My bf is that I have an anterior placenta. I looked so forward to feeling the baby move and now I just get very subtle movements. I just want to experience the one part of pregnancy I was looking forward to!! (Other than my baby boy after delivery)
I'm back at work after a week long vacation. And I definitely don't want to be here. It is way too early for me to feel this unmotivated. I think the realization that I have no more time off (except Labor Day) until baby is here has set in. It is going to be a long haul to November.
DH and I went to Wrigley Field on July 4 for the Cubs vs Tigers game and it was killing me to not have a beer.
My BF is my mom. She's historically been a very selfish person and we don't have the greatest relationship because of it. I sent her an update on Baby A's heart issue because she knew I was having the appointments - apparently I made a typo and his/her ended up just being his/ and my Mom's response was "Praying that all is well with my grandkids!! Was your reference to "his" mean they're boys or just a figure of speech?" I've been VERY clear that we're Team Green and it just pisses me off that there was no Mommy sympathy there and her takeaway from me basically saying, "One of my children has a heart issue." Was "does the word his mean they're boys?" Maybe I'm being overly sensitive, but it really hit me the wrong way.
@smulrich16 Very frustrating that you were keeping her up-to-date on what I imagine is a scary, stressful situation for you, and her big concern was if they're boys or girls. You're not being overly sensitive - she's being incredibly INsensitive for even making that comment on the first place. It's one thing to discuss the sexes in general, but in this context, it's in poor taste. An inquiry regarding Baby A's health and development or a thoughtful, emotionally supportive response would have been much more appropriate here.
I know it’s Tuesday, but work has been so frustratingly overwhelming for about 6 months now, and they keep promising relief by making som changes, but those changes keep getting pushed back back, and I’m so tired of feeling overwhelmed all day every day, and not being able to go my job to the standard I would like to do it to, because I have too much to do.
Glad this thread is still going cause I need a place to vent! My mom made me cry about baby shower logistics this morning. I work on Sunday mornings (up at 5am) and literally cannot take even one off between the beginning of September and the start of my maternity leave. However, my MIL wants to host a Saturday afternoon shower for me four hours north in October and my mom's sister wants to host a Saturday afternoon shower for me four hours south in early Nov. To my knowledge plans haven't started, but my church will most certainly also host a shower for me regardless of my wishes. We had a very similar logistical problem with my wedding showers and I ended up letting people do what they wanted, going along with it, being miserably stressed, and then disappointing everyone for being miserably stressed and not the bubbly bride they wanted to celebrate. I'm working on convincing my sister and friends to whittle it down to one shower, at the church, where I live, with everyone invited, but my mom called me selfish and ungrateful for wanting this instead of what's been offered. She literally said, "This is not about you, it's about other people being able to express their love for that baby." Why does everything have to be so hard!!
@amjschmidt WTH....it literally is all about you! Celebrating your motherhood, your baby coming into the world. I am sorry your mother is making you feel so bad. I would stick to your guns. If you need an excuse, just say that your doctor said you cannot be that far from your hospital that late in pregnancy.
My Tuesday BF is at DD but mostly at myself. I know I'm pregnant and tired and hormonal and everything, but holy sh*t can I just say how disheartening it is that I can't seem to make it through a single day of solo parenting smoothly? DH has been working from home quite a bit the last few weeks but had to work outside the house this morning. He didn't tell me until I was waking up so I had to scramble to get DD and I out the door on time for her swim lesson 30 minutes away with unwashed hair and zero makeup, where she then proceeded to throw tantrum after tantrum and basically refuse the lesson. I threatened to take her home, which got her into the pool but didn't help with her focus. She was not at all cooperative with her coach. Bless him that he never lost patience with her. I decided to treat myself to an iced Starbucks and breakfast sandwich on the way home because I was starving and hadn't had time to eat. I promptly threw that up in the bathroom sink, which of course I then had to unclog BY HAND. When we got home DD was whiny and on one of those Toddler Tornadoes where they intentionally destroy everything in their path to drive you crazy. I'm sure you know the ones.
Just....this freaking age. Her misbehavior feels so personal and I feel like I spend the entire day fighting her all day long. It's so hard not to join her in her temper tantrums when my only choice is to give into her every whim or listen to her scream. It's exhausting and it makes me hate being home sometimes. Admittedly I would much rather be exhausted from parenting my difficult toddler than exhausted from a job that took me away from her, but I am caught off guard so often by how damn hard it can all be. It's like every time I don't have DH here to help out I just lose control of everything which is not at all helping the anxiety I have about this long work trip he has next month. This is not the type of mother I want to be. I just want to sit here and cry. I feel so incompetent so much of the time lately.
