TTCAL w/o 7/30

eleven_ · July 2018

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage/spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.**

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY: If you won an all-expenses paid trip to anywhere in the world, where would you want to go?

eleven_ · July 2018

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: 3 losses this year

Status: TWW

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I haven’t been posting as much lately because I’m not in a really great place. I’m going to let myself continue to grieve this cycle and then set some goals for myself next cycle so I can get out of this rut.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I had my RE appointment last week and my doctor suggested we try Femara next cycle. I’m feeling excited to try something different, but also nervous that it may prolong our journey.

GTKY: If you won an all-expenses paid trip to anywhere in the world, where would you want to go? Normally I would say Iceland, but I have been daydreaming about Hawaii lately.

prpl11butterfly · July 2018

@eleven_ we all understand taking some space. Take all the time you need, we are all here when your ready. I can imagine having that plan feels good, I hope it works quickly. I have a cousin in Hawaii and shes constantly posting pics and making me jealous. Its gorgeous!

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. MMC on 2/28 @ 11+3

Status: WFAF

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I had my breakdown yesterday morning. I've now moved on to accepting that this cycle is over and anxiously await the start of next (tomorrow or Wed). I'm having difficulty accepting that it's now been over a year of TTC. This is the last cycle to conceive before my due date and it's really stressing me out.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? nope. But I'm thinking about calling doc about LP cramping. I gather that it can be normal but since it's happened 2 cycles in a row (and never before the loss) and goes from 2DPO to 9+, I want to hear it from them. It worries me that something could be preventing implantation.

GTKY: If you won an all-expenses paid trip to anywhere in the world, where would you want to go? I feel like Italy would be great. It looks stunning and the language is beautiful.

suzycupcake · July 2018

@eleven_ I'm in no position to support right now so all the hugs to you and I hope that goal setting will be just the thing you need

@prpl11butterfly I hope you will get scheduled easily and can figure out what's going on.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 1 loss in March. pcos

Status: tww wfaf

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I was supposed to mail the onesie that I got in the mail to surprise my parents to another ttgp woman who moved onto a bmb around the same time. I kept telling her that I would and that I would, but I cannot get myself to. I've never even looked at it. It's still in the box. Currently, we have started the foster to adopt process. A lot of emotions are coming up and I don't think my husband and I are on the same page with it quite yet.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I'm supposed to call and schedule an appointment with the new clinic to get a second opinion. I've been lagging on it.

GTKY: If you won an all-expenses paid trip to anywhere in the world, where would you want to go? Right now, I'm really feeling Italy. I want to walk the old roads at night, see an opera, take a gondola ride, visit a vineyard where my husband's family is from, dance, eat until I cannot eat anymore, ride on bicycles with baskets to put things in along the way, and bask in the countryside.

holly321 · July 2018

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. MMC 2/12 MMC 8/17

Status: WTO (hopefully I will be unbenched this week!)

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Today is CD1, and I am a little excited, but trying not to be because I very well may have to keep my butt on the bench, hopefully I will find out on Wednesday. Long story short, my back MRI showed a possible cyst on my kidney, which is often NBD, so I am not really worried, just really really aggravated by the possibility of even more doctor appointments. This week is also 1 year since I found out I was pregnant, which, I am handling, but it is still looming around me.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Not really

GTKY: If you won an all-expenses paid trip to anywhere in the world, where would you want to go? This is a bit of a cop or answer, but a tour of Europe.

@eleven_, I am sorry you are having a rough time, hopefully once the next cycle starts, with a new approach, you will feel better. *Hugs*

@suzycupcake, I understand how you feel about the onesie, I don't think I could get rid of it. Good luck with the foster adoption process. DH and I have considered it for a while and may still in the future. I hope you can find the motivation to schedule your appointment.

