I only have a mini-bitch (it's early in the week). I am annoyed that technology has apparently moved beyond birth announcements in the newspaper. I always wanted to submit one to my hometown newspaper, so this morning I stalked the online version plus the site - no dice - at least not for a regular section. Nearest were the random announcements in the classifies following the legal notices. I just thought it would be fun to share the baby news with our newspaper-reading-non-FB family members, but I guess we'll just share the common way now; via text and whatever. Bah humbug.
NTNP since Dec 2012 | TTC since Jan 2016 Dx: Unspecified IF BFP#1 Nov 2017 • Blighted Ovum + MMC • D&C at nine weeks BFP#2 Apr 2018 • It's a boy! • Born 13 Dec 2018
Please tell me if it's just me, but why do people think they can bring their kids to an event they weren't invited to? My baby shower is a week away and multiple people have now RSVP'd yes, including their uninvited children. Is that a baby shower thing that you assume kids automatically can come because it's about a baby? Everyone I know has kids, if we invited all of them, it would've practically doubled the invite list.
@lippy625 I don't really know the protocol on people bringing children if they aren't specifically invited. I'm actually struggling with this right now. I knew there were people who would probably bring their children whether I explicitly invited them or not (just based on what they've done at previous showers and events). So, for anyone who RSVP'd with kids, I straight-out asked them if the kids were coming b/c I didn't want the surprise. For most of them, it was a no - they assumed it was mom-only. But there are a few who are bringing their kids. I don't know if you're supposed to put something on the invite like, "adults only" or "please, no children" or whatever. I'd be interested to hear what others have to say!
@echo-charlietango I remember always reading the marriage and birth announcements in the paper when I was younger! It makes me sad that your paper (and probably many others) have moved away from them.
ETA: AFM, DH drove over some train tracks on Saturday (going way to fast) and now his front end is all messed up. He took it to the service ship this morning. Apparently, he broke the strut on the left front side and the bushings for the control arm are pretty much destroyed. It's going to be like $1100, and that's after a 15% discount. It doubly sucks b/c we just started our new program to get rid of debt, and this will definitely set us back.
Me: 33, DH: 41 Started IF Feb. 2014 PCOS & MFI (low sperm count and motility) 3 Femara cycles w/natural intercourse over summer 2014, BFN 1 Clomid cycle w/natural intercourse Nov. 2014, BFN IUI March 2015, BFN IUI June 2015, BFN IUI Oct. 2015, BFN IVF Oct. 2016, fresh transfer, 2 day-3 embryos, BFN; nothing to freeze IVF Nov. 2017, fresh transfer, 2 day-5 blasts, BFP; ectopic; 1 blast frozen FET March 2018, 1 day-5 blast, BFP!
@lippy625 That is annoying! IME (as a guest) it is expected that any child-related event is also child-friendly. Personally I don't agree with what I've experienced, and I sure as hell wouldn't want kids running around my hypothetical baby shower. Something like that needs to be nipped in the bud - specifying on the invite that the event is for adults only, or if your people can read subtleties include something like "don't forget to get a sitter for next Saturday."
NTNP since Dec 2012 | TTC since Jan 2016 Dx: Unspecified IF BFP#1 Nov 2017 • Blighted Ovum + MMC • D&C at nine weeks BFP#2 Apr 2018 • It's a boy! • Born 13 Dec 2018
@lippy625 Honestly, I would assume that a baby shower invite would include children unless stated otherwise. I agree with @echo-charlietango, if you specifically don't want kids at any event, it needs to be made loud and clear from the get-go.
