@gingerbride26 there is research that 3rd hand smoke can be harmful just like 2nd, and exposure has been linked to SIDS, so I don’t think it’s fear mongering at all. We only have a couple smokers in our lives but one of them is my MIL and she’s not exactly an easy personality to deal with so it’s very tough to stand up to her but it’s one area I will put my foot down. My mom started babysitting our son at 6 weeks but we never left him with MIL til he was over 4 months old because we don’t trust her to not smoke around him when we’re not around.
I hate the "you turned out fine" mentality. Just because one person was ok after their mom smoked during pregnancy doesn't make it ok as a general rule. I feel the same just about anything. Just because "other people do this" doesn't mean I should too and be ok with it!
I agree - Smoking during pregnancy is nothing to be proud of. I grew up in a household where my dad smoked. I have breathing issues when exercising and while I can manage it, I have to train it out of me. My poor sister had horrible asthma and had to go to the hospital a few times when she was little. When my mom put two and two together she made my dad start smoking outside, but it didn't stop him from doing it in the car with us
Well - it depends on the age cutoff for everyone - but I still remember when smoking in restaurants was fine. So although my parents did eventually quit when I was in elementary school, even if they didn't smoke in the house, we'd sit in the smoking section of the restaurant - and even after they quit those sections weren't super segregated! This may be my UO but I really don't get why anyone still smokes... the damage smoke does has been proven over and over and they are expensive and inconvenient AF these days...
So we didn't take DS into the doc, which is good because he is not winning any behavior awards today. We ran errands and every single time I put him in the carseat it was a scratching screaming struggle. I have scratch marks on my arms that bled!
Anyway, doc told me to neosporin it, then cover with a bandaid and check three times a day. If the area is radiating red lines or the redness spreads further from the wound or there is a fever, we need to bring him in.
I am so down today! I think I went to long without eating and I'm digging myself back up out of the hole of being hangry but I'm just so annoyed that I have to spend today through Monday trying to keep labor from happening. And I'm annoyed that I went from mildly painful contractions 3 minutes apart at the peak yesterday to NOTHING today. NOTHING. Sigh. I guess I only have 3 more weeks at max, so I should stop bitching, but yesterday was a new level of body tease,
So apparently I'm going to Benjamin Button this pregnancy.... Still 2.5 cm (same as last week), but last week baby was super low and today she was like "sorry to tell you he's moved up and is nice and cozy in there"... I've also lost weight, so apparently things are going in reverse and I will be unpregnant in 9 months...
@gingerbride26 I think there are some states where they have smoking in restaurants. In NY it’s illegal to smoke in a car with a child, which I think is awesome because my mom smoked when I was a kid and she’d smoke in the car with me and it was horrible. I got bronchitis a lot as a child. I just can’t understand exposing kids to it like that, how hard is it to take it outside and go a car ride without smoking.
@SmashJam glad the dr didn't make you go in and sorry DS is being a PITA. I don't know what it is about those dang car seats that illicit such violent tantrums @KatyF0813 I'm sorry but I LOL'd - hang in there @zande2016 I thought they banned smoking in restaurants in all states because of worker hazard and second hand...i think some bar-only places are exempt in some states... but I don't smoke so shows how much attention I paid to the law! Well look at that mr google: As of July 2017, 14 states have not enacted any general statewide ban on smoking in workplaces and/or bars and/or restaurants: Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Virginia, West Virginia, and Wyoming.
@gingerbride26 you are right there are some bar only places that allow smoking inside but not a lot...at one point you could smoke inside any establishment that had NO kitchen or where the eating area and kitchen was vented seperately from the bar area, or something like that.
@gingerbride26 Oh my gosh!! I literally cringed reading that.. i would be scarred for life!! FIL came and threw the trash, I'd be boycotting the kitchen if I didnt have a son I needed to feed but refuse to walk anywhere without shoes.. also knocking on the walls as I walk down the hall to "scare any mice into hiding" before I make it to the kitchen! And who needs laundry when there's a mouse in the laundry room.