@prpl11butterfly, go with calling about the cramping, I have no insight but hopefully it is normal . I am sorry about your meltdown and that it has been a year . Milestones are the worst.

zamoraspin · July 2018

@eleven_ I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I read a study the other day that said people who allow and accept how they are feeling recover more quickly - so when you're feeling low I hope you're giving yourself the space to feel it and not just pushing it down. I know that's really hard. I'm glad your RE is trying to work with you on possible options. What does she thing the Femara is going to do, btw?
@prpl11butterfly The year mark is really hard. I'm so sorry. It is really difficult to get past those milestones and still not have a successful pregnancy. I'm not sure what would cause the cramping but I support asking questions about it.
@suzycupcake Wow, sounds like you guys have made a big decision on moving forward. What factors influenced you to do foster to adopt, if you don't mind my asking?

suzycupcake · July 2018

@zamora_spin Sure. One part is that I was in the foster care system for a time as a baby and then again as a kid. I had a horrible experience and have always wanted to foster since I know firsthand what it's like. The other part is that we have a lot of love to give and while we do want to have a biological baby, we don't see a difference. Right now, we are discussing 'preferences' (age range, etc.) which is difficult for me because I do not have a preference but my husband does. There is also discussion about what we would and would not be equipped for, talking about how we might feel since family reunification is the goal, etc. So we are having weekly discussions focused on understanding where each other is coming from.

nomangos23 · July 2018

@eleven_ Have you been to Hawaii before? It's amazing. I'm thinking of going back. And I understand not being in a good place and wanting to contribute. I'm right there with you. I'm also with you at 3 losses this year. I'm also with you in needing some space to grieve. I guess what I'm saying is... you're not alone

@prpl11butterfly The due date is hard. Gah. I hit mine on Mother's Day this past year. Go Figure. I didn't think it would affect me that much but it did. Sending love. And yes, talk to doc about mid-cycle cramping. I've never had it myself but have heard others have.

@suzycupcake I am feeling Italy right there with you. So much yes. Don't put too much pressure on yourself to send that onesie away. I accumulated a few things when I lost my first baby in January. I had to pack them away and out of sight because seeing them laying around was too painful, but they've since become little treasures to me. Also, my best friend from high school is a social worker for foster children. My husband and I have OFTEN talked about being foster parents. I'd like to some day. Did you guys ever end up going to the therapist you talked about several weeks ago? (May have even been months ago now)

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 3 losses this year - 21 weeks, 5.5 weeks, 6.5 weeks

Status: WTO CD9

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Has anyone heard of Conceivable? It's like FF in that it tracks your cycle, water consumption, diet, etc, but also comes with a personalized managed service of Eastern medicine fertility specialists that help guide you on your TTC journey. They also have herbs they "prescribe" with each cycle and claim they can help get your cycle in tip top shape. I stumbled across it yesterday during my attempt to put together a "move forward" plan. It's expensive but nothing like fertility treatments. Just wondering if anyone had a POV on it.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I'm benched for 8 weeks until we can run one more test. And I'm not happy about that.

GTKY: If you won an all-expenses paid trip to anywhere in the world, where would you want to go? I'm with Suzy on this one. Italy for sure.

prpl11butterfly · July 2018

@suzycupcake @nomangos23 should we just start planning this Italy trip now then?

Going to call doc tomorrow.

@suzycupcake keep the onesie of you want. I'm sure she will understand. I can imagine deciding on what age range can be difficult. Having been in foster yourself, you know how important it is to provide a loving home to any child in need. You have a huge heart, any kids who land with you will be lucky

@holly321 I hope you get unbenched! A tour of Europe would be lovely!

@nomangos23 I'm sorry your out for another 8 wks. I hope the testing will at least help find answers.

nomangos23 · July 2018

@holly321 I'm free for a Benched Pity Party any time you want!

TJtheGoat · July 2018

@eleven_ I’m sorry that you are struggling, but glad that it seems like you are giving yourself the time and space to grieve. I hope the Femara helps.

@prpl11butterfly Sorry that one year and your due date are making you feel more pressure. I’m very interested to hear what your doctor says about the LP cramping.

@suzycupcake I love that you and YH are considering fostering. My older siblings and I were in foster care as well. Any child would be so lucky to have you guys as foster parents. I hope that you are able to come to a consensus on what you are both comfortable with.

@holly321 FX the kidney is nothing and you’ll be off the bench!

TJtheGoat · July 2018

@nomangos23 I don’t know much about eastern medicine and TTC, but I do think it can be very effective in general. Is your primary care doctor the open-minded type? I would probably want to double-check that none of the herbs are problematic with anything else you’re doing.

TJtheGoat · July 2018

Sorry for the multiple posts. The app hates me today. I’ve been hiding out for the last couple days after last cycle went bust.