My bitch is this: Companies, when you are hiring people for your customer service call centers, my god they need to be able to speak clearly. I'm not talking about accents or anything - I've spoken to plenty of Indian call center employees who I could understand perfectly. I was just on the phone with a woman while adding John to my insurance, who was definitely a native English-speaker, and I had to ask her to repeat every other sentence because she mumbled the whole time and would not speak clearly even though it was obvious I was having a ton of trouble understanding her. GRRRR
@hkom Mumblers are the worst (it's one of the reasons I hate grocery shopping here in the souf - I cannot understand most of the cashiers and I hate having to always say "come again?" or "I didn't understand you" )
NTNP since Dec 2012 | TTC since Jan 2016 Dx: Unspecified IF BFP#1 Nov 2017 • Blighted Ovum + MMC • D&C at nine weeks BFP#2 Apr 2018 • It's a boy! • Born 13 Dec 2018
Thanks for the perspectives ladies, I guess I’m just feeling extra bitchy today It really won’t end up making a difference, the venue said they don’t charge for kids under a certain age so my mom who is hosting doesn’t mind. I did assume though that since the invitations were only addressed to the guest, that they would realize the invite didn’t include their kids, know what I mean? They don’t plan on bringing their SO’s whose names weren’t on the invite so why kids?
@lippy625 I recently received a baby shower invitation that said “adult women only” and thought it was so odd and wondered what was going to be going on at the party. I’m used to kids being able to come to showers. It was actually a normal shower, I think the way it was worded on the invite caught me off guard. However, I never bring my own kids to showers because that’s no fun for me. I get your point on the kids not being on the invite, because for weddings I specifically look to see if my kids are invited or not, I just don’t pay attention for showers because I don’t plan on bringing them anyway.
@echo-charlietango boo to no formal section in the paper. Our local county paper still has birth and wedding announcements and I still like to read them!
@lippy625 I do not understand why people would automatically just assume their child is invited. There were a handful of events that I was invited to the first few months of my sons life and it was easier with breast-feeding just to bring him, so I specifically asked the host before just showing up with him, to make sure it would be ok. I would definitely not do that now that he is mobile and chatty, but as an infant, I didn’t see the harm in asking. @mag1cbeli3ver That really sucks about your H’s car! Maybe I should be more careful when driving over train tracks.....
Oh gosh, I need to vent. I've know that I should not expect anyone to throw me one if they don't want to or am entitled to one or whatever. I totally got that and, thus, have been on my merry way and haven't said not nary a word about it to anyone. But what gets me is that my aunt, who I'm super close to, just made this random announcement that she doesn't even believe in baby showers or whatever-- basically in a way to be like that's why she's not hosting a baby shower for me (I'm sure our family had this expectation that she would, if anyone in my family was going to do it)-- OK, I can understand her trying to deflect responsibility in front of the family... but I didn't ask about it, so why make a big deal about it to me and try to convince me that baby showers are useless? I actually like them, but again, I'm not going to be all crazy about it, demanding one. Just do you. And my SIL who made this huuuuge deal about throwing one for me like months ago never brought it up again (and neither did I) but then randomly saying how it's a shame that I'm not having one and why my friends aren't doing one for me (that kind of stung a bit). I left that one alone.
But of course, these are the same folks who are saying that they can't wait for the "sip and see" that I SHOULD throw after the baby's born and her first birthday party and how great it will be. (Hell, SIL's daughter's bday is in mid-Janaury, and she's already planning "joint birthdays" for both of our daughters). I mentioned none of this as something I'd want to do and am not liking this random expectation. I'm trying not to be petty, but it's a little irritating. It makes me feel slightly like a loser a bit... like people wanted to do something but they just didn't. Again, I know I'm not entitled to anything-- I'd just rather no one say anything at all and we all move on. No need to make it messy.
So sorry for the book. I just needed to vent.
Me: 37 | DH: 43 Together since: 2009 Married: May 2015 TTC Since: Jan 2016
@futuremrshp totally valid complaint. I think it's especially bizarre that your SIL is planning joint BDay parties for your kids, but not thinking to throw you a shower. Do you think maybe they are planning a surprise shower? If it really bugs you, I'd mention something if it's brought up again.
@futuremrshp Thar is super annoying that they keep bringing it up. Is it possible that they are not planning one because of the sip and see they think you are hosting.
