Mental Health Check In 9/17-9/23

danixbanani24 · September 2018

I figured I would start since @kayjay44 might still be recovering from Disney

BourbonBiscuits · September 2018

This past week has been TOUGH in our household and I'm just barely holding it together. My MIL and BIL were staying with us (evacuated due to the hurricane) and it was honestly so terrible. She did all this work around the house, which was wonderful, but then complained constantly about how we weren't grateful and how all we did was belittle her and treat her like she was a bad person and blah blah blah. She made so many passive aggressive comments and was unbelievably rude to us the whole time. Then when we sat down with her last night after DS went to bed and asked what was wrong (because she was being so ugly to us) she cried and said we didn't understand and that we were heartless for not wanting to go down INTO THE FLOODING where the emergency responders specifically said not to come back. Not once did she thank us for literally moving all of our furniture around (including moving DS's crib into our room so they could have a private space) at the last second to accommodate them or for welcoming them into our home indefinitely with open arms. Instead, she literally packed up and snuck off in the middle of the night last night.

SO while I'm happy that they're gone, I was having near constant panic attacks all day yesterday because of how she was behaving. I also have a history of abuse, so the "confrontation" conversation was actually terrifying to me. I felt like i was going to pass out and throw up the entire time because I was so convinced she was going to jump across the room and hit me. Even with DH and BIL sitting right next to me. So today I'm in one of those post-panic attack fogs where nothing really sinks in for me emotionally. Just feeling so numb.

danixbanani24 · September 2018

@BourbonBiscuits oh wow I’m sorry you had to deal with that. It sounds like MIL has some issues of her own that she needs to resolve with a mental health professional.

kayjay44 · September 2018

I'm back! I had some major work related anxiety this weekend which is better now that I am here, but I have so much shit to deal with.

I have a history of similar issues with MIL, @BourbonBiscuits. Have you read anything about toxic ILs/family members? That and therapy for DH and I (specifically to deal with MIL) is the only way we got past it - it still creeps up, but it's nowhere near as bad as it was years ago.

danixbanani24 · September 2018

I thought my MIL was bad...she has no filter and has called me fat without saying the exact words a number of times throughout the years but she does have some shining moments and then moments where she just screws everything up that she just did nicely lol.

sjnsjnsjn · September 2018

@BourbonBiscuits- Oh no! That sounds awful. I am so sorry that happened!! I hope you have the space and resources to get whatever you need to come down from that ugly space. Horrible.

BourbonBiscuits · September 2018

I'm not gonna lie, it's been really fucking hard. I think the silver lining is how good it felt for DH and I to be a team on it and for him to totally support me. It's one of those things where I'm glad this trip is over, but I know this is who she will always be. We've definitely talked about it in counseling (our pre-marital counseling was HUGE) and I'll bring it up with my counselor this week too. UGH.

danixbanani24 · September 2018

@BourbonBiscuits that is totally comforting that DH gets it too. I know for me I get SO frustrated sometimes that people “won’t change”. Why the hell should I change and accept these people for who they are? It’s something I struggle with a lot

hnbergeron · September 2018

I think I finally hit my breaking point yesterday. This whole pregnancy has not been very fun for me. Between the morning sickness, appendicitis and illnesses I have only had 2 weeks(at 18 now) where I could even function. My husband has been working 2 jobs because I had to change positions to something easier, he has been taking care of all the animals(we have a mini farm), picking up groceries, cleaning and laundry. This last week I have a respiratory infection and bronchitis so I missed a week of work(unpaid) and it stressed me out. We got into it last night and he went for a drive to cool down. I cried the entire time he was gone just because of how unfair this all seems. I feel like I should be doing more to support him but I can't. He got back and he isn't mad. He was actually very understanding and that made me feel worse. I even told him there are times I wish I wasn't pregnant. How horrible am I?

I really need to figure out how to relax and just breathe. Recognize that this is all out of my control. But I am struggling so much. Some days I'm good then the rest I just feel so out and down. We can't afford therapy. I mentioned this to my OB about feeling alone and sad alot and she said it was normal as long as I don't have any intention of hurting myself or others. Which I don't, I just feel lost sometimes even though I have the most supportive husband ever.

sjnsjnsjn · September 2018

@BourbonBiscuits- You and hubs being a team on something like that with his family IS huge and a silver lining in it maybe. #lemonade

ababybonney · September 2018

Had our anatomy scan and five minutes after sharing our ultrasound with immediate family MIL posts it online. Then we got a lecture from BIL about how we are so secretive/personal and haven't shared pictures and the baby name.... It's our pregnancy, it's personal. Smh.

sjnsjnsjn · September 2018

@ababybonney-Ho.ly.crap. That is beyond. Gee I wonder why you don't share stuff with them seeing how respectful they are of that trust and all...

