TTTC Checkin 7/18/18

funkykey · July 2018

Hi Guys, I thought I'd get us started this week. I know we have a few ladies in the TWW, so it's nice to get updates!

How is everybody doing?

QOTW: Are you excited for anything this summer?

2018 BFP Hall of Fame
lablover78 dx: PCOS, Compound Heterozygous MTHFR Rx: IVF
Tops-2: dx: anovulatory PCOS Rx: Metformin, Letrozole & TI
halfanewt: possible PCOS, MTHFR gene, slight MFI Rx: IVF
seethosestars: dx: DOR Rx: IVF + FET #1
Kim41313: dx: unexplained Rx: IVF
soehlerk: dx: Unexplained Rx: Femara + IUI
Mlight28: dx Unexplained Rx: Clomid
SoonToBeMommaHowe: dx: Unexplained Rx: naturally until IVF
honeybeebub: dx:septate uterus, MTHFR Rx: septum resection surgery, baby aspirin & progesterone
be08ryan: dx: PCOS and AO Rx: Clomid
kiwielopingbride: Dx: Unexplained Rx: IUI
thothscribe81: dx: unexplained Rx: IVF

PAGING:

@BWhitta: dx: PCOS, low AMH and endo Rx: letrozole
@Bababatty: dx:Low Motility Rx: IVF
@ChristinaV2015: dx: blocked tubes, PCOS, endo + MFI Rx: lap, OPKs + TI
@ChristenMA83 : dx: MFI Rx: IVF w/ISCI
@emgem819 dx: PCOS, Rx: provera, femara + Bravelle
@hoffmanr7: dx: unexplained Rx: IVF
@jmr1515: dx: Mild MFI/morph, fibroid Rx: Surgery + TI
@mackenzie07 dx: PCOS and Endo Rx: metformin, letrozole, ovidrel
@mandasand: dx: low AMH Rx:IVF (Lupron, Menopur + Follistim)
@MrsM00re87: dx: DOR PCOS, low morph Rx: Femara + TI
@Mythril: dx: PCOS (anovulatory) Rx:levothyroxine, metformin and femara + TI
@rachlee2010: dx: DOR Rx: IUI
@Samanthaarielxo dx: anovulation Rx: still in testing
@sarah0985: dx: PCOS, possible blocked tubes Rx: Lap
@SM746830: dx: PCOS, blocked tubes Rx: Surgery, Clomid
@starlitfae dx: MFI & balanced translocation, thyroid Rx: ivf with pgd testing
@funkykey dx: unexplained Rx: IVF
@Worldtravler0522 dx: PCOS/Unexplained Rx: IVF
@notamyrtle: dx: unexplained Rx: IUI + injects
@Kate437: dx:anovulatory Rx:Letrozole + trigger
@SP128: in testing/unexplained
@eranvo27: dx: anovulatory PCOS Rx: metformin
@brittlefebvre: in testing
@Charligirl28: dx: unexplained Rx: Clomid
@kristimh80: dx: unexplained Rx: Injectables + trigger + IUI
@Brooke4131: dx: Secondary unexplained Rx: in testing
@fluffybookworm: dx: Anovulation + insulin resistance Rx: Metformin + prometrium + testing
@Asampson87: dx: unexplained + MFI Rx: metformin + testing
@hannahlce: dx: anovulatory PCOS Rx: metformin + letrozole
@emmasemm: dx: DOR & autoimmune Rx: IVF
@floridanursegirl: dx: unexplained anovulation Rx:Metformin, IUI+Femara+trigger
@aeb1116: dx: unexplained Rx: IUI
@Happyin14: dx: unexplained, RPL Rx: IVF
@amac2313: dx: unknown Rx: Clomid
@nurseerin2012: dx: unexplained Rx: letrozole + IUI
@Knottie1467155066: dx: unknown Rx: letrozole + trigger + TI
@BenJay: Dx: PCOS/unexplained Rx. Metformin + supplements
@MicahDahn: Dx: irregular cycles Rx: preparing for testing
@moloninge Dx:PCOS, hypothyroidism, insulin resistance, fibroids. Rx:Metformin,Synthroid,IUI w/letrozole, ovidrel, and progesterone.
@beec2421: dx: PCOS, hypothyroidism Rx: metformin, synthroid, clomid
@wishing-and-hoping: dx: unexplained rx: poss. IVF
@echocharlietango: dx: Unexplained Rx: trying naturally
@kgabhart: dx: Unexplained/PCOS Rx: letrozole + IUI
@linz36: dx: Low AFC, MFI Rx: testing/IUI
@jrm_14: dx: Adrenal/overian insufficiency, Borderline-low AMH, Low progesterone Rx: IUI w/ injectables.
@Bgreenfield10: dx: anovulatory PCOS, LPD Rx: Clomid + trigger
@serownarain: dx: in testing
@allisona66: dx: waiting for testing
@manhattanmama2: dx: unexplained Rx: IVF
@mirabelle33 dx: DOR, possible endo Rx: TBD
@meganttc3: dx: PCOS, unexplained Rx: waiting to test
@mrsjcrane: dx: unexplained Rx: femara + trigger + TI + 2nd HCG booster
@mighty-mouse: dx:pcos & HA Rx: provera/letrozole + trigger
@ladystout08: dx: unknown Rx: waiting for testing
@leafyarch: dx: MFI, no thyroid Rx: IVF
@oklahomak: dx: PCOS Rx: metformin/letrozole/estradiol/progesterone+ trigger
@drewsdarlin: dx: RPL, PCOS, Hashimotos, low vitamin D and Iron RX: ?
@ChristenMA83: dx: MFI Rx: IVF w/ISCI

