upcoming doctor appointments because I will transition to weekly ones at 30ish weeks due to my cord issue. I wish I only had to worry about building something. But no, I get stupid nesting instincts, loads of doctor visits, phone calls to insurance, plan a leave of absence all the while still balencing dinner cooking, grocery shopping, full time work and typical pregnancy symptoms that make me feel like crap. And he wants to have another elective late ultrsound in5d for better pictures.

It just feels like time is zooming by and I feel overwhelmed by everything. There is a chance he could come early and I just want things close to ready. Not still in planning stages!

Thanks @kayjay44 for starting the thread. It is definitely needed this week!

riatortillaxo · October 2018

@hnbergeron I know what you are feeling. My husband started his own remodeling business last year and our basement is crammed with tools, wood slabs, and so much more...
Additionally, he has decided to build the crib! Which is awesome and sweet! But we need to get going in these projects! Haha
You are definitely not the only one feeling overwhelmed. My husband gets annoyed when I “nag” about the nursery and I also share your pain of dealing with all the house cleaning and cooking plus I am still working as a teacher so meetings and planning.
It will get done or it won’t! Baby won’t know the difference

Things have a way of working themselves out and when baby comes, I think our priorities will change.
Good luck with everything!!!

danixbanani24 · October 2018

@hnbergeron that is frustrating and I get into the same issues with my husband (not carpentry but you know what I mean lol) they feel as tho we nag and remind endlessly but they don’t seem to understand our anxiety.

once heads have cooled maybe just explain to him how your feeling and that’s why you asked about the shed. Also that you’re excited and an exciting part of having a baby is putting the nursery together!

I too am feeling a bit overwhelmed because I have a couple of projects still to complete. I gave myself the month of October off because we had a lot of busy weekends and I plan to kick it into high gear in November. I have to clean out the closets in DS room, get him a new dresser that will fit inside said closet, make the baby dresser into a changing table, get a bassinet, double stroller, etc etc. it’s overwhelming all at once but eventually it’ll come together (I hope).

kayjay44 · October 2018

@hnbergeron - DH had a lot of anxiety leading up to our first and it manifested similarly. He had a lot of issues putting it into words, but once it was clear that's what was going on, we were able to put plans in place and get shit done. I remember how horribly frustrating it was and I'm sorry you're going through it.

DH and I had a huge fight this morning - his communication has broken down and his go to when that happens is to blame me (this time, it's because I missed Prozac doses last week which MUST be why I'm being "unreasonable" - which isn't how the medication works). It gets really old when none of us ever know how he's going to react and when someone calls him out on it, he immediately says he wasn't snapping/yelling/etc. This morning, I could hear him yelling at the kids outside from in the house, so he was very loud. I've spent the last two years really working on myself and how I communicate within our marriage and the fact that he's just resorting to blaming me because he's frustrated is not cool.

danixbanani24 · October 2018

@kayjay44 I hate that so much too. DH gets like that as well even though he is in therapy for his anxiety as well. Sometimes he just isn’t able to cope and comes out nasty as all get out to me. We go to sessions together to work on it but he also refuses to take medication which I think would help him and his issues but he’s really determined to do only cognitive behavioral therapy. He has made progress but it still gets tough. Like in Disney he was extremely pissed off that DS fell asleep during the Halloween party and like couldn’t just go with the flow and enjoy time with me and his mom doing fun halloween things. It drives me batty

megpants209 · October 2018

@danixbanani24 and @kayjay44 clarifying that I only “liked” your responses because they remind me of my H. He’s very, very rigid and also has a tough time with verbal expression of feelings.

kayjay44 · October 2018

I think it’s a common guy thing unfortunately.

Just starting recently, my body dysmorphia has been bothering me - it hasn’t ever bothered me while pregnant before and I don’t really know how to deal with it.

jessier19 · October 2018

I’ve been struggling a lot with body dysmorphia throughout this whole pregnancy. I feel really self conscious speaking about it. I guess I worry people will think I’m being superficial? Like I’m worrying about my appearance instead of more important things? It’s partly a feeling that I’m unattractive, that I’m chubby, but it’s also just this overwhelming instinctive feeling that this isn’t my body, that this is someone else’s body, that I’m not supposed to be shaped like this. The closest thing I know how to compare it to is the way I’ve heard trans people talk about the bodies they were born into, feeling like those bodies aren’t theirs. I feel like my pregnant body isn’t mine.

sjnsjnsjn · October 2018

I had that body dysmorphia really bad with my first, feeling like I was turning into an alien or something. This time, it's not good but I think also has something to do with the fact that I was digging my shape after losing some weight this year right before I got pregnant, so now I particularly hate how I look.