@scaredunprepared That's a very fair point. The only reason why I don't think there's going to be a 'surprise' is because there's some major drama going on on my DH's side (which doesn't involve me, but you know how it has a trickle down effect anyway) to where I don't think that's going to happen. But again, stranger things have happened. I agree with you--- I'll mention it if she brings it up again. I didn't want to say anything this time because I didn't want to come across crabby or what not! LOL! Thank you for the sanity check.
Me: 37 | DH: 43 Together since: 2009 Married: May 2015 TTC Since: Jan 2016
@katy0990 That's the thing -- I never mentioned anything about hosting a sip and see! LOL! That would TOTALLY make way more sense if I had! They suggested it as a thing that would be nice as a way to say it would be better than a baby shower anyway. I guess my thing is -- if you're not going to do it, it's OK! But don't tell me what I should be doing to make up for it.
I haven't been very vocal about any of this because I dont' want to come across as entitled or mean, but honestly, once it was kind of clear to me nothing was happening, I was hoping people would drop it. They are very pushy people anyway, so I tend to just let them talk. It was just the conversation with the SIL about why my friends aren't doing anything just pushed me over the edge a bit to vent! LOL!
(ETA the rest of a sentence)
Me: 37 | DH: 43 Together since: 2009 Married: May 2015 TTC Since: Jan 2016
@lippy625 maybe I'm the odd one out here, but I would never expect a baby shower to be kid friendly unless specifically mentioned. Hell, when I went to a friends shower my son was probably a month to two months old, and I left him behind with DH! In hindsight it sucked because I had to go to the bathroom and hand express into the sink because I became so engorged (and wasn't experienced enough to know to take an empty bottle to save it...), but I didn't bring my son because I didn't want to take away any of her spotlight. Someone else did bring her daughter, around 6 months old I think, and I thought it was weird tbh. If the kids are all babies or under a year at most then maybe it's not so bad, but if you're talking older kids, hell no.
@lippy625 I'd definitely assume that if I was invited to a shower I would be okay to bring DS too. I've never been to a baby shower where people couldn't bring their littles. I honestly don't mind having littles at my shower, my son will be there soooo. My best friend is helping with my shower, so I know her kids won't be there.
@mag1cbeli3ver Oh no!! I am so sorry about your DHs car.
@futuremrshp That's crappy. I am so sorry it was even brought up that way, even when you weren't bringing it up. If no one can throw you a shower, why should you throw a sip and see? So they want to come meet your child and they want you to feed them and give them drinks?! That's a crazy expectation.
Me: 31
DH: 29, SA - Great
Married: June 12,2011
TTC #1: 1/2014
Diagnosis: Hypothalamic Amenorrhea
Treatment: Clomid: 50mg, 100mg, 150mg - not successful and not monitored
@futuremrshp that seems hurtful to have them keep bringing it up. I would probably end up saying something about it to each of them privately.
Also unless your kid wants a joint party it’s a bad idea unless it is just your immediate family. Birthdays in our family are very special and it’s all about celebrating that individual. You get to pick your special meal, special treat and activities! I doubt two little girls will agree on everything. Even if they do agree most likely the older child will dictate and the little one will just go along. My cousin use to do this for her kids. And I can hardly believe Ella wanted a power rangers theme even if there is a pink one and they watch it together. She likes Minnie!
@lippy625 I think it depends on the nature of your relationship. If it was a coworker or someone I wasn't super close with I'd ask to be sure it was ok. I brought my daughter to a bridal shower without checking, I believe she was under 6 months old, and I was breastfeeding, and everyone I would have asked to babysit was at the shower. It wasn't a problem with her or anything as she was either in someone's arms or the car seat. Once children are mobile, I think it would be customary to make sure they are invited. Also, if they eat their own plate, they need to be specifically invited on the invite "Jens_hoes and children".
@katy0990@Jens_Hoes I definitely agree about breastfeeding babies for an event like this. One family friend did ask if she could bring her 1 year old who she is breastfeeding and I said yes of course. The others who are now attending range in age from 4-7 years old. I assume they will be eating but the venue isn't charging for them because they don't believe kids under a certain age (I think it's 10) eat enough to be charged for. Definitely one of the more reasonable venues I've come across, when I was an event planner, some venues charge per head no matter what age.
