The great MEgration

flamingomomma · September 2018

Being an AW, but I figured this would be the easiest place to update and check in with my separation & move.

I will be telling my H tonight. I get the keys and move in a week. I’m super concerned with his reaction, but I think I’ll be safe. I’ll let you all know that I’ve discussed it and the little guys & I are safe. ❤️❤️❤️ Thank you all for the support.

runrinserepeat · September 2018

Please stay safe

rosebud332 · September 2018

Stay safe!!

morgantu · September 2018

thinking of you (also the title of this thread is wonderful)

snugglyduckling25 · September 2018

Good luck and stay safe!

mcgeeva · September 2018

Do any close girlfriends know what's going on just so a friend can physically check in on you all? Have to ask with how crazy our world is these days.

clbness · September 2018

+1 to loving the title of this thread! Good luck, stay strong and most importantly, safe. I agree with @mcgeeva and hope that there are peers to check on you and ensure your (and the kids') safety. I'll be thinking of you!

katy0990 · September 2018

Good luck! Thinking of you. Praying it goes smoothly. Also, I love the title!

lavenderlisa · September 2018

Prayers going up for you and the babies. Please stay safe, and +1 for having someone physically check on you. ❤

hkom · September 2018

Stay strong and be safe, @flamingomomma. We're all thinking of you.

scaredunprepared · September 2018

You are strong and can do this! I definitely agree with others, let someone else know what's going on so they can check in on you and the kids. Take care of yourself! And have a slice of chocolate cake or something to celebrate this huge step in your life!

zoepac · September 2018

Positive thoughts for a huge step! I second (third?) having someone check on you or even stay will you for a few nights if you can!

AdorkablePixie · September 2018

I had to go through previous check in threads when I saw you tagged in the random thread and didn't know what was going on. lol Good luck with everything!! +1 to the someone knowing what's going on so they can physically check in on you. Please tell us someone knows. Be safe!!

flamingomomma · September 2018

I have no one here. I have a bag packed, and my work iPad to contact if he takes my phone. Spare key in my car if he takes that. I have a friend who will call 911 if I don’t respond, or if I use a code word. I have a little bit Incase I need a hotel, but I desperately need that to get things when I move. (I’m taking nothing, so completely starting over) I’m praying he will take it decently and I’ll be able to stay for at least a few more days. My family is angry and not supportive at all, so I’m just anxious and scared.

mcgeeva · September 2018

Ugh I'm so sorry still sounds like a scary situation. I hate to say this but would it be better to tell him in a public place if there is a chance of physical reaction?

flamingomomma · September 2018

@AdorkablePixie I figured this would be easiest, because bits and pieces have been put differently, and I’ve been selective about what I share. Once the migration happens, I’ll share much more. I’m just nervous.

lavenderlisa · September 2018

Would it be better to wait and tell him the day you are leaving? That way your not at his mercy of letting you stay.

rosebud332 · September 2018

@flamingomomma I’m sorry you don’t have anyone there to give you support. If you start to feel uncomfortable with telling him for any reason, just remember it’s ok to wait until the day you can leave or even after you’ve already left on a phone call. Your safety is the most important thing. Have you tried looking into shelters just in case? There may be one near you that can take you just until you can get into the new house.

erose625 · September 2018

@flamingomomma sending all my good thoughts your way today. You are a strong woman to do this for you and your children, I hope you know that! I'm glad you have a friend who will check in but I also don't think it'd hurt to call your local police's non-emergency line and let them know your plan and maybe they could have an officer swing by at a certain time so there is someone physically in the area for you. I don't know if they'd actually do this but I also don't see why they wouldn't!

maureenmce · September 2018

@flamingomomma Oh wow, I'm so sorry you don't have more support, but it sounds like you have the best plan possible in place. Please check in with us as soon as you can afterwards. Sending love. ❤️

countrygirl624 · September 2018

@flamingomomma Good luck and praying for you and the kids safety. From someone who went through a divorce (no kids involved) I understand the stress you’re under. Disappointed your family is not supporting you - hope they come around! Definitely have a friend call your phone to check on you!! When I was going through my divorce and my ex was in the process of leaving I told my friends if anything ever happened to me it was him. I even gave my phone passcodes to a close friend in case anything happened. Try to remember all this is temporary ... it will get better!!!

AdorkablePixie · September 2018

I agree with the wondering if you can just tell him the day you're leaving. Or can you not because you need to pack some stuff and you're afraid he'd notice? You could blame the "cleaning up" on nesting?

