Monday BF 7/23

tessiesmom26 · July 2018

lachnessmomster · July 2018

I have so many things to bitch about today. Potty training, deployment, a cranky, stubborn toddler, and the fact that my replacement phone has still not arrived are in the top five. Also, I'll be heading back home to Savannah in a week and a half, so once I arrive, the ball will really start rolling on selling our house. I'm kind of nervous about it selling before DH has even returned home from deployment, but I'm hoping the timeline will work out that I won't have to figure everything out on my own.

I've been run ragged lately without my partner-in-crime to help out with our wild child. My parents are a HUGE, COLOSSAL help, but I feel bad sticking them with DS, even if I'm just getting in the shower or doing something real quick. In my mind, there's no reason that I shouldn't be taking care of him myself 24/7, because he's my child, and as a SAHM, that's my "job," after all. (Not saying that my sweet angel baby is a job or chore - but he's definitely hard work!

) So, I guess I'm a little stubborn myself and insist on doing everything, even when they offer to lend a hand. I don't really get any time to just sit quietly and read or even go to the bathroom by myself, and I think it's starting to weigh on my sanity. Hoping that when we get home and DS is back on his nighttime routine (not going to bed with me, glued to my hip, at 11-11:30 every night) that I'll start to get an hour or two of downtime again.

Just missing having my family together in our own little house with our own routine, and also potty training is hard, and now I'm done complaining. Thanks for giving me a place to vent my frustrations!

MojieJo · July 2018

For those following my OB/MFM ridiculousness drama, I posted in the appointment updates thread.

It's getting even more ridiculous, folks.

This whole stupid thing has sucked all of the happiness and enjoyment out of my pregnancy and I'm on the verge of tears.

emjohn517 · July 2018

I had to go to my PCP this morning for a 6mo blood pressure check. No big deal, right? Made the apt first thing in the morning, toddler in tow, assumed I’d be in and out...sat in the waiting room for 45 mins, sat in the room waiting for the Dr for another 30 mins...how tf are they over an hour behind first thing in the am with zero emergencies?! What are you doing?! WHY?!

lachnessmomster · July 2018

@emjohn517 RIGHT!? My doctor's office has a sign out front that says if you're 10 minutes late, your appointment will be cancelled. Yet, they can make patients sit in the waiting room for 45-60 minutes past their appointment time, then again, like you said, in the actual room for another 20 or so sometimes. It is absolutely infuriating. But heaven forbid YOU be running a few minutes behind.

MojieJo · July 2018

@emjohn517 Oh man, I hear you. I've been dealing with the same crap with the MFM I'm seeing and I'm so over it.

I agree with @lachnessmomster. So ridiculous that they can run so late but God forbid you're even a few minutes late to your appointment.

I've been tempted to just show up an hour late to my appointments, but I'm sure they'd cancel them on me and charge me for them anyway.

pelorunningmama · July 2018

@emjohn517 totally know the feeling. I got so mad about it with my last pregnancy. This time they seem to have changed their policy. I'm nervous though because I have a 2:30 appt tomorrow, which means they have a full day to get behind on in front of me. I bet I sit for an hour. I've thought about calling 20 minutes before my appt to ask them how backed up they are to save me the anger.

lifesabeach85 · July 2018

@emjohn517 Drives me bananas! You never know, too. I've had to wait first thing in the morning before, and then the last time I went it was a 4pm appt and I got right in. It's like, take on fewer daily appointments if you can't handle each one!

runningyogimama · July 2018

1) Work. A big change finally went into effect that had promised a good change in workload, and...kind of did the opposite for absolutely everyone involved.

2) Failed my one hour glucose test. I called back and said I’m not taking the 3 hour test because it made me super sick for 3 days last time, and I would rather just monitor my glucose levels. She’s checking with the doctor and getting back to me....

BabyBoyH92016 · July 2018

@emjohn517 I can’t imagine having to be in a doctors office with my toddler and having to wait an hour and fifteen minutes to be seen. We wouldn’t of survived...I would have left.

eahayes · July 2018

my BF are my cheap cousins! Going on a family trip tomorrow for the night and having a potluck style lunch-- I said I would bring beet salad, tuna or egg salad, and several other items.. everyone else responded with "chips, water, plates, hummus" etc. I sound super cheap writing this out, which makes me laugh, but these hormones make me roll my eyes so hard that I'm providing the mains for 15 people and everyone else jumped in with the "cheap" stuff!

mockingjay1 · July 2018

@runningyogimama - ugh I'm sorry you failed your 1 hour. I told my OB if I failed mine I was just going to check my sugars (I had GD with DS) rather than take the 3 hour. I hope your doc lets you do the same, especially since the 3 hour made you so sick last time.