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? The last few weeks BF and I have been struggling to get on the same wavelength. TTC has really put pressure on our sex life and made it hard to feel intimate. I hate “business” sex. We had a really good talk the other day though and I’m feeling a little better about it. Hopefully this cycle will be a little better since we will be on vacation during FW.

GTKY: If you won an all-expenses paid trip to anywhere in the world, where would you want to go? I’m with @eleven_ , I want to go to Iceland. I mostly want to float around in the hot springs. If not Iceland, I would love to go to Croatia, lounge on the beaches, and stroll through the old city.

kindbytealikat · July 2018

@TJtheGoat I'm having app issues as well

@holly321 I hope your kidney cyst is NBD

@suzycupcake those are such hard choices to have to make

@prpl11butterfly so many hugs to you

@eleven_ I have been thinking about you. Take all the time you need. We’ll be here whenever you’re ready. I’m glad you and your RE have a plan.

eleven_ · July 2018

@prpl11butterfly I’m so sorry that this cycle is a bust for you. I read that you had high hopes for this cycle in the dailies and I was really rooting for you. The year mark is so difficult to think about. I don’t think anyone who hits that marker ever thought it would possibly take this long. This next cycle is my last attempt at getting a baby by my due date too. I hope so much this is it for both of us
@suzycupcake Big hugs to you. I’m sure your emotions all over the place about your future. I hope you and your husband can come to a decision that you both feel good about.
@holly321 I hope so much that you get to try this cycle! Please keep us updated when you find out on tomorrow. I will be looking for updates.
@zamora_spin I’m allowing myself time to heal, but I also want to feel like myself again. I know that the pain won’t go away completely. I just want to put it on the back-burner and try to focus on positive things in my life. My RE said that the Femara will hopefully cause a more ideal ovulation (increases progesterone and increases lining). He said this is better than just taking progesterone after ovulation.
@nomangos23 Yes, I’ve been to Hawaii and nothing else compares. It’s just so beautiful and that tropical air I’m so sorry you are benched for 8 weeks. Which test are you having done? I haven’t heard of Conceivable, but I’m going to look into it. It sounds pretty cool!
@tjthegoat I’m in the same boat about the TTC pressure. It’s hard to not make it feel like business sex when you aren’t really in the mood, but you need that perfect timing. I hope you guys can have a nice vacation together. Where are you going?

sparklingdiamond · July 2018

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. Chemical Pregnancy, M/C at 7 weeks, and a stillborn at 32 weeks

Status: TWW, but I know I'm out. BFN and temp drop today.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I am starting a new job and was asked to write a bio about myself for the website. It gets so hard because I want to acknowledge both of my kids, but feel weird about it because I don't want to like go into the story about it. I know I'm overthinking it. But it's hard.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I have an appt with the RE on 8/13 just to talk to him.

GTKY: If you won an all-expenses paid trip to anywhere in the world, where would you want to go? Australia!

sparklingdiamond · July 2018

@eleven_ I am sorry you are having a rough time lately

@prpl11butterfly I am sorry for both the year mark and the due date coming up. I hope you have something nice planned for yourself.

@suzycupcake It's a big decision and I hope you and your husband can get on the same page soon.

@holly321 Hopefully it is nothing and you don't have to be benched!

@nomangos23 I have never heard of it, but definitely looking it up!

sparklingdiamond · July 2018

@nomangos23 How did you find the pricing info on it? I just see a spot where it talks about being for clinics and stuff. It seems really interesting.

prpl11butterfly · July 2018

@TJtheGoat sorry you had no success this cycle either. When I noticed you hadn't been around for a couple days I had hoped it has been for a happy reason. I wish I could offer you advice on the business sex front but we are in the same boat. I'm hoping our vacation (also during FW) will help.

@sparklingdiamond that's tough. I don't blame you for wanting them to have acknowledgment but also not want to go into all the details. Do the other employee bios list children? I hope your RE appt goes well.