BourbonBiscuits · September 2018

@babybonney I could have literally posted the same thing 2 years ago! We told MIL I was pregnant right when we found out and 10 minutes later she posted it on Facebook. When we asked to take it down she said she was sorry she was more excited than we were. Lol most gigantic eye roll ever. Solidarity!!

danixbanani24 · September 2018

@hnbergeron It’s really hard sometimes with two working adults, kids, AND you have a farm? It is easy to get overwhelmed and emotions are running high right now. There are some apps that can help therapeutically like headspace or there’s even an app to talk to therapists...might be cheaper than the face to face route.

sjnsjnsjn · September 2018

@BourbonBiscuits- Your MIL is shaping up to be a character in a best selling screenplay at this point. Omg. That statement. It would make me stabby.

BourbonBiscuits · September 2018

@sjnsjnsjn she is certainly one of a kind.

episcowitch · September 2018

My 16 year old daughter has anxiety and also suffers from debilitating migraines. I have been struggling with her choosing not to use her tools from therapy and it is making the migraines worse. I am getting ready to drive her to the regional Children's Hospital because her neurologist wants to admit her for 3rd level migraine meds.

All this is amping me up and manifesting as trichotillomania and dermatillomania symptoms.

notthecheat · September 2018

Ugh. I'm sorry about all the MILs. Awful.

I had my psych appt today and I'm now on Zoloft 50mg for a few days, then 100mg daily in addition to the wellbutrin. I'm relieved I didn't have to try something less pregnancy-friendly. Hoping this works.

notthecheat · September 2018

@hnbergeron I have definitely had breakdowns about feeling like a crappy wife/not pulling my weight while pregnant. I've also had a lot more trouble coping with stress and anxiety while pregnant, especially as of late. My psych says I'm not getting the boost of serotonin that I need, and added meds (though everyone is different and meds are not always the answer for everyone). Do you have a psych? I would at the very least mention these feelings to your OB or PCP. The immediate postpartum period has the highest risk for anxiety/depression/psychosis etc and it's much better to go into that period without already being down first.

I hope I am not sounding insensitive. You have had a lot to deal with and coming from someone who has been on both sides (mentally) and also struggles financially, it is well worth getting the help you need. I'm sorry you're struggling.

notthecheat · September 2018

@episcowitch I'm sorry you're dealing with that. It's the worst feeling when your child is suffering

I hope they can find a treatment that helps her

episcowitch · September 2018

@hnbergeron I'm so sorry. Navigating pregnancy, the stress about money, animals to care for and feeling like you have no control is tough. I've been there.

Access to meds/therapy in the US is so laborious. Asking your PCP for direction is a good suggestion. There may be a local LCSW that provides therapy on a sliding scale or as part of a community health program. Asking doesn't cost anything.

In the meantime, know that you are not horrible for having the feelings that you are having. I have had those same thoughts to with this pregnancy. I'm lighting a candle for you and sending you sister vibes.

This is hard. You have a lot on your plate. Your feelings have value and you are heard.

*Edited for grammar

hnbergeron · September 2018

@notthecheat thank you for the kind words. You are not over stepping at all. I will mention this at my next appointment which is a month away. I have a good support system from my husband and a few close friends. They know my history. My mother left not too soon after I was born and my dad said she had schizophrenia. My entire dad's family has a history of depression.

@episcowitch I appreciate the support. Healthcare in the US is lacking I am learning. Each day has its challenges but I am coping. Even though I have those negative feelings from time to time, this kid has a great sense of reminding me of the good things. Little flutters here and there and when the pup puts his head on my bump he seems to approve.

Thank you all for the support! And I am sorry for those who have the "special" MIL's.

kayjay44 · September 2018

@episcowitch - as a fellow migraine sufferers who suffered for years without the correct meds, I so feel for her.

It’s going to be a 70-80 hour work week. When I signed on to this job, I knew I’d regularly have to work 60 hours a week - fine. But this is getting insane and is weighing on my mental health (especially since I’m, you know, pregnant).

BourbonBiscuits · September 2018

@kayjay44 That's WAY too much. I don't know that I could handle even a 60 hour work week though. I hope you have some relaxing plans for the weekend to recover from that madness.

episcowitch · September 2018

We made it home! I can not say enough good things about Cincinnati Children's Hospital. The nurses are freaking awesome. Not only did they provide excellent care for my daughter, they did so much emotional labor to support me!

bellebaby221 · September 2018

episcowitch said:

We made it home! I can not say enough good things about Cincinnati Children's Hospital. The nurses are freaking awesome. Not only did they provide excellent care for my daughter, they did so much emotional labor to support me!

I worked there for 10 years in research administration. They did surgery on all 3 of my kids and the nurses and patient advocates are awesome! One of my twins had hernia repair when i was 18 weeks pregnant and they took such great care of me when I started bawling after they took him back.

kayjay44 · September 2018

I am losing my mind this weekend. Not enough sleep combined with forgetting my meds too many days this week with hormones plus no one napping or listening. It’s been a stressful, anxious shitshow and I want to kill someone - mostly DH who has been a dick most of the weekend despite me watching the kids solo.

episcowitch · September 2018

@kayjay44 I'm sorry. That sucks.

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