+10000000 to all the smoking advice. I struggled to stand up to my parents when DS was born, but lucky for me my mom didnt care to be an active part of his life except maybe 2x a year. I refuse to bring my kids to their house because they smoke inside, unless it's nice enough that we can all sit outside. I decided my sons health was way more important than me being afraid to put my foot down so I just did it. They weren't happy but I really didnt care. I had HORRID asthma and allergies growing up and it's from their constant smoking, and even if I didnt have health issues I was made fun of in school so much because I stunk like cigarettes and no amount of body spray could mask it. They are also not allowed to take my kids anywhere or watch them. Even when they visit me its nearly impossible for them to be at my house longer than 15-30 minutes because they need to smoke, so they leave because they know my rules.
Is witching hour earlier in the day a real thing? DD has been super fussy since around 930 am and is just now going down for a nap. She had attempted to fall asleep and doesnt seem to get into a deep sleep because she wakes up fussing. I have managed to pick up my son from his gifted and talented summer camp and run a quick errand, otherwise we have been nursing all morning! Witching hour or 3 week growth spurt idk but I need DD to be content in the swing long enough for me to get a meal in. Lol
Thank you all for your kind words! I definitely didn’t have the birth I wanted but in the end I have a happy and healthy baby, so I can’t complain too much! As for the smoking stuff. Ugh. I have a friend that is like “I got down to only one smoke per week so that’s better than a whole pack”. Um. No, Felicia. That’s not the way this works.
@kmac103 I had a friend just like that with DD#1. I am a former smoker that quit cold turkey the minute I found it I was pregnant and she had the nerve to tell me that I could harm my baby with the sudden nicotine withdrawal. WHAT?! She would constantly ask me to join her outside for a smoke making it soo much harder to quit.
Well this visit from my in laws is certainly not what we envisioned. The 5 yr old is out of control and breaking DS toys. Not actually receiving help, in fact my SIL seems to forget I’m fresh out of surgery. H is starting to look frustrated and telling his brother to control his his (in a nice way). But it’s actually the most I’ve seen H do house work in just a few days because out “help” isn’t really helping. He’s kinda rage cleaning right now. Sounds like they will be leaving early than planned which is kind of a relief and they should be out tomorrow while i say behind at home which will be nice. We were out most of today at Estes Park which was both beautiful but exhausting. Oh and baby peed all over his face and the passenger seat (i had to sit in it).
Ugh, @wildtot that is just so unacceptable of guests it's so hard when people really do not understand what it means to visit someone post partum. Solidarity on the pee...we had 2 blowouts in 30 min!
So I wore baby in the Moby today, my doula helped me mastering it. However it is SO HOT! I'm not a fan of the fabric. It sucks because I really want to start wearing baby more but I'm dying in the heat. My doula said she loves the Solly baby wrap...does anyone have that? I really want to get it because I'm such a sucker for anything new and shiny these days (since I live in shorts and tank tops and a messy bun) but I also don't want to spend unnecessary money right now...
@wildtot i'm really glad they're leaving early and DH is stepping up. I discussed the whole "newborn visitor rules" sign thing with DH - I'm going to have to make my own because I don't love any of the ones online, I'll post it to my FB and also tape it to the front door. He thinks his mom is going to take offense to the clean shirt no perfume/smoke thing but she's not the only smoker so that's her problem. The big one I saw we agreed we need to put is "don't ring the doorbell". I also totally asked my dr about visitors at the hospital today... she said no one is allowed in post-op besides the dad so my fear that MIL is going to bust into the hospital and hold my son before me can be forgotten
I went to a LLL meeting today and women were talking about flat nipples. One who had short nipples whipped hers out and I was like, holy shit, my nipples aren't even that long! Turns out I have "short stemmed" nipples. I didn't even know. Now I'm reading up to see what I can do to help with latch when baby gets here.
@wildtot ahhh gross!! but yes definitely mom like! Sorry thevisit has been so hard but glad your h is stepping up.
