Sometimes I daydream about life before having a kid. Like now when my daughter is throwing a fit for no discernible reason and will not let me near her.
Sometimes I daydream about life before having a kid. Like now when my daughter is throwing a fit for no discernible reason and will not let me near her.
DH and I were discussing names. We both like my dad's middle name, which is also what he goes by, so originally we were thinking of having it as a middle name for LO if it's a boy. Then DH suggested it as a first name with FIL's first name as a middle name (which is also DH's middle name). It has a really nice ring to it, and I like the name itself but I don't think I can agree to it for several reasons.
1. DD's mn is MIL's (and her mother's) first name and I'm already over how smug she is about it and hearing "namesake" all the fucking time. I actually had suggested it because I like the name, it went well with the first and last name, and I admire that MIL and her mother are both strong independent women but she's really been getting more and more on my nerves. 2. My mom would be the only grandparent not named after, which would not be fair because she's amazing 3. That's starting to be some "junior" shit right there and I am not about that at all. LO should have a COMPLETELY different name than either direct parent IMO 4. (Most flame worthy) Our entire family already has FIL's last name and to me that's more than enough. FIL is a good person, but he really doesn't do AANYTHING. He had cardiac bypass surgery when DH was a teenager and has been living on disability and MIL's earnings since. Like, ok, he can't do any heavy labor jobs, but honestly he could have done SOMETHING. Not like he did much before that but at least it was something. He doesn't really do any housekeeping either from the look of their house. He refuses to watch DD (unless absolute emergency). DH and I have no clue what he does all day except sleep past noon. I really don't want any more "namesakes" for him.
I am aware this is incredibly critical and judgy of me which is why I posted here and not the name thread.
Uhhhh fuck that @notthecheat. Naming a kid after someone is a gigantic deal, and if you’re not both 100% on it then I’d say hard pass. Are there other boy names you all agree on? I think it’s reasonable to say there’s already one child named after his side, so it’s time for your family’s turn.
@BourbonBiscuits the problem is me. I'm incredibly picky with names. I'm sad that this is actually a name I like but can't use because of all the personal ties/implications.
I have to find an alternative soon though because the more time passes, the more DH is getting set on it.
@notthecheat No flames here! All valid reasons. Also agree on the junior stuff - H wants to use his MN if baby is a boy and I think that’s dumb bc he’s already getting his last name. But I like the name and can tie it to my family a little so I’ll probably agree to it.
So during the past 2.5 years of secondary infertility I have had my fair share of jealousy over pregnancy announcements.
Of those, one pregnancy ended in a spontaneous abortion at full term or close to it. Recently, I found out another of those gave birth at 33 weeks to a child with complications and down syndrome who passed in the NICU 2 weeks later. So now not only do I feel awful for those moms/families, I feel super guilty for feeling jealous in the first place. Then of course I selfishly worry about my own pregnancy.
@ginger1228 my son and daughter have mine/H’s middle names. I don’t really see the big deal if you like it? We used them because we were too lazy to pick out MNs and they flowed okay. Do you and H have the same last name? If so it’s not really just “his” that they’re getting, but the family’s. (We don’t - I didn’t change mine when we married, but idgaf that my kids’ last name is the same as their dad. Maybe I’ll change mine someday to match, haha).
@notthecheat can you find a Male alternative to your moms name to honor her?? I'm Nicole after my cousin Neil. (Jewish religion is more about first initial/ version of the name than exact same name).
TW: 1 infant loss 8/17: Our daughter was born 8/18: Our daughter kicked open heart surgery ass 2/19: We lost our son to Prader-Willi/Paradoxical Vocal Cord/ Noonans at 6wks old 4/26/2020: EDD for baby #3!!!
@smallbutmighty77 that's a great idea! I can hardly think of any male names that are close let alone ones I like but I'll keep it in mind as I'm searching. Thanks!
@notthecheat we struggled with primary infertility for years before having success with IVF, the pregnancy announcements are still a punch in the face to me. I’ve done a lot of work but they still hurt. My struggle is with people left in the trenches. My office mate has DOR and multiple unsuccessful IVF cycles and is not pregnant not by choice, I feel like my existence is a punch in the face to her
@notthecheat- secondary IF is absolutely legit and hard. Of course you are blessed to have one but that doesn’t negate your struggle to have another one.
