TTCAL w/o 7/9

eleven_ · July 2018

**This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage/spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and/or stillbirth may be mentioned.**

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

Status:

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

GTKY: How many different places have you lived in your life?

dpjennifer · July 2018

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. RPL 4 MC.

Status: CD 10 I think. WTO.

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Ready to be back in the saddle again. Sick of waiting. I just really want to get PG again and see what happens and be at the end of this road.

Last Friday I read this, and I found it finally put into words how I feel most of the time: https://stillstandingmag.com/2018/07/recurrent-pregnancy-loss/

GTKY: How many different places have you lived in your life? If you count college as 1 big place (not each dorm separately) then 6.

eleven_ · July 2018

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. 3 early losses this year

Status: Benched/WFAF

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Rant: I’ve been pretty negative about my TTC future. I feel that if I get pregnant again, it will end in loss so I’m feeling reluctant to try again. The excitement is gone and all that is left is fear and pain. I told DH I will try one more time, but I'm done at 4 losses. Rave: I had a really wonderful holiday weekend. It was really nice to get some time away from work. We went on a few hikes and went paddle boarding with some friends.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? I should hear back about the chromosome testing from my D&C tomorrow.

GTKY: How many different places have you lived in your life? I’ve lived in Utah (born/raised/currently living) and I lived in Switzerland for about a year when DH and I first got married. My DH is Swiss and most of his family lives there. We loved it and wanted to stay, but his mom got really sick so we moved back. DH still talks about moving back there again. Living there was really expensive so I tell him that if he can find a really good job, I’ll move again.

@dpjennifer Were you guys still thinking of trying Clomid? It's been over a year since you were pregnant, right? What does your RE say about that? I read the link you posted and it really hit home with me too. This part: "Setting a limit on how many times you will try. And then try one more time after that. (Then one more time after that.)" I say this will be my last time, but part of me wonders if it will be.

dpjennifer · July 2018

eleven_ Sorry for the struggles. It's hard to keep going when seeing a BFP doesn't even mean joy and happiness... but that there's so much more you have to 'overcome' before you can actually have a baby.
Yeah, I'd still like to try Clomid, but I'm still off on the weight. I'd dropped 12 lbs, put a few back on, and am about ready to get back on teh bandwagon again. We're still trying on our own. Last time I was PG was March 2017. Urgh. And YES!!! I totally lost it the last few times we tried and I didn't want to try again... but then it's like you forget the pain and decide it's worth the risk, only to wonder why you thought you could handle it again. It's like a piece of your heart/soul is removed each time that you never get back.

kgg2241 · July 2018

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.. 1 loss last month at 11 weeks.

Status: Benched/WFAF. It is very unlikely that AF will come on her own, so my Dr. told me to wait 60 days and if it doesn't happen then they will give me Provera then Letrozole. We are still waiting to see the genetic counselor on the 20th, so the plan could change then...

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? I've been feeling really down. The 4th of July was really hard for me. Seeing all these cute families celebrating together made me feel so alone. I am at the point in my life where I am honestly bored. I want a family to focus on. I know I need to focus on hobbies and being okay just the two of us, but it just hit me hard this last week with the holiday.

I am also really getting sick of the "you're young!" "You've got time!" blah blah comments. That doesn't help.

GTKY: How many different places have you lived in your life? Several times, but I've only lived in two different cities.

@eleven_ Your 4th of July sounds so nice! I've been trying to convince DH to get paddleboards. We've only done it once, but I really liked it. I hope the chromosomal results come back tomorrow and can at least give you some peace and hopefully some answers. This TTC/PL isn't fair and I'm so sorry you are feeling the fear and worry rather than the typical excitement.

@dpjennifer I am so sorry for all of our losses. Random compliment, but you have a nice way with words. Reading your responses to Eleven_ and I've noticed as I've lurked that you give very comforting, but practical advice.

eleven_ · July 2018

@krissy2241 There is nothing worse than comments that trivialize your loss. I'm sorry you've had to put up with that B.S. I'm a very direct person so I just flat out tell people not to say those types of things to me and why it hurts. I'm so sorry your 4th was hard to get through

At least we don't have more holidays for a bit. Those are always a little harder to get through.

zamoraspin · July 2018

@eleven_ Keep us updated on your results. I'm sorry you are feeling that reluctance. It's ok to take a break. I say this as someone who is bad at taking breaks and hates waiting - but I will say that it was six months between my third loss and fourth pregnancy, and I noticed I handled being ku again a lot better than I had previously, and I think that was in part due to the time in between. If it would help you to take a cycle or two just to live your life, do it!
@dpjennifer I'm sorry things are not moving along for you. You deserve better than the pain, longing and waiting you have endured for so long. Thank you for sharing that link. So much of that is me. For one thing I often feel awkward around my real life IF friend because we ultimately have the same problem - no baby - but our situations are different.
@krissy2241 I'm sorry for those comments. The people who say things like that may intend to make you feel better - but they are really just making themselves feel better by minimizing what you're going through. One I heard a lot (even from my mom) after my first loss was, "at least you can get pregnant!" Not helpful.