I feel so lost around here everyone. Having s hard timd keeping up these days. currently im sitting in bed next to a sleeping husband while i cluster feed baby and half cry half love baby snuggles. dh has been really crappy 90% of the time and i have felt so lonely and isolated. so i really have been missing the community here. i wrote him a long email last night writing out my feelings. he was nice this morning but just doesn't get how exhausting taking care of both girls during the day is and how bad my ppa is.
Hugs to you @lindsayleigh1989 and so sorry your H is being crappy. I understand the anxiety and feeling isolated during the first few months/weeks-I remember that feeling with DS, like everyone else's life continued on without any care for how much mine changed and there was a lot of resentment. I'm glad you told him how you feel, and hopefully he gets his shit together and is able to find a way to help out.
@lindsayleigh1989 I'm so sorry you're having a rough time. Just come talk here when you need to, and keep your OB updated about how your ppa/ppd is going. To help with your older DD, do you have some budget to hire a teenager as a mother's helper this summer? People around here do it, mostly to entertain their older kids at home so the mom can focus on other things like baby or herself (a nap or shower). Teenagers in your home while you're home are fairly cheap.
I am fortunate to not have smokers in my life now (I did as a kid), and that's good because I would be so mean to them haha.
I wish I had the efficiency of a 3rd time mom when it was just DD1. I had so much time back then! We had pediatrician appts Wednesday and Thursday (gotta add to the thread later) and all I brought with me was a purse with 3 diapers, some wipes, extra onesie and pants, pacifier, and a small blanket which I stuffed in the car seat anyway. At the office I saw what looked like a FTM with her mom and MIL and her diaper bag was huge and fully stuffed. I also did that as a FTM but it was kind of funny to me seeing the contrast.
@lindsayleigh1989 I'm sorry you are having a rough time too. Good for you for talking to DH - I think the approach of writing the letter is very helpful! When you are emotional and exhausted it's hard enough to get the thoughts in order to have a coherent, calm discussion. Would some sort of chore chart help? A list of things he can do for you on a daily or weekly basis without you asking that would be helpful? We also struggled with DH not being helpful with kiddo - and I never wanted to ask because i felt like his mother or like I was nagging - once we had a clear understanding of things he could/should without asking it got a bit better. All else fails with DH - the idea of a mother's helper sounds awesome! Even if it's part time.
AFM - last day of work! HR crap is still a nightmare but w/e. DD may or may not have pinkeye it's a little weepy and a little crusty but her eye is still bright white and she's not having any trouble opening it so I'm hoping it's just allergies and school doesn't call. FX
@lindsayleigh1989 sorry to hear your having a rough time and H isn’t being too helpful/understanding of what your dealing with. I know your new meds may take time to kick in and that doesn’t help either. Please check in here when you can feel free to share how your doing. Also are you seeing a counselor? Maybe something to pick up again if your not but i realize that’s tough with two kiddos. I agree on looking into hiring some teenage help for the summer. *hugs*
im so over my in laws. They can’t decide on what they want to do for the day and i was looking forward to having them out of the house. Now it looks like they are trying to make it so i can go which nice but I’m so tired of being out in this heat. I just want to lay around and rest. They are at least leaving tomorrow. Yesterday H was talking to his brother and nephew about taking care of DSs toys and not breaking them. BIL goes on to say that it’s just what 5 yr olds do and DS will eventually do it too. I’m sorry but right now DS is two and he doesn’t intentionally try to break his stuff. In fact he gets sad when they break from being old. I can still try to teach my kid to take care of his things and not be the 5 yr old who doesn’t respect other’s stuff. It’s all in how your raise them. But i do realize it will happen but i will still try to correct it.
hugs lindsayleigh1989! i havn’t even had the baby yet and i feel like its tough to keep up sometimes has anyone started a facebook group yet?/still planning to? i hope things get better with dh. probably my biggest fear after having her
@lindsayleigh1989 I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling that way and not getting much support from your DH. Good for you for writing your feelings out like that... I know that's not always easy.
