TTTC 8/9/18 Check-In

Bababatty · August 2018

Welcome, @rmarble23, to the group and welcome back @BWhitta. Hugs and/or Tylenol to anyone who needs it!

QOTW: If money were no option, what would you do with your life? (VERY broad question!)

2018 BFP Hall of Fame

lablover78 dx: PCOS, Compound Heterozygous MTHFR Rx: IVF

Tops-2: dx: anovulatory PCOS Rx: Metformin, Letrozole & TI

halfanewt: possible PCOS, MTHFR gene, slight MFI Rx: IVF

seethosestars: dx: DOR Rx: IVF + FET #1

Kim41313: dx: unexplained Rx: IVF

soehlerk: dx: Unexplained Rx: Femara + IUI

Mlight28: dx Unexplained Rx: Clomid

SoonToBeMommaHowe: dx: Unexplained Rx: naturally until IVF

honeybeebub: dx:septate uterus, MTHFR Rx: septum resection surgery, baby aspirin & progesterone

be08ryan: dx: PCOS and AO Rx: Clomid

kiwielopingbride: Dx: Unexplained Rx: IUI

thothscribe81: dx: unexplained Rx: IVF

PAGING:

@BWhitta: dx: PCOS, low AMH and endo Rx: letrozole

@Bababatty: dx:Low Motility Rx: IVF

@ChristinaV2015: dx: blocked tubes, PCOS, endo + MFI Rx: lap, OPKs + TI

@ChristenMA83 : dx: MFI Rx: IVF w/ISCI

@emgem819 dx: PCOS, Rx: provera, femara + Bravelle

@hoffmanr7: dx: unexplained Rx: IVF

@jmr1515: dx: Mild MFI/morph, fibroid Rx: Surgery + TI

@mackenzie07 dx: PCOS and Endo Rx: metformin, letrozole, ovidrel

@mandasand: dx: low AMH Rx:IVF (Lupron, Menopur + Follistim)

@MrsM00re87: dx: DOR PCOS, low morph Rx: Femara + TI

@Mythril: dx: PCOS (anovulatory) Rx:levothyroxine, metformin and femara + TI

@rachlee2010: dx: DOR Rx: IUI

@Samanthaarielxo dx: anovulation Rx: still in testing

@sarah0985: dx: PCOS, possible blocked tubes Rx: Lap

@SM746830: dx: PCOS, blocked tubes Rx: Surgery, Clomid

@starlitfae dx: MFI & balanced translocation, thyroid Rx: ivf with pgd testing

@funkykey dx: unexplained Rx: IVF

@Worldtravler0522 dx: PCOS/Unexplained Rx: IVF

@notamyrtle: dx: unexplained Rx: IUI + injects

@Kate437: dx:anovulatory Rx:Letrozole + trigger

@SP128: in testing/unexplained

@eranvo27: dx: anovulatory PCOS Rx: metformin

@brittlefebvre: in testing

@Charligirl28: dx: unexplained Rx: Clomid

@kristimh80: dx: unexplained Rx: Injectables + trigger + IUI

@Brooke4131: dx: Secondary unexplained Rx: in testing

@fluffybookworm: dx: Anovulation + insulin resistance Rx: Metformin + prometrium + testing

@Asampson87: dx: unexplained + MFI Rx: metformin + testing

@hannahlce: dx: anovulatory PCOS Rx: metformin + letrozole

@emmasemm: dx: DOR & autoimmune Rx: IVF

@floridanursegirl: dx: unexplained anovulation Rx:Metformin, IUI+Femara+trigger

@aeb1116: dx: unexplained Rx: IUI

@Happyin14: dx: unexplained, RPL Rx: IVF

@amac2313: dx: unknown Rx: Clomid

@nurseerin2012: dx: unexplained Rx: letrozole + IUI

@Knottie1467155066: dx: unknown Rx: letrozole + trigger + TI

@BenJay: Dx: PCOS/unexplained Rx. Metformin + supplements

@MicahDahn: Dx: irregular cycles Rx: preparing for testing

@moloninge Dx:PCOS, hypothyroidism, insulin resistance, fibroids. Rx:Metformin,Synthroid,IUI w/letrozole, ovidrel, and progesterone.