Status: Benched and waiting on testing to move to IVF

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? See below because it's mostly testing stuff, lol.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? It's been a good Monday - AF finally arrived on Friday and today I had my CD3 type bw and u/s. My AFC was at 13 today (!) which is well above the 8 we need for the guarantee program at my clinic. Hoping my other results will come quickly and also be within the ranges they want to see. My RE was very positive with me today - she said she feels really good that we were able to get an explanation for the last loss. She said based on my AFC today she would expect us to get four embryos in a cycle, and that based on my age and loss history she would expect 40% to be normal. She also seemed optimistic that we can do the guarantee program although we will have to see what my AMH and FSH are. I have an SSG on Friday, and hopefully they scheduled DH for his SA for this week. Hoping to know if we qualify for the guarantee program in the next couple weeks. We have decided to IVF regardless but I know I will feel less anxiety if we know we will get either a baby or a lot of the $ back.

GTKY: How many different places have you lived in your life? Places like states or houses? States = 5. Places like houses/apts = 14 (I think)

eta words

TJtheGoat · July 2018

@dpjennifer I’m sorry that you are feeling so pessimistic about TTC again. The weight stuff is tough too, because you obviously want to be as healthy as possible, but stress/emotional eating is hard to avoid.

@eleven_ I love paddle boarding. It is so lovely and peaceful to be out on the water in the early morning. I’m looking to buy my own paddle board this summer. FX that your testing gives you some answers.

@krissy2241 I know what you mean about wanting a family to focus on. I waited until I was 100% sure that I was ready to be all in, so it hurts more now to not have it come easily.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

1 CP in April 18

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

TBH, I’ve been really struggling the last couple weeks. I thought I was over it and doing fine, especially with how busy I’ve been. But, I slept half the weekend and just can’t bring myself to eat any healthy food or work out. I have been avoiding my friends and family too. I know that self care will help me feel better, but it just seems overwhelming. I thought that I would feel better as soon as I got pregnant again, but the fact that it hasn’t happened yet is messing with my head more than it should. Sorry for how whiny this all sounds; I know there’s no objective reason for me to be this messed up about it. Any tips on how to reset my mindset?

Any testing coming up/any recent results? Nope

GTKY: How many different places have you lived in your life?

I have moved so many times. I honestly can’t count. I have moved six times in the past five years alone. I’m really hoping that BF and I stay in this new house long enough to plant some roots and feel settled.

holly321 · July 2018

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc. MMC 2/12, possible CP 3/12, MMC 8/17

Status: benched

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

Okay-ish. I am eager to TTC again, which I think is a mentally a good sign. TMI warning/TW. I have AF, it is ridiculously heavy (normal with iud) but, it is not giving me anxiety and stress like it has in the past ( usually it triggers birth the tumor baby, which was probably the most traumatic moment of my life)

Otherwise, my 2 year anniversary from my loss is next month, and I can already feel the dread creepy in. I know the build up is always worse though, so I am trying to not let it take hold of everythong.

On a different note, and hopefully a better one, my beagle Maggie was looking really bad this weekend, I really thought she was not going to make it. I just got back from the vet, her x-ray showed a slightly enlarged liver (which is sometimes nbd in order, fat dogs) but otherwise normal (she has a mass, and has for a while, so I was nervous.) I was also pretty nervous, because while waiting for the tech to get her for her x-ray, she was laying beside me and just peed herself and didn't bother to yey up.. We are waiting for blood work, and I have to take them a urine sample, but it looks like it is probably just a UTI, worst case Cushing's (which, isn't a great diagnosis, but pretty treatable, and life expectancy isn't bad, considering she is older already.

Any test coming up/any recent results? None for now. I am calling my ENT tomorrow to either start another round of Prednisone or Lyrica, which will affect my benched time.

GTKY: How many different places have you lived in your life?