NEWCOMERS:To be added to the Weekly Checkin, please answer the following:

1. How long have you been TTC?
2. What is your diagnosis?
3. What is your current Rx plan?

mighty-mouse · July 2018

Thanks for starting the thread this week @funkykey.
How is everyone going this week?
Bloods today confirmed that I did O so another week of waiting and hoping for me.
When is your appointment with the fertility specialist @drewsdarlin? I can't function without lists at the specialists, I just forget everything

drewsdarlin · July 2018

mighty-mouse said:

Thanks for starting the thread this week @funkykey.
How is everyone going this week?
Bloods today confirmed that I did O so another week of waiting and hoping for me.
When is your appointment with the fertility specialist @drewsdarlin? I can't function without lists at the specialists, I just forget everything

It is July 30th. So not Monday coming up but the next Monday.

Bababatty · July 2018

Thanks for getting this started, @funkykey! How are you holding up? I’ve been thinking about you a lot. It’s ok and understandable to be depressed. Your AMH level was a huge surprise and an unexpected blow. That’s the worst part of this whole thing—getting hit from out of nowhere with something entirely unexpected that doesn’t necessarily derail your plans but adds a lot more stress, anxiety, and emotional pain. *HUGS*

@mighty-mouse Good luck!

@drewsdarlin I hope the wait until the 30th goes by quickly.

AFM Just hanging out until my hysteroscopy on the 31st. I should check in on when our embryos will be thawed and biopsied....surely the lab should be reopening soon. In the meantime, I had some spotting last night and cramping this morning, so so much for that post-MC fertility bump. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’ve been working out and dieting in the meantime.

ChristenMA83 · July 2018

@mighty-mouse good to hear your bloodwork was good. Hope this cycle works out for you.

@drewsdarlin good luck with the specialist, only a little over a week away.

@bababatty sorry the post MC fertility bump didn't work out for you. Working out and dieting is first on my list if this cycle doesn't go our way.

AFM: we transferred our last embaby on Tuesday 7/17. BETA will be next Friday. I will probably start testing Wednesday but may try to hold out. This cycle doesn't seem as good as our first so I'm pretty resigned to a negative outcome...but I have a plan B that benches us until November, gives me time to lose the 20 lbs I gained in this process and still gets us another egg retrieval this year now that my insurance OOP max has been met (we just have to cover meds). Plan B helps me not stress too much about this outcome.

drewsdarlin · July 2018

Thanks ladies.

Bababatty · July 2018

@ChristenMA83 Congratulations on being PUPO! I’ve got everything crossed for you that this one is a success! Man, I hate the TWW after transfers. I’m all for testing on Wednesday if it gives you any peace of mind. I know for me last time, if I didn’t find out it was going to distract me for the entire week. IVF is such a mental balancing act! I’m really hoping for good news from you next week.

ChristenMA83 · July 2018

@bababatty Thanks for the good thoughts. Last time I was losing sleep so I tested at 6 days after and then every day until beta. If that happens again I'll test for sure.

emmasemm · July 2018

Thanks @funkykey - hope you’re doing ok this week

@christenma83 I’m a tester from around 9dpo onwards equivalent. If not I am so stressed wondering, it’s less stressful to see the white tests.

@bababatty 31st will soon be here. And hope you get an update on where they are with your embryos soon

@mighty-mouse hope the TWW is going ok. But good news on ovulating!