@beec2421: dx: PCOS, hypothyroidism Rx: metformin, synthroid, clomid

@wishing-and-hoping: dx: unexplained rx: poss. IVF

@echocharlietango: dx: Unexplained Rx: trying naturally

@kgabhart: dx: Unexplained/PCOS Rx: letrozole + IUI

@linz36: dx: Low AFC, MFI Rx: testing/IUI

@jrm_14: dx: Adrenal/overian insufficiency, Borderline-low AMH, Low progesterone Rx: IUI w/ injectables.

@Bgreenfield10: dx: anovulatory PCOS, LPD Rx: Clomid + trigger

@serownarain: dx: in testing

@allisona66: dx: waiting for testing

@manhattanmama2: dx: unexplained Rx: IVF

@mirabelle33 dx: DOR, possible endo Rx: TBD

@meganttc3: dx: PCOS, unexplained Rx: waiting to test

@mrsjcrane: dx: unexplained Rx: femara + trigger + TI + 2nd HCG booster

@mighty-mouse: dx:pcos & HA Rx: provera/letrozole + trigger

@ladystout08: dx: unknown Rx: waiting for testing

@leafyarch: dx: MFI, no thyroid Rx: IVF

@oklahomak: dx: PCOS Rx: metformin/letrozole/estradiol/progesterone+ trigger

@drewsdarlin: dx: RPL, PCOS, Hashimotos, low vitamin D and Iron RX: ?

@ChristenMA83: dx: MFI Rx: IVF w/ISCI

@rmarble23: dx: MFI Rx: IVF

NEWCOMERS:To be added to the Weekly Checkin, please answer the following:

1. How long have you been TTC?

2. What is your diagnosis?

3. What is your current Rx plan?

BWhitta · August 2018

Thanks, @Bababatty

We just made it happen last night

poor DH is sooooo sick, he was a real trooper. I was like dude I’ve been giving myself shots for 5 days, this is happening (so romantic...) So we’ve gotta do it again today and then I start progesterone (3x a day) in the morning. Just another glaring difference between my old RE and this one, he didn’t have me start progesterone until after we confirmed the second beta, which I’ve read so many times is too late if the progesterone is going to help. Sigh. Anyway, settling in for my TWW!!!!!!!!

Edited to add QOTW: DH always asks what I’d do if we won the lottery and I can never come up with anything good

I love our life, haha. We are renovating our little old house, I wouldn’t want to leave it! I would definitely travel more, though...and buy a beach house.

ChristenMA83 · August 2018

@Bwhitta good luck with this cycle. LOL at your poor sick hubby...I don't miss the mandatory intercourse related to TI at all.

AFM: We rescheduled my follow up with the RE due to a conflict. So instead of today, it's the 31st, which sucks a little bit but doesn't really change anything. Detox is going well on day 5 - though I will admit to taking painkillers with caffeine on two occasions to dull the headache. Food-wise I've been 100% and exercise 75%. I even withstood two catered lunches at work with sundae bars and cupcakes. So I'm feeling pretty darn proud of myself

It's a 10-day detox but I'll continue to follow the plan afterwards and gradually work some things back in (like more fruit, some beans and corn, will probably try to stay away from the grains). Anyway, that's obviously my focus right now.

rmarble23 · August 2018

got a call today from my IVF center and they didn't have my correct insurance and were calling to notify me....my office didn't send over my change of insurance with my paperwork for authorization. Anyways they now have the right info and she informed me that it should only take a couple days but they (blue cross) have been slow this week so she thinks some took vacations so they are backed up but she still thinks I should hear next week. My period is due in 10 days so fx everything falls into place

QOTW: practical side would buy a nice home and stay home with my babies, maybe only work part time, allow DH to do whatever he desires whether it be start his own business or finish school. Frivolous side would buy an island with a house and a boat and a personal chef and housekeeper and just enjoy life

Bababatty · August 2018

@ChristenMA83 I'm sorry about all of your headaches. It sounds like the withdrawal is not fun at all! I really hope your body gets itself sorted out soon. Between the diet and the headaches on top of everything else this year has dealt you, I know I'd have the worst attitude. So you're doing a lot better than I would!

