Stop asking how I’m feeling

Amatadei16 · August 2018

I have a really well-meaning MIL who gets way too into my business. I’m 10w into my third pregnancy (two healthy, full-terms with beautiful kids as a result) and she’s already
driving me nuts with the questions about how I’m feeling (every time she texts or sees me. And it’s nof just a generic question, which I always answer with “ok” or “fine,” it’s follow ups about symptoms, doctor’s appointments and schedules, etc.). I am a pretty private person, especially when it comes to my health. When I’m sick, I want to be left alone and don’t want to talk about it and when I’m feeling better, I don’t want to dwell on how I wasn’t feeling well or rehash details. She constantly pushes this matter and this habit of hers really put some added tension into an already tense relationship the last two pregnancies and I’m trying to be honest and respectful In the hopes of building a stronger relationship with her. Is there a kind way of asking her to stop asking how I’m feeling and/or prying into my health/business? Do I just stay quiet and suck it up? I’d appreciate suggestions or advice.

lovesclimbing · August 2018

Amatadei16 said:

I have a really well-meaning MIL who gets way too into my business. I’m 10w into my third pregnancy (two healthy, full-terms with beautiful kids as a result) and she’s already
driving me nuts with the questions about how I’m feeling (every time she texts or sees me. And it’s nof just a generic question, which I always answer with “ok” or “fine,” it’s follow ups about symptoms, doctor’s appointments and schedules, etc.). I am a pretty private person, especially when it comes to my health. When I’m sick, I want to be left alone and don’t want to talk about it and when I’m feeling better, I don’t want to dwell on how I wasn’t feeling well or rehash details. She constantly pushes this matter and this habit of hers really put some added tension into an already tense relationship the last two pregnancies and I’m trying to be honest and respectful In the hopes of building a stronger relationship with her. Is there a kind way of asking her to stop asking how I’m feeling and/or prying into my health/business? Do I just stay quiet and suck it up? I’d appreciate suggestions or advice.

How are you with stuff like this with other people? Do you tell this kind of stuff to your mom?

Honestly, this seems pretty normal to me. Both my mom and my MiL ask questions like this, and I answer them. They care about me and their grand baby.

If you really want this to stop and not tell anyone any details, I think you need to talk to your husband, find out what he wants, decide what you both will do, and then he should tell his mom that.

That said, if these are things you do share with your side of the family, I think you shouldn't make a distinction between your family and his with information, assuming you're not talking about a truly toxic relationship, which it doesn't sound like you are.

galactickates · August 2018

Omg that is my biggest annoyance as well!!! I seriously HATE being asked how I'm feeling. I understand the well meaning intentions but look at me... I'm fine. And if i wasn't do you think I'm actually going to tell you about it?

I feel you.

The only advice I have to give is what I respond with. "I'm fine!" How are You feeling!?"

lilbadjuju · November 2018

This is why I'm scared to tell my families! However, assuming you have a pretty solid relationship, I'd say you could comminicate your boundaries in a respectful way that would be recieved well. Just make sure you give them some way that they can still be involved, but maybe it's a less offensive toward you. Like asking them to put together a family history project or something for your new baby or taking your other two children for some an afternoon so you can nap. That being said, I definitely know the struggles of not having this sort of relationship, and if it's more important for you, that your privacy be respected, you may have to risk some hurt feelings in order to set those boundaries. It will only get worse once your bundle of joy arrives, and better to handle it now, rather than later, in my opinion.

Stop asking how I’m feeling

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