Relationship advice?

thumbelinaa · July 2018

im 8 weeks with baby number two me and my bf have been together 5 months we broke up Monday (he apologized and i ended up taking him back like always) because he is just
really disrespectful every time we get into it he would say that either he hopes i have a miscarriage or to get an abortion he use to hit me then he stopped but he has lashed out again once since ive been prego i use to be happy abt the baby but now i just feel like this is signing me up for a life time of hurt and i want to just break up with him but im scared of what he might do or say he has already aired some of my dirty laundry on fb i told him i would give him one last chance but now i regret it amd i feel like im just ainxiously waiting for him to do one little thing so that i can end it. Im just not happy i have no self love right now

bleucheeznwine · July 2018

None of what he does is ok. I would start here to look for resources, https://www.thehotline.org/

Make sure to use a device he doesn't use to research things, or clear your browser history so he doesn't see you're seeking help.

smallbutmighty77 · July 2018

Think about how hard it is for you to love yourself right now and how much you don't want to be in this situation or with this type of person. If you do stay together, your child has no choice in being around him, how he treats her, anything. So, do what is best for you and that baby. Airing dirty laundry on FB will just give you more rights, etc with custody or anything if you need it. Document everything and stay civil and above all his BS. Get shit in writing from him, whatever. Give yourself the upper hand and don't worry about his trash talk- it will only cause more issues for him.

BourbonBiscuits · July 2018

Oh my heart breaks reading this. Pregnant women are hugely at risk for domestic violence. Echoing what others said - think about how he treats you and imagine him treating your child that way. I'm sure we have some lawyers here who know more specific resources you can tap into, and I know I'm not the only one who has left an abusive relationship. Tap into Team You - whether that's family or friends - and quietly come up with a plan to safely get away. In many states, you're entitled to use your sick time to access resources to escape a DV situation. Please know we're praying and rooting for you.

ruby696 · July 2018

I'm not sure what state you're in (I'm assuming you're in the US), but domesticshelters.com will give you a list of shelters and services in your state and county. Also, please look into getting counseling. It will make a world of difference in the way you view yourself, how you handle this breakup, and ongoing issues related to custody. I very strongly encourage you to speak with an attorney regarding your rights, custody, and child support. Get a child support/custody order in place as soon as your baby is born. A counselor or therapist should be able to point you in the right direction.

Finally, my own personal opinion is this: please do not give this man unsupervised access to your baby without a custody order. If he chooses not to return your child, the police cannot make him without a custody order. Also, the court can order him to take parenting and anger management classes, if it's appropriate. You really want court involvement early in a situation like this.

And please, if he has a history of violence towards you, keep your plans to yourself. Don't hesitate to call the police and get a restraining order if necessary. A paper trail is so so important.

MrsCaliRN · July 2018

It sounds like you know something is terribly wrong and that you and your baby are not safe. Until he gets help, you shouldn't trust anything he says in regards to any apologies or promises to do better and not hurt you. This man literally said he wants your baby to die (e.g. "he hopes i have a miscarriage or to get an abortion"). It sounds like you're choosing to be a mother to this little human you're carrying, and as a mother it is your job to care for, nurture, and protect your baby and yourself. You are worth more than the the way this man treats you and the way he talks to you, and your baby deserves more than to have his/her safety compromised by being around a verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive individual.

All this said, take the first step and get some help!

Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or live chat on www.thehotline.org

kayjay44 · July 2018

The ladies above have given some great advice. Please take care of yourself, get some help and don't hesitate to reach out here for support and advice.

becks_726 · July 2018

Nothing to add to the above but please take care of yourself.

hannahbananas11 · July 2018

I agree with everyone else here. Get help from the hotline, family, friends so that you, and baby, can be safe. Always remember that you deserve kindness and respect.

Relationship advice?

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