Also OMG to your RE accusing YH of using steroids. REALLY?! I'm so happy you have a MUCH better RE now!

I feel you on the anesthesia bill. We had a similar issue with our last ER, with them charging it out of network. Except I lost that battle because my insurance at the time didn't cover IVF at all and when I tried to fight the anesthesia bill, they basically said I was lucky they were even allocating it to my out of network deductible. So really yours is much worse because they SHOULD be covering it and they're making you fight about it. I'm sorry. Totally agree with you that sometimes not having insurance at all makes things easier and I wish we were all independently wealthy! Or better yet, that there were coverage mandates for ART like for other things. Congrats on meeting your OOP max, though! That is fun!

Also what is this Blood Sugar Solution detox? Was it recommended by your RE or is it something you're doing on your own? I'm trying to throw everything I have at this now, so I'm curious about everyone's different dietary solutions. Right now I'm trying to minimize processed foods, sugar, and alcohol, and just generally eat sensibly. Also as for getting YH on board, ditto over here. I dragged DH to the vitamin store last week, where we dropped $100 on all the vitamins. When he balked, I was like, "This train is leaving the station and you just need to get on board." I've also told him that I'll throw all of my medical procedures in his face every day he forgets to take the vitamins. ;-)

@funkykey Woohoo for getting started again! How's it going? I hate that our furbabies get older. I maintained that the golden retriever I grew up with was a puppy until the day he died, as if that would stave off his aging. There are definite benefits to pets getting older, though, too. New and improved ways to make us laugh, for one!

@mirabelle33 I don't even really know what a naturopath does, but now I want to find one for myself. Those long appointments are wonderful because you feel like they really are listening to you and they care. What's the rationale with stopping the vitamin D, CoQ10, and PNV? I'm glad you're keeping up the folate. I wouldn't want to lose at least that. Good luck with your new diet and with getting YH on board! Giving up cheese might actually kill me, lol. I'm curious why they make you do a psych consult. We've never had to do one, but different countries, different policies, I guess!

I'm so sorry about how your cat is acting. I think you've gotten much better advice from others; all I can suggest is to watch Jackson Galaxy on Animal Planet. He's got a few episodes that deal with cats like this, and maybe you'll pick up a few suggestions for training it out of her, if that works? It sounds like you're willing to try getting a cat behaviorist (like Jackson Galaxy!)? It definitely usually works in his show, but of course that's reality TV.

@Worldtravler0522 How are you feeling this week? Huge eyeroll at that RPL doctor, too. I am unimpressed. But hopefully she can manage to get you staying pregnant, even with all the BS. Thinking of you!

@rmarble23 Welcome! I'm glad to have you here. Best of luck as you get started!

@BWhitta Welcome back, friend! I missed you! And good luck in the TWW! I am so glad they're giving you progesterone. Why on earth would they not before? Ridiculous.

I think warrior and battle really are good words to describe everything we are going through. It really feels like a fight--against our bodies, against insurance companies, sometimes even against doctors. People that get KU easily have no idea how hard this is.

OMG your RE sounds wonderful! FX that the surger and removal of that fibroid really does fix some of the issues going on. How cool that you got to see photos. I really want to see mine and plan to ask at our follow up. I'm so glad that he's also taking into consideration what are your long-term goals for family size. It's so easy for us to get bogged down in, "I would really take one at this point." But to have him be proactive about ensuring you get the family you want is really key. I haven't done the 10 letrazole thing myself, but I recall someone else on here a few months back who did that, too. Also so sorry about your insurance. Like, if you're going to offer IF coverage, do you REALLY need to make it SO difficult? Seriously? Congrats on yoru OOP max! Lots of people hitting that right now, it seems.

Also, LOL to your obsession with your office's staff. I totally feel the same way. I got a survey from the medical center my clinic is part of the day after my hysteroscopy, and I made sure to talk about how much I loved my clinic's staff before launching into how much I DO NOT love the hospital's pre-op staff. ;-)

AFM We decided to stop fighting with my insurance in the interest of time, so they biopsied our embryos on Thursday and we should have results in time for our follow up with my RE on the 23rd. Even if they don't, I really don't care. I'm going in anyway. My RE also let us get started on the prior auth process for a potential 3rd IVF cycle, so that's underway. Only the medicine team seems to be on top of it (they got all the approvals for those last week), so I need to call and harass the medical procedure team about the actual IVF approval tomorrow. In other news, AF is starting and nary a cramp in sight. My last AF my cramps had lessened quite a bit, which I'm attributing to a positive outcome of acupuncture. When I started doing it, my acupuncturist said it could alleviate period cramping, and I will definitely take that.

