I would like to share my experience, as hard as it is for me.. I longed for more stories when I first came home with those dreaded pills.
It all began when I was 9 weeks 6 days, and started bleeding (bright red) at work (waitress). My mom and boyfriend convinced me to go to the hospital (they were both out of town). I got there and was rushed to ER where they did bloodwork, an internal exam (cervix still closed) and an ultrasound. They said to come back Monday and not to worry. It was Thursday so I had a long weekend ahead of trying not to stress. The bleeding came and went and I didn’t have cramps but I no longer felt pregnant.. my symptoms of very sore breasts and acne were totally gone. I went back monday for another ultrasound and more blood, then saw my family physician Tuesday. He told me I was measuring 6 weeks and my HCG was declining, but maybe I got my dates wrong (I know I didnt, but I put my faith in the pricess and hoped for the best). We followed up the next Monday with another US and on Tuesday he said I was measuring 7w but there was no heartbeat and he had serious concerns of the viability because of that, my dates, my lack of symptoms and declining HCG. He gave me my options, and as much as I desperately want a child, I couldnt handle waiting for my body to “figure it out”, I was devasted and needed it to be over. I took those stupid pills home, called my boyfriend, my therapist and my mom and then started taking them.
2:30pm I insterted 2 tablets vaginally and laid down for 30 mins. I had a big lunch, prenatals, iron and water. After about 90 mins I felt cramping and the constant need to go to the toilet. Blood and clots started showing but nothing major.
6:30pm 2 more. This was way more intense, by 7pm I was pacing around the house in so much pain I couldnt sit down.. an ice pack helped. I called my mom and begged her to bring me anything she could for the pain (why didn’t my doctor give me anything?!). By 7:30 she came with some expired pain meds and a heating pad (I couldn’t sit or lie down but at least it was there for later). By 9pm the meds kicked in and I fell asleep for about an hour on the couch and when I woke up my boyfriend was finally home from his work trip.
10:30pm 2 more. I snuggled him and slept for about an hour longer. But at 11:45 I woke up in a lot of pain and started pacing again. I went to the toilet every ten minutes trying to push.
2am Finally (right when I thought I couldn’t take anymore) I leaned over to pick up my underwear and passed something large into the toilet, and a lot of blood... I suddenly felt extremely sad but the pain was gone. I got up and walked around some more, got some water and squatted in the kitchen. Then I suddenly passed something else.. I ran to the washroom and had filled a whole pad in about ten minutes, and a large clot or sac or something fell onto the bathmat, that was hard for me emotionally. I jumped in the shower to clean myself up and to cry alone for a bit... the water felt really great. I thought, that must have been it, and decided not to take the final dose. I had already lost a lot of blood.
3am went to bed.
6am woke up to a big mess on the bed and another overfull pad (I suggest Depends, or sleeping on some old towels). I cleaned myself up and went back to sleep on the couch until about 11:30am. Woke up feeling exhausted, drained physically and emotionally. I was pale, weak and dizzy. I took more iron, lots of water and rested for two days.
Now it has been a week, physically I feel much better. Emotionally I am still struggling. I am talking to my therapist weekly, and my boyfriend is being very supportive, but I am heartbroken. I am so sorry for anyone that has to go through this, but try to remember; it is not your fault, you can’t change it, and everything happens for a reason... even if its not fair. If you have to take these pills, ask your doctor for pain meds, take iron, be well prepared with large pads, towels, a heating pad, ice packs, comfort food, and emotional support. You will get through this, it will
never be easy, but you will be okay. I am hoping and praying we all get our Rainbow Baby one day soon.
Sending lots of love, and wishing you luck.