**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage/spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.**
Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.
Status:
How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?
Any testing coming up/any recent results?
GTKY? What's your favorite thing about fall?
Re: TTCAL week of 10/8
Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.
Mmc 2/11 and mmc 8/17
Status: wto
How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?
I am an emotional roller coaster. Br what’s new. I keep thinking what if this never works out. Dh says 1 more loss and we are done, which I don’t necessarily agree with. But I do think I want to set a timeline of “if not pregnant by X” we are done trying . Hopefully it won’t get to that point, but I think I mentally need that.
Any testing coming up/any recent results?
If not pregnant this month, I am going to ask my obgyn to run labs again. He told me he wants me to try for a few months before testing again, since I am getting cycles on my own again.
GTKY? What's your favorite thing about fall?
Everything. But if I have to pick, the weather.
Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.
4 unexplained losses in 7 months.
Status: benched for 2-3 more months.
How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?
I'm struggling with everything right now. I've been feeling pretty intense sadness since my surgery and I don't know if it's the hormones I'm on or just the culmination of everything, but I've been pretty miserable. Went to the gym yesterday in the hopes that exercise would help my mood but I started crying on the elliptical instead. I don't think I've felt any real joy since the last time I was pregnant. This month puts us at the year mark of trying for this baby, and if anything, it feels like we're further from our goal than we were a year ago. I have a due date anniversary on the 15th as well as my 1st loss BFP anniversary at the end of the month and then two more due dates in November and December. Add that to the fact that I'll be benched for every single one of these anniversaries and I'm feeling pretty sad and bitter. I'm dreading the holidays, I just can't handle the thought of faking happiness and being around extended family. I'm also struggling with all the recent grads, I'm SO happy for them but it just drives the stake in a little deeper to realize I'm still fucking here and I'm not going anywhere for months. I'm strongly considering taking a Bump break while I'm benched, I don't know if being here is better or worse for my mental health.
TL;DR I'm having a pity party over here.
Any testing coming up/any recent results?
For once, no.
Usually the weather but we've had nothing but rain lately so not that. Probably all the fall activities- farmer's markets, pumpkin patches, apple picking, costume parties, that sort of thing.
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19 Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 5 losses, 4 in the past 16 months
Status: benched
How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Finally got the appt with the fertility dr at the end of the month. It’s kickstarted my desire to lose some weight, which I know will be something the dr will mention. I’m finding it hard to stick with it, other than our daily hikes at the park nearby. On the plus side, since I’m benched, dh and I have really been able to focus on reconnecting. Really enjoying that part.
Any testing coming up/any recent results? Meeting with the fertility dr at the end of the month to start testing.
GTKY? What's your favorite thing about fall? All the things. Fall is my favorite time of year. I love apple and pumpkin picking, like at an actual orchard and pumpkin field. I was deprived of it when we lived in SC the past 3 years, so I’m happy to be a little more north this year. We still have to drive a little ways to find the orchards, but I’ll actually get to see the leaves change and have cooler fall weather again.
@kbrown2385 Congrats on getting the referral! Hopefully your new doctor can give you some answers.
Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. One MMC and two CP's in the last 12 months. MMC in 2013. Last CP was in September.
Status: I feel like I'm in the TWW, but waiting for a temp shift to confirm. All signs point to O yesterday or the day before. I tend to have a 2-3 day delay before I see temps increase.
How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I haven't been posting much lately - I just don't feel like I have much positive to contribute. I just want to be able to stay pregnant, but I truly feel like it's not going to happen for me and I don't know how many more MC's I can take. I'm so happy for all the grads, but it's really hard knowing I'm no longer part of the club. Since staying pregnant is my issue, becoming pregnant really doesn't excite me anymore.
Any testing coming up/any recent results? I'll have my prolactin levels tested next week. I'm eager for that one since elevated prolactin can cause repeat MC. I really just want an answer. Also waiting on genetic testing to come back. Tests for thyroid and clotting disorders came back normal.
GTKY? What's your favorite thing about fall? Definitely the weather.
We will be here for you whenever you come back. I'm thinking of you today ❤
@coco2787 I'm sorry you are struggling so much. I wish I could just give you a giant hug. Milestone months are the worst. Maybe a bump break would be good so you can clear your head. I know it helped me. I was struggling with grads and with taking in everyone's pain so I couldn't get out of my own funk.
Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 2 Early losses 8/17, 1/18
Status: WTO
How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I've been really up and down emotionally the past few weeks and I really have no idea what's going on. I guess i'm missing my supplements a lot recently, and with weather changing I really need that Vitamin D. DH and I had a serious talk the other night about what getting our future child will look like. I have really felt in my heart of hearts the past couple weeks that i'm not going to carry another child. After a commercial the other night I just said to DH that I wanted another baby and asked if he really thought it would happen. For the first time he said I believe we'll have another child I just don't know how we're going to get it. Meaning adopting/fostering/conceiving. He's always had such a positive outlook that this will happen that it was sad but nice in a way to see him finally see it more realistically, if you ask me. We didn't talk about fertility testing or anything yet though.
Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nada
GTKY? What's your favorite thing about fall? All the activities. I can't pick just one
HX
DSD: 17
DS: 4(Nov'14)
MMC:8/17
MMC: 1/18
BFP: 2/7/19 EDD:10/16/19
Tickers
@kbrown2385 I'm glad to hear you finally got an appointment, I really hope they can find some answers/solutions for you. I'll be warming the bench with you.
@ruby696 I'm sorry to hear you're struggling as well. It seems like the only people left in this group right now are RPL moms who have been trying a year or more I of course don't wish that there's anything wrong with you but I hope the testing finds something treatable. The world of unexplained loss effing sucks.
@kindbytealikat I'm glad you and your H are more or less on the same page right now and I hope that he keeps an open mind to pursuing other ways of getting pregnant or having a child.
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19 Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19 Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
PS - I posted this over in TCAL, so apologies to those of you who keep seeing it.
@ruby696 I get feeling like you can’t contribute. It is hard to feel excited sometimes. I hope your test results will help you with your next step.
@coco2787. I am so sorry your are struggling, and being benched is unimaginably hard and definitely makes you question stuff. St least when you can try there is a bit of hope (even if you are like me and go from feeling hopeful to hopeless in a matter of seconds)
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19 Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. Unexplained RPL. 4 MC.
Status: WTO. CD 6.
How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Um, it’s been a mixed bag of emotions. My sister visited me, followed by my mother. So I went for mani/pedis with my mom and saw A Star is Born. We also went to an apple festival. Good times. However, it’s been weird because Starlord (my son is a collie)’s best friend at the office (he goes to work with his daddy) got hit by a car and passed away over the weekend. Also, a family friend died tragically over the weekend as well. Those deaths just remind me how much I hate October. 13 days from now is the 3rd anniversary of my first D&C. I also lost my 3rd baby this month as well. It’s just not a great month for me.
Also, if you all missed the drama from yesterday… I’m currently in Bump Jail. Yah, I didn’t really know this was a thing either. I got jumped up from my 2nd warning that was ending, to a 2nd Warning that is a Level 4… so I apparently won’t be able to post as often, and I’m not allowed to start discussions. It’s laughable because with all the crap (and sometimes hatred) that spews out of my mouth, I got warned for going against the establishment. LOL. So um… I may disappear? I’m sorta a rebel against authority… so uh, if I end up gone gone… I’ll Be Back!
GTKY? What's your favorite thing about fall? Usually I’d say the cooler weather, but it’s still freaking hot and humid for some unknown reason. Also, I like pumpkin and fall decorations (not scary Halloween stuff), but fun stuff.
holly321 It’s good to set some ‘goals’ overall, but take them in stride. I really hope things start looking up for you soon.
coco2787 Sorry for your struggles. Just remember you’ve been through a lot in a very short amount of time. A bump break can definitely help you mentally, even if it’s just for a few weeks. It’s hard to watch others ‘pass you up’ when you’re spending so much time benched and testing.
kbrown2385 The struggle to exercise when dealing with so much loss and depression is real! It’s terrible. I know it helps me to feel better overall when I exercise and that I need to lose some weight, but sticking with it and motivating myself to do it (especially on bad days) is rough.
ruby696 Seems like a lot of us are facing the same problems right now. Getting PG isn’t as exciting, since staying PG is a huge problem.
kindbytealikat Sorry you feel down. I think the weather is affecting all of us. I know what you mean about not getting PG again. It’s been a year for us since I was PG last, and I just feel like giving up because I don’t think it will happen again, and I’m sorta terrified of what will happen if it does.
