@k2k2tog LOL that's real passive aggressive! I love it!
@expandcontract he is definitely not expecting me to do anything. Normally, I might do a little, but he knows I'm annoyed. He just better be home on decent time tomorrow morning.
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe DD2: October 2016 DC3: coming May 2019
I don't decorate. I do not decorate my house at all unless something is gifts to me.
My reason being I grew up poor. I mean living on welfare poor going to bed at night with no food wearing hand me downs 2 sizes too big or 2 sizes too small poor.
My mother would spend her last few bucks on decorations. Even if it was our last $10 she would spent it on decorations at a yard sale or even just border for a room.
I always resented that buying paint for a place she was renting was priority over food and clothes.
So I don't decorate. My house never gets compliments from my husbands family. Everyone always puts my house down.
But IDC. Feels like a win to me to be able to feed my kids and give them clothes.
Pregnancy #1 DD 08.30.2007 Pregnancy #2 Natural Miscarriage at 6 weeks 03/2014 Due date 11/9/2014 Pregnancy #3 DS 02.23.2015 Pregnancy #4 Missed Miscarriage at 11 weeks 11/2018 Due date 5/22/2019 Pregnancy #5 Positive test 12/11/2019 Due Date 8/17/2020
To add to the homeschool comments, we are actually pulling our kids from public school and homeschooling beginning next week. We did it for about 5 months last year when we were traveling the country and I just miss it.
I also have a bed/sharing confession: my 3yo and 17mo are still bedsharing with DH and I 😱
Baby 1 - November 2009 *loss* - March 2010 Baby 2 - January 2011 Baby 3 - June 2015 Baby 4 - April 2017 Baby 5 - May 2019
Hugs @psychobutthead. I think I would feel the same way as you if I was in your situation. ❤️
Dh grandmother struck a nerve with me today. She went on and on about how great his cousins house is and how well decorated it is. She then went on to tell me what she thought of me the first year I was with DH. Today marks 5 years of marriage and this March 8 years together. She decides today is the day to do this.
Pregnancy #1 DD 08.30.2007 Pregnancy #2 Natural Miscarriage at 6 weeks 03/2014 Due date 11/9/2014 Pregnancy #3 DS 02.23.2015 Pregnancy #4 Missed Miscarriage at 11 weeks 11/2018 Due date 5/22/2019 Pregnancy #5 Positive test 12/11/2019 Due Date 8/17/2020
I also have a bed/sharing confession: my 3yo and 17mo are still bedsharing with DH and I 😱
This is the kind of thing that, before kids, I swore I would never do. Now? If we had a big enough bed and if DH didn't find it so annoying, I would probably still have both kids in my bed too. He's gone tonight, and I'm seriously thinking about letting DD1 start in my bed and DD2 will definitely be there after her MOTN wake up.
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe DD2: October 2016 DC3: coming May 2019
@psychobutthead eff her. She sounds like a rude pain in the rear. If you and H are happy with your house that's all that matters. I hate the keeping up with the Jones crap.
We have lots of family that don't agree with our lifestyle at all. The way I see it, if they aren't paying my bills they have zero say in my life.
Wife. Boy mom x6. Expecting #7. Wannabe homesteader. , 💙💙💙💙💙💙
I just had a quick question for you. Can you tell me what ETA is in this context? I know it as "estimated time of arrival" and the internet didn't shed any light for me! 😁 I keep seeing people use it.
@psychobutthead eff her. She sounds like a rude pain in the rear. If you and H are happy with your house that's all that matters. I hate the keeping up with the Jones crap.
We have lots of family that don't agree with our lifestyle at all. The way I see it, if they aren't paying my bills they have zero say in my life.
exactly! We haven't had rich mommy and daddy's to help pay our down payment or any of our bills. My husbands cousins parents paid the down payment on his home and bought his truck and make the truck payments for him. If I had that kind of help I may feel more inclined to spruce the place up.
Pregnancy #1 DD 08.30.2007 Pregnancy #2 Natural Miscarriage at 6 weeks 03/2014 Due date 11/9/2014 Pregnancy #3 DS 02.23.2015 Pregnancy #4 Missed Miscarriage at 11 weeks 11/2018 Due date 5/22/2019 Pregnancy #5 Positive test 12/11/2019 Due Date 8/17/2020
@youknowmenaomi. Edited to Add Sometimes people try to back out of comments that people don't agree with. Adding the eta lets us know you were editing an error rather than doing a dirty delete (DD).