@lifeislove87- your post resonated with me since I am finally pregnant for the first time after 3 years of struggle and many rounds of IVF, including Donor egg which has finally given us this baby. My older sister just surprised us that she is pregnant after 3 months of trying. Rationally I am thrilled for her and our kids to be 6 weeks apart, but it was still hard to hear when I wasn’t expecting it. I wouldn’t want her to struggle ever but honestly wish they were a little farther apart especially to avoid the comments on if they look alike or not.. since I used Donor eggs they technically won’t be genetically related. Most days I’m proud of our journey and overcoming so much, but it was a hard weekend since it brought up all the pain we have been thru.
History in Spoiler
Age: 32 (same with DH). Together since 2006, Married June 2013 and TTC since August 2015 Diagnosis: Mild Endo, DOR (AMH of 1.5), Poor Quality Eggs/embryos, Displaced Window of Implantation (ERA Post Receptive) March-May 2016: 1 TI and 2 IUIs- BFN June 2016- Laproscopy- found/removed mild endo and confirmed only 1 normal healthy ovary. August 2016- IVF #1 with Antagonist Protocol- Cancelled (2 lead follies), converted to IUI- BFN Oct-Nov 2016- IVF #2 with Estrogen Priming Micro Lupron Protocol, 2 eggs retrieved, day 3 transfer of 1- BFN January 2017- New RE, IVF#3 with Estrogen Priming Antagonist Protocol, 12 eggs, 8 mature, 6 fertilized, 2 day 5 early blasts transferred (none to freeze ), BFN May 2017- Sept 2017- Starting Donor Egg process! Waiting for donor to be available... and then she is pregnant at baseline Oct 2017- Donor #2: 25R, 22M,18F, 12 blasts frozen! Fresh transfer cancelled due to thin lining with fluid Nov 2017- Hysterscopy to remove polyp Dec 2017- DE FET #1 on 12/8 on 2 perfect blasts- BFN and devastated Jan-Mar 2018- ERA #1- Post receptive by 24 hours, ERA #2 RECEPTIVE with 4 days of Progesterone Apr 2018- DE FET cancelled for lining issues Jun 2018- DE FET #2 of two 1AA blasts- first BFP ever! Beta 10dp5dt- 378, Beta 14dp5dt- 2840, Beta 16dp5dt- 4035, beta 18dp5dt- 10916. Due on 2/20 with one baby after a vanishing twin Baby Born born early @ 33.5 weeks due to Pre-e Back for # 2!
@JamieH2000 I also had infertility and did IVF and was giving up and did lots of donor egg research. I only got one embryo and that’s what I am growing now at 14w 6d currently. And I learned that when you carry the baby, the donor egg, and your blood mix together so your baby absolutely will have your genetic dna in it! There was a huge study in England recently. I got really excited. By that news.
@JamieH2000 Are we allowed to share sources? Let me know I will send it to you or post on here if you are interested. I should clarify that the genetic determination will be from the egg but your DNA definitely mixes. Huge congrats to you on your pregnancy!! It’s so amazing what science can do. We did 5 rounds of IVF over 2.5 years and by a miracle on my last go I got 8 eggs but only 1 was genetically viable (gotta love the odds). If this doesn’t work out, I am doing donor eggs.
@lifeislove87 same! Primary infertility and hated pregnancy announcements and baby showers! I would avoid all of it. Not because I wasn’t happy for my loved ones and friends but because my hope and disappointment was just really raw. Combine the miscarriages and IVF let downs, it’s super hard. You are such a kind soul, being sensitive to your coworker.