@mousemama817 oh mama, about 18 months ago I could have written this exact post. I work part-time and it was honestly so nice to get a short breather from it all every day. Don't feel guilty or like you are not doing your best, toddlers are HARD. Remind me, how old is she?
For us, 2 was super easy, but 3 was when our perfect little world came shattering down. I remember so many times looking back at photos of her when she was an infant, or 1 or 2, and how I had never had a mean or upset feeling towards her. But 3, I had so many mean feelings and just felt taken advantage of. The fact that it was all being done by a 3 year old made it even worse. These little girls are fiercely smart.
I can't imagine being around it all day. No amount of threatening of time out, lost privileges, etc worked for us. My DD just didn't care. She wanted to be right and to have it her way regardless of what we took away. I reminded myself so many times that a strong-willed girl is what we want. I want her to stand up for her beliefs and herself, but that doesn't make parenting any easier.
It will get better. When it gets better varies for everyone. But she is my person now. I realize that sounds ridiculous because she is only 4, but I honestly would take her anywhere and do most anything with her. The amount of maturity that has happened from 3 to 4.5 is beyond incredible. When you are in the thick of it is SO hard. Especially being a stay at home mom with no time to really be away. Thinking of you and know you are doing an amazing job.
@amjschmidt i would have had a hard time responding with something not completely b*tchy in response. you’ll be 8 or 9 months pregnant. you have to get up at 5am the next day. it is COMPLETELY unreasonable for you to have to travel four hours away (and my ob would even caution against traveling that far away so late in the game). do not feel bad about turning them down under those conditions.
@MouseMama817 ugh your morning sounded absolutely exhausting. i have those days and thoughts too. hope you get some time to yourself to refresh soon. kids, man.
@highsteaks@wannaflickone Thanks guys Now I'm crying for how sweet you are. DD will be 3 next month. Exactly as you said, I want to raise strong-willed, badass girls but parenting them is so challenging. Your story makes me feel better. It's difficult not to feel like it's just your kid and therefore your parenting failure so thank you for the perspective. I've always heard that 3 is worse than 2 and I'm really starting to see what everyone has been talking about. Again, pregnancy, but it seems like it's so much harder for me to handle her right now than it is for DH. He gets to be the fun one and while he does help me out so much, I've always been the disciplinarian and the one who has no patience for her obstinance, where he can just laugh.
@amjschmidt It is completely reasonable for you to say you are only up for having one shower and are not able to travel. I get the impulse to be a people pleaser and make everyone happy, but it really isn't selfish to stand up for yourself and express your needs. It's supposed to be a joyous occasion and you should get some say in when/where it happens.
@MouseMama817 Oh honey I have been there. DD is nearly three and there are days where I just want to quit. I also SAH and while often times I am so grateful to have this time with DD other times I am like "well at least if I was at work I could go to the bathroom by myself without you apparently setting off a bomb in the kitchen I just cleaned!!!!!" And yes, the insane demands and total meltdowns over stuff that doesn't even matter (like why do you care if mommy opens the string cheese before you sat down? Why is this worthy of screams and tears????) make ME want to also lose my marbles and bang my fists on the floor. You are not an incompetent mother - toddlers are just total nonsense at level 10. I can't imagine having DH gone for long periods of time. Do you have any help that could give you a break? I have a few sitters who I trust that I try to have come over for a few hours every now and then, and when I'm at the end of my rope I think "ok Britney is coming tomorrow afternoon and then I get a break." DD is usually pretty happy to play with them too!
@MouseMama817 I could have written your post! We took DS out of daycare for the summer to save $. He has since decided that he no longer needs to nap, even on the days I desperately need one. He will argue and cry and just flat out ignore me telling him to nap and then will be a little terror by the end of the day because he's tired. The pregnancy hormones definitely don't help the situation, as I also find myself wanting to join in on his temper tantrums! I don't have any advice... just a bunch of sympathy. You aren't alone!
@amjschmidt The "this is not about you" comment made me rage so hard. Yes. Yes, it is about you. Showers are to welcome a woman to motherhood, and while we all obviously love to celebrate a baby, the shower is your day IMO. Sounds like someone needs to remind her that it's not about her.
