Not sure we’re the people you should be talking to about this. I think you, your SO and a medical professional need to evaluate options and best choice. Internet strangers aren’t professionals
Agreed with @kindbytealikat. You and your partner should speak with a professional about options/therapy. This isn’t an ‘internet solution’ kind of problem.
Yeah, I'd recommend therapy. A licensed, trained therapist who deals with fears and phobias could probably help you cope with your feelings. But the women on this board are quite eager to get pregnant and would welcome everything that comes with pregnancy including the good, bad, and ugly.
Ask your doctor for a referral and hopefully someone can help you out. Good luck.
I'm 35 years old and I want a child, but I suffer from extreme tokophobia, which is the fear of pregnancy and childbirth. It's quite bad with me. Every time I think about maybe getting pregnant, my hands start to sweat, I feel dizzy, I shake, and a wave of panic comes over my whole body. I know that at 35, I really need to get on with it if I want to have a child, but I am so incredibly terrified of the whole process of both pregnancy and birth that it seems impossible for me. I end up sobbing with fear every time my husband and I even talk about it, so much to the point that he's afraid to discuss it with me. I don't really know what to do. I guess I just need some help...any help...reassurance from people who have been through it, advice, resources I can turn to? People don't really seem to understand...they say it's normal to be afraid, but I don't think they understand just how bad it is with me. I'm hoping this community can help. Anyway, if anybody has any advice or reassuring words, I would love to hear it.
Qfp Lurking you might get some snark here, one offs aren't widely accepted on ttgp but if you want to post this on the first tri board even though you aren't pregnant you might get more helpful responses. The idea giving birth is Fing scary, but a lot of these ladies would do anything to experience that fear.
I don't understand why a board about "trying to get pregnant" wouldn't be the right place to ask for a little reassurance from people who are in a similar situation? I understand that medical professionals are good to talk to, but I was hoping for some positive and encouraging words. Clearly all I got was animosity.
I don't understand why a board about "trying to get pregnant" wouldn't be the right place to ask for a little reassurance from people who are in a similar situation? I understand that medical professionals are good to talk to, but I was hoping for some positive and encouraging words. Clearly all I got was animosity.
Seriously? You want encouraging words about pregnancy from woman who have been doing everything in their power for years to get pregnant!?
@heathop Not animosity, but helpful suggestions. We are more than willing to provide support to those who introduce themselves and participate in the dailies. You have to give to get. The ladies on this board have been trying to get pregnant and haven't, some after many years and losses. It can be hard and I know I would give my left arm to be pregnant. So @galactickates suggestion is good because there may be someone on the 1st trimester board who was in your shoes and could offer some more pointed help.
@heathop I’ll second what others have said about needing to find professional help. Yes, most people are afraid/weirded out by pregnancy & childbirth. What you’re expediting sounds to go above & beyond the line of typical anxiety & fear. And that is SUPER isolating. I understand you wanting to ask others. I hope you find that support somewhere. This is not the place you’re going to receive support unless you join, intro, & also provide support to others. Best of luck.
Do you have other fears and anxieties than just tokophobia? It has taken me 10+ years to learn to manage my generalized anxiety w/out medication, and I still have issues routinely.
I don't know how you feel about anti-anxiety medications, but they can help some folks learn to cope with a situation. The most anxiety-producing part of pregnancy and childbirth is not always the physical realities of it, but can be the mental toll and anticipation of tests, procedures, medications, and then postpartum issues.
Are you or have you considered seeing a therapist to focus on this specific issue?
@heathop We don’t have the similar experiences you’re looking for on this board, so we tried to gently direct you to where to look. It sounds like you are dealing with a complex and difficult problem that you should reach out to a professional about. This isn’t animosity, and I’m sorry you don’t see that.
No one was mean at all to you, @heathop. PP just mentioned that everyone here is actively trying to get pregnant and some women have been trying for many years to no avail and would give their right arm to get pregnant (and stay pregnant) and deal with all the crap that comes with it. In all honesty, therapy would benefit you and your unique situation. You can't just shut off your anxiety and the only solution to have a baby without being pregnant is adoption or surrogacy.
@heathop - I was actually trying to be kind. What you're describing is a legit phobia - and not something the ladies I know on this board would easily relate to. I'm sure most - especially the first-timers - are apprehensive about pregnancy and childbirth.
However... If your hands are sweating, heartbeat is elevating, and you're having a panic attack over the *thought* of pregnancy... girl, there ain't nothing we could say to help you through that. You need a therapist. I'm saying that kindly. They'll be able to tease apart why you feel that way and help you understand yourself better and - hopefully - help you overcome. That's just not something this type of forum is equipped to do, you know?
The ladies here have provided good advice and nothing will substitute for a good therapist to help you work through this.
TW previous pregnancy
However, during my last pregnancy I stumbled up a podcast called Fear Free Childbirth. The host also suffered from tokophobia and while some episodes get a little hippy dippy there are some good positive stories of peaceful childbirths and a lot about her story of overcoming her tokophobia.