QOTW I would definitely use all those wonderful funds to move all this ART stuff along much faster. And I'd buy a lovely large apartment in Manhattan--or better yet a townhouse. And we'd travel quite a bit more.

funkykey · August 2018

@BWhitta - welcome back. Hoping this is it for you.

@ChristenMA83 - Wow, I really don't know that I could pass up on a Sundae Bar at work! That is something to be proud of!

@mirabelle33 - hm, the cat situation sounds tricky. Others have probably given better advice, but I can throw in a story from my own experience. When our dog was younger, for a month-or-so, he had some escalating behaviour issues. I called a special trainer, signed up for special obedience classes, etc. Then one day, I looked in his mouth, and saw that one of his teeth had broken clean off - all I could see was a tooth stub with exposed nerve! I felt HORRIBLE, and took him to the vet. He had it removed, and the behaviour issues drastically alleviated.

In any event, I don't know if this is true for your cat, but in some cases, these odd behaviours can be symptoms of other medical situations. Hoping this is a thyroid situation, or similar!

@Bababatty - keeping FX for the embryo test results.

AFM: looks like I'll start stimming on the 29th.

As usual (and maybe mentioned elsewhere?) I'm on a total rollercoaster. Some days, I'm sure this is going to work. I read success stories, I visualize it, I'm optimistic. I spend a fair amount of time on the calculators, thinking through the odds and trying to put together a strategy for my best chance at success: https://www.sartcorsonline.com/Predictor/Patient I try to strike the balance between being hopeful and being educated as to my odds of success.

Other days, it's terrifying and overwhelming, and I just want to curl into a little ball and cry. Last year, my sister moved, and she was cleaning out her closet. We were so sure I was going to be pregnant soon, so she gave me her favourite maternity dress, like: "you'll need this soon." Fast forward a year, and she's trying for another, so I gave her back the dress. She was like: "I'm so sorry." It's just a dress, but it felt like such a symbol of how endless this has been, how the years are starting to just blend for me, you know?

QOTW: Hm. There are a lot of things I'd probably do faster if I weren't thinking about money. For example, there's a construction project we want to do that we've been working towards for a while. If money weren't a concern, we wouldn't have spent so long saving for it!

That, and I'd probably retire sooner. I actually really like to work, and not simply for the money - I like the actual feeling of accomplishment that comes from completing difficult projects. That said, put a lot of my energy into work, and sometimes I wish I had more energy for my friends and family. I can't see working at the same pace forever - at some point, I'll need to put more energy into the rest of my life!

ChristenMA83 · August 2018

@bababatty the Blood Sugar Solution diet is one of the recommendations from It Starts with the Egg. It recommends a lot of the things you're already doing, but the 10-Day Detox gives a very structured day by day approach which is good for me. Basically, no processed foods, added sugars, grains, gluten, dairy or legumes during the detox....then the transition phase after the 10 days allows you to work some of these back in, but having detoxed you will realize if you have food intolerance you weren't aware of. So basically I eat a ton of veggies, lean meat, nuts & seeds and a little bit of fruit. It's done wonders for my bloat, gas, swelling and inflammation (plus I'm down 5.4 in the first week, so that's good). My RE actually published a book on fertility diet several years ago which I haven't read because it seems a little outdated and the reviews are just so-so, but from skimming he basically recommends a whole food diet and I figure this fits the bill. I plan to have that discussion with him when we go in on the 31st.

@funkykey I get the battle between optimism and realism and somedays overwhelming pessimism. This all seems like such a gamble somedays.

QOTW: I would stress less about the funds for ART. Probably move to the Asheville area and buy a beautiful home in the mountains....or maybe just a vacation cabin down there and stay put up here. I dunno, I don't daydream about limitless money enough. Definitely travel more.