@SmashJam You really nailed the baby blues feeling for me... "everyone else's life continued on without any care for how much mine changed" I'm curious to see if this second time around will be different because I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel, or if it's something you just have to process and get through every time.
@lindsayleigh1989 I’m sorry you’re feeling that way, I hope you can get some help and also that meds help.
@amdftw I definitely had baby blues with my first, and so far with #2 (6 days in) I haven’t felt that way at all. I think it’s much less of an adjustment/shock to the system. I cried every night for two weeks with #1 and I don’t think I’ve cried at all yet with #2. I hope it’s the same for you!
@wildtot I agree it's all in how you raise them. My DS is 6 and doesnt break other people's toys, and never has tried. We've had the usual sharing issues which we work to correct when they happen but a 5 year old is old enough to understand respect for other people's things. We always paint a scenario of "if someone did this to you would you like it?" And when things get broken purposely, DS knows the rule "if you break it you buy it." Personally the first time my son broke something and we had him pay out of his piggy bank he learned very fast that's not what he wanted to do and is much more gentle when playing with others things now.
@kbernal2021 that’s a great idea! Yeah H tried telling his nephew that he wouldn’t like it if someone broke is iPad. Nephew replied that if he (H) broke is iPad he (nephew) would break his phone and would have to buy a new one. H replied that at least he has a job to buy one but who would replace his iPad. This kid is too much for me sometimes.
Nephew replied that if he (H) broke is iPad he (nephew) would break his phone and would have to buy a new one. H replied that at least he has a job to buy one but who would replace his iPad. This kid is too much for me sometimes.
just wow..... sorry but what a brat...and BIL is just ok with that attitude? I kind of want to just spank both of them...
ETA - not literally - I know spanking is controversial - I mean spanking figeratively
My sister is being sweet and making breakfast for us..and cooking bacon in the griddle I suggested for the French toast...on the counter and getting bacon grease splashing all over everything on my counter. She had been using the cast iron skillet for bacon all week long, why not continue to do that where the grease is contained?? Why??? I have to take deep breaths and ignore it because she is cooking for me...I just wish she would think about this kind of stuff and not add work and mess to the process.
what is it about postpartum that makes Me want to eat all the things? I swear it’s worse than pregnancy cravings. Doesn’t help that people keep sending us stuff. my aunt sent a huge chocolate gift basket, then the next day she sent a key lime bundt cake. Pretty sure that cake was responsible for my heart burn last night but it was worth it.
@wildtot wow! So sorry you guys are having to deal with that. I dont think parents realize when their kids act like brats it affects everyone else even if the parents themselves are completely fine with it. It doesnt help that you also have a newborn and your recovering from a major surgery at the same time. I often times question people's idea of "help." Hang in there.. I'm hoping for your sake they will leave soon!
@zande2016 now i want bundt again... was it an Anything Bundt Cake?
Guys....one of my people just quit...you couldn't wait ONE MORE DAY!? Now i need to plan to transition all her crap or be a major B and leave it for my backup....i was THIS CLOSE
@lindsayleigh1989 hugs girl! It's hard. Especially with ppa. Check in with us anytime, we are here to support each other! @gingerbride26@flockofmoosen3 it's hard for me not to micromanage my mom in the kitchen she sometimes uses like ALL THE DISHES. @zande2016 I am eating for 3! Amazing to not have heartburn! They told me breastfeeeding would be doing this to me but I'm amazed. I've had ice cream every single day and when my mom makes pasta I eat 2 portions!
@lindsayleigh1989 hugs girl, everyone pretty much covered anything I would have said but I hope your H starts supporting you better right now and things start to turn around. This is the toughest time, just remember it does get better.
@SmashJam you seriously hit the nail on the head with that baby blues description.