@psychobutthead seriously, screw everyone else. It's exactly like you said, they're not paying your bills. If it's bothering her that much, she can buy you stuff that YOU pick to decorate your place..
Confession #2: I rested (and then passed out) on the couch from the time husband got home around 6:30ish until almost 9pm. It was glorious. I woke up, got DS to sleep and in his crib, and now I’m eating mac and cheese, and will probably go right back to bed. Why can’t every day be like this?
@msb615 sounds like the night I had! Feel asleep on the couch waiting for my husband to come home from work, woke up starving, ate a bunch of leftover mac and cheese then fell asleep again. Such a lazy day.
@kvh22@mcewen3 I shouldn’t say I get zero help. He is being a rockstar and mowing the lawn and cooking dinner but when I asked him to run to the store and get me chocolate because he ate it all, the response I got was, “You have a driver’s license.” Oh, yeah! That one didn’t go over so well! I didn’t get my chocolate, but he knows not to respond like that. And with having the stomach flu this week, we was pretty awesome. I get pretty tired after just walking up or down the stairs to the kitchen to get more water or a snack or something and he’s been running me things from the kitchen frequently throughout the day. He’s never been around pregnancy, though. His brother doesn’t have kids yet and he wasn’t around yet when my sister had her kids. He’s essentially a pregnancy virgin. No clue what to expect. He’s trying his best!
I know its a day late but still. I am terrified at the idea of natural birth and I have already had 2 children.
Pregnancy #1 DD 08.30.2007 Pregnancy #2 Natural Miscarriage at 6 weeks 03/2014 Due date 11/9/2014 Pregnancy #3 DS 02.23.2015 Pregnancy #4 Missed Miscarriage at 11 weeks 11/2018 Due date 5/22/2019 Pregnancy #5 Positive test 12/11/2019 Due Date 8/17/2020
Every time I start to feel guilty about not attempting natural childbirth, I think about my best friend's reaction after she had her second kiddo. She went natural with #1, and had an epidural with #2 and said it was a world of difference. She laughed and said "Natural childbirth? Who wants to do that!?"
I had an epi with #1, an epi just for pushing with #2 (started crowning as soon as I scooted back on the bed), and no meds for #3 and 4. I tried for an epi with #3 but he was born as the OB and anesthesiologist was walking in. No time whatsoever with #4.
If I had longer labors I'd totally be all about the meds. That crap hurts lol.
Wife. Boy mom x6. Expecting #7. Wannabe homesteader. , 💙💙💙💙💙💙
I’ve never been opposed to epidurals, but haven’t ever had one either. My confession is that while I was totally open to an epi with my first I am now somewhat terrified of them. I feel like I’ve learnt my body quite well during my past two labours and I know what I need to do to effectively get a baby out. And pretty much all of it involves me moving around a lot. I can’t stand being in a bed even for a few moments and ended up squatting during the pushing phase with DD2 because the thought of lying in a bed was more than I could handle. I’m so scared an epidural would inhibit my ability to do what I needed to continue moving my labour the way it was supposed to and that I’d end up with some kind of intervention that was otherwise unnecessary.
Every time I start to feel guilty about not attempting natural childbirth, I think about my best friend's reaction after she had her second kiddo. She went natural with #1, and had an epidural with #2 and said it was a world of difference. She laughed and said "Natural childbirth? Who wants to do that!?"
You should definitely NOT feel pressure to go medication-free, but I actually had the opposite experience. With my first, the epidural slowed my labour right down so I needed a bit of pitocin and it took 18 loooong, uncomfortable hours. I hated it so much, I went polar opposite with my second, had a home birth with midwives attending. It took 4 hours and was painful, but I could tell what my body needed to do way more. I had a bunch of complications post birth that were somewhat traumatic, but even with them, I am happier about my second labour and delivery than my first. Every woman responds differently to every birth!
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe DD2: October 2016 DC3: coming May 2019
I think what women, myself included, often forget is that there is no award for having a med-free birth. You don’t get bragging rights, there is no ceremony. I attempted that route with my first because I’d gotten a spinal headache as a teenager from a surgery that required an epidural. I lasted about 20 hours without one, got pitocin, and was done for. I was actually really glad I got the epidural then because I needed a csection anyway! (Labor didn’t stall, baby couldn’t get out)
There’s a reason epidurals exist - childbirth is friggin painful. I’m still curious what transition and pushing is like but even if I attempt a vbac, I’m already looking forward to my epidural 😂 I’m like, 99% sure if men gave birth, there would already be some way for them to do it with an artificial womb or something.
