If you have 4 kids come in…..

chelseymat · June 2015

This is totally random but I'm looking for some advice. I don't want to talk to people I know because its awkward to be like "I might be having more kids" plus I don't want to be asked about it all the time no matter what I decide. DH and I are going around and around about a 4th kid. Is it exponentially harder than 3? What size house do you have? Our current situation is 3 bedrooms which would mean kids sharing for the indefinite future. I just don't want to be 85 and look back and wish we did it…..but i worry about my current 3 sacrificing because of hypothetical number 4. I guess I just wanted to post randomness. I wish either DH or I could decide either way and then we would go with it.

hayleydeee · July 2015

I don't have 4, but would like to (DH isn't in agreement

). But, I can tell you that I've had several friends who have 4 tell me that it is actually easier than having 3! I even have one friend who has 4 kids in a small one bedroom house. So, it can certainly be done with 3 bedrooms!

Dannylion24 · July 2015

I have had 4 in 6 years and transition to 4 was not anymore difficult than the transition to 3 (Tho this is probably largely subjective to age gap). We have 4 bedrooms, but currently have my older g/b set sleeping in two single beds in one room and the younger g/b set sleeping in a pack n play and a rock n play in the master bedroom. Not ideal, but necessary at the moment due to sleep patterns. Our biggest issue is living space, but if you're the type to have everyone out and about all day I say go for it!

jesselayne8 · July 2015

Our plan is for 4. We have a 4 bedroom house. Depending on the sex of the baby at least 2 kids will be sharing. I may have them all share so the 4th bedroom can remain a guest room because all of our family lives far away.

momofmanyinthemitten · July 2015

We are planning on TTC #4 this winter. We have 5 bedrooms, but one is set up as DH's office. We plan on putting our two girls in a room together, since they both STTN for the most part. DD1 is very excited about possibly getting bunk beds. All of the large families that we know said that once you have 3, adding on doesn't get any harder. I found that having our second baby was way more difficult than the third, but I'm sure that varies from person to person. DH and I both would like to have at least one, maybe 2-3 more, but we are currently trying to get DD1's sensory processing disorder under control before adding more chaos to our house and routine. I say go for it!

SnowySnow · July 2015

We are considering having a fourth. I didn't want 4 kids initially but after having 3 I just feel like 4 would be a nice finish (it will mean IF intervention and that is what is holding me back). Honestly I've always been told the biggest transition is from 1 to 2. We went from 1 to 3 and now I feel like I can just take on the world after surviving that.

chelseymat · July 2015

Thanks for all the advice. I think we're going to go for it…..I guess we can re-evaluate moving if space becomes an issue. Would any of you consider having 3 kids share one large room (the size of some masters)?

ksteeb611 · July 2015

We had 4 in 16 months. DD was 16mo when the triplets were born:)
House has 4 bedrooms on the 2nd floor, 1 on the 3rd floor, & 1 on the 1st floor.
Boy trips all shared 1 room at first and by 11 MO we're all split up between the 2nd and 3rd floors. I couldn't see them sharing, but many people do it. Just what you're used to...

stlmomof2 · July 2015

I don't have 4 kids but was raised with 3 siblings. My brothers shared a room but ALWAYS fought over what's theres and who is being too loud. My little brother and I ended getting our own rooms because of it lol. Parents didn't want us fighting. IMO they are only kids but I wouldn't put 3 in a room at all.

Designermomma · July 2015

Good topic! I only have 2 but considering #3 though hubby keeps saying no but then some days he says he does. Wondering if 1 to 2 or 2 to 3 was harder. How so you balance your time and attention?

