I would like to kick this off by asking STM's:
How much time did your spouse/partner take off of work to help with the newborn?
My husband could take up to 8 weeks with 50% pay, but so far, we feel that 4 weeks might be sufficient. What do you feel like would have been the best amount of time when you were adjusting to motherhood? Did you have enough spousal/partner support in those early days?
Please share your experiences, if you feel comfortable!
Re: STM Advice - First Few Months Postpartum
What kind of snacks were best to keep around the house? Did you have any food aversions different to pre-pregnancy, or were there certain things (carbs, proteins, etc) that you found you were seeking?
ETA they were bonded before the time he took off alone bc of above, but he really enjoyed their one on one time
This time he has 10 weeks vacation built up (we never go anywhere, kids are expensive to travel with
I feel like for me, DH will be so much more helpful this time around because he’ll be mostly in charge of DS - meals, taking him to the park, etc.
Edit: just re-read your post. If your DH could take the other 4 weeks later, I’d absolutely recommend that. Mine took 4, then 4 more weeks of leave when DS was 7 months old, and then the other remaining 4 weeks right before he turned 1 (all time had to be used by the first birthday). It was so awesome to get that time together at different stages of that first year, and I know my DH would agree - he had a lot more fun with DS when he was 11 months old than 2 weeks, haha.
DS and I finished the entire series of The Office by the time he was a month old. It made being up for the day at 5 or 6 a little easier.
By week 2 or so I was starting to get panicky about the fact I felt like I lived on the couch, like I was being so unproductive. If you have people around that are willing to help, TAKE IT. And enjoy those days on the couch. I rarely get to sit on the couch before DS’s bedtime anymore. Anyway, I wish I had practiced more with baby wearing during those days so I could feel like I could get up more.
I ate a ton of toast with peanut butter as a snack while nursing. I also made lactation cookies. DH just laughed at me and said I just wanted to eat cookies... so I snuck them in the middle of the night feedings.
With DS he took a week of paid vacation starting a few days after we brought DS home (he was born 10/29 and Halloween is one of DS’s company’s busiest days of the year so he had to wait until after that). It was nice to have him help out with DD for the first week but I didn’t find that it was really necessary.
This time he’ll take 2 weeks paternity leave and possibly a week of his paid vacation but that’s partially because my brother will be getting leave (he’s a Marine) and DH wants to be able
to spend time with him as well.
Keep in in mind that his parents and his sister live about 5 minutes away from us, and his grandmother and aunt live about 10 minutes away, so I constantly had help, mostly from my MIL. When DS was born my ILs took DD often just to give me a break and give her extra attention. They’ll do the same this time with both DD and DS.
As far as anything else the first little bit with a newborn - it’s similar to 1st tri in the sense that it’s all about survival. Sleeping when the baby does, eating what’s convenient whenever you can, letting your expectations for housekeeping drop lower. I would advise taking the time every day to at least shower and put on something other than what you slept in, because you’ll feel more human and it makes all the difference. Also make sure you take some time for you - let your H take care of the baby so you can rest, or watch a show, or wander aimlessly around Target. You have to make sure you take
care of yourself.
Luckily I have my amazing MIL around the corner. She will be able to come help anytime I need. She just told me today she wants to take a grandparent prenatal class to get a refresher to ensure she know all the new stuff since it's been 41 years since she has DH.
My two best friends will also be on mat leave same time as me so we can meet up lots. I'm really looking forward to that.
TTC since 2016
Due: October 12, 2018
Location: Ontario, Canada
This time my husband gets 3 weeks of leave when the baby is born. He is looking forward to having longer to adjust together. My mom will be here for a month and his parents will come as my mom is leaving for tenish days. I’m relieved to have my mom, but a little more nervous about his parents. His mom doesn’t cook and they like to go out and act like it’s vacation when they come here.
figuring out what the hell we were doing as parents, but once we got into our groove, I was fine on my own. This time may be different since we also have a 2 year old now, but we’ll see what happens.
As for snacks and things I kept around, basically anything that was easy and quick to eat. One handed things that werent too messy were a plus, so I could eat while feeding him. Didn’t reallt crave anything specific, but I wasn’t ALWAYS hungry when I was breastfeeding, so I felt like I was just constantly snacking. Also always thirsty, so kept a water bottle at my side constantly.
If you have friends and family nearby definitely get them to help as often as possible and I love what someone said about Target, it's so true!
The baby blues are real in those first few weeks post partum, the more sleep deprived you are and alone, the worse they get. Definitely have people around to support you if you can!
@pumpkinpancake I can definitely see this happening with my husband. For now, we're thinking 4 weeks will be enough, but he might not make it that long! I guess we'll just need to play it by ear.