@futuremrshp That's weird that the family thinks you're having a Sip 'n' See, and doubly weird that your SIL is assuming you're into a joint party.
I'm...moderately vocal about shutting down assumptions and voicing my opinions. Next time someone mentions a Sip 'n' See (or you're having a relevant conversation with someone you know thinks you're having one) say something like "I am really looking forward to having a traditional baby shower, but I'm not sure if I should just host it myself?" Depending on replies - start prodding for dates and just host it yourself (I would)! For the SIL's joint operation, you can say "Gee golly Janet, I can't wait to go to your babe's party! We haven't decided on any themes for our party yet" (Thus clarifying that you want separate parties.) Hopefully that will spark some dialog where you make clear that you're not interested in a double party.
Remember that in general the only one looking out for your happiness is yourself
NTNP since Dec 2012 | TTC since Jan 2016 Dx: Unspecified IF BFP#1 Nov 2017 • Blighted Ovum + MMC • D&C at nine weeks BFP#2 Apr 2018 • It's a boy! • Born 13 Dec 2018
@futuremrshp I agree with @echo-charlietango advice. The older I get the more astonished I am at how unaware close friends and family can be that their comments are inappropriate or hurtful. Sometimes ya just gotta spell it out for them...and it doesn't have to even be negative or confrontational....just honest. I don't think there's anything entitled about saying "Yeah, I'd love to have a baby shower/sip n see, but I'm not comfortable/too overwhelmed/etc. to throw one for myself". In my experience, if you're not upfront about your feelings now, the insensitive comments will just continue and there are lots of birthdays and other special events to come! You never know...that may have been their way of poking around to see if they should throw you one:).
Huge no to the joint birthday party. I feel like that's unfair too, because what if one kid gets more attention/presents than the other? Nope! My child's birthday party is ONLY about them. Not someone else's kid.
Me: 31
DH: 29, SA - Great
Married: June 12,2011
TTC #1: 1/2014
Diagnosis: Hypothalamic Amenorrhea
Treatment: Clomid: 50mg, 100mg, 150mg - not successful and not monitored
My bitch is my own fault, but last night through our daycare app, they sent a message telling everyone to have their LO bring in a teddy bear for national teddy bear day, and my husband and I completely forgot, so DD was the only kid in her class without a bear and they did a big group picture and a circle activity about it and I feel like the world's worst parent. It's not a huge deal long term or anything, I just feel bad.
@futuremrshp Next time they bring it up, I'd just say "Eh, I'm not going to a have a sip n see. The thought of having a house full of people over while trying to take care of a newborn and myself seems overwhelming. Hopefully they get the hint to knock it off."
@maureenmce Why in the world did they not provide back up teddy bears?
@maureenmce I’m with @texas_t , they should have had back up bears! Not just for the ocassional forgetting, but also kids like Lil Echo who never liked bears and always “lost” any bears given
NTNP since Dec 2012 | TTC since Jan 2016 Dx: Unspecified IF BFP#1 Nov 2017 • Blighted Ovum + MMC • D&C at nine weeks BFP#2 Apr 2018 • It's a boy! • Born 13 Dec 2018
Yes, I would have thought they would have had a couple of back up bears too! But it's fine. My husband said DD wasn't upset, just confused about why everyone had teddy bears, lol. And @echo-charlietango that is so cute that you disliked bears so much you "lost" them.
@maureenmce She probably didn't even care. Maybe she just thought that for some reason everything was super attached to their teddy bears that day. lol But I agree, they should keep a couple extras on hand, just incase.