MC #1: D&C Oct 23, 2015 (7.5 weeks)
MC #2: July 1, 2016 (5.5 weeks)
MC #3: October 17, 2016 (CP)
RE #1: RPL testing November 2016-January 2017
MC #4: Feb. 28, 2017 (CP)
RE #2: Additional RPL testing March-November 2017
MC #5: January 2019 (6.5 weeks)
RE #3: More testing 2023.
Egg Retrieval Sept/Oct 2023, 2 good embryos after PGT-A testing.
Surgery for endometriosis January 2024
Lupron Depo March 2024. Benched 3 months. Hopefully FET after that.
#BitterHagPartyOf1
Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. - one loss, mmc.
Status: wto
How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I feel super sad in the mornings, ive missed a crazy amount of work because of it. I hope I can shake it soon. I see my gyno in a week and I know he's going to try to convince me to take provera to jump start my cycle since it hasn't started again. last time I took provera i bled so bad I had to get a blood transfusion. im struggling with how misunderstood my body is. I also know my bf is trying to understand but he doesnt and he might never. my dog hasnt been as bad this week so I guess that's going good. rant - we haven't found a house yet so as of november 1st we move in to the in laws house. that's stressful but we all get along super well.
Any testing coming up/any recent results? In a week I'm hoping to get my thyroid tested because I fainted today and the Dr said I had extremely low blood pressure and low blood sugar. no reason for either.
GTKY? What's your favorite thing about fall? I live in canada in BC on vancouver island, on blue sky sunny days, it's so amazing. but it rains. all.the.time. And seasonal depression is horrible. but I'm trying to embrace the rain/stormy weather and find seasonal teas i like.
https://www.thecut.com/2017/10/best-sad-lamps-on-amazon.html
I'm back! On mobile, so excuse the likely typos.
@holly321 I'm so sorry you are at the point of setting a timeline. I agree with others. I would take them with stride, but it is good to prepare yourself.
@kels0091 I'm sorry you fainted! How scary! It is hard with spouses. Everyone is different, but I know mine tried to understand but just couldn't relate. Just remember we are hear for you.
@dpjennifer this hasto be an emotional time for you with those deaths and your own losses. I'm glad you got to spend some time with your family this week. And keep on being you-- I love your responses to trolls and your gif selections are always top notch. Sorry you are unfairly imprisoned though.
@kindbytealikat I'm sorry you are having such an emotional week. I'm glad to hear you are feeling better about DH and getting on the same page.
@kbrown2385 I'm glad you got a referral. Hopefully you'll get some answers soon!
@coco2787 It has definitely stung to see the new grads. I'm so sorry you are stuggling right now. A Bump break might be good. Sometimes I definitely think it makes me more emotional and bitter. Selfishly I want you to stick around because you are always so supportive
@ruby696 I wish I could give you a big hug. I'm sorry this process has knocked you down so many times. It just isn't fair.
Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. MMC 6/18
Status: TWW
How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?
Since our loss I've had a hard time flying. I get really emotional and can't shake it for the rest of the day. *TW* I was on a work trip when I started spotting and the flight home was hell. Now it is all I can think about when I fly. End TW. On my flight earlier this week I was feeling really down. When I left the airport in my rental car I started driving toward a rainbow. So cheesy but it felt like a little nod from the universe.
Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope. Going to try to wait until next Friday or Saturday to test
GTKY? What's your favorite thing about fall? All the things. I love fall. Mostly the weather and beauty of the mountains changing colors.
@kels0091 that seems odd your doctor would want you to take a med that caused such serious complications, can you get a second opinion anywhere? If it hasn't been 8 weeks yet since your loss I wouldn't be concerned yet about AF not showing up.
@kgg2241 that's really tough to have that kind of association with flying. Do you do any kind of therapy? There's some effective behavioral therapy out there that could be beneficial for you to try and overcome that, similar to stuff that's done with PTSD. Even if you don't want to see a therapist if you look up cognitive behavioral therapy you can find some useful techniques to just try out yourself.
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19 Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
Married: 4/5/13
"You know that place between sleep and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan
*TW*
BFP #2: 10/29/17 MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18 MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19 Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022
Also thanks for the response. I did therapy about a year ago and it was really helpful. I should probably start up again. It just feels kind of overwhelming right now.
@coco2787 im definitely going to plead my case to not have to take provera. a couple other things caused the bleeding issues but I tend to blame just one thing.
@kgg2241 thanks ❤ it was scary but I'm feeling a lot better now. I appreciate everyone's support so so much.