Afm.... Called my OB. When the nurse called back, I explained the pain and how this last cycle I had a moment of intense almost double over pain on 9dpo. I commented that it made me a bit hopeful but unfortunately it didn't mean anything and she said "oh, your hoping to become pregnant?" Well, my initial message stated that my husband and I had been trying since last Aug and I just recently had a MC so.....yea, that's basically the end game here. Anyway.... appt scheduled for next Tues for an exam and depending on that, may need US. Even if it turns out to be nothing, I will feel good about having met with him and discussed what's going on.

sparklingdiamond · July 2018

@prpl11butterfly Ugh I swear they don't even seem to listen to the message half the time. Yea, most of the women at least do least them. One just says she is a mother and grandmother. The others list how many they have.

zamoraspin · July 2018

@eleven_ That is interesting on the Femara, I'm always curious to hear about different approaches.
@sparklingdiamond That is really hard, I agree your kids, whether living or not, are part of your story. I don't know what advice to give on that other than to do what you are comfortable with.

AFM I have been around but not really checking in - we got approved for and reserved our IVF cycle and I am going to be stimming in September. WFAF right now at which point I'll call my clinic to let them know, although it sounds like they won't put me on BCP until after my next cycle.

nmbrcrnchr1 · July 2018

@eleven_ I’m sorry you’re having a rough time, I’m in the same boat, so I know there aren’t words to help but know I’m thinking about you

should we book a trip to Hawaii?? Bc that’s on my short list!
@suzycupcake hugs to you as well. And I think foster parents are amazing, I don’t have personal experience but I just think it’s such a selfless act.

@holly321 I hope you don’t have to return to the bench and that your medical problems end, you’ve had such a crappy year!
@TJtheGoat I hope you and BF can get on the same page, my DH and I are not right now and it’s so hard, I can see his concern but I’m also being selfish.
@sparklingdiamond sorry for the BFN, be kind to yourself

i haven’t posted here for awhile but I’m struggling this week and just can’t get into the dailies, and unfortunately I feel more at “home” on this thread.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. TTC since July 2017, Ectopic pregnancy in Feb 2018

Status: TWW but really WFAF

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I’m struggling lately and I just need a place to vent bc I don’t feel like I have anyone irl to talk to about this. I thought coming off the bench would be great, but due to work schedules and life out timing was awful and when I mentioned TTC to my DH (we typically don’t talk a lot about it) he shut off and briefly mentioned he didn’t know if he wanted to continue TTC. My loss affected him a lot more than he will express to me and he’s very concerned about it happening again. I’m concerned as well but still want to give it a try for the next few months. But I honestly feel like he is against it and don’t want to push him into doing something he doesn’t want to, bc then I think “well what if it happens again”. So now I’m wondering about adoption. I think I’m going to suggest at least talking it out with my doctor or a counselor before we make a final decision.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope

GTKY: If you won an all-expenses paid trip to anywhere in the world, where would you want to go? Maldives, I see pictures on IG and it just looks so perfect. I’d take a month there

nomangos23 · July 2018

@eleven_ I've only got the bloodclotting test left to do, which takes 6 weeks after a negative hcg to run.. Which is why I'm benched

It's probably good to give my body some recover time though.

@sparklingdiamond I actually had to download the app and go through all of the motions to get the pricing. Really expensive but we'll see. I'll keep you updated on if I think it's worth it? I'm committing the 3 months they say it takes to get my body regulated before trying again.

prpl11butterfly · July 2018

@sparklingdiamond hmmmm. I got nothing right now, but I hope you can find a way to word it perfectly.

@nmbrcrnchr1 sorry that YH seems to be in a different mindset now. I think discussing with your dr is a good route to start. Maybe hearing it from a professional will help ease his mind. I know that helped MH go along with my desire to not wait after our loss. A counselor could also help him work through his feelings and sort out why he is unable to talk with you about it. Hopefully you can find a path that works for both of you.

zamoraspin · July 2018

@suzycupcake Forgot to say - thank you for sharing regarding your decision to foster. I hope you are able to agree with YH on an age bracket. I can definitely understand where you're coming from on not wanting to be limited to any particular age. I also understand YH wanting to have an age bracket in place - idk what his thoughts are but personally right now, as much as I want to be a mom, it's not my preference to take on a teenager, for example, or a child that I might lose when the family is reunified. I just feel like that's not the first parenting experience I want to have, although down the road I'd be open to it. It's so hard to make these decisions because there are two people involved and you have to come up with a compromise as best you can.
@nmbrcrnchr1 I'm sorry, it sounds very hard to have YH hit so hard and also not willing to admit it. You could always explore your options and see what agencies are near you, what the process looks like, the costs (infant adoption in the U.S. averages $35-40k) etc., to help make the decision. I have looked into adoption both of waiting children and infant adoption and have found that around me these are not good options right now for us (the few waiting children in my state are teens, and the most reliable adoption agency is faith based with questionable tactics), and also it's DH's preference to try IVF before moving to adoption. I hope if you feel drawn to that path you have better options.