Latina211508 · July 2015

Hi I'm pregnant with baby #4. We have a pretty decent size house. It's 3,000sqft. 4bed, 3bath. Also adding our master has a loft inside the bedroom. So our kids have their own rooms and the baby will be in the loft in our master. Which is literally a attached bedroom but no door. I don't regret it at all. Also love my kids are close in age.

momofmanyinthemitten · July 2015

@Designermomma - It was way tougher to go from 1 to 2 for us. Baby #3 just fit right in to our schedule. She was also only 14 mos younger than #2, so we were still in baby mode, whereas there were 24 mos between my first 2. We need to catch up on sleep before #4, so we're hoping to have 2.5 yrs between 3 and 4.

eilatan&nhoj88 · July 2015

We are also considering number 4. DH said no more after 2 and then finally decided to try again for a girl and we got her. We agreed for a while to be done at that, but now that she's 2 we're both considering number 4. We need to pay off some of our big credit card debt first tho so it's still in the considering process. We are thinking about possibly trying in the winter or maybe next year. We moved a couple months ago to a 4 bed 1360 sq ft house after all 5 of us living in my in-laws living room for almost 9 months. My kids all sleep in one room for now tho because as much as they fight during the day they won't sleep without each other. The transition from 1 to 2 was also my hardest transition so hopefully three to four will go well. I'm most worried about if my daughter will be out of her clinging to mommy phase. I know our families won't be supportive as they thought three was too many, but at least we live a little ways from them now. Best wishes to you!

cedixon2 · August 2015

Our house has 4bedrooms and we have 3 kids. I'm expecting twins and eventually my 6 &8 yr old DDs will have to share a room again so the twins can have their own room. No biggie here.

heidi8992 · August 2015

I am the oldest of 4 and the only girl. While growing up I had my own small bedroom and the boys shared a larger room. My parents built their dream house and it still consisted of the youngest two sharing a bedroom..when my oldest brother and I moved out they still insisted on sharing a room even though they were 16 and 18. We grew up very close and always had a partner when it came to riding roller coasters!

annie10 · August 2015

I grew up in a family with 4 kids and then #5 came along when I was a teenager. I always shared a room. Sometimes I minded but mostly we grew up really close and now as adults we're still close. Money was a little tight. We were never hungry nor on government assistance but we never went on nice vacations, had fancy "toys" (as in our own cars, electronics, that sort of thing) or ate out too often. But I wouldn't trade it for the world. That said, we have 3 kids now and are done. I'm tired and we're getting older. I love my little ones so much but I feel like our family is complete. Good luck in your decision!

dande2129 · August 2015

I don't have 4, so I can't comment on that BUT... I do have two, and they share a room. We have more than enough space in our house (4 large bedrooms) but we have found that they actually sleep better in the same room. The oldest is more mindful of the little one, as the little one goes to bed about an hour and a half earlier than my oldest.

The oldest used to get out of bed ALL.THE.TIME and come into my bed, but since they began sharing a room last year, it's rare that he does.

They are 3 years apart but they have an insanely close bond, so maybe they just like being together, I don't know, but there is absolutely no "sacrifice" there.

aprilv08 · September 2015

I just had number 6 and it was no different then having 1,2,3,4 or 5. It's just natural instinct You know what to do when to do it and how to do it. I say go for it. Another little one to love.

erincjackson · September 2015

We are expecting #4, baby girl #3 and will have the younger girls share a room and the big kids will each have their own room. I'm not overly concerned about going from 3 to 4. I've also heard that it is easier than 2 to 3. We have a larger age gap between the bigs and littles so I think for us that helps.

MamaChay · September 2015

We have 4. One of them is a nephew but 4 kids in the house and I'm pregnant with my 4th, so the total will be 5. We have 5 rooms, so currently everyone is in their own room. Our plan is to have the baby bunk with us until my nephew spreads his wings.
I'm nervous about it but it's what I've always wanted, so here we go!

It's been awhile since you posted this: I wonder, have you or are you actively TTC?

chelseymat · September 2015

HAHA actually just got a positive test this weekend. Four kids here we come!