Bababatty · August 2018

@funkykey I just went down the rabbit hole of that calculator. Do you know if they mean one, two, or three separate IVF cycles or just transfers?

Anywhoddles, I just want to say that I’m sorry you’re on the roller coaster of emotions again. I totally get that. Trying to find that balance is so hard. Not sure if you’re like me, but a huge part of me always feels like I have to be positive because what if I’m negative and my negativity is what causes the failure? But then of course you want to temper your optimism because you don’t want to get hurt. And the longer we go for and the more we go through, it’s harder to strike that balance and not slip too far into negativity.

Obviously you’re happy for you sister, but oh wow is that painful! Not only is it a milestone but it’s a milestone involving pregnancy. Such a horrible reminder of everything that’s happened in the last year and that you’re still waiting while others are going ahead of you. Again. I send you so many hugs, my friend! Hopefully once you get started with the stimming you’ll be so wrapped up in it that everything else will just fade to background noise.

@ChristenMA83 I need to go back and re-read the dietary section. I didn’t even remember that was in there! This last pass I just grabbed all the vitamins recs for RPL and ran them by my clinic for ok. I wouldn’t mind doing that detox; maybe once our visitors are gone this summer. Although the no legumes thing would be hard because DH is a vegetarian and that’s the large part of what we eat. Keep up the good work! 5.4 lbs in one week is amazing!

mirabelle33 · August 2018

@ChristenMA83 I'm sorry you had to reschedule your appointment. I can't believe we're already halfway through August and the 31st will be here soon! It sounds like you're doing great with the detox diet and congrats on losing 5.4 lbs already!! How close are you to making it through the 10 days? I'll be curious to hear if you notice a food intolerance of any kind when you start the transition phase.

@Bababatty I would definitely recommend seeing a Naturopath if you're interested! I'm not putting all my eggs in that basket and I'm still trusting Western medicine/science to get us KU, but I've always preferred taking a natural approach to things and this way I feel like I get the best of both. I'm not exactly sure of the rationale behind stopping most of the supplements, but I think it has something to do with the fact that she doesn't think my liver is absorbing them properly right now. Maybe I will reintroduce them in a month or so. Also, the French are kind of weird about PNVs. TW During her second trimester, an American acquaintance of mine was prescribed a PNV by her OB. When she told her doctor that she had already been taking one since they had started ttc, her OB reprimanded her for "self-medicating" with an American PNV, which apparently can't be trusted because they are full of "fillers." end TW So who knows? But I'm still going to keep taking the folate *just in case.*

As for the psych consult, again I'm not totally sure of the rationale behind it, but I think it was just to help couples prepare for some of the emotions they might face along the way. I thought it would be more of an evaluation of us as potential parents, but it wasn't like that at all. He basically asked us a little bit of our medical history and how we felt about everything up to this point. He also wanted to know how IF had affected us as a couple and about our communication style. He finished by going through some of the different ways that men and women can react to the ups and downs of IVF. He also told us that after a failure it was normal to be "down" for anywhere between 2 days to a week or so, but that if one or both of us were really down for more than two weeks, then it wasn't normal and we should seek help. I suspect this was the main point of the consult. I really appreciated it and it helped validate some of my feelings, which I think was good for DH to hear.

Haha thank you for the Jackson Galaxy suggestion! I'll have to see if I can find some episodes on YouTube ... I think we're going to try some of the natural products recommended by the Naturopath, but if they don't work then we may seriously consider a cat behaviorist.

Keeping my fx that your biopsy results are ready by the 23rd! GL if you do have to harass the medical procedure team today (hopefully they will surprise you!). That's great that acupuncture has alleviated your pre-AF cramping! I have noticed less cramping since I started acupuncture, but I never really connected the two. Interesting

@funkykey Aw your poor dog! What a trooper and I'm so glad to hear that cleared up his behavioral issues. I do strongly suspect there is something medical going on and it's frustrating that our vet won't do more exploratory testing at this point. I've been hyper-aware of her behavior since the last bite and I only hope I can start to recognize some sort of pattern to mention to the vet if these natural remedies and/or cat behaviorist doesn't help.