AFM we ended up with two more day 3 embryos frozen, so that now makes three in the freezer. However all are poor quality and they’re not sure if they will survive the thaw let alone make it to blast...
So we’re priming for ER #6 at the moment. Baseline should be next Thursday and then we’re tweaking the protocol to try to not over cook the eggs. We’re also stepping back from ICSI to IVF as they don’t think my eggs like being meddled with (with a good sperm sample, fert rates should be approx the same but embryo development improved with IVF when AMA apparently). So at the moment the estrogen is kicking my butt again.
I’m also getting nervous to come to the end of these three banking cycles, most likely without much security in the bank and then to decide what to do next...

mirabelle33 · July 2018

@funkykey thank you for starting us off this week. Thinking of you

@mighty-mouse great news that O was confirmed! I hope you have some fun things planned this weekend to help with the waiting and hoping. Fx that you have good news very soon!

@drewsdarlin it's almost the end of another week and your appointment will be here before you know it. I'm sorry if you've already mentioned this, but are you seeing the same doctor as previously or a new one? I wish you all the best.

@Bababatty I'm sorry about the spotting and cramping

I often wonder if being too conscious of those kind of scenarios actually works against us and that it only ever happens to people that are completely oblivious before the fact. Sigh. I hope the dieting and working out provides some good distraction while you're waiting for your hysteroscopy on the 31st.

@ChristenMA83 congrats on being PUPO! I understand why you're being cautious this time and I'm glad your plan B is helping you to feel less stressed. I will keep hoping that this is it for you though!

@emmasemm I'm sorry you didn't have better news about the quality of your embryos. I'll continue to hope (and send good vibes) that at least one will survive the thaw and make it blast and that you're able to get a few more from this next round too. It sounds like your doctor has a good plan and I hope the tweaks and IVF will make all the difference. Sorry the estrogen is kicking your butt again and that you're getting nervous about next steps. We're here if you need anything

AFM, we finally had our follow-up appointment with the RE today. I guess it went as well as we could have hoped in that the other doctors have agreed to let us proceed to IVF. My doctor said that even though my egg reserve is not so "rich," because I responded well to low dose stimulation in the past and because I'm still relatively "young," that moving to IVF seems to be the best option. There are no guarantees of course and she can't really tell us how successful we may be until they see the quality of my eggs (and hopefully embryos!). However, she said that because of this, we're not candidates for banking embryos at this point and she wants us to go through the whole process at least once first. I'm fine with this and just very grateful that they're giving us a chance with my abysmal numbers.

Unfortunately, there are still a bunch of steps we need to take and I have a feeling we won't start stims until October

We need to attend an informational meeting at the clinic and of course the first one with any availability is not until September 11th (I'm not sure what to think about it being on that date!). The other initial appointment is the psych consult, but thankfully we were able to schedule that for August 3rd. Any advice or ideas of what to expect here? Once these two appointments are finished, we have to upload some documents to our administrative dossier and then we will receive dates for two additional appointments: one with the biologist (embryologist?) and one with our RE to go over the schedule for IVF. I assume we will then start stims with my next cycle, which may happen by the end of September but more likely in October. Oh and I need to make an appointment with the anesthesiologist, but I'm not sure if this is before or after stims. So a little more waiting than I was expecting, but overall I think it's a good initial plan and now I'm just hoping August will go by quickly.

ChristenMA83 · July 2018

@emmasemm Hopefully this adjusted protocol will work well for you. Sorry the results from the last one weren't as good as you hoped.

@mirabelle33 That's a lot of hoops to jump through before egg retrieval. We weren't required to do a psych consult so I have no idea what to expect there - though those are probably a good idea. At least there's a go forward plan now.

mighty-mouse · July 2018

Good luck @ChristenMA83 hope the wait doesn't drive u crazy.
@emmasemm I'm so sorry u didn't get better results after the amount of effort that went into the retrieval. It's good they have a plan to improve the next round but it still sucks. How are u feeling about it?
@mirabelle33 that's great u have a plan in place, somehow all of this always takes way longer than u think it will. I hope the clinic makes it all pretty organised for u

funkykey · July 2018

@mighty-mouse - keeping FX for you.

@drewsdarlin - that's not long now until the specialist.

@Bababatty - I'm a mess right now. Ugh. A bitter, jaded mess.

TBH, the AMH wasn't a total surprise - my AMH was on the low side before - but I think I'm extra scared going into this second round of IVF with the PGS, so maybe that's where the shock is coming in?

Obviously, our last round of IVF was high stakes too, but last time, when I got the low side AMH results, it was before the first IVF. I really honestly didn't think we were going to go through 3 failed transfers. Now, here we are, putting another $25k that we don't have towards a procedure that ended in tears last time, except this time I have lower AMH. I'm terrified that all our embryos are going to be abnormal. The closer I get to stimming, the more f*cked up I feel.

