Feeling pretty down

tappelqu · July 2018

hi - I’m new to posting to this board. I just wanted to reach out somewhere and maybe just getting this out might help. I’m 12+3 weeks along, and am having a few rough days. I’m very very happy and blessed for this pregnancy, but I think the constant exhaustion and nausea is getting me down among other things. I’m a stay at home mom to a lovely funny sweet three year old and it’s all I can do to muster the energy to engage with her. I feel I have zero motivation to do anything outside of the things I *have* to do. For weeks I feel like I’ve just been completing tasks or collapsing for a nap. The weather here has been sunny and warm and I look out the windows wishing I had the energy to go play or even just run a fun errand but I have no go in me. I eat when I feel I must because all food has just turned disgusting to me. I know/think I’m close to coming out of this - but I have this fear of “what if I never feel good again”. I think to the time when baby does come and I’m terrified - as I had really bad postpartum depression with my first. I’m scared it will (it is??) happening again. I’m also constantly worried for this LO because of my age (41 - maybe that’s why I’m so tired lol). So far generic and carrier screens have come back clear - I was hoping that would take some stress off me. I don’t remember being this tired with my first - I was working at the time. I just remember being pretty blissfully happy. I know I should try to get out and go for a walk or something - but I just can’t seem to make my legs obey. But the worst - and what I carry kind of alone - is I don’t get much love or support from DH. This baby was unexpected - much to MY joy but he’s not so much on board yet. I feel like I’m left to deal with the unpleasant side effects of pregnancy alone. Well everything really - I’ve been to all doc appts by myself so far. Not a lot of sympathy or help. I try to just focus on all my blessings and the wonderful aspects of my life but it gets hard. I feel very disconnected from DH, feel like I look a mess all the time even tho I try. We don’t ever really spend good time together or just talk - can’t remember a last date night. I just miss having energy - miss having a bit of a life and being able to enjoy myself.

Im so sorry this was so long!! Thanks for giving me a place to put this.

meggyme · July 2018

tappelqu said:

hi - I’m new to posting to this board. I just wanted to reach out somewhere and maybe just getting this out might help. I’m 12+3 weeks along, and am having a few rough days. I’m very very happy and blessed for this pregnancy, but I think the constant exhaustion and nausea is getting me down among other things. I’m a stay at home mom to a lovely funny sweet three year old and it’s all I can do to muster the energy to engage with her. I feel I have zero motivation to do anything outside of the things I *have* to do. For weeks I feel like I’ve just been completing tasks or collapsing for a nap. The weather here has been sunny and warm and I look out the windows wishing I had the energy to go play or even just run a fun errand but I have no go in me. I eat when I feel I must because all food has just turned disgusting to me. I know/think I’m close to coming out of this - but I have this fear of “what if I never feel good again”. I think to the time when baby does come and I’m terrified - as I had really bad postpartum depression with my first. I’m scared it will (it is??) happening again. I’m also constantly worried for this LO because of my age (41 - maybe that’s why I’m so tired lol). So far generic and carrier screens have come back clear - I was hoping that would take some stress off me. I don’t remember being this tired with my first - I was working at the time. I just remember being pretty blissfully happy. I know I should try to get out and go for a walk or something - but I just can’t seem to make my legs obey. But the worst - and what I carry kind of alone - is I don’t get much love or support from DH. This baby was unexpected - much to MY joy but he’s not so much on board yet. I feel like I’m left to deal with the unpleasant side effects of pregnancy alone. Well everything really - I’ve been to all doc appts by myself so far. Not a lot of sympathy or help. I try to just focus on all my blessings and the wonderful aspects of my life but it gets hard. I feel very disconnected from DH, feel like I look a mess all the time even tho I try. We don’t ever really spend good time together or just talk - can’t remember a last date night. I just miss having energy - miss having a bit of a life and being able to enjoy myself.

Im so sorry this was so long!! Thanks for giving me a place to put this.

You need to talk to your DH about how you are feeling. He doesn’t need to be excited, but he does need to be supportive. Not even of the pregnancy yet, but of you and your LO. Tell him how disconnected you feel and come up with a plan together how to fix it. If he won’t listen/help, find a therapist or counselor to talk to because when you are even more tired with a newborn, you really won’t have the energy. I hope you start feeling better soon.

tappelqu · July 2018

Thank you for the reply :-) Unfortunanetly I have the kind of DH who isn’t very good at dealing with my emotions. He tends to get very defensive and will say things like “I don’t know what more I could possibly do” and if I try to give concrete things that could help me (come home at a certain hour, scale back some of his extracurricular activities, help with getting LO up and fed, help with bedtime) he gets frustrated and kind of implies he thinks as a SAHM I should be able to handle this. He does work fairly hard as the owner of his own company - but he can certainly find time to carve out some fun for himself. This weekend our LO had a cold yet he still managed to jet ski and golf while I was home. I told him to go because to ask him to stay behind would cause resentment. He just doesn’t do those sorts of supportive things on his own - and he can’t quite see the fault in that. We’ve had this major issue before - when LO was first born. It was very hard on me and I tried to talk it through with him but that always seemed to somehow make things worse. I don’t know maybe I’m a terrible communicator and I somehow say things the wrong way, he acts like he’s being attacked most of the time. So I’ve kind of learned to turn inward on my emotions. I did ask to see a counselor with him when I was going through the PPD but he adamantly refused. I think he fears it would just be a “pick on him” session. I did go see her on my own for a few months. I do have a great postpartum depression specialist psychologist I think I may reach out to - just to start the conversation with her before anything hits me too hard. My DH has a lot of good qualities - however - emotional support and connectedness aren’t on that list :-/

when i I found out I was pregnant - I actually didn’t tell him for 8 weeks. I was afraid he’d blame me - and I think he might, without so much having told me that in words.

Im hoping once first trimester fatigue and nausea subside, and he warms up to the idea a bit more things will look up. But I do feel I need to brace myself for the arrival of the baby - and that period of time where support is needed yet not given. I am trying to line up support in other forms for those first few months :-)

mermaidca · July 2018

@tappelqu I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. Prenatal depression is a very real thing. Make sure you talk to your doctor and hopefully a counselor too, especially with your history of PPD. You shouldn't have to feel this way and you shouldn't have to be alone through this. I hope your husband comes around and soon. It takes 2 to make a baby so the idea that he could blame you is absurd! You are a family and he should be stepping up!

nackie · July 2018

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. I was much more tired during my second pregnancy than my first, but it did get better once I got past the first trimester. I hope your energy picks up soon too.
As for your husband, even if you are a SAHM, you still need a break occasionally so you can take time for yourself. I hope he lets you have that at least. It sounds like he’s very unsupportive, it’s unfortunate he refused to try counseling. Could you try asking again in terms of figuring out a way for the two of your to come up with a plan for when this baby comes?

Feeling pretty down

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