Issues deciding on a name

GApeaches · October 2018

This is a little bit of a rant/asking for opinions/wanting to see if others have felt the same way and how they dealt with it.

My husband and I are narrowing down our list of names for baby. My Grandparents have always been a huge part of my life, so one of my name suggestions is my Grandmother's name. I've been saying for years that I'd love to consider my Grandma's name if we had a little girl. All of a sudden, once we have the list narrowed down to about 5 names, my husband throws his Mom's maiden name into the mix as a possible middle name. His Mom is very territorial and she and I have had some struggles in the past, which I try my hardest to forgive and forget. Nonetheless, I am completely against the idea of naming our child after either of our parents or siblings. I feel like if we named the baby after my Mom (not that I want to), his mom would be livid and probably vice versa about my Mom. His mom tried to push her daughter to name her little girl after her, which she shut down immediately (a few years ago).

Am I being ridiculous here? Are you considering using a family name? How did your family react to the idea of naming your child after a family member?

chocolatelemons · October 2018

We are not using a family name, but I’m not against that idea and I can see why some people would. With that said, I think it’s important that both you and your husband on are on board with it.

Also, try posting this on the baby naming thread. You’ll probably get more responses.

kristimh80 · October 2018

We are using MH's brother's middle name of Chase for our little girl's middle name. His brother passed last year ago of brain cancer, so it was decided long before I was pregnant to do in honor of him. But like just said, I'd make sure you and your husband are on the same page. Considering your past with your MIL, how she was with your SIL and how it may come across to your mom...personally, I'm not sure it's a good idea. Maybe let your husband know that you don't want it to cause conflict with your mom and think it's best not to involve either mom's name in the baby name. Maybe putting it that way will seem nicer and not like you're saying anything bad against his mom.

bluebell08 · October 2018

We plan on using family names but not immediate family. Example: My grandmother's middle name was Madge. We also plan on a child having that middle name. My husbands middle name is passed down for first boy grandchild and we will use it if we have the first boy.
In my opinion it wouldn't be fair to name a child after your mother or his (unless that person had passed) or it was a family name passed down. Was he very close with her parents? Considering it sounds like his mother had already tried to get a grandchild named after her it makes it seem even more awkward and possibly forced. I would give it a little time and not make a big stink about it but be firm and simply state that name was not on the list and your not comfortable adding it.

purplepirate09 · October 2018

We are using my husband's grandmother's maiden name as a middle name (Evan). To avoid any feelings, we stuck with names of people who had passed away.

smpic2287 · October 2018

DH is named after his dad (he is Daniel Jr), and when we found out this baby was a boy, his first suggestion was keeping with that tradition and naming him Daniel III. Considering my husband has an almost non-existent relationship with his dad (and who has been rude / unwelcoming me to for the 9 years we have been together) that was shut down on my end very quickly. At first he didnt understand why I was against it since it is his name also, but once I sat down and explained my feelings to him that I didnt want to always be thinking of his Dad when speaking to/about my son, he did understand.

There are SO many names to choose from so if you dont love the idea of using MIL name, then dont! You dont want to spend LOs life wishing you didnt use that name!

novelblessings · October 2018

For DD we used a family middle name, as she is the third generation now, which includes me and my mother, that has the middle name. We always agreed to use DH's middle name if we had a boy because it is also a family name. This time it's another girl so we decided on another family middle name but from his side this time. I am also uncomfortable with the idea of a family first name if it is my mom's or his. His mom has always "joked" we should name one of our kids after her but I think we would run into a similar issue that someone would be upset and I'm not fond of her name anyways.

So I don't think you are being ridiculous or anything. You don't have to decide now either. DD didn't have a name for 12 hours because we could never decide on one and DH compromised and let me have my first pick. He liked it but it wasn't his first pick, no big deal now because she fits her name. For this baby girl we have a name, it is a grandmother's name but we just happened to both like it so it works and DH's grandmother passed a long time ago.

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