Me: 31
DH: 29, SA - Great
Married: June 12,2011
TTC #1: 1/2014
Diagnosis: Hypothalamic Amenorrhea
Treatment: Clomid: 50mg, 100mg, 150mg - not successful and not monitored
Re: MegaBitch 2018
I am annoyed that technology has apparently moved beyond birth announcements in the newspaper. I always wanted to submit one to my hometown newspaper, so this morning I stalked the online version plus the site - no dice - at least not for a regular section. Nearest were the random announcements in the classifies following the legal notices. I just thought it would be fun to share the baby news with our newspaper-reading-non-FB family members, but I guess we'll just share the common way now; via text and whatever. Bah humbug.
Dx: Unspecified IF
BFP#1 Nov 2017 • Blighted Ovum + MMC • D&C at nine weeks
BFP#2 Apr 2018 • It's a boy! • Born 13 Dec 2018
@echo-charlietango I remember always reading the marriage and birth announcements in the paper when I was younger! It makes me sad that your paper (and probably many others) have moved away from them.
ETA:
AFM, DH drove over some train tracks on Saturday (going way to fast) and now his front end is all messed up.
Started IF Feb. 2014
PCOS & MFI (low sperm count and motility)
3 Femara cycles w/natural intercourse over summer 2014, BFN
1 Clomid cycle w/natural intercourse Nov. 2014, BFN
IUI March 2015, BFN
IUI June 2015, BFN
IUI Oct. 2015, BFN
IVF Oct. 2016, fresh transfer, 2 day-3 embryos, BFN; nothing to freeze
IVF Nov. 2017, fresh transfer, 2 day-5 blasts, BFP; ectopic; 1 blast frozen
FET March 2018, 1 day-5 blast, BFP!
Dx: Unspecified IF
BFP#1 Nov 2017 • Blighted Ovum + MMC • D&C at nine weeks
BFP#2 Apr 2018 • It's a boy! • Born 13 Dec 2018
My bitch is this: Companies, when you are hiring people for your customer service call centers, my god they need to be able to speak clearly. I'm not talking about accents or anything - I've spoken to plenty of Indian call center employees who I could understand perfectly. I was just on the phone with a woman while adding John to my insurance, who was definitely a native English-speaker, and I had to ask her to repeat every other sentence because she mumbled the whole time and would not speak clearly even though it was obvious I was having a ton of trouble understanding her. GRRRR
Dx: Unspecified IF
BFP#1 Nov 2017 • Blighted Ovum + MMC • D&C at nine weeks
BFP#2 Apr 2018 • It's a boy! • Born 13 Dec 2018
@echo-charlietango boo to no formal section in the paper. Our local county paper still has birth and wedding announcements and I still like to read them!
@mag1cbeli3ver That really sucks about your H’s car! Maybe I should be more careful when driving over train tracks.....
But of course, these are the same folks who are saying that they can't wait for the "sip and see" that I SHOULD throw after the baby's born and her first birthday party and how great it will be. (Hell, SIL's daughter's bday is in mid-Janaury, and she's already planning "joint birthdays" for both of our daughters). I mentioned none of this as something I'd want to do and am not liking this random expectation.
I'm trying not to be petty, but it's a little irritating. It makes me feel slightly like a loser a bit... like people wanted to do something but they just didn't. Again, I know I'm not entitled to anything-- I'd just rather no one say anything at all and we all move on. No need to make it messy.
So sorry for the book. I just needed to vent.
Together since: 2009
Married: May 2015
TTC Since: Jan 2016
I agree with you--- I'll mention it if she brings it up again. I didn't want to say anything this time because I didn't want to come across crabby or what not! LOL! Thank you for the sanity check.
Together since: 2009
Married: May 2015
TTC Since: Jan 2016
I haven't been very vocal about any of this because I dont' want to come across as entitled or mean, but honestly, once it was kind of clear to me nothing was happening, I was hoping people would drop it. They are very pushy people anyway, so I tend to just let them talk. It was just the conversation with the SIL about why my friends aren't doing anything just pushed me over the edge a bit to vent! LOL!