I am about to move in to my 6th place. (Or 7th, since I am staying with my parents in between buying and selling. )

It may be sad to others, but all of them have been in the same zip code. I love my little town. (Although, my parents are out of the town and in a different county). I had planned to run for town council before we sold our house, and once we get settled in our new one, I plan to start attending meetings and will probably do so.

@zamora_spin, that sounds pretty positive about the guarantee program, fx you can do it and all goes well, unless I misread. Can AFC vary from cycle to cycle?

@dpjennifer, I know you took a bump break, but I am sorry I can't remember, was it a TtC break? I saw you said back in the saddle, so if so, I wish you the best this cycle, it is good to see you around again, and you seenin better spirits, which I hope is the case.

@eleven_, fx you get answers from your testing. I am also sorry you feel down.

kindbytealikat · July 2018

@dpjennifer that was sadly perfect.
Im sorry everyone, I don’t have it in me more tags today. I’m just sad. I’ll come back tomorrow for tags.

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

2 early losses

Status: WTO

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

My minds all over the place this week. I’ve decided to go for it this month, but still stressing over a possible April due date again. DH said well you don’t know that we’ll actually get pregnant, no DH that doesn’t help either! I’m just stressed and in a constant grumpy mood.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? No

GTKY: How many different places have you lived in your life? 1 state, two cities, 6 houses.

coco2787 · July 2018

Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis/conditions surrounding loss, etc.

9 week MMC 12/17, CP 2/18, CP 3/18, 14 week MMC 6/18. No diagnosis, RPL testing all normal.

Status: Benched/WFAF

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?

It's going. I had a post-op OB appointment on Friday and she told me it could take another week to 10 days to get the genetic testing results back. It's been hard to process everything and find closure when we still don't have any answers. My due date of my first loss is in 4 days and I'm dreading getting to that milestone. In a positive, I started running again last week and I feel like it's been good for me so far, it really helps me clear my mind for a bit.

Any testing coming up/any recent results?

Hoping D&C results are in by the end of the week. My AMH results came in, it's 0.917 ng/mL which Google says is borderline low for my age. Not sure yet if that is relevant to any of my losses. Waiting on karyotyping results for me and trying to get my H in to the doctor for his blood draw.

GTKY: How many different places have you lived in your life?

I've lived in 5 different cities in 3 different states.

zamoraspin · July 2018

@TJtheGoat Trying to think how to say this, it may come out rambly - truthfully, pregnancy loss is something a lot of women never truly "get over". My stepmom had five mc's (none made it past 8w) before she had two healthy babies (my now full grown half-sisters). When I have talked to her about it, she says 25+ years later she still thinks about the babies she lost and it makes her sad. So the feelings you're having, that you need to just snap out of it, or that it will be better if... you have another pregnancy... you have a healthy baby - they are normal feelings born out of a societal belief (perhaps unspoken) that early pregnancy losses do not "count". But that's false. Early pregnancy loss causes grief, and grief is not something you get fully "over", although you do get through it with time. After my first loss I think there was a part of me that was embarrassed to openly grieve. I think still it is something I struggle with. But even though it was a first trimester loss, I had a lot of grief. I still have a lot of grief. I carry that grief with me.

Now, I will say after four losses I have developed a lot of coping mechanisms, and after my subsequent losses I have tried more and more not to let the loss of my babies take away all my joy, all the things I want to do in life. For example we went to a wedding the day after my first D&C. Because fuck, I was not going to miss one more event due to my grief. So I guess I would say, stop putting pressure on yourself to feel better. That will happen when you're ready. And if you need to wallow in it, that is ok. But it's also ok to do stuff because you're tired of missing out, and you might not enjoy getting that exercise, going to that event, etc., as much as you would have before, but you will probably be glad, looking back on it, that you did those things.

catlady2015 · July 2018

Status: WFAF - likely anovulatory cycle. chart below in spoiler.

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/5020794/uploads/editor/vk/uiksksgvmmxd.png

How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R? Sorry I haven't been around much, guys. I'm struggling with the ano cycle, honestly. Not really sure where I belong. I got all excited with the big temp dip on CD10, which would have given us fairly good timing and then there was no temp rise to really note ovulation. CD14-16 temps are so similar, really just a WTF to my body. I just want AF to come so I can start over. If she shows up when she's projected we'll O right after we move into our new house. I can deal with that. I just want to be able to do something.

Any testing coming up/any recent results? nope

GTKY: How many different places have you lived in your life? towns? 12. Houses? 14.

catlady2015 · July 2018

@dpjennifer - I hear you. waiting sucks.

