Depression

abr0917 · July 2018

I am new to the group and needed a place to share how I'm feeling.

I'm completely terrified I've made the wrong choice in getting pregnant. My partner and I did IVF so it wasnt something that happened on accident.

I'm feeling overwhelmed by the permanence of it. Im feeling so depressed and then guilty I feel this way. Is anyone else experiencing these kind of feelings?

kayjay44 · July 2018

Feeling like this is entirely normal and can be a form of prenatal depression. I’d advise you talk to your provider about it - they’ll likely have some steps you can take (medication, therapy, etc.) that may help.

BourbonBiscuits · July 2018

Absolutely normal! I’ve been feeling a ton of prenatal depression with this pregnancy that I never felt with my first. Call your doctor - at my first appointment my doctor told me there are plenty of options (including medication, therapy and any combination of those), so there’s no reason to suffer.

catwoman8731 · July 2018

I think a lot of people have a period of time in between the first excitement and later excitement as the baby’s arrival gets closer that is more nerve-wracking. MH and I tried for almost six months, so we were very excited when it happened, but around 6 weeks, I started to get very nervous about how a second baby would affect our relationship with the first. I mean really nervous, like “did I make the right decision? What have I done? Have I ruined what we have with DD?” It got really bad up until my first prenatal appointment. Sitting in the waiting room was treacherous. But when I finally saw the baby and heard the heartbeat, and told DD, and she was so excited to be a big sister, the feelings of excitement came back. I know it’s not exactly your situation, but I’m just trying to say I think a lot of people have feelings of anxiety and depression about “what have I done?” after the initial excitement, that then come to pass and excitement comes back. Have you had an appointment yet? Also, it takes longer to feel connected for a lot of people. @kayjay44 and @BourbonBiscuits have great advice about seeking help, and just remember your feelings are normal.

kayjay44 · July 2018

I suffered my first pregnancy and was medicated before my second pregnancy. My second pregnancy was so much more enjoyable. I’m still medicated now and I thank god for it. I see a prenatal/postpartum therapist and psychiatrist while pregnant and for a year PP.

agea · July 2018

For me, these thoughts and feelings were worst in the first trimester. As it’s often still a secret, you’re not feeling well, haven’t really connected with baby, and your hormones are revving up, it’s not surprising that it’s not all bliss. I’m not to second tri yet but with my first, the excitement did return later. And I really don’t believe you’ll regret this decision once baby comes to be, but you might have doubts a bit for now. Try not to be too hard on yourself, your feelings are valid but good things lay ahead.

kayjay44 · July 2018

And also to add, this is our third and it happened a little earlier than we were planning. I’m still wondering what the hell is going to happen and if we’ve ruined everything.

abr0917 · July 2018

Thanks to everyone who has responded so far. I was afraid I was the only one with these feelings because in the introductions everyone seems elated. I really want to get there.

I'm just so scared bc I know this changes everything. Feeling sick (and the daily Progesterone injections) I think are making it worse.

I think counseling (as someone suggested above) is a good idea. This depression makes it so hard to take productive steps but I will bc I know I need to.

abr0917 · July 2018

I hadn't heard of a Prenatal Counselor. Thanks, I will look into it in my area.

megpants209 · July 2018

I had never heard of it either before this board but once I was able to put a word to it and realize I wasn’t alone, it was like a weight was lifted. I still feel a lot of guilt for some of the feelings I find myself having, but even just being able to express them here and to my husband and friends has helped. I’m making conscious decisions to implement coping skills and while they don’t help instantly, I’m confident they will over time.

For me that means going to the gym, making a point to get out of the house and be around my supports who know I’m struggling, and learning to accept the thoughts and feelings I’m having.

cmjenkies · July 2018

This is my third and I have an extensive depression history, so I am medicated throughout this pregnancy as well. Parenthood is terrifying sometimes and those feelings are not uncommon - but you don’t have to go at it alone. Definitely keep an open dialogue with both your partner and your physician so that all of your needs are met.

conchispita · July 2018

I had a loss shortly before getting pregnant with my daughter, so I never allowed myself to get excited - which I felt guilty about at the time. I though everything would change after she was born, but I still felt no connection and felt like I should have never become a mother - which of course I felt guilty about and made the depression worse. It was not good and being in denial about it meant it lasted longer than it should have. (For the record I did overcome it and can honestly say I love my daughter with all my heart and no longer have any regret about having her.)
Definitely get help now, having someone to talk to that understands what you are going through, without judgement, makes all the difference

sweetcaroline89 · July 2018

I completely understand! I was so excited to start TTC and then all of a sudden once I got pregnant I panicked. Rather than thinking of all the exciting changes a baby will bring to our family I keep focusing on all of the things we won't be able to do with a baby. I've never been one that adjusts to change very well and I'm happiest when I have a set routine so this whole thing is throwing me off. Not to mention coupling that with all of the nerves and anxiety that come with 1st trimester...it's hasn't been the easiest transition. Luckily we have until February to figure it out. Know that you are not alone in your feelings and that it's okay to seek out professional help!

ThePax89 · July 2018

I have little to add other than good thoughts for you. I’m so sorry, and I encourage you to take the above advice and seek counseling and even medication if necessary.

ieles2531 · July 2018

sweetcaroline89 said:

I completely understand! I was so excited to start TTC and then all of a sudden once I got pregnant I panicked. Rather than thinking of all the exciting changes a baby will bring to our family I keep focusing on all of the things we won't be able to do with a baby. I've never been one that adjusts to change very well and I'm happiest when I have a set routine so this whole thing is throwing me off. Not to mention coupling that with all of the nerves and anxiety that come with 1st trimester...it's hasn't been the easiest transition. Luckily we have until February to figure it out. Know that you are not alone in your feelings and that it's okay to seek out professional help!

I too spent a lot of time in my first trimester worried about all of the things we wouldn’t be able to do with a baby...we’re 3.5 years in and we still travel, have dates, drink wine, and everything else. It takes a little more planning, but you won’t have to give up what you love.

lifeislove87 · July 2018

I’m also an IVF Mom and those feelings are completely normal with an IVF pregnancy, especially if you did a medicated cycle prior to becoming pregnant (or a medicated FET). Infertility itself comes hand in hand with depression and anxiety and I think a lot of us think that a pregnancy test being positive is magically going to fix that grief and pain and heartache from the last several years and when it doesn’t and we start to question whether we actually want to become parents it amplifies this depression and anxiety. As other posters have said, therapy is a great next step and can help determine if medication is right for you. Know that as IVF moms we are at greater risk for PPD and PPA as well

okayestmom12 · July 2018

kayjay44 said:

And also to add, this is our third and it happened a little earlier than we were planning. I’m still wondering what the hell is going to happen and if we’ve ruined everything.

Same.

Society paints pregnancy to be all puppies and rainbows all the time. It isn’t. Especially in the beginning. Don’t be afraid to vent here to us and talk to your provider - they can be a tremendous resource.

lifeislove87 · July 2018

@okayestmom12 so true! It’s worse for us IVF moms because we have this perception that we are going to be the most grateful and appreciative pregnant people/parents and when that doesn’t happen you feel broken. There’s also a lot of survivors guilt parenting when a large group of your friends dream of being where you are

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