middleschoolmommy · July 2018

Ds let me have a 10 minute nap. 10 minutes. Originally this was going to be the week he started back to daycare, but DH convinced me to wait since my mom is visiting Friday - Monday. I wish I would have held my ground.

runningyogimama · July 2018

@mockingjay1 They finally called back, and they agreed to just let me check my glucose levels at home! I’m so glad - I just cannot imagine doing the 3 hour test again. It was so terrible - weak, shaky, and nauseous for 3 days...I couldn’t even go to work! I don’t handle large amounts of sugar well.

kamahina9 · July 2018

@lachnessmomster - I absolutely count raising children as a "job" it is absolutely exhausting and a lot of work! Makes me think of those job interview videos that float around fb sometimes where the guy says you are expected to do all this extra stuff on the side for free. That's basically what @eahayes . Don't worry about your family helping out, usually, grandparents are grateful to get some time with their grandbaby.

@emjohn517 - completely agree with your BF. That kind of additional wait is completely unacceptable!

@eahayes - sorry your cousins were acting like that. So frustrating!

BabyBoyH92016 · July 2018

I have a complicated strenuous relationship with one of my family members. Im not going to get into the details since it’s a long story, but we had an unexpected blow out fight over the phone today. I was shaking after because I was so angry and my heart rate was elevated for awhile after. Now I’m worried that the stress/anger I experienced harmed the baby in some way. I honestly can’t even remember the last time I was that upset.

MouseMama817 · July 2018

I’m pretty fortunate that the longest I seem to wait in the waiting room is 15 minutes, probably also that long inside the room. And even that can feel like too much when I’m at the point of not being able to even sit up straight without getting out of breath. If they were consistently an hour behind I would freaking leave. In the end I suppose that would only hurt me but it would feel great in the moment.

@runningyogimama Good for you for standing up! I never had to do the 3 hour so I’m unfamiliar. Why did it make you so sick for so long?

@eahayes You don’t sound cheap. I would get the same way when we would have potlucks at work. The same freaking people would always sign up for drinks and utensils when the rest of us were spending considerably more money and time to make sure the whole team had a nice experience.

@lachnessmomster Being a SAHM is 100% a job. We just don’t get paid! I understand how you feel though. It’s very hard for me to ask for help for exactly the reasons you stated. And in general I think all moms are expected to be able to balance everything effortlessly. It’s so unrealistic. When is your hubby expected to be home?

lachnessmomster · July 2018

@kamahina9 and @MouseMama817 - Thank you both so much. I feel guilty complaining, because I am fortunate to be home with DS all the time. I never have to miss a single milestone, and that's really important to me, especially since his dad is gone so much and misses a lot. I know many moms would love the opportunity to stay home with their kiddos, and I feel ungrateful if I start to crack. You girls made me feel much better. I'm actually not allowed to talk about return dates, but I'm definitely looking forward to finishing this deployment that never seems to end!

runningyogimama · July 2018

@MouseMama817 No idea why I got so sick with the 3 hour test. I don’t do well with large amounts of sugar in general, so it’s not something I regularly have a lot of, and I also don’t do well with not eating right when I get up, so I’m guessing those combined were just too much?

MouseMama817 · July 2018

@runningyogimama Ah, I see. I’m glad your doc is allowing you to forgo it. Not eating for even a couple of hours can be a nightmare for me when I’m pregnant. I can’t imagine all day and with that drink on your stomach.

eahayes · July 2018

@lachnessmomster that sounds really frustrating- being a SAHM is such hard work and so constant. I can absolutely imagine how you feel-- hope you get a little break soon!

lifesabeach85 · July 2018

@lachnessmomster I can’t imagine doing this without DH coming home by six every day. And even with that, I also rely on help to maintain my sanity. DD goes to nursery school a few mornings a week and I have some sitters who can come occasional afternoons when she’s out for summer/break or I just need a break or to get errands done. DH and I try to get a sitter once a weekend so we can have a night off. It’s really important to get breaks! Being a SAHM is a job but it’s one that you don’t get to take a sick day from, you don’t get to leave at 6, it’s all day and sometimes nights too, and you don’t even get to go to the bathroom by yourself. I love getting to stay at home with DD, but I am a much better mom when I get a few hours a week without my mini me. She is also happier when she gets to play with someone else for a bit!