@amdftw I know everyone and every pregnancy is different but I definitely had baby blues with DS, but it’s been completely different with this LO. Like @zande2016 said, I feel like it’s less of a shock to the system. I think part of it is my improved ability to function on less sleep, I remember being exhausted to the bone with DS.
+1 to eating all the things. I have a major chocolate sweet tooth. I’ve been drinking dark chocolate almond milk straight out of the jug. And ice cream every night. No shame.
Re: Weekday Randoms 7/16-7/20
Anyway, doc told me to neosporin it, then cover with a bandaid and check three times a day. If the area is radiating red lines or the redness spreads further from the wound or there is a fever, we need to bring him in.
I am so down today! I think I went to long without eating and I'm digging myself back up out of the hole of being hangry but I'm just so annoyed that I have to spend today through Monday trying to keep labor from happening. And I'm annoyed that I went from mildly painful contractions 3 minutes apart at the peak yesterday to NOTHING today. NOTHING. Sigh. I guess I only have 3 more weeks at max, so I should stop bitching, but yesterday was a new level of body tease,
@KatyF0813 I'm sorry but I LOL'd - hang in there
@zande2016 I thought they banned smoking in restaurants in all states because of worker hazard and second hand...i think some bar-only places are exempt in some states... but I don't smoke so shows how much attention I paid to the law! Well look at that mr google: As of July 2017, 14 states have not enacted any general statewide ban on smoking in workplaces and/or bars and/or restaurants: Alabama, Alaska, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Virginia, West Virginia, and Wyoming.
+10000000 to all the smoking advice. I struggled to stand up to my parents when DS was born, but lucky for me my mom didnt care to be an active part of his life except maybe 2x a year. I refuse to bring my kids to their house because they smoke inside, unless it's nice enough that we can all sit outside. I decided my sons health was way more important than me being afraid to put my foot down so I just did it. They weren't happy but I really didnt care. I had HORRID asthma and allergies growing up and it's from their constant smoking, and even if I didnt have health issues I was made fun of in school so much because I stunk like cigarettes and no amount of body spray could mask it. They are also not allowed to take my kids anywhere or watch them. Even when they visit me its nearly impossible for them to be at my house longer than 15-30 minutes because they need to smoke, so they leave because they know my rules.
Is witching hour earlier in the day a real thing? DD has been super fussy since around 930 am and is just now going down for a nap. She had attempted to fall asleep and doesnt seem to get into a deep sleep because she wakes up fussing. I have managed to pick up my son from his gifted and talented summer camp and run a quick errand, otherwise we have been nursing all morning! Witching hour or 3 week growth spurt idk but I need DD to be content in the swing long enough for me to get a meal in. Lol
Kylie M.
Baby #1 Born 12.16.2015
Baby #2 Due 7.13.2018
So I wore baby in the Moby today, my doula helped me mastering it. However it is SO HOT! I'm not a fan of the fabric. It sucks because I really want to start wearing baby more but I'm dying in the heat. My doula said she loves the Solly baby wrap...does anyone have that? I really want to get it because I'm such a sucker for anything new and shiny these days (since I live in shorts and tank tops and a messy bun) but I also don't want to spend unnecessary money right now...
I discussed the whole "newborn visitor rules" sign thing with DH - I'm going to have to make my own because I don't love any of the ones online, I'll post it to my FB and also tape it to the front door. He thinks his mom is going to take offense to the clean shirt no perfume/smoke thing but she's not the only smoker so that's her problem. The big one I saw we agreed we need to put is "don't ring the doorbell". I also totally asked my dr about visitors at the hospital today... she said no one is allowed in post-op besides the dad so my fear that MIL is going to bust into the hospital and hold my son before me can be forgotten
I went to a LLL meeting today and women were talking about flat nipples. One who had short nipples whipped hers out and I was like, holy shit, my nipples aren't even that long! Turns out I have "short stemmed" nipples. I didn't even know. Now I'm reading up to see what I can do to help with latch when baby gets here.