Is there a way you can say something like, "Thank you for offering, but it would be much easier for me to stay close to home, especially with my current work schedule. I would prefer to have one shower to cut down on stress and traveling so late in pregnancy."? Surely guests will understand that it's easier for them to travel to you rather than vice versa.
@MouseMama817 Girl, this is me on a daily basis. So often I ask myself why my child hates me. Lol. We're going through a biting and hair-pulling phase that's a lot of fun. I try so many different tactics to make him understand that these things aren't nice, and he does them anyway. I'll take him to the splash park for what I assume will be a fun day for him, and he'll end up throwing a fit, not listening, being mean to the other kids, etc. It's very frustrating. I always have to remind myself that he's only two and learning, but when it's all day long of him not listening to me in any way, shape, or form, I start to question my own parenting and if I'm even doing a good job. It's rough, so I am 100% with you. You're doing an excellent job - we are just dealing with tiny crazy people who then make us crazy. I'm sorry you're having a tough day. Sending lots of hugs your way!
@lifesabeach85 Yes! Like why do you have to ask me to put a show on and then minutes into it decide that you hate that show forever and instead you want Dinosaurs? And then minutes into Dinosaurs you hate it and now you want something else? And why does being given a drink in any cup other than your beat up Minnie Mouse cup make you fall apart? Ugh. I do have my mom close by and she doesn't mind babysitting when I need her. She kept her for an hour today so that I could get the house back in order in peace. I need to get more comfortable with asking for help, really.
@middleschoolmommy That's exactly what we did. We put her in swim for the summer because it's $200 cheaper/month but still something fun for her to do. We thought. She fights us almost every week. Solidarity mama.
@amjschmidt Your baby shower 100% is about you. It 100% is not about other people. I say blame it on doctor's orders and tell everyone you can't travel that late in your pregnancy. End of story. When the baby gets here nobody is going to be pissy about your baby shower so if there are hurt feelings initially, know that everyone will get over them.
+ 1 for knowing the struggle of toddlerhood. There’s nothing like a toddler to make you feel like a horrible parent. I’m also a sahm and am very familiar with the mixed emotions of feeling grateful to be home with my son, but at the same time feeling completely drained from being around him 24/7.
Thanks so much for your supportive feedback. I was a little afraid of sounding ungrateful even here on the board-- my mom's really gotten into my head about that. (My mom and I are generally super close, but gift-giving/holidays/party-throwing is longstanding tension point: I think she makes her gifts (parties etc) about her need to give instead of what would make the giftee happy and she thinks I have trouble feeling and expressing gratitude. From the wise perspective of those who know and love us, I've heard we're both a little bit right. )
The whole shower situation does suck because in an ideal world a couple little low-key showers with people I love sounds a lot better than a big one- I esp. wish we could do the one with my in-laws and husband's peeps whom I love to visit- but the logistics (and jealousy) are just too complicated to sort through. I think I will be able to have it my way with the one shower, in the end, because my sister is awesome and was a sympathetic witness to the bridal shower debacle, traveling that far in Nov does seem like not the best idea, and my mom did end the phone call saying something like, "I'm going to take your perspective into consideration." But it was very good to vent and be affirmed here. Thank you all!
... I'll take him to the splash park for what I assume will be a fun day for him, and he'll end up throwing a fit, not listening, being mean to the other kids, etc. It's very frustrating....
it when it's all day long of him not listening to me in any way, shape, or form, I start to question my own parenting and if I'm even doing a good job.
So much this, but mine is 4! There will be all kinds of fun/nice things I want to do with/for him, but then he acts like a complete and total jerk. We went to the indoor bounce house, but he wanted to play the arcade games instead of jumping and threw a fit. We went to the dollar movie and he threw a fit because he wanted candy, not the little kids pack. It's pretty much impossible to buy anything for him at the store if he is there. Grandparents have spoiled him to where he thinks he will automatically get whatever he asks for, so there is usually a lot of fit throwing every time we go. It's so hard, by the end of the day, to not just lose it with him when we go over the SAME THINGS daily. I know he's pushing his limits, but it's tiring!