wildrainbow · July 2018

@lachnessmomster As I'm writing this, I'm sitting in Moe's because I told H if I didnt get a break I was going to break down. H works in theatre, so when season is in, I'm always by myself. He will work 12-14 hour days when season is in, and we can sometimes go days without really seeing each other. I'm super blessed being able to stay home with ds, but I know what it's like to need a break. Dont be ashamed of that. I think of like this, if I cant find a way to replenish myself, then I am doing my son an injustice. I can't pour from a cup that is empty no matter badly I may want to. Take your breaks when you can, sweetie. I know how guilt inducing they are, but they always help so much.

offtoneverland · July 2018

wildrainbow said:

@lachnessmomster As I'm writing this, I'm sitting in Moe's because I told H if I didnt get a break I was going to break down. H works in theatre, so when season is in, I'm always by myself. He will work 12-14 hour days when season is in, and we can sometimes go days without really seeing each other. I'm super blessed being able to stay home with ds, but I know what it's like to need a break. Dont be ashamed of that. I think of like this, if I cant find a way to replenish myself, then I am doing my son an injustice. I can't pour from a cup that is empty no matter badly I may want to. Take your breaks when you can, sweetie. I know how guilt inducing they are, but they always help so much.

So much this. The analogy about pouring from an empty cup is perfect and describes parenthood so well. It's okay to accept help when you need it because you'll be at your best when you've had some rest and some time to yourself.

@lachnessmomster Potty training has so far been the absolute worst part of parenting for me. I really felt at my lowest during the potty training phase because it wore on my patience and made me feel so guilty for losing my temper with DD and expecting too much of her too quickly. It was so, so hard. You'll get there, I promise. Then when your son is able to use the bathroom, flush, and wash his hands all by himself you'll be so, so proud!

Until then, give yourself some grace.

lachnessmomster · July 2018

@eahayes @lifesabeach85 @wildrainbow @offtoneverland I am almost in tears reading all of your kind responses. I really needed that extra boost today, and I can't explain how grateful I am for the support. You ladies are awesome.

wamam027 · July 2018

@lachnessmomster I feel you on everything you said about the sahm and not letting anybody help during deployment. We have been in Ca staying at my parents' house since mid June and I haven't let them help one lick but am constantly at the end of my rope with doing all of the toddler parenting by myself for so long with no end in sight. It's hard as heck and it's so hard to ask for or accept help but it's necessary. I've told myself I'm going to let my parents step in and help give me at least a few hours of me time before I head back up to WA just after labor day when it goes back to my not having an option for help. Hang in there!!

kamahina9 · July 2018

@wildrainbow - I love that pouring from an empty cup analogy too. I need to keep that in mind when I have my moments in the future. I am sure I will have them.

emjohn517 · July 2018

Even SAHMs need a break! Shoot, I’m so grateful my mom lives close. Sometimes shell come over and play with DD and I just go drive around and eat a doughnut in my car lol! Just to get a break. Yes I feel guilty and miss her the minute I leave, but having a human dependent on you 24/7 without a break is just as emotionally exhausting as it is physically!

@BabyBoyH92016 I totally get this. Last pregnancy we had soooo much drama with my in laws that I’m 100% sure is why my bp skyrocketed and I had to be induced so early and DD was a premie. It was so ridiculous and stressful. Now, just this past week, I had a huge blow up with my brother, which was totally bizarre and unprecedented bc he and I have never had issues before. Im truly sick over it and I don’t even really know what to do about it, but I know I have to keep myself even keeled and try to just push it aside for the sake of myself and baby right now. But it’s so dang hard when things like this occur and add to the already stressful thing of growing a human being. I’ll also add, that handing your new, precious baby to be held by someone, even family, who has truly hurt you and that you have a tough relationship with is a very anxiety provoking and having unfinished feelings like that during that emotional time is incredibly difficult.

MouseMama817 · July 2018

Just to give some perspective for the moms in the thick of potty training— we did the 3 day method in December over Christmas break (disclaimer: it isn’t actually 3 days, but taking that approach gave us a nice jump start so I will still do it with DD2) and here we are 8 months later juuuuust at the point where we can trust her in panties outside of the house and where she’s consistently flushing and washing her hands on her own without a fight (I still have to wipe her though). Up until a few months ago she would poop almost every day in her panties. She still requires a pull up when she sleeps. I’m not sure how average that time frame is but it has felt like a lifetime and yet I still feel fortunate that it “only” took 8 months.
Hang in there mamas! It gets easier!