@eleven_ - I'm glad you had a good holiday weekend. I'm sorry you're feeling so negative about the TTC future. I really have no words, just hugs. Keep us posted on your results!

@zamora_spin - I'm glad your levels are above what's needed for the guarantee program! Hope the rest of the testing goes well.

@TJtheGoat - I don't really know how to reset your mindset.

What I had to do to move forward was to pick one thing each day to do just for me. Whether it was bubble baths, a favorite dinner, a walk, anything to motivate me to get up and do something I enjoyed. I still have days where I'm like, "this is the worst" but doing something little (especially the walks or baths) gave me some time that I really did use for processing the loss. moving ahead with trying again is helping, and it's awful that it doesn't happen as quickly as we would like it to!

@kindbytealikat - FX that moving ahead for a potential april due date is a good decision! the stress of all of this is so overwhelming. Big hugs.

@coco2787 - I'm glad you've been running and doing some things for you! FX some radioactive spider gets going on the loss results and you hear sooner rather than later.

kindbytealikat · July 2018

@coco2787 I hope you testing comes back soon and is helpful.
@catlady1215 don’t count yourself out yet, you still have time to O. My past few cycles I tend to surge around day 13/14 but then I do O. Then day 18 I get a shorter surge and O on day 19.

catlady2015 · July 2018

thanks @kindbytealikat - I need to remember my cycle might be totally screwed up now. I've always had a solid 24-25 day cycle and I've O'd by CD14 at the absolute latest. I've also never had more than one LH surge per cycle before now, so I know I'm just reacting and comparing this to "normal" when this might be the new "normal". thank you for the much needed perspective!

kindbytealikat · July 2018

Catching up from yesterday. Sorry GP yesterday I was doing well reading everyone else pain yesterday.

@dpjennifer hugs my friend, the in limbo part is so frustrating and tough.
@eleven_ I hate how lose takes away the ability to be joyful over a BFP. Sounds like you had a nice vacation.
@krissy2241The holiday was really hard on
me as well, *TW* Even though I have one I want another and going to events that are family oriented and every family having 2+ kids just pours salt in my wounds. *END TW*
@zamora_spin FX for you and your test.
@TJtheGoat you don’t sound whiny at all. Grieve wax’s and wanes. Take care of yourself and your needs will change every week, sometimes every day. Be nice to yourself. Hugs!!!
@holly321 ugh milestones suck, hugs. I hope fur baby feels better soon.

dpjennifer · July 2018

krissy2241 Ugh, yeah… who knew a holiday like July 4th could induce such emotional drama in our lives!?!? Something I never would have thought possible before going through TTCAL. Also, I recommend punching those people with their suggestions in the face. Or, well, at least I do that in my mind. In reality I go with a verbal punch to the face. Something along the lines of “Well, I’ve been PG 4x, so it doesn’t really matter how young I am if my babies keep dying.” Shuts them up quick. And I’d like to think I’m hopefully helping them to not say such stupid things in the future, and thus saving the next RPL/IF/etc.. sufferer from dealing with it. LOL, and just read your compliment. Thank you. I don’t know if I’d say I’ve got a ‘nice way with words’ but I’m just really too tired for games and BS and tend to just say what I feel and tell it how it is a lot of the times.

zamora_spin Yeah, it’s hard when all of my IRL friends who have had struggles with RPL or IF now have a baby (or are at least PG again). Although it sucks, I am glad for the few of us on these boards who actually know the struggle and can relate. Glad they’re letting you go along with the guarantee program! Hoping it all works out, and sooner rather than later, for you!

TJtheGoat Resetting the mindset is a total chore! I’ve found that you can’t do it til YOU are ready to do it, but at least recognizing you want/need to is usually a good first step. Any chance you can take a day off of work? I’ve found this past year that just taking a mental health day for NO reason, and having a hobby/task to focus on (NOT laundry/etc.) but like a sewing project or craft project or swim in the pool for a few hours and read my book, etc. is SUPER helpful. A day to focus on doing whatever the h*ll I want to, without the pressures of needing to work or do chores or run errands. And to KNOW you're allowed to do whatever YOU feel like, and not feel bad about it (so you want to sit on the couch all day and ENJOY binge-watching that new TV show, then you do it and you enjoy that shyte and do NOT feel guilty about it). That has been tremendously helpful in letting my mind relax and let me get back into a happier place.