sparklingdiamond · July 2018

@nomangos23 Yes I am definitely interested in hearing what you think about it! I see it's only for iphones anyways. I have an android.

kindbytealikat · July 2018

@sparklingdiamond Good Luck with the bio that’s a tough thing to navigate. Could you just say I have a daughter that is now in heaven or if that’s not your thing maybe who’s no longer here.
@zamora_spin I hope this works for you .
@nmbrcrnchr1 I’m so very sorry that’s so tough. But it sounds like DH needs to talk about it I hope he can get to that point and you guys can talk though it and figure out what’s best.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. Two losses @ 7ish weeks 8/17 and 1/18

Status: TWW but really just WFAF

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I'm just in a mood today. I needed to cycle to work so my BFN this morning has me pissy, and DH is being a grouch. I really just want to sleep through the month of August. The 12th is the Due date of angel baby #2, August 29th is the 1 yr anniversary of my D&C and the 31 is my soon to be divorced sisters wedding anniversary. So yeah I just want to not deal with the entire month. I think a BFP would have made the milestones a little easier, IDK maybe not, but i'll never know anyway so I guess it doesn't really matter.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nada

GTKY: If you won an all-expenses paid trip to anywhere in the world, where would you want to go? Greece

TJtheGoat · July 2018

@eleven_ Im really hoping that this vacation will help us relax and reconnect more. We are going to a lakefront cabin north of Yosemite for 8 or 9 days. There is little to no cell reception and no internet. I am so excited.

@prpl11butterfly I was getting really hopeful that it wasn’t going to be the month as well. FX that our vacations are the key this month.

@nmbrcrnchr1 Im so sorry that YH is struggling. It seems like it’s harder for most men to admit when they are hurting. Hopefully you can get him back on the same page with you soon.

@nomangos23 I hope your blood work comes back clear and you can get back in the game when you are ready.

@sparklingdiamond I don’t be know what the right thing to put in your bio is, but in general, I support you if you feel comfortable speaking about your daughter. If other people feel uncomfortable, that’s their issue.

suzycupcake · July 2018

Thank you ladies for the kind messages

@prpl11butterfly I'm glad they are getting you in to check things out.

@nmbrcrnchr1 Hugs to you honey

Tough decisions all around.

@kindbytealikat

Man, that's a lot of emotions to deal with and I'm so sorry you're experiencing such a difficult time. I haven't experienced an anniversary yet so I can only imagine what type of anguish that brings.

@zamora_spin Congrats on getting a date on the calendar. What protocol are you guys planning to try? As far as fostering, my husband I think is pretty much expressing what you did, if I understood you correctly. He says that he feels really stressed at the thought of having a teenager running around when he has never even been a parent. The thought of the possibility of a child being ripped away to go back to their family also stresses him out because then we'd be back to square one, no children. Initially, he was freaked out about any behavioral problems a child might have that we don't know, etc., but I was able to educate him about that. Then it became the other stuff. It seems he is along the lines of not wanting to have those experiences either as a first time parent.

I do understand where he is coming from. I'm over here going, But wait! I just really want to help raise a human now! However, even though I feel like I can put the preferences thing aside because life isn't pretty and stuff happens, I can't argue with how he feels because those things would probably really present a problem if we aren't careful about who we take in, for both of us. I have a habit of biting off more than I can chew anyway and he has expressed the fear that taking in someone we aren't equipped for would put a stop on our plans to continue treatment. I don't really understand that yet, but we will continue talking about that this weekend.