@runalrun- thanks for reaching out! So happy for your miracle I have read a lot about epigenetics and it does give some comfort
History in Spoiler
Age: 32 (same with DH). Together since 2006, Married June 2013 and TTC since August 2015 Diagnosis: Mild Endo, DOR (AMH of 1.5), Poor Quality Eggs/embryos, Displaced Window of Implantation (ERA Post Receptive) March-May 2016: 1 TI and 2 IUIs- BFN June 2016- Laproscopy- found/removed mild endo and confirmed only 1 normal healthy ovary. August 2016- IVF #1 with Antagonist Protocol- Cancelled (2 lead follies), converted to IUI- BFN Oct-Nov 2016- IVF #2 with Estrogen Priming Micro Lupron Protocol, 2 eggs retrieved, day 3 transfer of 1- BFN January 2017- New RE, IVF#3 with Estrogen Priming Antagonist Protocol, 12 eggs, 8 mature, 6 fertilized, 2 day 5 early blasts transferred (none to freeze ), BFN May 2017- Sept 2017- Starting Donor Egg process! Waiting for donor to be available... and then she is pregnant at baseline Oct 2017- Donor #2: 25R, 22M,18F, 12 blasts frozen! Fresh transfer cancelled due to thin lining with fluid Nov 2017- Hysterscopy to remove polyp Dec 2017- DE FET #1 on 12/8 on 2 perfect blasts- BFN and devastated Jan-Mar 2018- ERA #1- Post receptive by 24 hours, ERA #2 RECEPTIVE with 4 days of Progesterone Apr 2018- DE FET cancelled for lining issues Jun 2018- DE FET #2 of two 1AA blasts- first BFP ever! Beta 10dp5dt- 378, Beta 14dp5dt- 2840, Beta 16dp5dt- 4035, beta 18dp5dt- 10916. Due on 2/20 with one baby after a vanishing twin Baby Born born early @ 33.5 weeks due to Pre-e Back for # 2!
So I had a talk with my husband about how we don’t spend enough time together, and he actually listened to me. Instead of bringing the kids downstairs right when he gets home so he can spend time with them and I get a break, he is staying upstairs with me. And now I’m still watching Paw Patrol instead of Bachelor in Paradise. I did not think this all the way through...
Re: FFFC 8/17/18
BFP 6.8.2018 EDD 02.18.2019
I’m still a little disgusted with myself.
MMC 2.12.11 @ 8w
PVM 5.8.12
GWM 3.17.15
RPM 2.21.19
DH and I were discussing names. We both like my dad's middle name, which is also what he goes by, so originally we were thinking of having it as a middle name for LO if it's a boy. Then DH suggested it as a first name with FIL's first name as a middle name (which is also DH's middle name). It has a really nice ring to it, and I like the name itself but I don't think I can agree to it for several reasons.
1. DD's mn is MIL's (and her mother's) first name and I'm already over how smug she is about it and hearing "namesake" all the fucking time. I actually had suggested it because I like the name, it went well with the first and last name, and I admire that MIL and her mother are both strong independent women but she's really been getting more and more on my nerves.
2. My mom would be the only grandparent not named after, which would not be fair because she's amazing
3. That's starting to be some "junior" shit right there and I am not about that at all. LO should have a COMPLETELY different name than either direct parent IMO
4. (Most flame worthy) Our entire family already has FIL's last name and to me that's more than enough. FIL is a good person, but he really doesn't do AANYTHING. He had cardiac bypass surgery when DH was a teenager and has been living on disability and MIL's earnings since. Like, ok, he can't do any heavy labor jobs, but honestly he could have done SOMETHING. Not like he did much before that but at least it was something. He doesn't really do any housekeeping either from the look of their house. He refuses to watch DD (unless absolute emergency). DH and I have no clue what he does all day except sleep past noon. I really don't want any more "namesakes" for him.
I am aware this is incredibly critical and judgy of me which is why I posted here and not the name thread.
I have to find an alternative soon though because the more time passes, the more DH is getting set on it.
So during the past 2.5 years of secondary infertility I have had my fair share of jealousy over pregnancy announcements.
Of those, one pregnancy ended in a spontaneous abortion at full term or close to it. Recently, I found out another of those gave birth at 33 weeks to a child with complications and down syndrome who passed in the NICU 2 weeks later. So now not only do I feel awful for those moms/families, I feel super guilty for feeling jealous in the first place. Then of course I selfishly worry about my own pregnancy.
1 infant loss
8/17: Our daughter was born
8/18: Our daughter kicked open heart surgery ass
2/19: We lost our son to Prader-Willi/Paradoxical Vocal Cord/ Noonans at 6wks old
4/26/2020: EDD for baby #3!!!