It's great you have a stim date in place, but I can understand why that would bring out the roller coaster of emotions again. In response to both you and @Bababatty, I will share something else the psychologist told us. He said that there is no right way to feel about all of this and that it's not helpful to force yourself into feeling positive or upbeat if you're really not. He doesn't think your mindset has a real effect on the outcome and he has seen plenty of couples that have gone into it super confident end up with a failure and others that have given up all hope go on to succeed. He said that trying to make yourself feel one way or another is just putting more pressure on an already difficult situation and it's not necessary. I don't know if this is helpful to you, but it was comforting to me. Sending you both big {{hugs}}.

I'm sorry, that must have been a very painful situation with your sister. I'm wishing and hoping so hard that you will be buying your own favorite maternity dress very soon.

@BWhitta How are you holding up during the TWW?

QOTW: If money were no option, what would you do with your life? (VERY broad question!) My answers pretty much all revolve around real estate haha. I would buy an apartment in Manhattan or a brownstone in Brooklyn Heights. I'd probably also buy a flat in Paris and a house somewhere in the remote southwest (I love deserts). I would buy a house for my MIL who still lives in the same apartment that my DH grew up in. Otherwise, this will probably sound nerdy, but what I love the most is being a student so I would keep going to grad school until I had degrees in all my different interests and then retire to my house in the desert to write lots of books.

ETA: oops I forgot my update! AFM, well there is really not much to update. I've been easing into the new diet since I still need to get a few key ingredients from the organic grocery store, but it should be fully implemented by the end of the week. I'll start taking the "cures" then too since I finally got them all in the mail this week. Only 4 weeks to go until our informational meeting at the clinic ...

ChristenMA83 · August 2018

@mirabelle33 I'm so glad the psychologist was a good move for you two. It is nice to hear validation from a professional that these ranges of emotions are normal. As for my detox, this is day 10, however I plan to keep eating to the books "Super Advance Plan" which is basically staying on the detox diet until I lose the 16 I gained this year through IVF, etc. After that I'll transition some of the foods back in. I'd lost a little before I started the detox, so I have a little over 7lbs left to get to my pre-IVF weight....not that my pre-IVF weight is ideal by any means but it's better than where I am now. In all I would like to lose 40+, but I won't be putting off the next round of IVF plans and I think I'll drop more than the 16 by November.

@Bababatty I reread It Starts With the Egg as soon as I knew we would be doing another retrieval. The 10-day detox book does cover solutions for vegetarians. Tofu is allowed, but it suggests organic, non-GMO. There is one other allowance for vegetarians but I didn't pay all that much attention so I don't remember. And after the initial 10 days, legumes are one of the first things to transition back into the diet. Oh, and if you do try it, check out the cookbook as well. The Smoothies in the cookbook are tons better than what he provides in the detox book. I think most the info can be found on the website 10daydetox.com/resources and 10daydetox.com/tools. There are plenty of other diets out there like this one, it's not revolutionary, I just like the structure of the detox and having a specific 10-day plan.

funkykey · August 2018

Bababatty said:

@funkykey I just went down the rabbit hole of that calculator. Do you know if they mean one, two, or three separate IVF cycles or just transfers?

Anywhoddles, I just want to say that I’m sorry you’re on the roller coaster of emotions again. I totally get that. Trying to find that balance is so hard. Not sure if you’re like me, but a huge part of me always feels like I have to be positive because what if I’m negative and my negativity is what causes the failure? But then of course you want to temper your optimism because you don’t want to get hurt. And the longer we go for and the more we go through, it’s harder to strike that balance and not slip too far into negativity.

I think they mean three separate IVF cycles. I wish I could find one that told you the odds by separate transfers.

Ugh, you're not alone feeling like that re: positive thinking- I've seen other women on these boards make comments about "staying positive" even when they have doubts, but I guess I don't share that particular affliction... or at least I don't right now. I generally try to just let myself feel what I'm feeling- be sad when I feel sad, anxious when I feel anxious, hopeful when I feel hopeful.