DD1: June '16 DD2: March ‘19 :::: Married since 2011 :::: USN Wife ::::
@heathop I know it seems like strong hostility coming out, but it truly isn't. It's just a bunch of women who have experienced much heartache. I am someone who is terrified of giving birth, but I don't experience the phobia in the same manner that you are talking about. And because I've been through a lot of therapy in the past, I know that my fear of giving birth is nothing more than my feelings from a panic attack a long time ago manifesting itself somewhere else. If you aren't going to see a counselor to help you work through it, it might be a good idea to find an online support group about it.
Also, you should stick around and intro yourself. We all come from different walks of life with different things that we struggle with along with ttgp. We have a mental health checkin thread that you might be interested in posting in. There is a lot of great support here. It just requires a lot of looking past hurt feelings and knowing that everyone else here is struggling just as much. This board is not for everyone and that's okay, but I can tell you that no support group will be full of people who aren't struggling also.
People think we become mothers when we give birth but the truth is we become mothers the moment we start calling our babies to us in our thoughts, dreams and prayers. Some paths are short and some are so long that you can easily forget where you were headed.
How I feel all of the time. My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
IVF IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI Back on Levothyroxine FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt, 1st Beta on 7dpt 93 2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!
TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule. Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017 New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF
IUI IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
Didn't realize asking for encouragement was going to bring out the pitchforks.
QFP
There were no pitchforks. The ladies were very polite to you. But you're barging in on a group of women, some of whom would give anything to be pregnant, fears and all, and demanding support for your fear of being pregnant. You were given polite suggestions as to where to go and you took that as hostility. Then you DD and stomped off to take your toys and go home.
****TW Signature****
DD born 04/28/2002 Married DH 03/25/2017 1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017 BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018
Re: Just forget it.
HX
DSD: 17
DS: 4(Nov'14)
MMC:8/17
MMC: 1/18
BFP: 2/7/19 EDD:10/16/19
Tickers
HX
DSD: 17
DS: 4(Nov'14)
MMC:8/17
MMC: 1/18
BFP: 2/7/19 EDD:10/16/19
Tickers
Lurking you might get some snark here, one offs aren't widely accepted on ttgp but if you want to post this on the first tri board even though you aren't pregnant you might get more helpful responses. The idea giving birth is Fing scary, but a lot of these ladies would do anything to experience that fear.
HX
DSD: 17
DS: 4(Nov'14)
MMC:8/17
MMC: 1/18
BFP: 2/7/19 EDD:10/16/19
Tickers
I don't know how you feel about anti-anxiety medications, but they can help some folks learn to cope with a situation. The most anxiety-producing part of pregnancy and childbirth is not always the physical realities of it, but can be the mental toll and anticipation of tests, procedures, medications, and then postpartum issues.
Are you or have you considered seeing a therapist to focus on this specific issue?
The ladies here have provided good advice and nothing will substitute for a good therapist to help you work through this.
TW previous pregnancy
Here is what I came up with doing a quick google search. Maybe there's something in the results that you can join in on: https://www.google.com/search?q=tokophobia+support&oq=tokophobia+support&aqs=chrome..69i57.1670j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8
Also, you should stick around and intro yourself. We all come from different walks of life with different things that we struggle with along with ttgp. We have a mental health checkin thread that you might be interested in posting in. There is a lot of great support here. It just requires a lot of looking past hurt feelings and knowing that everyone else here is struggling just as much. This board is not for everyone and that's okay, but I can tell you that no support group will be full of people who aren't struggling also.
My 7 Year Journey ***Tw in spoiler***
IVF #1 - September 2018; Follistim, Menopur, Cetrotide & Lupron/HCG combo trigger; PGS; ICSI
Back on Levothyroxine
FET #1 - October 2018; cancelled, all PGS aneuploid
FET #1 - November 30th, transferred anyway
Wondfo BFP 5dp5dt, CB Digi 6dpt,
1st Beta on 7dpt 93
2nd Beta on 10dpt 510!
TTC #1 since 2011. Tried for 5 years before we knew there was a one year rule.
Diag w/MS 2016; w/PCOS & IF 2017
New RE 2018; PCOS diagnosis taken away, IF due to ovary adhesions, but prev. RE insists PCOS IF
IUI
IUI #1 July 2017 w/100mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #2 October 2017 w/50mg Clo+trigger; BFN; benched w/big cysts
IUI #3 February 2018 w/5mg Femara+trigger; low P
BFP February; mc March; Subclinical hypothyroid started Levothyroxine
IUI #4 March 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Medicated cycle & TI April 2018 w/7.5mg Femara+trigger; BFN
Tried several cycles on our own; all BFN
There were no pitchforks. The ladies were very polite to you. But you're barging in on a group of women, some of whom would give anything to be pregnant, fears and all, and demanding support for your fear of being pregnant. You were given polite suggestions as to where to go and you took that as hostility. Then you DD and stomped off to take your toys and go home.
DD born 04/28/2002
Married DH 03/25/2017
1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017
BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018