@nomangos23 No we didn't. I mean, we went to speak to one of our pastors one time, but that was it. We were supposed to go again last night but my husband ended up having to work later. He came home and was honest with me about how he doesn't feel comfortable with it so I might find a way to just go by myself. I haven't decided yet. Thanks for asking. I hope that whatever move forward plan you come up with will do the trick and that you'll be confident about it. It's hard deciding on holistic things just as much as conventional things. I'd say just do your research. That's really all we can do.

holly321 · August 2018

@nomangos23, the benched does really, really suck. I just realized I that in the last year, we literally tried for 1 cycle. And that one I got unbenched like right as I ovulated, so it was sort of a hail Mary before getting rebenched. I have not heard of the app(or site) that includes eastern herbs and such, but it sounds really interesting, and definitely worth a shot. Medicine is definitely a necessity in life, but I definitely believe that herbal treatments and such can work really well. I may have to look into it, my cycles (which I am only half way tracking) have been really short (with lovely heavy bleeding) and I am a bit concerned.

@prpl11butterfly, I am glad you made your appointment, and I hope you get an answer.

holly321 · August 2018

@suzycupcake, is fostering a newer idea between you and your Dh? I know we aren't in a place to do it now (maybe in the future) but when DH and I were first discussing the idea, he was very specific about age range, but after time, he was more open to different ages.

suzycupcake · August 2018

Hey @holly321 He and I talked about it years ago. It just didn't really become more of a discussion until recently. Thanks for sharing that. He probably would become more open. I think the thought of having kids in general freaks us both out to be honest lol but we are ready to give. When is your appointment to discuss the cyst?

nmbrcrnchr1 · August 2018

Thanks ladies for the support yesterday, it was just what I needed!!! DH and I did have a chat yesterday and he understands my feelings and has agreed to try for a few more months. I just hate that this process, which should be so special, is so stressful after a loss

zamoraspin · August 2018

@holly321 I really wish you could just catch a break already. I hope the kidney cyst is nothing.

@suzycupcake Idk what the protocol will be, they don't want me to order meds until closer to stims. I trust whatever the RE tells me to do, she told me last November she knows what protocol she would use on me.

@nomangos23 That is interesting on the eastern medicine. I have done acupuncture on and off and my second acupuncturist really wanted me to take herbs. I declined every time out of concern that they might mess up my hormones. I know a lot of RE's recommend not doing the herbs.You are younger though so if they are a bust or make your cycle wacky you do have time to recover. Personally I've lost faith in acu and Eastern medicine claims *TW loss - the HB of our fourth baby stopped the day I went to acu - I know because we had a u/s the next day and the growth lined up with the HB having stopped within 24 hours of the appt. Rationally I know it's not related, but my second acupuncturist acted like he had me covered and nothing could go wrong while I was doing acu - he was way overconfident, saying in all his years only one of his patients had ever mc'd while in treatment. It was utter BS, is how I feel. Sorry, I'm kind of bitter. This is reminding me that I need to write an angry email to try to get a refund of sessions I already paid for... end TW*

nomangos23 · August 2018

@zamora_spin Thank you for your perspective. I'm typically very sensitive to vitamins and herbs too, so I'm definitely going to be careful. I guess I'm really at the point that conventional medicine keeps telling me I'm healthy but I've lost 3 babies in 7 months so there's obviously something wrong. I really don't know where else to turn. And I understand being bitter about the babies you lost. We look for any reason to make sense of something that no one can give us answers to. I'm mostly looking at acupuncture to help get my cycle and hormones regulated. I don't think I'll continue through pregnancy.

@suzycupcake To be honest, a therapist has been my saving grace the past 7 months. I know you've talked about having a therapist in the past so it's not a new concept for you. My husband has been to a few appointments with me (NOT something he wanted to do, but agreed to do for me) and I think we got a lot out of those sessions. I think it helped for him to clearly hear my struggles from a 3rd party vs me. Which sounds ridiculous, but it helped us communicate better afterwards.

