Goodness, guys. Like I said it didn't actually take me 45 minutes. That's what my dad's doctor told him when he had hernia surgery. I, of course, could do some pushing, and I did.
Also, this isn't pooping for forever. This is those first couple when you're not sure what's going to happen or how it will feel. I had a newborn, too, obviously. Sometimes, I did take her into the bathroom with me. That first time, she was either napping or my H held her. He didn't have any time off (working for himself, so if he didn't work, he didn't get paid), and he still was able to be there for those first couple days before needing to go back to work.
Yea, I will tell people they don't need stool softeners because I legitimately believe they don't. All you see out there is "take stool softeners!" and I just want to put it out there that you don't actually have to, and I didn't. I prefer to avoid meds if at all possible, even ones with fairly minor side effects, like stool softeners. If you want to take them, do so. No one is stopping you.
I had a different experience than most moms in a lot of ways from stool softeners to breastfeeding to what helped my "baby blues." So I will put that out there because I don't want people to think labor and birth and postpartum only happen one way or a couple of ways.
Someone mentioned their lo having a milk protein allergy and having to go to formula. Just wanted to say my son had a milk protein allergy, discovered at 1 month due to blood in his stool. It was totally scary, but all I had to do was cut dairy out of my diet and that completely fixed the problem. Had several friends encounter the same issue and found eliminating dairy from their diet allowed them to continue nursing. Just to offer an additional prospective.
One more. This one might seem kind of trivial, but it's something we did the first time around and will do again... We waited a few days before announcing dd's birth on social media. We got to enjoy her a bit more privately and it was generally less overwhelming, and easier to keep visitors and such to just who we really wanted. Bonus: The day we did post it was the day my hormones really crashed and I cried over everything all day. All the glow and love and positivity on that Facebook post was a nice boost.
@lelkcot same here with the allergy. I cut dairy out. it was a lot of work actually but totally worth it and went on to bf a long time, started dairy again around a year and lo had no issues with it.
@litzi-2 yes, definitely a lot of work! DS was highly sensitive and I had to read labels on everything and really watch what I ate, but it was gone by a year for us as well! 2 of my sisters kiddos had it as well, but to a lesser degree and she just had to avoid obvious dairy.
To go along with all the BFing talk, I had no clue about tongue ties or lip ties. Turns out DS had both which we didn't discover until he was almost 3 months old. I didn't know enough about BFing to realize how badly things were going at first. To be fair, in the hospital all the LCs we saw said he had a good latch so I believed them. He was still taking about an hour for each feeding at 2.5 months so I called another LC. She found the ties immediately and we got them lasered at the ENT. However, my supply was already pretty effed at that point and I ended up driving myself nuts trying to get it back. This LC was also a NICU nurse and said most doctors don't check for ties. I think if we had found it earlier we could have had a more successful BFing experience so I'll be on the lookout this time around. I waited way too long last time because I just didn't know better.
@ashley14598 Yes. We'll totally do it that way again. Extra bonus: It drove my MIL crazy that she couldn't tell her hundreds of fb friends immediately. She actually said, "If I can't put her on Facebook, it's like she's not real!"
I am loving this FB conversation. Neither my husband or I is on social media, and we don’t permit photos of our kid to be posted. It drives my mom CRAZY and it took her about 8 months to stop making comments about wanting to post photos but it being against our “rules”. Don’t care. My kid, my rules.
@maggiemadeit Ha! Yes! I post an occasional photo of dd on social media, but ask that she not be in profile pictures, cover photos, or anywhere else "public" (aka... with 0 privacy settings). MIL acts like I'm CRAZY and is forever complaining (on social media, in real life, to anyone who will listen) about my "rules," too.
@greenbee@maggiemadeit I use the app Lifecake to share pics. It’s like a private social media, as in only the people I invite. Occasionally my MIL will steal a pic for her phone lock screen or post something on fb, but a lot of the friends and family she would be sharing it with are already on the app, so I feel like it’s better than it would have been.
DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
Things I wished I had known.. don't try to be superwoman after birth. After my first, I tried to keep the house as clean as before and cook all the meals.. big mistake. I almost killed myself with the stress and sleep deprivation. When my second came along I made it a point to rest whenever I could. The house got messy, but sorry, sometimes sleep needs to come first.
Another thing, breastfeeding isn't all hearts and flowers and rainbows. I always pictured it being an easy thing to do - between the sore nips, babies not latching correctly.. ect, ect... I quickly learned that breastfeeding can be difficult. Worth it in the end, but not a walk in the park! I wish someone had told me that beforehand because I got very down on myself and felt like a huge failure when things got rocky.