PurplePoppy424 · October 2018

Couple of things.

1) My DH and I have had that same fight every single pregnancy. The first one was changing the guest room to the nursery. I had a gut feeling DD was coming early and guess what... we had my last baby shower and got the nursery finished up the weekend before DD was born. She came at 37 weeks on the nose. He still hadn’t installed the car seat until the day we brought her home. I still seethe about that. With DS, it was him giving up his precious office (never mind that I still don’t have a private space around here, yet he has the theater, a shop, a shed and the downstairs add-on for storage of all of his crap...) We needed to change that room into DD’s new room so we could change the nursery back to a nursery for DS. It barely got finished in time, too. DS came at 39 weeks. This time, it’s DH getting his certification and cleaning out his storage room so we can turn it into a playroom. Here we are at the end of October with viability day literally one week from today and NOTHING has gotten accomplished. I’m going to have to start clearing out his storage area myself, I’m afraid. Either that, or his precious theater is going to become a combined playroom until he gets it done. They just don’t get it.

2) Body dysmorphia has been off the charts for me. I don’t feel like I look pregnant. DH disagrees, but I feel like I just look super fat. It’s really bad and I am trying super hard to try and combat it.

3) I’m already getting highly anxious for when DS2 is here. He’s going to be born at the tail end of winter here and this is DD’s first year in school. Sick season has already been a bitch and I’m terrified the newborn is going to catch something horrible.

sjnsjnsjn · October 2018

I am lying in bed, exhausted, and cannot sleep because I just started replaying every scary or unpleasant part of my labor and delivery. When I went in to be induced (a week late) with DS, I was smiling and wide eyed. Now I am afraid of all of it - the pain of the Foley, so much throwing up, the discomfort of so many parts of it, the really scary moments where people rushed into the room, being positioned and put on oxygen and having the nurse clearly concerned trying various things because of the fetal heart rate strip, and most of the all, the part where DS had to spend days in the NICU right after birth, with us there, feeling desperate and scared and beyond exhausted. I think I have ptsd or something. I can barely think about it and, when I do, I cannot breathe.
It's totally possible for the second one to go way better, right? I cannot get out of my head that I will just be walking into a really sh-tty groundhogs day of my first experience.

megpants209 · October 2018

I’m gonna say my mental health is probably SOL for the foreseeable future. And if one more person tells me to “don’t stress, the baby feels everything you do!” they might get met with a swift kick in the shins bc this babe is clearly fucked.

becks_726 · October 2018

@sjnsjnsjn PTSD is awful and those feelings sound extremely familiar. I found counselling extremely effective for mine so if you can access that, I highly recommend it.
I've listened to a lot of birth stories and things being completely different and much less traumatic the second time is entirely possible.

@megpants209 that's 100% shin kick worthy. Like you have control over this........ People need to STFU.

BourbonBiscuits · October 2018

@sjnsjnsjn I feel the exact same way. I was induced a week late with DS as well and it was a really traumatic experience for me. I think the only thing that's made me feel better is thinking that it can't get worse (although obviously it can, I just try not to let my brain go that way) and that we made it through that horrible first time. I learned a LOT through my first induction that I'm hoping I can use as a tool this time around. At the very least I want to have a frank conversation with my OB about how it went the first time around and what we can do differently. I think even if the answer is "nothing at all" I'll feel better knowing that she knows how anxious I am about it?