@holly This "service" in interesting. It claims to be able to help regulate a your cycle to an "ideal" 28 day, pain free, healthy bleed no PMS, etc etc. It's like fertility friend in that you track everything, but there are also consultants that help you get to an "ideal" cycle with herbs and recommended diet changes, etc. It's expensive but I'm giving it a whirl and will keep everyone updated! And yes, boo to being benched but I'm now motivated to get my body to an ideal state, so I guess that makes it a little easier? Obviously something hasn't been right..

holly321 · August 2018

@suzycupcake, I am waiting at the doctor now.
The decision to (and having) kids is definitely scary and doesn't help with the stress and anxiety!

spacemountaineer · August 2018

*dirty lurker* @eleven_ - if I remeber correctly you said you live in UT. SLC is my closest airport and follow 3 IG accounts that find great deals on flights out of SLC. Earlier this year I saw $303 non-stop round trip to Oahu. I haven't seen it since but if you want I could give you the name of the accounts if you want to turn the day dreams into reality. Hope you find some peace during this time. *hugs*

McKBaby · August 2018

Hi All. I see a few 'faces' from the TTCAL board. ::waves::

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: MMC on 7/11 @ 9w

Status: WFAF

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? The post D&C bleeding is dragging on, and I just wish this could be over so I can move on to whatever comes next. Also going for my post-op appointment on Monday was much harder than I expected.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? No.

GTKY: If you won an all-expenses paid trip to anywhere in the world, where would you want to go? Greece or Australia/NewZealand.

suzycupcake · August 2018

@holly321 I hope to hear good news from you today. I hope that it is nothing.

Update: I called the new clinic and scheduled a consult for 8/15 at 1pm. I asked them what is different about their clinic compared to the ones we are used to. The scheduler said that they tailor treatment to each woman's unique cycle and her needs and that they have two collection rooms, never booking anyone back to back so that nobody will have to wait a long time. I was so happy to hear this because we are used to having to go really early in the morning and wait in line to do iui like 4-5 hours later.

We aren't sure if we are going to do iui again or not. This consult is to get a second opinion to see if we go back to that or straight to ivf. One cool and surprising thing is that the doctor that a previous coworker referred me to, gives out his cell phone # to his patients and is available 24/7 to answer any questions. No wonder their success rate is 60%. The doctor is responsible for the oldest woman on record to have given birth at the age of 67.

*TW kids mentioned in spoiler

One of my dear friends who fosters a baby girl and a girl child called me today. She has been going back and forth with court dates for both of them over the past six months. Today she found out that the girl child is going to be taken away from them to go back to her dad. Right now, she is on autopilot and in shock, no feelings about it yet. I hope that all of the court dates and this back and forth has prepared them enough that maybe when the feelings do come, they will be cut in half. I feel so horrible for them. I can't imagine. She says that the child doesn't know yet and won't until friday and that she's never gotten to say goodbye to anyone anywhere she has been placed so she's gonna try to put together a little farewell party for her. I've never been to anything like that and not sure I could handle going unless I can keep a smile on my face for my friend and that little girl. I'm so worried for both of their hearts, but especially for the child's little heart. My friend has pcos and couldn't get pregnant without treatment but back then, her husband was unwilling to do treatment. There is much resentment there in their marriage so I can only imagine what this might do to them. If anyone prays, please pray for all of them.

kgg2241 · August 2018

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: MMC at 11 weeks on 6/15

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I've been lurking, but just haven't felt up to posting this week. AF arrived last week and I just finished up my last pill of Femara. My periods are usually super light and never more than 3 days, and here I am at day 9 and still spotting. I just have a feeling that this cycle will be a bust. Like maybe when I thought I was on AF it really wasn't and now it is really hitting... so did I take the Femara too soon? Does it matter? Ugh. I just feel upset and really teary today.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? No.

GTKY: If you won an all-expenses paid trip to anywhere in the world, where would you want to go? Patagonia

kgg2241 · August 2018

@spacemountianeer I also fly out of the SLC airport and follow a couple of those accounts. Last year we went to Norway for under $400 a person!

@McKBaby That stage between the D&C and AF is hard. I felt like I was stuck in this weird in-between and that I didn't have control. Hopefully the bleeding stops and you can get a game plan for what comes next.

@suzycupcake That is really wonderful you and your hubby are considering fostering. I think we will look into that down the road too. There are so many sweet kids that need loving parents and it sounds like you have lots of love to give. Good luck at the new clinic!

@nmbrcrnchr1 Maldives would be amazing. Add that to my list too. And sorry things with DH are hard. I think in general they just have a harder time expressing their emotions and talking about tough subjects.

@nomangos23 Keep us updating on that service. I'd be curious how it goes. Also, sorry about being on the bench. That's a hard place to be.

TTCAL w/o 7/30

Re: TTCAL w/o 7/30

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