MamaChay · September 2015

Congratulations! Best wishes for a healthy pregnancy!

chelseymat · September 2015

Im going to keep my questions here since its still the 4 kids topic….haha…..So my mom flat out asked me if I was pregnant. I haven't even been to the dr yet but I didn't want to lie. So anyways…..She feels like I have burdened her by having another kid because she "watches them all the time". In reality my mom watches my kids less than 1x per month and its usually for 2 hours tops. DH and I literally almost never ask her to watch them on purpose because she is like this. Anyone with lots of kids have family that wasn't so helpful? I'm off to find hired help for babysitting from now on. Apparently 2 hrs a month is too much to be a grandma.

JAP09-02 · September 2015

Congrats and H&H 9 months!!

I can relate. I have three kids & my MIL will rarely watch them. She always says that she wants them to come for a sleep over, but whenever I ask her to babysit she never can.

A couple of weeks ago I really needed help because DH was at work, DD1 was at cheer, and I was supposed to be at a parents only kindergarten meeting. I asked her well in advance, and she told me to try and find someone else because she wanted to go to a Pampered Chef party. So, fast forward a week - she calls & tells me she absolutely can't get out of work, and she's so sorry. Then, I find out that she went and visited some other family out of state including the day I needed her. Um, thought you had to work?!?! If you don't want to do it just say so. Geez!

Then there was the time she agreed to watch them (only two kids at this time) while we went out for DH's birthday. She actually complained to my mom that we were going out without her.

I've gotten to the point where I just expect her to say "no" so it isn't disappointing. My mom would help in a heartbeat but lives 3 hours away.

chelseymat · September 2015

Glad to hear someone else can relate.

msdanielle186 · September 2015

I just had my first but my baby's father has 3 older girls 10,10 and 8 and it's gonna go 1 of 2 ways, they will enjoy the closeness and equality the older kids get so if you have a couple girls or boys around the same age or interest sharing a room will only make them closer 2 of the girls are usually by themselves the other girl has a different mom so she's just over the whole big sister thing doesn't really matter and the other 2 are so excited to have a younger sibling they were both tired of being the younger sister and the older sister now there's 2 10 year olds and the 8 year old is finally and older sibling so it all worked out for us!

Unknown · October 2015

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FriendlySoutherner · November 2015

Not sure if I would classify to answer this but my DH has 3 children from his previous marriage that dont live with us full-time but they have a "boys" room and a "girls room" for when they stay overnight. I am currently preggo with baby #4 for DH (#1 for me) and were all excited, his kids included. We dont have a limit to the amount of children we want and will happily accept any number of children our Creator blesses us with. We have the standard 3 bedroom but alot of extra space to make at least 2 more bedrooms "IF" need be. Were planning to ditch the seperate twin beds and use bunk beds instead to save space but I wouldnt want more than 4 kids to a room. Hope you all decide what's best for you and your family!

mrsjones06 · November 2015

We have 3 boys...ages 7, 4 & almost 2. I always thought I'd have four but I feel done now. I'm turning 38 this week & although I deeply love my kiddos I'm ready to move past the baby stage...tired of diapers, the pre-talking stage, ready to be able to go to places like a movie theater or amusement park with the family, etc. I've also had 3 c/s and don't relish the thought of a fourth and I've breastfed each of them for a year....so over the past 8 years I've been pregnant or breastfeeding for almost 6. My husband's job is such that I play a single parent role 1/2 the time. To me, things get so much easier after they're about 3 yrs old and I look forward to my youngest getting there. I know I should cherish these moments & I will miss them someday but yeah....I'm not there yet. We haven't made any permanent decisions yet but I get closer to it every day.