I haven’t asked him how much time he wants to take when Isaac comes. Now that we have a nanny, and since I’m not due in the middle of winter for once, it might actually be fun for him to take a couple weeks. He may actually get some lovely restful baby snuggles this time around. I can’t imagine he’d want to take much more than 2 weeks though, especially since we’ll be so close to Christmas. His office typically closes between Christmas and New Years so he’ll get some more bonding time then.
I suggest keeping protein filled snacks and dairy free snacks. You will be super hungry and if you are nursing baby may struggle with dairy at first.
I totally agree with everything @tlmill and @Lisa3379 said!
I made some frozen crock pot meals before hand so they came in great when we needed to make dinner those first few weeks..
Snacks were basically anything that was easy to grab since making food (even if it was just a quick snack) seemed like a huge chore. ETA; this included bananas or other fruit, those sandwich cracker packs, goldfish, lactation cookies my coworkers made for me, yogurt, almonds, trail mix.
I didn’t have an adversions, but DD has issues with acidic/tomato based foods. So when friends brought ziti with red sauce or we did chicken with pasta sauce in the crock pot it wasn’t good for her. It made my milk too acidic for her to digest easily. Something to keep in mind for those making freezer meals.
Anything individually packaged, shelf stable, and able to eat one-handed (like granola bars) was a useful snack to have in the nursery for when I was late night nursing and got a randomly hungry. I didn't have to worry about mess or needing help or a toddler getting into it. I also kept a massive water bottle with a straw and lid on my nightstand and DH filled it with ice water every night when he went to bed so I had that to drink while nursing. It made keeping hydrated easy, and gave him a way to help since I wasn't pumping right away.
Hopefully we'll do something similar to what we did with DD this time around; I think it worked pretty well for us.
FTM, remember it's okay to ask for help and don't try and be Supermom. It was so hard for me to ask for help with DS1. I had the worse anxiety because I thought everyone would judge me if I weren't doing everything for the baby. This time DS1 will be in school and then going to aftercare. DS2 will be home with me 2 days a week and at daycare 3 days a week. I'm going to have my MIL on stand by just in case I need her to watch DS2 one of the days he's home.
1. Take care of yourself.
2. Take care of baby.
In that order. Make time for self care, ask for help. Anyone who expects you to do it all don’t belong i your life right now. Ask for help!
Another +1 for its fine to accept help. It took about 1.5w for me to completely lose it. Any chance I got I was trying to get dishes done, or laundry, or picking up since people were coming over, etc. What I wasn't doing was sleeping, cuddling my baby, coming to grips with life and priorities changing. Eventually you break down because that's not sustainable. Though I was pumping, so H could have taken over a feed, I physically couldn't let him. So we got into a habit where I would go to bed for a bit, and he'd mind the baby, then bring DS to me when it was time, and pick him back up for burping, changing, etc when he was done. This netted me at least 6 hours where I could let myself be 'off' for a bit. It was really helpful.
Also, DH offered to take all 6 weeks up front this time and I said no thanks. I don't know that I can handle all three of us at home for that long. I said 3 now and 3 later works best for baby (and I mean my sanity).
This time DH will likely only be able to take off a week. My parents live a few blocks away so they can still help out a lot but it’ll be interesting to be in my own with a baby and a four year old so soon.
I agree with taking a shower every day just to feel normal. I was on the couch nursing the first few weeks and showering and changing clothes helped me feel less like a bum. Also, you have the right to turn down visitors if you’re not up to it! Nothing is worse than being sleep deprived and feeling like you need to entertain visitors when you barely have time to shower.
Married 07/2012
DD born 07/2014
DD2 born 10/2018
DS born 10/2022
IF history:
TTC #2 since January 2016
June-Aug 2017: 3 IUIs w/Clomid = BFN
Sept 2017: Dx w/Endometriosis
Oct 2017: IUI w/Letrozole = BFN
Nov 2017: IUI w/Letrozole = BFN
Dec 2017: pre-IVF testing
Jan-Feb 2018: IVF--17 eggs retrieved, 13 fertilized, 9 frozen and 1 transferred on 2/10 = BFP on 2/19!!! EDD 10/29/2018
FET Oct 2021: BFP on 10/31! MC at 5 weeks
FET Feb 2022: BFP on 2/15! EDD 10/29/22
I second the daily showers and the wandering around target for an hour alone lol. it does make you feel more human. Lol. I used to do this too when my husband got home. Hahah
He would freak out! I could see it being a good time for bonding, but here we get such long Mat leaves I'm not sure he would let me just leave for a week....something to talk about maybe!
TTC since 2016
Due: October 12, 2018
Location: Ontario, Canada