holly321 Sorry for the loss anniversary, it feels hopeless when you start counting them in years with no rainbow baby in sight. As for me, it was a bump break, but last cycle DH said maybe we ‘shouldn’t try’ since I may have had a big job move (to Hawaii) and did we want to move while I was PG, and I was too tired to argue about it so we were sorta self-benched. Then the job fell through, and he spent a few weeks in the doghouse about ‘this is why we don’t skip cycles… esp since a BFP for us doesn’t even mean a baby.’ So, now I think we’re on the same page again and both ready to actually try this month. Although, still not temping…

kindbytealikat In the not positive, but realistic world… I have 2 due dates in the same month. One early June and one late June. It’s um, not as bad as one would think. Basically, instead of stressing about each upcoming due date and not being PG before then or remembering losses… instead of that happening slowly and months apart, when they’re together you can just have one really bad month (or several weeks in a row). Then if you’re extra stressed and bitchy, you can just tell people that 2 of your babies died around the same time and they can STFU about your mood.

coco2787 OMG, another 10 weeks?!?! Sending you as much patience as I can (which admittedly isn’t much, since I tend to have like no patience to begin with. Hehe).

catlady2015 Waiting does suck! Hopefully AF figures her crap out and shows up soon!

TJtheGoat · July 2018

@zamora_spin @kindbytealikat @catlady2015 @dpjennifer Thank you ladies for all the love. I think Zamora said it perfectly in that I kept telling myself as soon as I get pregnant again I’ll be over it and that probably isn’t a healthy coping mechanism. I am going to make a real effort to take better care of myself and my relationship. I am enlisting my friends/family to push me to eat better and work out. I did get in a couple miles last night and that felt pretty good.

@coco2787 Sorry for the delay on your results. I find that running really helps my mental health as well. Maybe we can help each other stay with it.

@catlady2015 Hopefully it’s just a delayed O this cycle. I ovulated late the cycle after my CP, I think it was CD 26. So you’re not out yet.

coco2787 · July 2018

@dpjennifer 10 days not 10 weeks! I would lose my shit if it was 10 weeks.

kindbytealikat · July 2018

I’ve been putting off an area of my bedroom and now I remember why. And now I’m a mess.

TJtheGoat · July 2018

@kindbytealikat hugs

dpjennifer · July 2018

coco2787 Oh Thank God.... 10 days is way better than 10 weeks!!!

nmbrcrnchr1 · July 2018

@zamora_spin I know your words to TJ Goat above weren’t towards me but thank you for sharing your “rambling”. I didn’t think such an early loss (6 weeks) would affect me as much as it has, but I’m learning that’s good, and ok.

zamoraspin · July 2018

@catlady2015 I wouldn't jump to assuming this is an an-O cycle yet. It's typical to have delayed O post-loss. I typically O between CD12-15, and post-loss have O'd much later, this last time it's not totally clear when but FF thinks as late as CD30 (I think more like CD26 based on my LP, but whatever). It's hard and frustrating after loss to be struggling with a weird cycle, I'm sorry.

holly321 · July 2018

@dpjennifer, I am glad that you and your DH are on the same page again. DH and I have our moments of not being on the same page and it makes everything so much worse. And thanks for sharing that article, I don't technically have RPL, but it did have some good views/points.

@kindbytealikat, *hugs*

Afm, updates and such, please don't mind my ramblings. I was literally bragging out how I did not freak out this month with bleeding and crampy with my period. Then my bleeding kept getting worse, so I called my obgyn, hoping he would do what he always does and tell me I am fine and not to worry. I ended up being told to come in, still wasn't worried, just annoyed, thinking the new nurse didn't talk to him and just made me come in. I had to have a bunch of tests done and didn't realize until halfway through the ultrasound, when the tech mentioned how many I had in the last year, that they were worried/looking to see if the cancer came back. Fortunately, it didn't. I just have unexplained menorrhagia, which I have medicine for. Then today, I saw the spine doctor, and I have a fracture in my spine. I start physical therapy next week and have to get another MRI to see what the next step is.
It looks like my dog had Cushing's disease, waiting for 1 more test to confirm, but her pain medicine seems to be at least making her feel a lot better.

TW death

My good friend/coworker's son died last night. So today was pretty awful. And apparently I am the death/grief expert at work, because literally everyone was coming to me. But, I had said something to someone how while I don't know how co-worker feels, since I have never lost a kid, but I do have a different from watching my parents this last year and a half. Anyway, a different co-worker butted in and said something really sweet about how I do understand to a degree from my miscarriages. It was sweet to have that acknowledgement

kgg2241 · July 2018

@holly321 Im so sorry you've had so many crummy things going on lately. That is really nice of your coworker to acknowledge your losses. Little things like that comment make a difference. Also, I'm so sorry about your pup.