That said, I do tend to pour out my more negative thoughts on TB than I do my hopeful ones- probably because, apart from DH, I don't feel like I can share those feelings with other people. Sometimes when I do share those doubts with friends IRL they try to be like cheerleaders, all: "it will work", and I end up getting defensive and kind of confrontational. Like: "Just f*cking listen! Don't smother me with your positive thinking BS." I guess I feel like IVF is hard and scary not because it works out, but because it actually might not work out. We are not strong because we are doing something easy, we are strong because we are facing one of life's great injustices head on. I often feel like, when my IRL friends give me pep talks, they gloss over the hard parts, and don't acknowledge the depth or size of the struggle.

So, maybe I let myself feel too much? Maybe my emotions are too at the surface? (Jk.

) I do feel differently about women going through IF treatment than my IRL friends. With my IRL friends, I can't handle the cheerleading without fair acknowledgement of the struggle. With women going through treatments, I'm like: "Whatever gets you through the day, sister. Do what you need to do to live with love."

mirabelle33 · August 2018

@funkykey what you're describing about your friends IRL trying to be your cheerleader is exactly how my mom is with me and it's infuriating. I finally updated her about us starting IVF last week and her first response was "so, are you excited???" Mind you this was said in the same tone you would use to ask someone if they were excited about getting a puppy. I told her that "excited" was not the right word and that there is a good chance it won't work out, but she just kept saying that she wanted to be positive and hopeful for us (basically to be our cheerleader). I got into a huge discussion with my aunt afterward about how frustrating it was that she refused to acknowledge how scary and painful this all is. Anyway, I hear you and feel free to be as negative as you want with us. We're here listen to it all

funkykey · August 2018

@mirabelle33 - Ugh, getting that from my mom would be infuriating! With my friends, it's one thing - I don't expect them to know much about IVF. But from someone that close? I feel like a lot of people think IVF is the answer, that IVF is more successful than it actually is. People love an IVF success story. No one talks about the IVF failure stories; so many people don't realize how common IVF failures are. IVF is an invasive, painful, and expensive procedure that gives you a chance at success.

My parents aren't so bad, but sometimes DH's parents say the wrong thing. Sometimes they make comments that rub me the wrong way, kind of like the "are you excited?!", but about how much they want more grandchildren. I have to stop myself from snapping: "Do you want grandchildren so badly that you're going to help us pay for this?"

ChristenMA83 · August 2018

To chime in on the family thing

My mom told my whole extended family of aunts when we were pregnant, so now they all know some version of our story. So every time I see them they say "Just keep trying" like it's just that easy. Last time my dad said that I told him at some point I was going to have to start asking for donations...I'm not sure he got the joke. Mom, on the other hand, is just so distressed that I have to go through this and doesn't understand why we don't just adopt (again, like it's just that easy). Thankfully I have one friend who is my sounding board, she never went through IF treatments, but had multiple losses and gets that it's not all that simple.

ETA: I love that this thread has been more active lately

Bababatty · August 2018

@funkykey @ChristenMA83 @mirabelle33 YES! This is all so true about friends and family who are trying to be your cheerleaders. I had to stop talking to one of my closest friends about this because after our third loss, she was just like, “Well, just keep trying, it will happen.” I just wanted to grab her and say, “Even my RE is no longer quite as convinced it will happen. Please stop.” I know it’s because people don’t know what to say and they’re trying to be helpful and optimistic, but they just don’t understand. Even DH is trying to be Pollyanna over here; but I won’t try to crush that because if it’s helping him cope, then he should keep saying it. Of course it does make it a little difficult for him to comfort me when the thing that helps him just enrages me.

I had one friend I felt like really got it because she’s had multiple losses. After our last one, she just said, “I can’t promise you it will happen, but if it does, I’ll be leading the celebration.” It was the perfect response. *TW* Of course she just told me she’s KU, soooo there goes that sounding board.

I’m so glad to have all of you (and my therapist)!

@funkykey and @ChristenMA83 You made me chuckle with your “are you going to give me a donation?” Comment. How you haven’t said that already is beyond me!

funkykey · August 2018

@ChristenMA83 - ha re: donations. @Bababatty - I haven't said it yet, just privately to DH. I'm not from New York, nor do I live there, but DH calls that side of me the "New York" side - the side of me that's like: "How 'bout instead of wishing with your words, you wish with your wallet?"

I don't actually want their money, I'm just someone who prefers action to talk, you know?