@megpants209 literally fuck anyone who says that. You do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself right now, baby will be just fine.

hannahbananas11 · October 2018

@megpants209 People who say that to you don't know what they're talking about. My ob had a good response when I told her about that: people have given birth in the middle of wars, and those babies turned out fine and healthy. People can STFU with their "advice". (She didn't say "STFU", she was much more polite lol)
I hope that you're hanging in there! I'm thinking about you this week and sending you good vibes.

megpants209 · October 2018

@hannahbananas11 YES! Whenever he hears it my husband always say “didn’t people give birth in caves fighting lions and shit?”

sjnsjnsjn · October 2018

Thx @becks_726 and @BourbonBiscuits, and I'm sorry to hear you had a similarly unpleasant time, @BourbonBiscuits.

I am in therapy but that's something I really haven't addressed. I had plenty to deal with re the pp anxiety, which was extreme, but I sort of really never dealt with what still lingers from the actual L&D, I think mostly because I just don't go there in my brain... until of course your brain just takes you there, like it now wants to do. It clearly needs to be on the agenda with my counselor. But I do think I need to talk to my OB more about it, and see if there's anything different that can be done.
If i don't go by 39 weeks, I'm getting induced then because of my age. I would hope for just going naturally before then, to avoid so much of the induction unpleasantness, but we have no local family to watch DS. Grands will be traveling 5 hours to watch DS for the planned induction, and I have no idea what we will do if this one comes early.
Oh, hi, stress, I see that you're EVERYWHERE. 😕

danixbanani24 · October 2018

@sjnsjnsjn I was also induced with DS (almost two weeks after he was due!) and it was also a traumatic experience from beginning to end. A lot of it I think was also my OB at the time and the staff and the hospital. I have switched OB's and I'm delivering in a different hospital (where my aunt works as a nurse so I know she'll knock some skulls together) but I still have the same lingering fears! I fear less about the induction but more about my retained placenta situation happening again (painful and scary), this LO having hip dysplasia like his big brother, and having a botched circumcision. I talk to my therapist and we are trying to stay ahead of the anxiety and ptsd.

And ANYONE who says don't stress EVER in any situation deserves a c-nt punt lol

hnbergeron · October 2018

Originally was going to post because I am having anxieties about being induced(ftm) and gut feeling that something isn't right but not sure what. But wait....pain of the foley insertion? Is it that bad? I know it is just sharing but now I feel like I need to know. Stupid anxieties. I'm freaking out because I didn't want to be induced but I know I have to be. At first I was ok with it but the closer I get the more freaked out I am getting. My DH wanted me to stop saying how much longer we have because it is freaking him out since he is having to build a shop for his tools so we can have spot for the nursery. I put a cute countdown on the fridge and I updated it today. Cue mental break there...15 weeks...say what. Nope. Nope. Not ready, not ok. Baby is loving fine and I have no idea why I keep thinking something is wrong.

BourbonBiscuits · October 2018

@hnbergeron I didn't need a foley bulb for my induction and (fwiw) the pitocin contractions weren't all that terrible because I had nothing to compare them to. I had 2 weeks of horrible prodromal labor, so my body was definitely doing the work to get towards being ready to give birth. The really horrible parts for me weren't explicitly related to being induced (DS was stuck in my tailbone for 2.5 hours which was excruciating, epidural failed but still allllll the side effects, 27 hours of back labor, EPIDURAL FAILED MOSTLY THOUGH) but being connected to all the monitors and not being able to move was difficult. I feel like once we get closer to Feb we should have an induction thread full of tips/tricks to make it through. I read sooo much to try to prepare myself for the induction with my first and still ended up feeling pretty lost.

danixbanani24 · October 2018

re: foley bulb - I don't even remember this? I was induced so I must've had it? lol I guess maybe it wasn't that much of an issue for me...I did have back labor though and that shit was awful.

kayjay44 · October 2018

As for the body dysmorphia, for me, I've never had it while pregnant before. Typically, I love how I look while pregnant. I feel like I just look fat this time, even though I'm about the same size I was the first time (I was smaller the second time). I struggled with anorexia in high school and have struggled with my body for years since then. I also feel stupid about it because I've lost weight - not gained it - so there really isn't any reason for feeling this way.

hnbergeron · October 2018

@BourbonBiscuits an induction thread would be amazing, especially for us first timers! Maybe in january since there are chances some may be induced then?? Love love this idea.

My brain is in such a strange place. One second I am freaking out the next I am fine. Calm down hormones....

Mental Health Check-In (10.22-10.28)

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