Jens_Hoes · September 2018

I'm so glad you made your own post. I was thinking about you yesterday. I'm glad you have a plan, I would definitely see if there are local Domestic Violence shelters around your area if he becomes out of control you can always utilize them. Big hugs.

lexidawg · September 2018

I am thinking of you and wishing you and all the best. I really hope he doesn't make it difficult and that you can all stay safe!

omnommer · September 2018

Please stay safe! If there's no one close by that's supportive, perhaps you can tell us what area you're in? Perhaps someone on here is close to you and can check in. (If you are comfortable with that.)

+1 to the idea of Domestic Violence shelters in your area. They can help and will help if you reach out.

echo-charlietango · September 2018

I’m with @lavenderlisa and I wouldn’t say anything until you’re leaving. In my experience dudes are not willing to let folks stay when they have announced plans to leave. Annoying responses include “why don’t you just leave now then” and similar. Kindness is no longer on their register once they’ve been hurt.

I super agree with @lippy625 about notifying your local non-emergency PD that you’re leaving your SO and he may not take it well.

Either way, I'm happy that you're standing up for what is right for you and those kiddos. It's going to really suck for a bit, but your worst day alone will be so much better than your best day with him. *big hugs*

CecilB93 · September 2018

Just now getting on TB today and seeing this, I thought about mentioning making your own thread honestly, I'm so glad you did!

I agree with everyone on having someone who's able to physically be there if you need help. Also agree on maybe waiting to say something until maybe a day or two before you leave. The biggest thing is your and your kids safety of course. I'm so sorry your family isn't being supportive, I really had hoped that you had family on your side at least or a good group of friends/coworkers you could turn to if you need a safe space.

I know you don't want to share personal info on here being that it's a public forum, but are you physically close to anyone on here at all? Just a yes or no answer, don't have to say where or who! I'd be willing to give you my phone number to call/text if you need help but if I'm not close there's not much I can do of course...

Please keep us updated and stay safe!

Jens_Hoes · September 2018

And also, if you do decide to tell him ahead of time, and he does not respond well, you can always call the local police and have them be present while you are moving everything out, so that it does not escalate into something you don't want your children to see.

flamingomomma · September 2018

I sent H a text saying that we needed to find some time to talk tonight. He blew up my phone asking why, and I eventually caved and told him I was leaving. He called crying, and is begging me to stay. He’s had years to make progress, and didn’t. I’m an emotional wreck, I wasn’t prepared for that reaction. I’ve been in and out of panic attacks since I told him. I’m NOT changing my mind, but I’m so emotional. I will be checking in when I can. I love you all, thank you for the support. ❤️ (Texting wasn’t the plan, but it may give him time to calm)

echo-charlietango · September 2018

@flamingomomma *more big hugs* The crying and begging is textbook emotional manipulation, stay strong.

omnommer · September 2018

@flamingomomma Agree with @echo-charlietango. That is textbook emotional manipulation. I know that it sounds like he's sorry, but it's really a last ditch effort to make you stay. Stay strong and don't give in. Do what's best for you and your children!

lavenderlisa · September 2018

I also agree with @echo-charlietango thats text book. I caution you to please be careful. An abusers reaction usually turns violent when they see the tears wont work. Stay strong and safe. ❤❤

temmetime · September 2018

Please stay safe and strong! You're doing the right thing.

rosebud332 · September 2018

I agree with echo also. Stay strong!! This is an attempt at manipulation. If he sincerely wants to change (as well he should) he can do so in his own time in individual therapy. You don’t need to be around or have anything to do with him for him to do that.

clbness · September 2018

Oh, @flamingomomma, please don't let his reaction get you worked up again...you don't need more stress since you were just having contractions a few days ago! Please stay safe. As others have said, his tears could turn to anger if he sees that he's not convincing you to stay. I hope you continue to check in so we know you're safe!

maureenmce · September 2018

@flamingomomma Hang in there! @rosebud332 's suggestion to direct him to individual therapy if he wants to make the changes you've spent years waiting on, is a good one. But you certainly don't need to wait around to see when/if he will do that. I'm sorry, this must be so tough. Big hugs.

scaredunprepared · September 2018

Stay strong! I'm sorry it was a response you weren't expecting, sometimes that's the hardest. But like you said he's had years to make progress. Be safe!

katy0990 · September 2018

@flamingomomma I’m sorry you do not have more local support. Are you in a position to immediately file for custody of your children? Now that you have told him, you may want to make sure that you are the one to make the first move legal-wise. Good luck! Thinking of and praying for you!

gorgeousariel · September 2018

Just seeing this today. Please stay safe and know we are all thinking of you
Sending hugs

runrinserepeat · September 2018

@flamingomomma ygpm

flamingomomma · September 2018

He hasn’t said much, just asked when we could talk about it. He’s cried the entire time. I feel like absolute shit.

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