I wish I'd known to start taking fiber and stool softener immediately, and that post-partum hormones put pregnant hormones to shame. And the people who tell you to sleep when the baby sleeps are full of it.
I needed reminders that everything is a phase or stage, nothing lasts forever. It makes total sense but in the moment sometimes it feels like, I will never sleep again or my boobs are going to be sore forever! The sane part of me knew those thins were not true but in the middle of the night I sometimes needed to remind myself of that. Even now, when DD is resisting naps at two years old I need to remind myself that things are always changing.
As someone mentioned before, the baby will likely sleep best ON you or Daddy. I was NOT briefed on that!!! Although there is a time and a place for sleep training and swaddling and cribs, there will be so many times that the best thing to do is just sit your booty down on the couch, put that baby on your chest, and just relax while it dozes for a while. Turn on the TV, mama! You do not need to accomplish much during the first 6 weeks. I "knew" that, but wasn't prepared to actually do nothing, haha! Get a good book, some TV series to catch up on, etc. Now's the time to chill. I spent so much time in a comfy chair between nursing and napping my baby.
I was fortunate, but I still think lipase content of breast milk and potential rejection of non-scalded frozen liquid gold is something that should be discussed before you freeze 300 oz.
2. "Breast is best" but Follow with the Bottle! Sometimes hospital staff can be too overzealous with breastfeeding (with good reason, it isn't as easy as you think it will be and it can take like a week for your milk to come in). It's normal for your baby to lose weight the week after they are born (they get a little bloated floating in all that fluid) but count those wet diapers religiously to make sure they aren't getting dehydrated. And if they're still not growing after a week, talk to your pediatrician about supplementing with formula (don't give a baby water, it can hurt their little kidneys). One of my best friends thought her newborn had colic for a month before she tried offering him formula, turns out he was just not getting enough milk. Another mom friend had a baby that seemed to be "spitting up" more than the normal amount, turns out he was severely lactose intolerant and couldn't breakdown breastmilk, she had to try a bunch of different formulas before she found one that worked. I had to do the same once my kiddo hit 6 months because it turns out he had a dairy protein (not lactose) sensitivity. Voice concerns to the pediatrician early and often.
I couldn't agree with this more!
I wish breastfeeding classes would more informative of potential issues. I didn't know until DD was born, but for both my sister and mom, their milk didn't come in for a week--which I thought was my problem at first. (Classes say 3-4 days.) Then, I never had a great supply. I even tried lactation cookies and ended up gaining 10lbs and only a slight up-tick in supply. Not acceptable. We had to supplement with formula since DD was 3 days old, when we discovered she had lost 12% of body weight. (For FTM: 10% is the line with docs suggest intervention.) I've had people tell me that I was just not well informed, that's why I wasn't able to produce enough milk. That's not true.
I wanted a natural childbirth so I didn’t even research what a c-section was like...well of course my water breaks and over 28 hours of labor later I’m only 4cm dilated...so I end up having a c-section. Everything was fine and I’ll probably end up having a schedule one with this baby but I wish I had at least done some light reading about c-sections....just so I would have known what to expect during the procedure, it’s a little scary thy strap your arms down to the table like you are in the cross...and i get why but I felt panicked during and of course my wife couldn’t be in there during pre-op, only during the actual procedure. Luckily I had an amazing care team who calmly walked me through everything!
@mappowell I also had not at all planned for a c-section and wound up with an emergency one at 36 weeks due to pre-e. I was so not prepared. It was all fine and after some extra TLC, baby and I were both ok.
I had a successful VBAC with number 2. Hoping for another vaginal birth with this one but we shall see! These tiny humans certainly do what they want
Somebody mentioned happiest baby on the block. YES. I have a well-worn copy that has made the rounds of all my girlfriends. Read it while you’re pregnant and you have the energy to turn pages. Also, re: breastfeeding: they say it’s never supposed to be painful. It hurt like hell right up until day 13 and then it started to get better. Stick it out if you can; nothing soothes a crying baby like the boob.
@flyingmombula I also suggest Baby Wise. Boiled down into one phrase it's Eat, Play, Sleep and in the first several months it made a world of difference, if for no other reason that it made it easier to figure out why my baby was crying. And as she grew up instead of a schedule I had rotations, and each part would shorten or lengthen: she'd take less time to eat, she'd be able to stay awake and play longer, and she'd take longer naps. They went from 1.5 hr rotations to 4-5 hour rotations.
DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
@meggyme I never read that one, but kind of wish I had. I had a really granola friend tell me that the writers’ kids are now estranged from them and some other stuff that I can’t remember. But now I have a 2.5 year old that sleeps in my bed and screams for the boob all night. It’s on my bookshelf, I’ll pick it up this week
This was me also. I never even thought about a csection I did all my research and prep for a normal birth only to go to my appointment 2 days before my due date and be told your having a section in 3hrs. Sped home for bags and shower. I blinked and she was here.
On another postpartum note: I was totally unprepared for the postpartum night sweats I had which were ridiculous. I would wake up soaked and my sheets soaking wet too for the first month. I wish I had bought more nursing pajamas because I was changing clothes twice each night!
@mamaoftwomonkeys This! I woke up in the hospital bed the first night and thought I peed! I don’t think it lasted a month for me, but I definitely woke up drenched for a good few weeks.
@mamaoftwomonkeys@chocolatelemons My night sweats actually lasted the whole time I was breastfeeding and finally ended after my daughter weaned at 14 months!
@mamaoftwomonkeys Yeah, it creates a whole lot of laundry! I actually asked my doctor about it because it seemed so weird and she just said “hormones” and shrugged lol.
I just realized my earlier one was more "something I'm glad I knew". I'm going to try again, haha, after more reflection.
Don't be afraid to take your newborn in for weight checks. My mom and I could tell Ada was just not gaining. So, at 4 weeks, we took her back in and discovered she had only gained about 7 oz in about 3 weeks (newborns should be gaining at least 0.5oz-1oz/day). We started supplementing, and she caught up within a few months.
Additionally, don't be afraid to ask for the doctor at any weight check. Ada was only 5 lbs at birth and had been struggling with gaining. (We'll call her mean nurse) Mean nurse told me the doctor would admit Ada in the hospital at her 6 week checkup, told me to have a good weekend, and then she walked out of the room. I was floored. Fast forward to her 6 week checkup, and a different nurse complimented Ada on her good weight gain. I asked, relieved, if that meant she didn't need to be admitted to the hospital. Whoo, boy. Mean nurse didn't assist us again until Ada turned 1 year old. I imagine she got in trouble because she put words in the Dr.'s mouth. If it doesn't come from the Dr.s' mouth, ask to see the Dr.
I was visited by a lactation consultant in the hospital and I wish I knew what lip and tongue ties were. I would have asked her to check for one because I'm fairly certain Ada has an upper lip tie (relating to the above issues).
Lots of grocery stores to in-store pickup or there are services like Instacart. I hate grocery shopping and these services were awesome when I was by myself. Also, I was germ paranoid and didn't want to potentially bring something home from the grocery store.
I’m with you ladies on the night sweats! I woke up in puddles and had to change the sheets just about daily for awhile, let alone my clothes! That’s another reason I went through so many dang nursing bras.
Ditto on the birth plan not working out, I had planned for a natural birth, but DD was stubborn and had other plans. Ended up with a c-section and was pretty upset given I had only really considered having a natural birth.
I felt like my infant car seat was useless, I wish I would have cjust gotten a convertible car seat from the beginning.
I definitely underestimated how hard breastfeeding would be. Even if they start out well, they sometimes still have trouble, and that’s not really anyone’s fault.
I also wish I would have just not covered up while breastfeeding. My daughter hates it, and I felt like I almost kind of missed out on some of the bonding with breastfeeding because of it
Also, pregnancy just in general feels awful. Worth it, but definitely awful.
@kateemgeethesequel I’m trying to decide but I’m leaning c-section ironically. I’m not a great candidate for a vbac since i didn’t dilate last 4 cm dancing around the hospital for a day laboring and getting pitocin. I was worried the c-section would impact nursing and ruin my child which is basically what i read. But she nursed like a champ until a few weeks ago (almost 3) and she is fine. So I don’t know. I’ll keep thinking in it but I think I’m leaning scheduled c-section to avoid laboring for a day and a half before having one anyway
@mappowell That is what I am worried about! I really want a VBAC, but I am still worried that history will repeat itself and I will end up having a c section after two days of grueling labor... again. It’s a really tough choice!
@mappowell and @maggiemadeit my VBAC was incredible and I’m so glad I did it but I’m not going to lie, it was not easy! I think choosing a repeat c-section is a totally valid decision for many families. I’ve also heard that the difference between emergency c-sections and scheduled c-sections is night and day and that a planned c-section can be a quick, calm experience.
I’ve also heard that the difference between emergency c-sections and scheduled c-sections is night and day and that a planned c-section can be a quick, calm experience.
I can bet this is true. I had an emergency CS, too, but it was a nightmare for other reasons. Both my VBACS were positive experiences.
Re: Things I wish I had known...