@lifeislove87- your post resonated with me since I am finally pregnant for the first time after 3 years of struggle and many rounds of IVF, including Donor egg which has finally given us this baby. My older sister just surprised us that she is pregnant after 3 months of trying. Rationally I am thrilled for her and our kids to be 6 weeks apart, but it was still hard to hear when I wasn’t expecting it. I wouldn’t want her to struggle ever but honestly wish they were a little farther apart especially to avoid the comments on if they look alike or not.. since I used Donor eggs they technically won’t be genetically related. Most days I’m proud of our journey and overcoming so much, but it was a hard weekend since it brought up all the pain we have been thru.
Diagnosis: Mild Endo, DOR (AMH of 1.5), Poor Quality Eggs/embryos, Displaced Window of Implantation (ERA Post Receptive)
March-May 2016: 1 TI and 2 IUIs- BFN
June 2016- Laproscopy- found/removed mild endo and confirmed only 1 normal healthy ovary.
August 2016- IVF #1 with Antagonist Protocol- Cancelled (2 lead follies), converted to IUI- BFN
Oct-Nov 2016- IVF #2 with Estrogen Priming Micro Lupron Protocol, 2 eggs retrieved, day 3 transfer of 1- BFN
January 2017- New RE, IVF#3 with Estrogen Priming Antagonist Protocol, 12 eggs, 8 mature, 6 fertilized, 2 day 5 early blasts transferred (none to freeze
May 2017- Sept 2017- Starting Donor Egg process! Waiting for donor to be available... and then she is pregnant at baseline
Oct 2017- Donor #2: 25R, 22M,18F, 12 blasts frozen! Fresh transfer cancelled due to thin lining with fluid
Nov 2017- Hysterscopy to remove polyp
Dec 2017- DE FET #1 on 12/8 on 2 perfect blasts- BFN and devastated
Jan-Mar 2018- ERA #1- Post receptive by 24 hours, ERA #2 RECEPTIVE with 4 days of Progesterone
Apr 2018- DE FET cancelled for lining issues
Jun 2018- DE FET #2 of two 1AA blasts- first BFP ever! Beta 10dp5dt- 378, Beta 14dp5dt- 2840, Beta 16dp5dt- 4035, beta 18dp5dt- 10916. Due on 2/20 with one baby after a vanishing twin
Baby Born born early @ 33.5 weeks due to Pre-e
Back for # 2!
@lifeislove87 same! Primary infertility and hated pregnancy announcements and baby showers! I would avoid all of it. Not because I wasn’t happy for my loved ones and friends but because my hope and disappointment was just really raw. Combine the miscarriages and IVF let downs, it’s super hard. You are such a kind soul, being sensitive to your coworker.
Diagnosis: Mild Endo, DOR (AMH of 1.5), Poor Quality Eggs/embryos, Displaced Window of Implantation (ERA Post Receptive)
March-May 2016: 1 TI and 2 IUIs- BFN
June 2016- Laproscopy- found/removed mild endo and confirmed only 1 normal healthy ovary.
August 2016- IVF #1 with Antagonist Protocol- Cancelled (2 lead follies), converted to IUI- BFN
Oct-Nov 2016- IVF #2 with Estrogen Priming Micro Lupron Protocol, 2 eggs retrieved, day 3 transfer of 1- BFN
January 2017- New RE, IVF#3 with Estrogen Priming Antagonist Protocol, 12 eggs, 8 mature, 6 fertilized, 2 day 5 early blasts transferred (none to freeze
May 2017- Sept 2017- Starting Donor Egg process! Waiting for donor to be available... and then she is pregnant at baseline
Oct 2017- Donor #2: 25R, 22M,18F, 12 blasts frozen! Fresh transfer cancelled due to thin lining with fluid
Nov 2017- Hysterscopy to remove polyp
Dec 2017- DE FET #1 on 12/8 on 2 perfect blasts- BFN and devastated
Jan-Mar 2018- ERA #1- Post receptive by 24 hours, ERA #2 RECEPTIVE with 4 days of Progesterone
Apr 2018- DE FET cancelled for lining issues
Jun 2018- DE FET #2 of two 1AA blasts- first BFP ever! Beta 10dp5dt- 378, Beta 14dp5dt- 2840, Beta 16dp5dt- 4035, beta 18dp5dt- 10916. Due on 2/20 with one baby after a vanishing twin
Baby Born born early @ 33.5 weeks due to Pre-e
Back for # 2!