I was thinking about you the other day, wondering about your embryo biopsies. Thinking of you and sending lots of good vibes - whatever ones I have left. Ha. I hope you are holding up better than me.

@ChristenMA83 - how are you holding up? Really hoping this embie is sticky.

@emmasemm - how many banking cycles do you think you will do? I'm glad you have 2 more embies, but also glad that you are still trying.

@mirabelle33 - OMG, October?! Hoping the waiting passes fast. Also, we didn't have a psych consult, I have no idea how that will go.

AFM: I didn't really understand when women said they had to go off Facebook. For the past couple of years, FB hasn't really bothered me. I mean, a few people I had to "snooze", but I've been mostly fine. Same with baby clothes and pregnancy announcements, doesn't really bother me. (Baby showers, yes. Baby announcements? no.)

Last week though, I totally got it with the FB. A while back, a "friend" gave me some unsolicited fertility advice, and we haven't really been friends since - she's kind of selfish, and a little too into crystal healing. After our fall-out, she got pregnant with her boyfriend super easily (the first month they tried), and now (just over a year later) she's got this little baby and is all over FB asking for sleep training advice. And some of my other friends are sharing tips with her, and it just felt so unfair. Like I've been totally left behind, and the people who have moved forward are not "deserving" - they're just lucky, and not necessarily even kind or responsible people.

A few days ago, a friend said to me: "It's really unfair, I'm sorry." And I said: "Yeah, I know. It is unfair. But actually living with this unfairness, on a day-to-day basis, that's the struggle. Not for months, or even for a year, but years? And possibly even for the rest of my life? That's what I'm dealing with."

I'm tired. Obviously, I'm hopeful enough to give this one more go, but I'm definitely not prancing into the clinic like I'm only going to be there for a month. This time, I'm dragging myself in, resolved but jaded. When I started, the nurses would give cheery pep-talks if I said I was nervous, and I would smile and nod. Now, I never say I'm nervous, and if anyone gives me a cheery pep-talk, I respond with the facts: "I've had three failed FETs from my first IVF cycle, which I started when I was 32." I'm like the granny in Game of Thrones: "Oh, my sweet summer child. What do you know of fear?"

QOTW: It's not all bad news here. I've really been enjoying the summer fruit, and we do have a couple of plans to hit up patios and go boating. I've cut back on alcohol A LOT, but even I will enjoy a nice G&T or mojito on a hot summer patio at some point. Looking forward to that.

ChristenMA83 · July 2018

@funkykey I feel you so much. I get the advice to stay positive/hopeful but to protect ourselves we need a healthy chunk of realism as well. Thanks for the well wishes on this transfer. I'm doing ok. Was pretty resigned to failure for the first several days, but started symptom spotting a bit today...or maybe I just have gas...who knows. I wish I would have journaled through the first FET so I had a comparison, I'm correcting that this time around.

funkykey · July 2018

@ChristenMA83 - I'm really hoping for you that this is it, and that this TWW passes quickly and ends with a great beta.

I'm really conflicted about advice to stay positive/hopeful. It's always well-meaning, but every once-in-a-while, I get the feeling that some people are uncomfortable with the struggle, or something. Or some people feel like if you have doubts, that's a sign that it's not going to work out. Like, it's not enough to do the treatment and follow doctor's orders, you also have to never even voice the thought that maybe, it might not work.

I often remind myself that these questions have been grappled with for millennia, by some of the world's best minds - can you have faith yet doubt? Is doubt an element of having faith? I read this line the other day, and I thought it was so apt: "Just as courage is persisting in the face of fear, so faith is persisting in the presence of doubt."

ps. oiy, I am chatty today!

mighty-mouse · July 2018

@funkykey what u have been through with this journey is super traumatic, hope and doubt are both entirely justified.
I wish the science behind fertility was more developed so they could just give u a yes or know amswer. Years of treatment in inhumane

mirabelle33 · July 2018

@funkykey well, I still have a little bit of hope that we can start before the end of September, but I'm not counting on it lol.

I'm sorry you are struggling so much right now. Because the stakes are so high, I don't know if there is any way to get through this process without having any doubt, but I also don't think it has any effect on the outcome. I think most people's advice to stay positive/hopeful comes from a place of not really knowing what to say and I agree with you that they may be uncomfortable with this struggle in particular. A couple friends that I had confided in early on when we were having trouble have either completely disappeared or never ask me about it when we are in touch. I feel like they want to avoid a conversation that makes them uncomfortable and/or don't want to deal with "sad/bitter infertile girl."