I feel so lost around here everyone. Having s hard timd keeping up these days. currently im sitting in bed next to a sleeping husband while i cluster feed baby and half cry half love baby snuggles. dh has been really crappy 90% of the time and i have felt so lonely and isolated. so i really have been missing the community here. i wrote him a long email last night writing out my feelings. he was nice this morning but just doesn't get how exhausting taking care of both girls during the day is and how bad my ppa is.
To help with your older DD, do you have some budget to hire a teenager as a mother's helper this summer? People around here do it, mostly to entertain their older kids at home so the mom can focus on other things like baby or herself (a nap or shower). Teenagers in your home while you're home are fairly cheap.
I wish I had the efficiency of a 3rd time mom when it was just DD1. I had so much time back then! We had pediatrician appts Wednesday and Thursday (gotta add to the thread later) and all I brought with me was a purse with 3 diapers, some wipes, extra onesie and pants, pacifier, and a small blanket which I stuffed in the car seat anyway. At the office I saw what looked like a FTM with her mom and MIL and her diaper bag was huge and fully stuffed. I also did that as a FTM but it was kind of funny to me seeing the contrast.
AFM - last day of work! HR crap is still a nightmare but w/e. DD may or may not have pinkeye
im so over my in laws. They can’t decide on what they want to do for the day and i was looking forward to having them out of the house. Now it looks like they are trying to make it so i can go which nice but I’m so tired of being out in this heat. I just want to lay around and rest. They are at least leaving tomorrow. Yesterday H was talking to his brother and nephew about taking care of DSs toys and not breaking them. BIL goes on to say that it’s just what 5 yr olds do and DS will eventually do it too. I’m sorry but right now DS is two and he doesn’t intentionally try to break his stuff. In fact he gets sad when they break from being old. I can still try to teach my kid to take care of his things and not be the 5 yr old who doesn’t respect other’s stuff. It’s all in how your raise them. But i do realize it will happen but i will still try to correct it.
@SmashJam You really nailed the baby blues feeling for me... "everyone else's life continued on without any care for how much mine changed" I'm curious to see if this second time around will be different because I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel, or if it's something you just have to process and get through every time.
@amdftw I definitely had baby blues with my first, and so far with #2 (6 days in) I haven’t felt that way at all. I think it’s much less of an adjustment/shock to the system. I cried every night for two weeks with #1 and I don’t think I’ve cried at all yet with #2. I hope it’s the same for you!
ETA - not literally - I know spanking is controversial - I mean spanking figeratively
I have so much trouble being grateful when the help isn't really helpful...
what is it about postpartum that makes Me want to eat all the things? I swear it’s worse than pregnancy cravings. Doesn’t help that people keep sending us stuff. my aunt sent a huge chocolate gift basket, then the next day she sent a key lime bundt cake. Pretty sure that cake was responsible for my heart burn last night but it was worth it.
Guys....one of my people just quit...you couldn't wait ONE MORE DAY!? Now i need to plan to transition all her crap or be a major B and leave it for my backup....i was THIS CLOSE
@gingerbride26 @flockofmoosen3 it's hard for me not to micromanage my mom in the kitchen she sometimes uses like ALL THE DISHES.
@zande2016 I am eating for 3! Amazing to not have heartburn! They told me breastfeeeding would be doing this to me but I'm amazed. I've had ice cream every single day and when my mom makes pasta I eat 2 portions!
https://bakery.wetakethecake.com/mobile/famous-key-lime-bundt-cake-p201.aspx
@SmashJam you seriously hit the nail on the head with that baby blues description.
@amdftw I know everyone and every pregnancy is different but I definitely had baby blues with DS, but it’s been completely different with this LO. Like @zande2016 said, I feel like it’s less of a shock to the system. I think part of it is my improved ability to function on less sleep, I remember being exhausted to the bone with DS.
Congrats @zombiehoohaa!!!
+1 to eating all the things. I have a major chocolate sweet tooth. I’ve been drinking dark chocolate almond milk straight out of the jug. And ice cream every night. No shame.