Finances are also a consideration for us. My husband has a truck with two car seats and a booster across the back seat right now so a 4th child would mean he'd have to get something else. His truck is paid off & I recently became a SAHM so that's not a pleasant thought when we're already paying a hefty car payment for my SUV. Plus there's the expense of just another person for anything you want to do. It's expensive already doing anything as a family of 5 and we don't do things often. The more kids you have, the more your babysitting will cost if you need it. And what if something were to happen to my husband? Or we got divorced and I was suddenly having to support myself and however many kids? Sure there's life insurance or child support, both of which will only get you so far though. I know I sound like Mrs. Doom but I'm an over-analyzer by nature. lol. Should finances solely be a deciding factor? Definitely not, but it's one of several factors that makes me feel done with 3.

For babysitting I do feel like it's more of a burden for me to ask the grandparents to manage 3 crazy boys. I don't ask my in-laws very often because I know it's taxing for them. With two you can divide and conquer, three tips the scales. They live an hour away too so we don't have any family conveniently located for regular babysitting. I can understand the whole "it takes a village" sentiment now because it would definitely be nice to have people you could count on nearby.

I do feel like the transition from 1 to 2 was harder than 2 to 3 but I think it's only because you don't know any different. You go from no kids to one which seems hard, then you have another & things really get crazy. A 3rd still adds more work but you're used to crazy by then. Now I feel like having "just two" was easier and I'm sure I'd feel that way about 3 if I had a fourth.

We have a 3000 sq ft, five bedroom house but my two oldest share a room because they wanted to. I would be fine with all 3 sharing a room if that's what they wanted to do. My two oldest have no interest in sleeping alone so far. Even with bunk beds they actually sleep in the same bed. We built this house & wanted to have enough bedrooms for them to each have a room if/when they want to do that. I also intentionally had a closet put into the office just in case for any crazy reason we needed another bedroom. Younger kids often like sharing a room but they do get into trouble together because they play, wrestle, get loud, etc when they're supposed to be going to bed. Lots of kids grow up sharing a room their whole lives & they're fine. It probably teaches them more tolerance and respect for others.

Having another kid is tough decision but whether to take the plunge depends heavily on each family's circumstances, goals and state of mind. I can't imagine you'd ever regret having another child after the fact.

Gabriala · November 2015

Currently we have 4 four kids, 3 boys 1 girl. However, we just didn't feel done! Now I'm 25 weeks pregnant with baby number 5, who happens to be a boy.

daydreamsofaSahm · December 2015

I just had baby girl #5 . My girls are 18, 16, 15, 5 , and 3 weeks old. We are a family of 7 living in a 5 bedroom home. We use only 4 of them as bedrooms . One is used as a playroom and hangout area for kids. This was our last baby and we both knew this would be our last. I say if it is something you and your H both feel strongly about then absolutely have #4. I absolutely love my crazy, hectic, loud, large family!

mamaalicie · September 2018

I have 4 and another on the way. We live in a 2 bedroom RV. I also grew up with 3 sisters in a small 3 bedroom house. It's possible. You just have to be willing. My 2 boys share the room, we converted one slide into a bedroom for the older girl and the baby sleeps in the living room. The new baby will sleep in our room at first. It's pretty much insanity all the time but not bad. We are just really busy. The kids are 6 and under. It really is what you make of it. Though we don't always get out the door. Every so often we want to go do something so we start to get ready and by the time we are ready to go, it's taken us to long and it's to late in the day to go.though we do currently live in the country and have to drive almost an hr to the closest big city. And I'm pregnant so I am taking breaks a lot. On average it takes us 2 hrs to get out the door. I'm also very unorganized. I'm getting better but 3 of the 5 kids were unplanned. I love them all but we are not all made to have a lot of kids. So for me I have to work extra hard at being a mom bc I don't really Excel at it . If your good at it and the thought brings you happiness, do it, bc having a big family is awesome. I love my kids so much and have a blast watching them grow and always have crazy stories. I would never expect me to have this many kids but I do. And my sister you would expect to have a ton of kids is struggling to get pregnant. So if it's what you want and you can do it, the size of the house means nothing, and once you have 2 kids any more doesn't change much. I hope this helps.

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