Child Spacing/Next Pregnancies

PolarBear517 · April 2018

Anyone still out there?

DH and I are pretty sure 2 kids is the right number for us. We had discussed 2 year spacing and starting TTC in August. That's feeling pretty close right now so I'm thinking more about it. My motivations for having kids close together were mainly 'knocking out' the baby years, hoping for sibling closeness and ease of family activities (I know it isn't guaranteed but I feel it may be easier to agree on family activities with say a 4 and 6 year old vs. a 4 and 9 year old). DH also worries about his age and I feel that is his primary motivation for wanting a shorter age gap.

However, I have a 3 year age gap with my brother that I think worked well for our family. DH also has a 3 year age gap with his sister and they are close. While we could definitely make things work with a 2 year age gap, I feel like my primary motivations for waiting longer would be financial (fewer years paying for 2 kids in daycare at once=more spending & saving flexibility between children & more projects around the house we could accomplish), and I'm also having some more emotional feelings.. we'll only have 1 child once, I worry about changing that dynamic for her as well.

I am wondering how everyone else who wants 2 or more children has come to these decisions? What pros and cons are you weighing?

Thanks!

lovesclimbing · April 2018

PolarBear517 said:

Anyone still out there?
DH and I are pretty sure 2 kids is the right number for us. We had discussed 2 year spacing and starting TTC in August. That's feeling pretty close right now so I'm thinking more about it. My motivations for having kids close together were mainly 'knocking out' the baby years, hoping for sibling closeness and ease of family activities (I know it isn't guaranteed but I feel it may be easier to agree on family activities with say a 4 and 6 year old vs. a 4 and 9 year old). DH also worries about his age and I feel that is his primary motivation for wanting a shorter age gap.
However, I have a 3 year age gap with my brother that I think worked well for our family. DH also has a 3 year age gap with his sister and they are close. While we could definitely make things work with a 2 year age gap, I feel like my primary motivations for waiting longer would be financial (fewer years paying for 2 kids in daycare at once=more spending & saving flexibility between children & more projects around the house we could accomplish), and I'm also having some more emotional feelings.. we'll only have 1 child once, I worry about changing that dynamic for her as well.
I am wondering how everyone else who wants 2 or more children has come to these decisions? What pros and cons are you weighing?
Thanks!

The bolded is my reasoning. Additionally, I don't want to be having children past my early 30s. Plenty of people do, that's fine and their decision, and I certainly am not judging and do not judge older moms, it's just not what we want for our family. So if we want several children (like we do. We will hopefully have, at the very least assuming no difficulties arise, three children and probably more like four or even five), then we can't space them out very far. We are going to aim for a two-year spacing or slightly less. I would like to start trying again when my daughter hits her first birthday, although I'm honestly not opposed to starting now.

I personally don't have any issue with messing with the dynamic of my daughter currently being an only child. I don't want her to be an only child, and I tend to think it's easier to avoid negative feelings by the first the younger they are when that changes.

PolarBear517 · April 2018

Thanks for your response

I feel like I’m leaning toward the original plan. I am still struggling with a lot of mommy guilt & difficulty balancing work & home life, but that may always be my situation (I carry our insurance, my husband doesnt have an option & part time benefit eligible jobs are hard to come by although I would love one!). I panicked a bit when AF returned a few weeks ago & now baby #2 seems like a real possibility. But the more I think about it, the more I realize that some of my worries are rooted in struggles that wont magically get easier with time.

delujm0 · May 2018

My daughters are almost exactly 2 years apart and it's working well...they really love playing together now that DD2 is more functional. DD1 was a very early and advanced talker though, so she had a super easy second year, which also helped (less tantrums since she could easily vocalize what she wanted/needed).

That said, we got lazy about birth control and I'm expecting #3 (a boy) in August, so I'm choosing to believe that smaller gaps are a positive thing (also I'll be 36 when this one is born, so I'll be very ready to be done with pregnancies at that point). It will be hard to potentially have 3 in diapers at once (DD1 is rejecting potty training big time right now), but I can't imagine having all my kids out of diapers and then going backwards to a newborn again. "Get it over with" has basically been our strategy from the start.

PolarBear517 · May 2018

@delujm0 congratulations on baby #3

I ended up being pretty lazy/apathetic with my approach to child spacing and I got a BFP last weekend, so it looks like we are headed for a January baby/19 month spacing. I’m glad to see others with positive attitudes toward small gaps

lovesclimbing · June 2018

We just went off BC this month, and I'm expecting! I'm pretty happy with this spacing. This baby is due in early March, so they will be about 20.5 months apart.

doodleoodle · September 2018

DD1 and DD2 are 18.5 months apart. It was really challenging at first balancing their needs because DD1 was still very much a baby when DD2 was born. In a lot of ways I think that helped though because as far as I could see DD1 never questioned the new baby. She just 100% accepted her. My girls are now almost 3 years and 15 months and we are now having an absolute blast and, I imagine it will only get better once DD2 transitions down to one nap.

I really want another one, but DD2 is already 15 months old and I’m actually worried about how difficult a larger age gap would be.

gabadoo · September 2018

Great to great to see so many of you expecting again! We’re cautiously expecting baby #3 in late May, so 2 and 3 will be just under 2yrs apart. I just hope I don’t go insane with them all in the house next summer! Time to invest in summer camps, LOL

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