(ETA the rest of a sentence)
Together since: 2009
Married: May 2015
TTC Since: Jan 2016
DS2 due 12/12/18
@lippy625 I'd definitely assume that if I was invited to a shower I would be okay to bring DS too. I've never been to a baby shower where people couldn't bring their littles. I honestly don't mind having littles at my shower, my son will be there soooo. My best friend is helping with my shower, so I know her kids won't be there.
@mag1cbeli3ver Oh no!! I am so sorry about your DHs car.
@futuremrshp That's crappy. I am so sorry it was even brought up that way, even when you weren't bringing it up. If no one can throw you a shower, why should you throw a sip and see? So they want to come meet your child and they want you to feed them and give them drinks?! That's a crazy expectation.
Me: 31
DH: 29, SA - Great
Married: June 12,2011
TTC #1: 1/2014
Diagnosis: Hypothalamic Amenorrhea
Treatment: Clomid: 50mg, 100mg, 150mg - not successful and not monitored
Menopur 75ml (upped to 112.5ml), Ovidrel, & IUI IUI #1 8/31/2015
9/15/2015: BFP HCG - 400, 9/17/2015: HCG - 827, 9/21/2015 - HCG 3,327!Also unless your kid wants a joint party it’s a bad idea unless it is just your immediate family. Birthdays in our family are very special and it’s all about celebrating that individual. You get to pick your special meal, special treat and activities! I doubt two little girls will agree on everything. Even if they do agree most likely the older child will dictate and the little one will just go along. My cousin use to do this for her kids. And I can hardly believe Ella wanted a power rangers theme even if there is a pink one and they watch it together. She likes Minnie!
I'm...moderately vocal about shutting down assumptions and voicing my opinions. Next time someone mentions a Sip 'n' See (or you're having a relevant conversation with someone you know thinks you're having one) say something like "I am really looking forward to having a traditional baby shower, but I'm not sure if I should just host it myself?" Depending on replies - start prodding for dates and just host it yourself (I would)!
For the SIL's joint operation, you can say "Gee golly Janet, I can't wait to go to your babe's party! We haven't decided on any themes for our party yet" (Thus clarifying that you want separate parties.) Hopefully that will spark some dialog where you make clear that you're not interested in a double party.
Remember that in general the only one looking out for your happiness is yourself
Dx: Unspecified IF
BFP#1 Nov 2017 • Blighted Ovum + MMC • D&C at nine weeks
BFP#2 Apr 2018 • It's a boy! • Born 13 Dec 2018
I agree with @echo-charlietango
Huge no to the joint birthday party. I feel like that's unfair too, because what if one kid gets more attention/presents than the other? Nope! My child's birthday party is ONLY about them. Not someone else's kid.
Me: 31
DH: 29, SA - Great
Married: June 12,2011
TTC #1: 1/2014
Diagnosis: Hypothalamic Amenorrhea
Treatment: Clomid: 50mg, 100mg, 150mg - not successful and not monitored
Menopur 75ml (upped to 112.5ml), Ovidrel, & IUI IUI #1 8/31/2015
9/15/2015: BFP HCG - 400, 9/17/2015: HCG - 827, 9/21/2015 - HCG 3,327!@maureenmce Why in the world did they not provide back up teddy bears?
*Rainbow 8/2015*
*Expected Rainbows 12/2018*
*Loss of Twin 5/2018*
I’m with @texas_t , they should have had back up bears! Not just for the ocassional forgetting, but also kids like Lil Echo who never liked bears and always “lost” any bears given
Dx: Unspecified IF
BFP#1 Nov 2017 • Blighted Ovum + MMC • D&C at nine weeks
BFP#2 Apr 2018 • It's a boy! • Born 13 Dec 2018
Me: 31
DH: 29, SA - Great
Married: June 12,2011
TTC #1: 1/2014
Diagnosis: Hypothalamic Amenorrhea
Treatment: Clomid: 50mg, 100mg, 150mg - not successful and not monitored
Menopur 75ml (upped to 112.5ml), Ovidrel, & IUI IUI #1 8/31/2015
9/15/2015: BFP HCG - 400, 9/17/2015: HCG - 827, 9/21/2015 - HCG 3,327!