Moms are amazing, whether they give birth med-free, full of meds, csection, whatever. It’s hard no matter what.
And my confession certainly is not meant to judge or dissuade anyone from going that route if desired or needed. I didn’t have the opportunity to get an epi with my first, I asked (several hours before delivery) but it wasn’t an option. Then just based on my own experience with my own body, the things I needed to do to finish the job I don’t think would be possible with an epi. I have no way of knowing how my body would react to the epi but I do know how to react without it which is the main reason I’m afraid to try.
I had very intense contractions for 5 days before I actually delivered my daughter. The contractions were very close the whole time and my body was not getting a chance to relax at all and I had only dilated 1 cm. Thank God for epidurals! I spent four days without the epi and I didn't get any rest. Finally, when I got it I was able to sleep and I did require pitocin but that was okay with me. At least it gave me a chance to rest before I had to start pushing. My only regret is the 2nd epi. Supposedly, I progressed really fast while the anesthesiologist was giving it to me. It really hampered my ability to push. I pushed (ineffectively) for 2 hours and tore a lot. Eventually needed suction. So I had a good and a not so good experience with it.
Sometimes I think if women from the past knew that we had medicine available to us to help with the pain but willingly didn't take it, I think they'd figure us for crazies. I have read articles where they would give women opium and put them in a "twilight." They stopped for obvious reasons.
@DuchessOfCambridge I've had the spinal headache, too (from a lumbar tap)! Worst headache of my life. Also needed a blood patch. For anyone who doesn't know, an epidural is not supposed to give you a spinal headache because they don't insert the needle as far as they do for a lumbar tap.
@mcewen3 I can totally see that. I was dead set on no epidural but the pitocin just set me over the edge. I was at 10 cm but contractions were too far apart but while I was med free I was squatting and bouncing all over the place! H was like “how are your legs not sore from squatting so much” and I was like “I CANT EVEN FEEL MY LEGS WITH WHAT MY UTERUS IS DOING TO ME” 😂 ETA I think it’s awesome you know how to handle it without the epi. I really am so curious what transition and pushing feel like but also scared of them haha
@expandcontract oops I meant spinal not epidural 🤦♀️ I was afraid of the epidural going the same way as the spinal. I also needed a blood patch, I was out of commission for about a week, puking when I tried to move or do anything. But my epidural was awesome and I slept, it was great.
I was induced with all three of mine. I would love to experience labor without pitocin and constant monitoring. With my first I had an ITN (kind of like and epidural shot that made me itch and only lasted about an hour per shot). With my second I had no pain medicine, but by the time I wanted it, it went really fast (4 cm to baby in an hour). It was my easiest recovery by far. With my third I got the epidural, but I opted to have it too early (because by the time I felt I needed it it was too late the last time). It was a chill day hanging out in bed, but I took forever to progress and it was my hardest recovery and I had a headache for a week. I honestly don't know what I will do this time, but that headache is seriously making me consider doing without the epidural again. However, no one can make that decision for you and laboring without doesn't make you any more of a hero than the next person.
@DuchessOfCambridge I remember things most clearly with my second. But with her I didn’t find transition painful. It was just pressure. Like INSANE pressure. With DD1 I started pushing at 10 cm but the Dr noticed I had a bit of a lip in my cervix. I pushed for nearly 2 hrs, and needed suction to help her out. With DD2 Dr noticed the lip again and this time asked me to hold off pushing as long as I could even though I was at 10 Cm to see if it would recede. I just rocked in the shower as long as I could. It was the strangest feeling, trying to hold back the pressure and the push. When I couldn’t wait any longer, I tried to get into the bed. No way no how. DH hoisted me up and I squatted with the birthing bar to push. 2 pushes. Obviously priority #1 is a healthy baby and mama, so when the time comes I’ll do whatever is necessary to keep us both safe. But I hope to have a similar experience to DD2. I felt much more empowered after her birth (like I just listened to my own body, very much ignored what others were telling me to do because I knew in my core it wasn’t right) vs DD1 where as a FTM I let the nurses guide me and the Dr tell me when and what to do. I also healed way faster with DD2 and was nowhere near as exhausted after labour, even though it wasn’t all that much shorter 🤷♀️
I wanted to try labor without the epidural. I had contractions every 90 seconds from 9 pm to 5 am. I was 5 cm when I arrived at the hospital, 10 pm, and still only 7 cm at 5 am. I couldn't sit or relax or anything with them coming every minute and a half. I had also been up since 2 am the previous day, because my contractions had started very far apart, so I knew it was coming. Thank God for the epidural, as I (and my husband) was able to sleep from 5:45 to 9:00. Then I pushed for 90 minutes. I would have liked to have been able to get up and walk around/squat during pushing, but I honestly don't know how I could have made it another 4 hours of cintractcont that close together. I'm going into this one with the same plan: go with the flow of what the situation calls for.