@Bababatty - After our last one, she just said, “I can’t promise you it will happen, but if it does, I’ll be leading the celebration.” It was the perfect response. That is the perfect response.

mirabelle33 · August 2018

@funkykey I know, it is very disappointing to me. But it's not unexpected and that's why I only give her need-to-know information at appropriate times and also why I didn't rush to give her the news. My mom is not very familiar with IVF at all and I had to give her a basic outline of the process. She definitely only knows the success stories and one of them includes her best friend's daughter who did IVF and now has a son. So I know that's why she thinks it's going to work out for us as well.

@ChristenMA83 Telling extended family is another reason why my mom will not be getting that information too soon if/when it happens! Ugh so sorry you're having to deal with extra input from your aunts. I'm really glad you have one good friend IRL as a sounding board.

@Bababatty haha DH tends to be a bit Pollyanna about it too and I've learned to just go with it and try not to crush his enthusiasm with my negativity. He has learned to temper it somewhat and is better about letting me have a down day or two, but I was a little surprised when he told the psychologist he was totally confident it was going to work out (I thought it might be the time for him to show some vulnerability, but nope!)

I'm so sorry you just lost your sounding board IRL, especially since she gave such an amazing response to that situation. This has happened to me twice with friends since we started ttc, but I was able to keep in touch with one of them because she lives in another country and we only interact through messenger. Maybe you can stay in contact but just not see her physically for awhile? I have a feeling she will be good about checking on you and not mentioning her situation unless you ask her. I hope so, anyway.

I echo the sentiment about being grateful to have all of you as virtual sounding boards and I'm also glad the board is more active!

BWhitta · August 2018

Yay, so happy to see the board so active!!!! You guys seriously just all said EXACTLY how I feel about so many things, haha. My mom has no idea how to act around me, haha, it’s not fair but basically anything she does rubs me the wrong way. I get that they want me to be okay and want me to stay positive but just stoooooooooop, haha. My MIL is a totally different story, she’s basically insane and we don’t have a great relationship with her. Every time I’ve seen her the last several times (including while I was in recovery after my surgery...they were not invited but just showed up) she has said “you HAVE to tell me as soon as you find out you’re pregnant!!!” We just ignore her but I finally said “no, we do not. We will tell you when we’re ready to tell you.” And she was like “I won’t tell anyone and I just have to know so I can pray for you” (total bull.) and so I was like “this will be my fourth pregnancy, it’s not going to be a joyful first trimester, it’s going to be terrifying and if we aren’t ready for people to know we aren’t going to tell you”. But like I said, she’s insane, she still says it every time I see her, DH had to tell his dad that we don’t want to discuss it so to please have her stop asking. We use the “Brooks is really struggling with this, please stop asking her” line a lot.

@funkykey that breaks my heart for you, so hard. My sister in law gave me all of her maternity clothes when we started trying...which was so kind bc they’re so expensive and she and I have similar bodies...they’ve been sitting in the corner of our “nursey”/storage room for three years now. I don’t think I’ll be able to bring myself to wear them even if I do get pregnant now. But I also can’t get rid of them.

AFM, I’m 8 days post trigger...and even though I said I wouldn’t, I bought some dollar tests and have been testing out the trigger. I *thought* it got a little darker today instead of lighter but it’s so hard to tell, I will probably just keep testing every morning even though I should just wait for Monday. My beta isn’t until next Friday

I’ve had really low energy the last few days and I’m having a really hard time focusing on anything else! But I’ll keep trying because I am way behind on work.

drewsdarlin · August 2018

AFM: Had phone consult earlier with fertility doctor to discuss test results and AMH. he said the number is good for my age and is encouraged by it.

BWhitta · August 2018

*TW* I knew testing out the trigger was a bad idea...I’m 10 days post trigger, but the trigger was in the morning so technically 11 days...and 9dpo and getting a light positive. It really could go either way still, I wish it had just been totally gone today so if I get a positive tomorrow I could be 100% about the trigger being gone, but argh. Seeing those positives is more triggering than I anticipated and I’m really struggling today...doesn’t help that I have been having crazy vivid dreams almost all about having babies. I’m honestly dreading either outcome at this point...just terrified of being pregnant again and equally terrified of it not working. This sucks.

TTTC 8/9/18 Check-In

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