1st miscarriage in Aug. ready to try again.

I found out I was pregnant July 7th, surprised my husband at work. Bought a cute little shirt for my sons that said big brother to surprise our parents. I have been told every pregnancy is different so I accepted being tired but no other real symptoms I figured they would come later. Went to the store with husband two days before my appointment and came home with a hurt back. I didn’t think I did anything but then again I’m constantly lifting my 1 year of and he is very wriggly. My mom came over and stayed while we went for our 8 week appointment only to find out that I was measuring 5 weeks and there was bleeding in the uterus. Worst day ever I thought. I started bleeding the next day. I kept calling and informing the nurse I was bleeding they said to keep my appointment for the next week. I had my blood drawn the same day as my first appointment and a week after to check hormone levels. 8 days after our first appointment I felt horrible exhausted cramps just absolutely aweful. I figured my miscarriage was going to be a bad period, I called the nurse she said take some ibuprofen and I should be fine my levels here dropping my miscarriage was confirmed. After the call my husband wanted to know what I wanted to do. I was feeling better so I aid lets get a drink. He took me and my son to our favorite mexican restaurant where we got margaritas. We had come to terms that we where loosing the baby and that we would try again. We had a week to prepare. Getting the hormone levels just confirmed everything. I got up to go to the bathroom, I had to change a pad, I found out once in the bathroom that it was not like having a period. I passed my baby in the bathroom no one told me this was or could happen. I called my husband he went into paramedic mode. I was so embarrassed and I shock. I had to throw her/him away. That was the worst day of my life. 

Two so months later and we are ready to try again. I found little mans big brother shirt in the closet and it made me cry for an hour. I’m still envious of pregnant women, even though I’m happy for them too. I still have my registers that I started when I found out I was pregnant. My babies where going to be 18 months apart and now who knows. Today was my first day logging back into this app, only to find that I was supposed to be 18 weeks along. I am good 90% of the time, I’m strong for my family and I am focusing on helping others. I still worry about the what if it happens again. Will I be able to be this strong again?

sorry for the lengthy post. I needed to share my story. I’m sorry for everyone and their losses. I hope that you can find peace.