@kindbytealikat *big hugs*

AFM, Sorry to post and disappear this week. I've been out of town for work and The Bump ap is making me pull my hair out.

coco2787 · July 2018

Well we finally got the results of our chromosome testing. Genetically normal XX. There's a small possibility that the DNA they tested was my DNA since it's XX, but probably not given that we had a normal NIPT and I was far enough along that fetal tissue would have been easily identifiable. We put in a prior authorization for chromosome microarray testing which is a little more detailed, but chances are that won't tell us anything else (and still has the issue of potentially being my DNA).

I'm so sad. My baby was healthy and she should be here and I don't have any good explanation for why she's not. Fuck.

zamoraspin · July 2018

@coco2787 I'm so sorry. That is heartbreaking, and I'm so sorry this has not provided more answers. Do you have any appts coming up to discuss this with your dr?

Did they not take a sample of your blood to exclude that it was your DNA? Idk who your testing is through but I think Natera checks against a maternal sample to make sure the sample is distinct.

lin0442 · July 2018

@coco2787 I’m so sorry. It’s hard to get back ‘good’ results and just feel like the only explanation is the world’s worst luck. There’s not much else to say but I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

prpl11butterfly · July 2018

@coco2787 I am so so sorry. I wish you had gotten something to ease your mind even just a little. Sending love

TJtheGoat · July 2018

@coco2787 I wish I had anything that would help ease your pain. I’m thinking of you and your baby girl today.

catlady2015 · July 2018

@coco2787 - sending big hugs to you

and I'm so sorry you didn't receive any helpful news from the genetic testing.

eleven_ · July 2018

Oh @coco2787 I feel so angry and sad for you right now. I'm so fucking sorry you've had to go through all of this and then to get this news on top of it all. Hugs hugs hugs... so many hugs to you. You know I am always here

eleven_ · July 2018

Sorry if I missed anyone. My anxiety has been so bad this week. I’ve been calling my RE every day trying to get the chromosome results, but they aren’t answering. Just feeling really anxious and stressed.

@zamora_spin The idea of taking a break makes me nervous because I really stress about getting older and my egg quality getting worse. I just kind of feel like it’s now or never. I’m so happy to hear your bw is looking good so far! When will you find out your AMH and FSH? I’m so hopeful that you will qualify for the guarantee program.

@tjthegoat I have my ups and downs too. It’s really hard to deal with because at times you feel like you are okay and you have healed and then one day the grief comes crashing down on you again. I have been struggling with self-care too. I’ve tried to set little goals for myself daily instead of goals that feel overwhelming and it’s helped. Also, my first CP was hardest to deal with in a way. I was even further along this last time, but the first loss really shook me. It was just so unexpected. Don’t beat yourself up about feeling down. Your heart is still healing from loss and there is no timeline for your grief.

@holly321 I’m so sorry you had to go through that scare of the cancer coming back! I’m so so happy to hear that it wasn’t the case. I’m sorry that you still are bleeding so heavily. You've been through hell and back and I really admire your strength through all of this. Hopefully you get good new about your pup! Keep us updated!

kgg2241 · July 2018

@coco2787 I am so sorry. I wish words would help. I did find this quote in the spoiler that really resonated with me. Grief is love. I'm thinking of you today. Big hugs.

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@Eleven_ I'm sorry you've had bad anxiety this week. I'm virtually sending you an El Chihuahua Death Star... and if you don't know what that is you need to go right now.

dpjennifer · July 2018

coco2787 I'm so sorry. Having no answers truly sucks.
holly321 Woah!? Glad the cancer didn't come back!

kindbytealikat · July 2018

@coco2787 I’m so sorry hugs

eleven_ · July 2018

@krissy2241 OMG El Chihuahua

My favorite is the mojito one. How are those things legal here?!?

coco2787 · July 2018

@zamora_spin I don’t know which lab the testing was done at. They took blood from me at the hospital but I don’t know that they used it to do a genetic comparison. I assume no since the nurse made it a point to mention that there was a chance the DNA was mine.

holly321 · July 2018

@coco2787, I am so sorry. I can't imagine not having some sort of answer. I hope they other test provides some insight.

@eleven_ thanks! Although I don't feel strong. I feel like I could explode.

@dpjennifer, thank you, I can't believe I wasn't freaking out. I had been taking hpt every time I got my period until this cycle.

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