Y'all are tough. As soon as my contractions pain started to get near my menstrual cramps pain (which is actually really horrible and I didn't realize HOW horrible my cramps were until I went through labor because it's near equivalent) I asked for the epidural. I think I was 8 cm by that point. But man, that relief... whew. It baffles me how anyone could refuse it. It's like getting a root canal without laughing gas and Novocaine.
@fatmonica Same! Two inductions, so I don't know what it even feels like to go into labor naturally. I really really want to experience that this time.
I wanted to go med free for both deliveries of my girls, but neither ended up that way. With my first, I gave in to an epidural because the induction process was too painful. It was a 40 hour labor, I had the epidural for 20 hours and the recovery was *brutal* (plus I developed an infection that passed to her and she spent 10 days in the NICU). With the second, I was in active pitocin labor without an epidural for 5 hours but they couldn't keep her heart rate on the monitor the way I was positioned to handle contractions, plus I only progressed half a centimeter in that time. My options were get the epidural or risk wearing myself out and not having strength to push. Within 90 minutes of the epidural being placed I went from a 4.5 to a 10, midwife had to tell me NOT to push while she got in position to catch, one contraction and two pushes and DD2 was there. I was hoping to avoid lengthy pushing and more tearing by declining the epidural, but I avoided both of those things by actually getting it the second time around. So if I could just go into labor on my own, I'll just play it by ear this time around on the epidural because I had a bad experience and a great experience.
@mrskoz428 just to clarify, I wasn't trying to dis your husband I just really find the first trimester the hardest and didn't need much help in the third trimester. DH and I didn't know how my pregnancy was going to go and had never been pregnant before (obviously) last time, too. Our division of labor is pretty established and he really had to step in on many of my usually duties and I didn't take much off of his plate. I was never one of those "run out and grab me (x) from the store" pregnant ladies as I didn't really crave anything specifically. Just wanted you to know that if you have bad morning sickness, ask for the help now as you might not need nearly as much later. Hope that helps!
@kvh22 oh, I didn’t think you were! ☺️ We are both learning what pregnancy means for us as a couple. I was just bitter because he ate the chocolate I bought for me. 😂 He’s been a rockstar learning with me.
Re: FFFC 9/28
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe
DD2: October 2016
DC3: coming May 2019
I don't decorate. I do not decorate my house at all unless something is gifts to me.
My reason being I grew up poor. I mean living on welfare poor going to bed at night with no food wearing hand me downs 2 sizes too big or 2 sizes too small poor.
My mother would spend her last few bucks on decorations. Even if it was our last $10 she would spent it on decorations at a yard sale or even just border for a room.
I always resented that buying paint for a place she was renting was priority over food and clothes.
So I don't decorate. My house never gets compliments from my husbands family. Everyone always puts my house down.
But IDC. Feels like a win to me to be able to feed my kids and give them clothes.
Pregnancy #2 Natural Miscarriage at 6 weeks 03/2014 Due date 11/9/2014
Pregnancy #3 DS 02.23.2015
Pregnancy #4 Missed Miscarriage at 11 weeks 11/2018 Due date 5/22/2019
Pregnancy #5 Positive test 12/11/2019 Due Date 8/17/2020
, 💙💙💙💙💙💙
I also have a bed/sharing confession: my 3yo and 17mo are still bedsharing with DH and I 😱
Baby 1 - November 2009
*loss* - March 2010
Baby 2 - January 2011
Baby 3 - June 2015
Baby 4 - April 2017
Baby 5 - May 2019
Pregnancy #2 Natural Miscarriage at 6 weeks 03/2014 Due date 11/9/2014
Pregnancy #3 DS 02.23.2015
Pregnancy #4 Missed Miscarriage at 11 weeks 11/2018 Due date 5/22/2019
Pregnancy #5 Positive test 12/11/2019 Due Date 8/17/2020
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe
DD2: October 2016
DC3: coming May 2019
We have lots of family that don't agree with our lifestyle at all. The way I see it, if they aren't paying my bills they have zero say in my life.