@BabyBoyH92016 Girl whatever is going on with you and that family member, set your boundaries now. Trust me. I had a tense relationship with an uncle when I was pregnant with DD that I allowed to affect me way too much. I had a similar experience to what you described about 2 months into my pregnancy; shaking, screaming, crying, the whole nine. I set boundaries as best as I could by refusing to speak to him or to allow other family to speak to me about him, but then when DD was 6 months old my grandparents both died a week apart and as oftentimes happens, it resulted in a huge divide in the family over funeral arrangements, inheritance, etc. My uncle and mother were fighting bitterly and I had to hear about it from her multiple times a day. Given the circumstances I felt the least I could do was listen but within weeks I was so stressed out by their crap that my milk completed dried up.
All that to say, learn to protect yourself early and consistently from people who drain you! They have more of an effect than you might think.

Edited: effect, not affect.

EvilRaccoon · July 2018

@BabyBoyH92016 : I totally agree with @MouseMama817 . And remember, avoiding people that drain you doesn't have to be forever, although depending of the reasons, it can be.

I see it as closing the door but not locking it and lose the key. You do that to protect yourself and your LO, but you are open to reconciliation. I do that with people I love but are doing me more harm than good. This way I don't feel too guilty yet I am protecting myself.

pelorunningmama · July 2018

@lachnessmomster agree with everything that has been said. Being a mom is the hardest job, so don't ever doubt the work you are doing. It is a blessing to stay home, but also so incredibly hard. My family needs my income, so I work, but honestly I don't think I would stay home if I had the option. I'm part time and I struggle on the days when it is just me and the kids. And with outside being essentially off limits because of the summer heat, our home can feel like crazy zone. Doing it every day without a break takes an amazing amount of patience. I hope you can find a way to get some time for you and get a little break. It makes all the difference to even have 30 minutes to just recharge your battery. Hugs!

tessiesmom26 · July 2018

Meant to write this yesterday but got sidetracked. We attended my cousin's wedding over the weekend. My Aunt who recently moved to MD came up for the wedding and while doing that, planned her own. They have decided to get married in CT since her family is in MA and his is in PA. They set their date for Sept of next year. My Aunt and her FI were staying with my parents and my parents brought up that at that time I am going to have a baby, roughly a 10 month old. Aunt said I should see if my cousin from a different side of the family would come to the hotel to stay in the room and watch the baby.

Sure, let me ask my cousin to drive two hours, leaving her own kids, to watch mine..

I'm not going to worry about it now, since it's more than a year away, and the baby isn't even here yet, but I couldn't believe how presumptuous she was being!

MouseMama817 · July 2018

EvilRaccoon said:

@BabyBoyH92016 : I totally agree with @MouseMama817 . And remember, avoiding people that drain you doesn't have to be forever, although depending of the reasons, it can be.

I see it as closing the door but not locking it and lose the key. You do that to protect yourself and your LO, but you are open to reconciliation. I do that with people I love but are doing me more harm than good. This way I don't feel too guilty yet I am protecting myself.

Exactly. My uncle and I are on much better terms now because he's made some major changes. We don't talk often but when we do it's much more cordial and I don't walk away regretting having spoken to him. Setting those boundaries can be just for a season of life.

lifesabeach85 · July 2018

@MouseMama817 Thanks for sharing a positive PT story. I'm wringing my hands over here. We also used the basics of the 3-day method, and while it took longer than three days she got it fairly quickly. And for a while she was asking to go or just going herself and really excited to be in big girl panties. Almost no accidents! And then a few weeks ago - major regression. Lots of accidents, only wants to wear diapers, will never ask to go to the potty, only goes when we force her to. Not sure if it's anxiety about the new baby, because we have been traveling a lot, or just one of those things, but it's frustrating. Especially because I KNOW she CAN do it, since she was doing it. Hopefully she comes back around soon...

MouseMama817 · July 2018

@lifesabeach85 That's so frustrating. Whatever is causing it, I'm sure she'll be back at it soon! I resolved to be as laid back as I could about all of this but she still regressed here and there. I read some article a pediatrician had written that said all children will naturally potty train by 4, regardless of how much they've been exposed to it or not. That gave me some hope during the tough times.
Preschool in particular was frustrating for us because their policy vs what we did at home confused her and set her back. Their policy was that she had to come to school in pull-ups (where at home she only had them on at sleep times) and once she was consistently making it to the potty for 2 weeks, we could send her in panties. That point never came and eventually I realized her teacher just didn't want to deal with potential accidents. Her daily report would say that she had gone through 2 pull-ups that day, yet the pull-up she came home in was the same one I'd sent her in (it didn't have her name written on it like the ones she had stored in the classroom). It took me until the last week of school to put all of this together and by that point it wasn't worth mentioning. I'm relieved she'll be in a different classroom this year so we'll have a clean slate and I can tell her new teacher that we wont be sending her in pull-ups at all.

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