Just forget it.

heathop · July 2018

Didn't realize asking for encouragement was going to bring out the pitchforks.

kindbytealikat · July 2018

Not sure we’re the people you should be talking to about this. I think you, your SO and a medical professional need to evaluate options and best choice. Internet strangers aren’t professionals

kindbytealikat · July 2018

Andplusalso to be sensitive to all on this board we don’t talk about pregnancy, childbirth or living children so you won’t be getting stories from us

lin0442 · July 2018

Agreed with @kindbytealikat. You and your partner should speak with a professional about options/therapy. This isn’t an ‘internet solution’ kind of problem.

wishiwaspreggo · July 2018

Yeah, I'd recommend therapy. A licensed, trained therapist who deals with fears and phobias could probably help you cope with your feelings. But the women on this board are quite eager to get pregnant and would welcome everything that comes with pregnancy including the good, bad, and ugly.

Ask your doctor for a referral and hopefully someone can help you out. Good luck.

galactickates · July 2018

heathop said:

I'm 35 years old and I want a child, but I suffer from extreme tokophobia, which is the fear of pregnancy and childbirth. It's quite bad with me. Every time I think about maybe getting pregnant, my hands start to sweat, I feel dizzy, I shake, and a wave of panic comes over my whole body. I know that at 35, I really need to get on with it if I want to have a child, but I am so incredibly terrified of the whole process of both pregnancy and birth that it seems impossible for me. I end up sobbing with fear every time my husband and I even talk about it, so much to the point that he's afraid to discuss it with me. I don't really know what to do. I guess I just need some help...any help...reassurance from people who have been through it, advice, resources I can turn to? People don't really seem to understand...they say it's normal to be afraid, but I don't think they understand just how bad it is with me. I'm hoping this community can help. Anyway, if anybody has any advice or reassuring words, I would love to hear it.

Qfp
Lurking you might get some snark here, one offs aren't widely accepted on ttgp but if you want to post this on the first tri board even though you aren't pregnant you might get more helpful responses. The idea giving birth is Fing scary, but a lot of these ladies would do anything to experience that fear.

heathop · July 2018

I don't understand why a board about "trying to get pregnant" wouldn't be the right place to ask for a little reassurance from people who are in a similar situation? I understand that medical professionals are good to talk to, but I was hoping for some positive and encouraging words. Clearly all I got was animosity.

kindbytealikat · July 2018

heathop said:

I don't understand why a board about "trying to get pregnant" wouldn't be the right place to ask for a little reassurance from people who are in a similar situation? I understand that medical professionals are good to talk to, but I was hoping for some positive and encouraging words. Clearly all I got was animosity.

Seriously? You want encouraging words about pregnancy from woman who have been doing everything in their power for years to get pregnant!?

meri-mac · July 2018

@heathop Not animosity, but helpful suggestions. We are more than willing to provide support to those who introduce themselves and participate in the dailies. You have to give to get. The ladies on this board have been trying to get pregnant and haven't, some after many years and losses. It can be hard and I know I would give my left arm to be pregnant. So @galactickates suggestion is good because there may be someone on the 1st trimester board who was in your shoes and could offer some more pointed help.

jrm_14 · July 2018

@heathop I’ll second what others have said about needing to find professional help. Yes, most people are afraid/weirded out by pregnancy & childbirth. What you’re expediting sounds to go above & beyond the line of typical anxiety & fear. And that is SUPER isolating. I understand you wanting to ask others. I hope you find that support somewhere. This is not the place you’re going to receive support unless you join, intro, & also provide support to others. Best of luck.

sheepshepherdess · July 2018

Do you have other fears and anxieties than just tokophobia? It has taken me 10+ years to learn to manage my generalized anxiety w/out medication, and I still have issues routinely.

I don't know how you feel about anti-anxiety medications, but they can help some folks learn to cope with a situation. The most anxiety-producing part of pregnancy and childbirth is not always the physical realities of it, but can be the mental toll and anticipation of tests, procedures, medications, and then postpartum issues.

Are you or have you considered seeing a therapist to focus on this specific issue?

lin0442 · July 2018

@heathop We don’t have the similar experiences you’re looking for on this board, so we tried to gently direct you to where to look. It sounds like you are dealing with a complex and difficult problem that you should reach out to a professional about. This isn’t animosity, and I’m sorry you don’t see that.

sheepshepherdess · July 2018

Oops, didn't see all the above. Honestly we/they could have been a lot worse than this, you should've seen the last one-off post...

lillywonderland · July 2018

No one was mean at all to you, @heathop. PP just mentioned that everyone here is actively trying to get pregnant and some women have been trying for many years to no avail and would give their right arm to get pregnant (and stay pregnant) and deal with all the crap that comes with it. In all honesty, therapy would benefit you and your unique situation. You can't just shut off your anxiety and the only solution to have a baby without being pregnant is adoption or surrogacy.

wishiwaspreggo · July 2018

@heathop - I was actually trying to be kind. What you're describing is a legit phobia - and not something the ladies I know on this board would easily relate to. I'm sure most - especially the first-timers - are apprehensive about pregnancy and childbirth.

However... If your hands are sweating, heartbeat is elevating, and you're having a panic attack over the *thought* of pregnancy... girl, there ain't nothing we could say to help you through that. You need a therapist. I'm saying that kindly. They'll be able to tease apart why you feel that way and help you understand yourself better and - hopefully - help you overcome. That's just not something this type of forum is equipped to do, you know?

meggyme · July 2018

*lurking*

The ladies here have provided good advice and nothing will substitute for a good therapist to help you work through this.

TW previous pregnancy

However, during my last pregnancy I stumbled up a podcast called Fear Free Childbirth. The host also suffered from tokophobia and while some episodes get a little hippy dippy there are some good positive stories of peaceful childbirths and a lot about her story of overcoming her tokophobia.

suzycupcake · July 2018

@heathop I know it seems like strong hostility coming out, but it truly isn't. It's just a bunch of women who have experienced much heartache. I am someone who is terrified of giving birth, but I don't experience the phobia in the same manner that you are talking about. And because I've been through a lot of therapy in the past, I know that my fear of giving birth is nothing more than my feelings from a panic attack a long time ago manifesting itself somewhere else. If you aren't going to see a counselor to help you work through it, it might be a good idea to find an online support group about it.

Here is what I came up with doing a quick google search. Maybe there's something in the results that you can join in on: https://www.google.com/search?q=tokophobia+support&oq=tokophobia+support&aqs=chrome..69i57.1670j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

Also, you should stick around and intro yourself. We all come from different walks of life with different things that we struggle with along with ttgp. We have a mental health checkin thread that you might be interested in posting in. There is a lot of great support here. It just requires a lot of looking past hurt feelings and knowing that everyone else here is struggling just as much. This board is not for everyone and that's okay, but I can tell you that no support group will be full of people who aren't struggling also.

rainafire77 · August 2018

heathop said:

Didn't realize asking for encouragement was going to bring out the pitchforks.

QFP

There were no pitchforks. The ladies were very polite to you. But you're barging in on a group of women, some of whom would give anything to be pregnant, fears and all, and demanding support for your fear of being pregnant. You were given polite suggestions as to where to go and you took that as hostility. Then you DD and stomped off to take your toys and go home.

Just forget it.

Re: Just forget it.

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