, 💙💙💙💙💙💙
Pregnancy #2 Natural Miscarriage at 6 weeks 03/2014 Due date 11/9/2014
Pregnancy #3 DS 02.23.2015
Pregnancy #4 Missed Miscarriage at 11 weeks 11/2018 Due date 5/22/2019
Pregnancy #5 Positive test 12/11/2019 Due Date 8/17/2020
Sometimes people try to back out of comments that people don't agree with. Adding the eta lets us know you were editing an error rather than doing a dirty delete (DD).
I know its a day late but still. I am terrified at the idea of natural birth and I have already had 2 children.
Pregnancy #2 Natural Miscarriage at 6 weeks 03/2014 Due date 11/9/2014
Pregnancy #3 DS 02.23.2015
Pregnancy #4 Missed Miscarriage at 11 weeks 11/2018 Due date 5/22/2019
Pregnancy #5 Positive test 12/11/2019 Due Date 8/17/2020
Every time I start to feel guilty about not attempting natural childbirth, I think about my best friend's reaction after she had her second kiddo. She went natural with #1, and had an epidural with #2 and said it was a world of difference. She laughed and said "Natural childbirth? Who wants to do that!?"
If I had longer labors I'd totally be all about the meds. That crap hurts lol.
, 💙💙💙💙💙💙
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe
DD2: October 2016
DC3: coming May 2019
There’s a reason epidurals exist - childbirth is friggin painful. I’m still curious what transition and pushing is like but even if I attempt a vbac, I’m already looking forward to my epidural 😂 I’m like, 99% sure if men gave birth, there would already be some way for them to do it with an artificial womb or something.
Moms are amazing, whether they give birth med-free, full of meds, csection, whatever. It’s hard no matter what.
@DuchessOfCambridge
DD1: June 2014 - VBM4lyfe
DD2: October 2016
DC3: coming May 2019
And my confession certainly is not meant to judge or dissuade anyone from going that route if desired or needed. I didn’t have the opportunity to get an epi with my first, I asked (several hours before delivery) but it wasn’t an option. Then just based on my own experience with my own body, the things I needed to do to finish the job I don’t think would be possible with an epi. I have no way of knowing how my body would react to the epi but I do know how to react without it which is the main reason I’m afraid to try.
Sometimes I think if women from the past knew that we had medicine available to us to help with the pain but willingly didn't take it, I think they'd figure us for crazies. I have read articles where they would give women opium and put them in a "twilight." They stopped for obvious reasons.
@DuchessOfCambridge I've had the spinal headache, too (from a lumbar tap)! Worst headache of my life. Also needed a blood patch.
For anyone who doesn't know, an epidural is not supposed to give you a spinal headache because they don't insert the needle as far as they do for a lumbar tap.
@expandcontract oops I meant spinal not epidural 🤦♀️ I was afraid of the epidural going the same way as the spinal. I also needed a blood patch, I was out of commission for about a week, puking when I tried to move or do anything. But my epidural was awesome and I slept, it was great.
With my first I had an ITN (kind of like and epidural shot that made me itch and only lasted about an hour per shot).
With my second I had no pain medicine, but by the time I wanted it, it went really fast (4 cm to baby in an hour). It was my easiest recovery by far.
With my third I got the epidural, but I opted to have it too early (because by the time I felt I needed it it was too late the last time). It was a chill day hanging out in bed, but I took forever to progress and it was my hardest recovery and I had a headache for a week.
I honestly don't know what I will do this time, but that headache is seriously making me consider doing without the epidural again. However, no one can make that decision for you and laboring without doesn't make you any more of a hero than the next person.
I wanted to go med free for both deliveries of my girls, but neither ended up that way. With my first, I gave in to an epidural because the induction process was too painful. It was a 40 hour labor, I had the epidural for 20 hours and the recovery was *brutal* (plus I developed an infection that passed to her and she spent 10 days in the NICU). With the second, I was in active pitocin labor without an epidural for 5 hours but they couldn't keep her heart rate on the monitor the way I was positioned to handle contractions, plus I only progressed half a centimeter in that time. My options were get the epidural or risk wearing myself out and not having strength to push. Within 90 minutes of the epidural being placed I went from a 4.5 to a 10, midwife had to tell me NOT to push while she got in position to catch, one contraction and two pushes and DD2 was there. I was hoping to avoid lengthy pushing and more tearing by declining the epidural, but I avoided both of those things by actually getting it the second time around. So if I could just go into labor on my own, I'll just play it by ear this time around on the epidural because I had a bad experience and a great experience.