I think it's perfectly normal to feel the way you do right now and I'm sure you're not the first or the last. One mantra that comes to mind is "fake it until you make it." If that's all you have the energy for now, then that's okay.

Worldtravler0522 · July 2018

@mirabelle33 what you described with your friends has happened to me pretty much word for word. It’s very disheartening to be struggling through the worst hell but feel completely alone now because they have vanished. I keep telling myself when I’m past this phase in my life things will be better again but right now it’s painful.

@funkykey the way you described going into the clinic now is the same way I’ve felt for about a year or so. A girl was next to me once in the lab getting blood drawn and she was chattering in with the phlebotomist about how’s she’s been spotting but she’s excited for her first BETA. I wanted to turn to her and spew all kinds of truth I’ve experienced but I just walked away. I’m like a grumpy old lady that wants to yell GET OFF MY LAWN to all the newbies.

Also FB is the devil. I’m dropping back off it again soon because lots of babies are about to be born and I don’t need that in my face.

AFM- Currently experiencing insomnia brought on by anxiety for my immunologist appointment Tuesday. I consulted Dr Google to look for uplifting stories and I came back empty handed. The three stories I found about the dr all ended with no baby. Also, in reading about the dr she’s a stickler on weight and this makes me anxious because I feel like she should just be impressed with what I’ve already done and give me some grace. She will likely do this but I just feel defensive going in. Is it too much to ask for Dr Google to make me feel good for once?

mirabelle33 · July 2018

@Worldtravler0522 that's exactly what I keep telling myself: that this is just a phase of life and it will pass eventually. It doesn't make it any less painful right now though.

I am SO sorry to hear about your insomnia/anxiety brought on by your immunology appointment tomorrow. I suffer from that too and it is truly awful (in fact I barely slept last night as well). I know how hard it can be to step away from Dr. Google (I was doing a little too much of that myself yesterday), so in the evening I try to stay away from the internet and just read, listen to podcasts or watch TV with DH.

I don't have much in the way of specifics to offer for your appointment, but since it's a consultation, all you can do is listen to her advice and then decide to either take it or leave it. If something she says resonates with you and you want to pursue it then great, but if not at least you can cross it off your list and move on with the other specialist that wasn't totally on board with the immunologist anyway. GL and I'm keeping my fx that it goes better than how you are anticipating!

ChristenMA83 · July 2018

@worldtravler0522 so sorry about the insomnia. I hate it when my brain won't turn off and sleep would be such a comfort. Something switched on a 2am internal alarm clock for me and I've been up every night at 2am for the last week.

Hopefully the immunologist will surprise you. I hate doctor google - my questions always get answered both ways.

funkykey · July 2018

@mighty-mouse - Thanks for the kind words.

I am feeling less traumatized today, I think Saturday was just a bad week for me. Last week was tough.

@mirabelle33 - I hate that, feeling like people don't want to deal with the sad/bitter infertile girl.

Funnily enough, I have the opposite issue. There are a few people I confided in early on who did ask me about it whenever I saw them, and I had to be like: "Please, stop asking."

@Worldtravler0522 - Ugh, you've had such a rough go of it. I would 100% understand if you actually did yell "Get off my lawn" to a bunch of the newbies. But I do feel a bit bad for the girl who is excited for her first beta. I mean, hopefully it works out for her, but a first failed treatment SUCKS.

PS. Stay away from Doctor Google! Keeping FX that your immunologist appointment goes well tomorrow!

Worldtravler0522 · July 2018

Quick update on my appointment... I’m glad I went but my initial gut reaction is to stick with what my recurrent loss dr is saying. She beat the drum about weight loss even though I kept reminding her I’ve already lost 70 lbs now from my heaviest point and 40 of that being just this year. It was just frustrating. Additionally I totally fainted after my blood draw which was so embarrassing. I’ve never fainted after a blood draw before. *face palm*

mirabelle33 · July 2018

@Worldtravler0522 I'm a big believer in following your gut, so it's great that you had such clarity about it afterward. I'm also glad to hear you are happy you kept the appointment. I wish you all the best going forward with the RPL specialist!

Also, I'm not sure if you saw my update after my pelvic MRI back in May, but I fainted afterward. Thankfully I was at home, but it was still embarrassing for my husband to have to rush home from work after having just dropped me off and then getting my GP involved, etc. Did you have to fast for the blood draw? It might have been a low blood sugar issue, so next time you might try eating a piece of candy or drinking some orange juice just after to get your blood sugar back up. I know how unpleasant it is, so sending you a {{hug}}.

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