newcomer intro

Good afternoon! I just returned from the doctor and I have some thoughts, feelings, I'm struggling with so I'm not sure who to talk to but. But here I am...Just thought a neutral third party/parties would be nice to vent to and ask some questions. I've just started this journey so bear with me. 

I have a beautiful 2 1/2 year old little girl. I've had one other previous pregnancy in 2005 and made an adoption plan (due to my age and a very unhealthy relationship). In January of 2017, my husband and I decided we could try for another baby. For six months, there was no trying, no preventing. My doctor said at my check up in July 2017 if I wasn't pregnant that I should call back. Now, here I sit after a couple of appointments. All blood work comes back normal. My exams and ultrasounds show everything normal, even some visible follicles. I am having regular periods. Everything points to all my parts working. We (doctor and I) discussed options. Further testing to ensure all my parts are working...follicle stimulating hormones... At the end of the appointment, it was decided to continue tracking my mucus, temp, etc and using ovulation kits for the next 4 months and see where we get. 

Here are my struggles:

1) Both my doctor and husband are happy everything is "okay." However, my brain doesn't so everything is okay. Everything is working...but yet it isn't? I'm not pregnant. 

2) I love my daughter. When it's just the three of us, or just me and her, I love it. I love our time together. I am content with our tiny family. But I always wonder, why not more? When more? I yearn to feel the bubbles in my tummy, the kicks. I want to breastfeed another baby. I want those sensations again. Just today while doing some cleaning out of clothes that were too big for her, I found a sonogram picture. That just cut a hole in my heart. That hurt worse than packing up the clothes.

3) The struggle to conceive is weighing on me. I feel like a failure, as a woman and a wife. As a woman, because I can't get pregnant. As a wife, because the struggle to conceive takes the fun out of sex. I'm watching my calendar and the duty of sex just looms like another thing to check off those days. 

4) I'm a teacher. This past year was not the best. Looking back now that it's summer break and because I am changing schools, we (hubby and I) can both see how that job and position just stressed me out too much. I didn't have much left to give my family when I came home, much less have the energy to have sex. I can only hope that a new school, different situation, will help us out in this department. 

Any insights, help, encouragement would be great!