Re: Monday BF 7/9
My BF is my mom. She's historically been a very selfish person and we don't have the greatest relationship because of it. I sent her an update on Baby A's heart issue because she knew I was having the appointments - apparently I made a typo and his/her ended up just being his/ and my Mom's response was "Praying that all is well with my grandkids!! Was your reference to "his" mean they're boys or just a figure of speech?" I've been VERY clear that we're Team Green and it just pisses me off that there was no Mommy sympathy there and her takeaway from me basically saying, "One of my children has a heart issue." Was "does the word his mean they're boys?" Maybe I'm being overly sensitive, but it really hit me the wrong way.
I decided to treat myself to an iced Starbucks and breakfast sandwich on the way home because I was starving and hadn't had time to eat. I promptly threw that up in the bathroom sink, which of course I then had to unclog BY HAND.
When we got home DD was whiny and on one of those Toddler Tornadoes where they intentionally destroy everything in their path to drive you crazy. I'm sure you know the ones.
Just....this freaking age. Her misbehavior feels so personal and I feel like I spend the entire day fighting her all day long. It's so hard not to join her in her temper tantrums when my only choice is to give into her every whim or listen to her scream. It's exhausting and it makes me hate being home sometimes. Admittedly I would much rather be exhausted from parenting my difficult toddler than exhausted from a job that took me away from her, but I am caught off guard so often by how damn hard it can all be. It's like every time I don't have DH here to help out I just lose control of everything which is not at all helping the anxiety I have about this long work trip he has next month. This is not the type of mother I want to be. I just want to sit here and cry. I feel so incompetent so much of the time lately.
For us, 2 was super easy, but 3 was when our perfect little world came shattering down. I remember so many times looking back at photos of her when she was an infant, or 1 or 2, and how I had never had a mean or upset feeling towards her. But 3, I had so many mean feelings and just felt taken advantage of. The fact that it was all being done by a 3 year old made it even worse. These little girls are fiercely smart.
I can't imagine being around it all day. No amount of threatening of time out, lost privileges, etc worked for us. My DD just didn't care. She wanted to be right and to have it her way regardless of what we took away. I reminded myself so many times that a strong-willed girl is what we want. I want her to stand up for her beliefs and herself, but that doesn't make parenting any easier.
It will get better. When it gets better varies for everyone. But she is my person now. I realize that sounds ridiculous because she is only 4, but I honestly would take her anywhere and do most anything with her. The amount of maturity that has happened from 3 to 4.5 is beyond incredible. When you are in the thick of it is SO hard. Especially being a stay at home mom with no time to really be away. Thinking of you and know you are doing an amazing job.
@MouseMama817 ugh your morning sounded absolutely exhausting. i have those days and thoughts too. hope you get some time to yourself to refresh soon. kids, man.
Is there a way you can say something like, "Thank you for offering, but it would be much easier for me to stay close to home, especially with my current work schedule. I would prefer to have one shower to cut down on stress and traveling so late in pregnancy."? Surely guests will understand that it's easier for them to travel to you rather than vice versa.
@middleschoolmommy That's exactly what we did. We put her in swim for the summer because it's $200 cheaper/month but still something fun for her to do. We thought. She fights us almost every week. Solidarity mama.
@amjschmidt Your baby shower 100% is about you. It 100% is not about other people. I say blame it on doctor's orders and tell everyone you can't travel that late in your pregnancy. End of story. When the baby gets here nobody is going to be pissy about your baby shower so if there are hurt feelings initially, know that everyone will get over them.
@lachnessmomster @MouseMama817
Thanks so much for your supportive feedback. I was a little afraid of sounding ungrateful even here on the board-- my mom's really gotten into my head about that. (My mom and I are generally super close, but gift-giving/holidays/party-throwing is longstanding tension point: I think she makes her gifts (parties etc) about her need to give instead of what would make the giftee happy and she thinks I have trouble feeling and expressing gratitude. From the wise perspective of those who know and love us, I've heard we're both a little bit right.
The whole shower situation does suck because in an ideal world a couple little low-key showers with people I love sounds a lot better than a big one- I esp. wish we could do the one with my in-laws and husband's peeps whom I love to visit- but the logistics (and jealousy) are just too complicated to sort through. I think I will be able to have it my way with the one shower, in the end, because my sister is awesome and was a sympathetic witness to the bridal shower debacle, traveling that far in Nov does seem like not the best idea, and my mom did end the phone call saying something like, "I'm going to take your perspective into consideration." But it was very good to vent and be affirmed here. Thank you all!