People think we become mothers when we give birth but the truth is we become mothers the moment we start calling our babies to us in our thoughts, dreams and prayers. Some paths are short and some are so long that you can easily forget where you were headed.
Re: September Mental Health Check-in
Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA): TWW
How are you feeling? Crappy. In the spring I started acupuncture and chinese herbs because I was having tightness and pain in my chest because of stress. It went away but with starting the ttc journey and some other major life changes but it is back. I fear it's going to be preventative to actually getting pregnant with high stress levels taking a physical toll. My hair has been majorly shedding the past couple weeks which is indicative of something going awry. This morning I had a nightmare and started hyperventilating in my sleep.
Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.) I have a mindfulness based therapist, I have an acupuncturist, I have a naturopath, I have weekly pilates, I journal and I just downloaded the app Expectful with guided meditations aimed at ttc. I Just feel like garbage today.
My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI
Back on Levothyroxine
FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid
FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway
Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt,
1st Beta on 7dpt 93
2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!
TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule.
Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017
New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF
IUI
IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P
BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine
IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA): WTO
How are you feeling? I feel pretty good! My medication has stabilized and I feel like it’s working! My appointments with a behaviorist have been very helpful. He’s given me a lot of tools I am trying to implement. Mostly mindfulness stuff. I’m also getting a massage once a month.
Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.)
Im doing ok and that makes me very happy. I’ve left the house without having to go through my intense checking routine, for about 4 days! I still check some stuff but I don’t get stuck anymore. I go through it once and then I’m done! It’s the best feeling I’ve ever had.
@mamanbebe I’m sorry you’re feeling so crappy. It sounds like you are doing so much to keep yourself balanced! You’re doing everything you can and I give you major props for sticking to it. I lost a bunch of my hair in February of this year when I was going through some stress. I don’t know about you but I hate when my body starts to show the physical effects of stress. How do you feel acupuncture is working for you? I feel like exploring acupuncture myself.
Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?: No official diagnoses but seems like I'm looking at generalized anxiety and maybe a touch of ptsd due to first loss
Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA): wto
How are you feeling? better but still a little down. As O nears I feel my mood get better, more hopeful. I also know this feeling will go away shortly after and I'll be left with pure pessimism as I have the past few cycles. I'm trying to have a more relaxed approach this month.
Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.) Started counceling and u feel like it's going to be good for me. She recommended yoga to help me unload some stress. I did a session last week specialized for stress reduction and found myself crying through the whole 30min. It was shocking to me how much I was holding in but it felt really really good to let go. I want to start doing it regularly on my lunch break but need other events to stop interrupting that.
Acupuncture sounds like it has been working so well for you. I’m glad to hear that! How are you feeling today? Sometimes it’s hard to deal with the fact that we have to work a little harder to get to the baseline other people seem to have automatically. I hope today was a better day for you.
@prpl11butterfly, welcome! I hope this thread can offer some comfort. I’m glad you are seeing a councelor. Yoga is wonderful! I always feel good after I do it. I really need to do it more often. How do you feel about taking a more relaxed approach to TTC? I know it’s so hard to be relaxed when this journey is basically trying to fulfil all of our hopes and dreams.
I am doing okay today. I am working out some changes to supplements that could help with what's going on and will keep on with the meditation app and trying to be more active. It definitely is hard to grapple with the extra effort that is needed to just be like everyone else (or close to) but I can see that all the work that we put in will make us so much stronger in our lives.
@antera23 I'm doing much better than in previous weeks, thanks for asking. Much of the depression has lifted now until next time so I'm just dealing with some residual anxiety, but I'm managing well. I didn't end up getting a therapist, but I've been reaching out to friends and family for support. That has helped immensely along with getting more involved spiritually speaking. I'm so glad you have reached the med adjustment stage. Those first few weeks are really challenging! Congrats on leavin the house several times without the major part of checking. That really is a MAJOR accomplishment!
@prpl11butterfly Glad to see you join us here friend I admire you for taking your lunch break to go do that. It's not easy to prioritize self care. Keep up the good work!
Edit: Because grammar is hard.
My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI
Back on Levothyroxine
FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid
FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway
Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt,
1st Beta on 7dpt 93
2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!
TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule.
Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017
New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF
IUI
IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P
BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine
IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
Mental Health Diagnosis (if you have been) or What brings you to this thread today?: I have anxiety and depression, as well as a history of anorexia. The eating disorder is tied to my anxiety and depression, but I am having some anxiety about the fact that I won't be able to control the changes in my body if/when I get pregnant.
Status (WTO/TWW/Benched/TTA): WTO
How are you feeling? Today I am feeling pretty good. I have a family event with my in-laws this evening which I am a little anxious about, but I think I will be OK. My MIL will be there, she is wonderful and is one of the few people who knows how to read me.
Where are you in your mental health journey? (in treatment, looking for support, on meds, in counseling, having a rough day, etc.) I take medication daily, but I have yet to go to counseling since I haven't had a very good experience with counselors in the past. I am much, much better since I started meds in December. I was in a very bad place a year ago, so I am nervous about possibly having to go off my meds.
@mamanbebe are you finding meditation helpful? I have been considering trying it, but I am not sure where to start.
@prpl11butterfly I am glad that you are finding counseling and yoga helpful.
@antera23 it sounds like you are in a good place now. I hope things continue that way!
@suzycupcake good to read that you are doing better. I lurked this thread the previous 2 months, and I remember that you were struggling. I'm glad that you've found a lot of support from friends and family. I've learned a lot in the last year that having a solid support system is so important.
Edit: weird phrasing
@emeraldduchess welcome! I hope you can find some good support here with us I don’t know what medication you’re taking ****TW**** but when I was pregnant I was very wary of taking medication. I don’t like the thought of being on medication while pregnant but I had to weigh which would be worse. The medication or the stress and emotional turmoil I would be placing on my baby. I lost that baby but I don’t regret being on medication ***end TW***. Can you be on your medication while you’re pregnant?
@mamanbebe I think nighttime meditation might be what I need most, as I do tend to get the racing mind at night when I want to sleep. It's like my brain says, "Hey, let's stay up all night and talk about everything bad that could happen over the next year. Oh, and that time something embarrassing happened like 10 years ago."