Also, this isn't pooping for forever. This is those first couple when you're not sure what's going to happen or how it will feel. I had a newborn, too, obviously. Sometimes, I did take her into the bathroom with me. That first time, she was either napping or my H held her. He didn't have any time off (working for himself, so if he didn't work, he didn't get paid), and he still was able to be there for those first couple days before needing to go back to work.
Yea, I will tell people they don't need stool softeners because I legitimately believe they don't. All you see out there is "take stool softeners!" and I just want to put it out there that you don't actually have to, and I didn't. I prefer to avoid meds if at all possible, even ones with fairly minor side effects, like stool softeners. If you want to take them, do so. No one is stopping you.
I had a different experience than most moms in a lot of ways from stool softeners to breastfeeding to what helped my "baby blues." So I will put that out there because I don't want people to think labor and birth and postpartum only happen one way or a couple of ways.
We waited a few days before announcing dd's birth on social media. We got to enjoy her a bit more privately and it was generally less overwhelming, and easier to keep visitors and such to just who we really wanted.
Bonus: The day we did post it was the day my hormones really crashed and I cried over everything all day. All the glow and love and positivity on that Facebook post was a nice boost.
Another thing, breastfeeding isn't all hearts and flowers and rainbows. I always pictured it being an easy thing to do - between the sore nips, babies not latching correctly.. ect, ect... I quickly learned that breastfeeding can be difficult. Worth it in the end, but not a walk in the park! I wish someone had told me that beforehand because I got very down on myself and felt like a huge failure when things got rocky.
As someone mentioned before, the baby will likely sleep best ON you or Daddy. I was NOT briefed on that!!! Although there is a time and a place for sleep training and swaddling and cribs, there will be so many times that the best thing to do is just sit your booty down on the couch, put that baby on your chest, and just relax while it dozes for a while. Turn on the TV, mama! You do not need to accomplish much during the first 6 weeks. I "knew" that, but wasn't prepared to actually do nothing, haha! Get a good book, some TV series to catch up on, etc. Now's the time to chill. I spent so much time in a comfy chair between nursing and napping my baby.
I wish breastfeeding classes would more informative of potential issues.
I didn't know until DD was born, but for both my sister and mom, their milk didn't come in for a week--which I thought was my problem at first. (Classes say 3-4 days.) Then, I never had a great supply. I even tried lactation cookies and ended up gaining 10lbs and only a slight up-tick in supply. Not acceptable. We had to supplement with formula since DD was 3 days old, when we discovered she had lost 12% of body weight. (For FTM: 10% is the line with docs suggest intervention.)
I've had people tell me that I was just not well informed, that's why I wasn't able to produce enough milk. That's not true.
I had a successful VBAC with number 2. Hoping for another vaginal birth with this one but we shall see! These tiny humans certainly do what they want
Don't be afraid to take your newborn in for weight checks. My mom and I could tell Ada was just not gaining. So, at 4 weeks, we took her back in and discovered she had only gained about 7 oz in about 3 weeks (newborns should be gaining at least 0.5oz-1oz/day). We started supplementing, and she caught up within a few months.
Additionally, don't be afraid to ask for the doctor at any weight check. Ada was only 5 lbs at birth and had been struggling with gaining. (We'll call her mean nurse) Mean nurse told me the doctor would admit Ada in the hospital at her 6 week checkup, told me to have a good weekend, and then she walked out of the room. I was floored. Fast forward to her 6 week checkup, and a different nurse complimented Ada on her good weight gain. I asked, relieved, if that meant she didn't need to be admitted to the hospital. Whoo, boy. Mean nurse didn't assist us again until Ada turned 1 year old. I imagine she got in trouble because she put words in the Dr.'s mouth. If it doesn't come from the Dr.s' mouth, ask to see the Dr.
I was visited by a lactation consultant in the hospital and I wish I knew what lip and tongue ties were. I would have asked her to check for one because I'm fairly certain Ada has an upper lip tie (relating to the above issues).
Lots of grocery stores to in-store pickup or there are services like Instacart. I hate grocery shopping and these services were awesome when I was by myself. Also, I was germ paranoid and didn't want to potentially bring something home from the grocery store.
I felt like my infant car seat was useless, I wish I would have cjust gotten a convertible car seat from the beginning.
I definitely underestimated how hard breastfeeding would be. Even if they start out well, they sometimes still have trouble, and that’s not really anyone’s fault.
I also wish I would have just not covered up while breastfeeding. My daughter hates it, and I felt like I almost kind of missed out on some of the bonding with breastfeeding because of it
Also, pregnancy just in general feels awful. Worth it, but definitely awful.