FFFC 6/29

ladystout08 · June 2018

I broke down and got a pregnancy pillow and I'm taking back everything I ever said about it being a waste of money and a gimmick targeted for pregnant women. I love it and it may never leave my bed.

sparkymcgeee · June 2018

I thought of one yesterday and I can't think of it now but it was about me judging something. IRL. I was driving. That's all I remember.
Maybe it should just be I judge people more than I should.

wkuandrea · June 2018

I'm super stressed out about my job and maternity leave already. I will be right under a year at this job when I deliver, which means no FMLA or paid parental leave. For this situation, they will allow me six weeks and I have STD that covers 60% of my income. We will be fine there, but, I'm so panicked about having to go back to work after a measly 6wks -- and that's if everything goes just right, I don't have to be hospitalized early, etc. I work from home full time, but I don't think it's ok for me to have the baby with me while I work (even for just a month)... at the same time, sending a 6wk old baby to daycare seems so cruel. I haven't talked to my boss yes, so maybe some sort of concession can be made....

tosh24 · June 2018

DH and DD were downstairs in the basement last night fighting over whose turn it was to clean the cat's litterbox and I just sat upstairs and basked in my IDGAF attitude because I'm glad I don't have to do it for the next 6 months.

dubcompanion · June 2018

I keep meaning to get on the desktop so I can participate more actively on here. (The app has really gone downhill, at least for me. It’s impossible for me to scroll up while I’m writing a post, so I’m unable to reread others’ comments that I’m trying to respond to. And tagging doesn’t work half the time. So, check-ins are basically a no-go on mobile.) Then when DD finally goes down for a nap, I use that time to eat all the food, take a luxuriously long shower, and browse mindlessly on FB/play a game.

That all said, I really will try to be more active.

saltedcaramel518 · June 2018

@ladystout08 I got out my Snoogle 3 nights ago. It is glorious.

My confession is that I’m making Kraft Mac and cheese for me and DS for lunch, and I’m way too excited about it.

When I was pregnant with DS, Kraft had a jalapeño Mac and cheese that was soooo good. I ate a whole box by myself more than once.

galactickates · June 2018

@saltedcaramel518 I LOVED that jalapeno mac!! If i knew it was going to disappear from the shelves i would have stocked up!!!

nononorman · June 2018

I bought a “colossal” cookie yesterday that’s bigger than my head. And also I got a cupcake Bc that wasn’t enough.

Side note why the actual F would they post the calories on those things?? Do you think ppl buying a COLOSSAL cookie really care? Stop trying to guilt me grocery store.

skilouise · June 2018

I had a breast reduction about 12 years ago, and my OB thinks it's looking increasingly likely that I physically won't be able to breastfeed. A fairly large part of me is hoping that ends up being the case. I've never felt any desire to BF, and the whole process seems really unpleasant. I understand there are benefits, and if I'm physically able I'll probably try, out of guilt if nothing else. However, it would honestly be a relief if it ends up that I just can't do it.

kns1988 · June 2018

@wkuandrea, can you have a nanny in your home while you WFH? I did that for a few months and it was great. I stayed in my office until it was time to BF.

PolarBear517 · June 2018

@wkuandrea

As I understand it, FMLA is retroactive. So, if you qualify for short term disability based on your employer's policies, and you meet your 1 year requirement while you are on that leave (and are, of course, otherwise eligible meeting the 1250 hours of work requirement and employer size), you should be eligible to start FMLA as of your anniversary date. The time you are on short term disability is still employed time. Because of the way the law is written/eligibility, I don't even think they can run short term disability concurrently UNTIL your anniversary date, so say you give birth 1 week ahead of that date, I think you would be eligible to start a 12 week leave at that point= 13 week total.

https://typeamomtales.com/2015/05/26/just-a-couple-of-weeks-shy-of-one-year-at-your-job-fmla-and-cfra-are-retroactive/

(d) The determination of whether an employee meets the hours of service requirement and has been employed by the employer for a total of at least 12 months must be made as of the date the FMLA leave is to start. An employee may be on non-FMLA leave at the time he or she meets the 12-month eligibility requirement, and in that event, any portion of the leave taken for an FMLA-qualifying reason after the employee meets the eligibility requirement would be FMLA leave. See §825.300(b) for rules governing the content of the eligibility notice given to employees.

(This article pulls directly from the language & have the code of federal regulations linked)

I'd definitely talk further about it. It may not be a situation your HR department has dealt with before.

nononorman · June 2018

@wkuandrea I think I agree with all of what @PolarBear517 said (I’m an employment lawyer if that matters lol) but my only comment would be depending on your state STD usually isn’t job protection so they could try to push you out in that one week. Of course you’d have a claim under ... the ADA for preg discrimination and another for FMLA retaliation.. maybe more... but what your employer does will depend on if your employer sucks.

blueowl08 · June 2018

@AshVA agreed that the whole breast feeding process seems unpleasant and to be honest kind of creeps me out (maybe I should have put that in the UO thread!). I have no particular expectation that I won’t be able to do it, so my plan is to give it a go for as long as it’s working out ok. But if for some reason it doesn’t work out I’m not going to be heartbroken about it. I hope you manage to do what’s best for you and do not feel bad about it one way or the other!

skilouise · June 2018

Thanks, @blueowl08. My own personal circumstances aside, I think feeding decisions involve trade offs just like any other parenting decision. There may be health benefits to the child with BF, but I think FF can offer mental/ emotional benefits to a child in the form of 1) Mom not being a complete zombie because she's the only one responsible for nighttime feedings, and (2) more bonding time with Dad.

TLDR: fed is best (like @blueowl08 said, maybe more appropriate for the UO thread lol)

galactickates · June 2018

Breast feeding is weird to me too but i'm thinking it's just because I haven't done it before. I know some people really love it and I know all the health benefits so I am trying to keep an open mind. But I'd be lying if i didn't say I didn't think it was really weird and i'm not 100% sure about it.

saltedcaramel518 · June 2018

When I was pregnant, I though breastfeeding was so weird and seemed like so much work. I decided (for the benefit of the baby) that I would bf during my maternity leave then switch to formula. I ended up actually enjoying it and bf DS for a year.

I’m not saying this to push breastfeeding, just commiserating that I also thought it was going to weird/hard.

galactickates · June 2018

@saltedcaramel518 you can't really read that stuff in a book. They just say "ff to give mom a break" or whatever. They don't say "as a ftm you might think its really f-ing weird, and not something you're used to, it might not be anything like you think it is though" and I wish they would

Mandamay1414 · June 2018

My confession: everyone and everything is annoying me right now - including DD. I know it's mostly because it's 90 degrees and I'm freaking exhausted.. but all I want is for her to leave me the F alone for like 2 hours. What really makes me feel guilty is that she isn't even being bad. She's just being 2 and crawling all over me like any normal 2 year old. Also, my in-laws are on vacation this week, and we've seen them every day for multiple hours since Tuesday. They know I'm pregnant and think I shouldn't be picking up DD (uh, am I suppose to not take care of her for the next 6 months?!?). My MIL also keeps bringing us food that I don't feel like eating. It's stressing me out to have all this food that I don't want but feel bad about throwing it away.

Ok. I'm done whining for now. Please let second tri come soon.. I'm turning into a monster.

CoastieGirl79 · June 2018

@Mandamay1414 I feel like these first trimester hormones are making into a little monster, too. I'm normally patient, but I've been running a short fuse the past couple of weeks.

@AshVA breastfeeding, for as natural as it is supposed to be, was so damn hard for me. It literally took my blood, sweat and tears. I don't blame you for having those feelings.

nononorman · June 2018

BF is not fun... I felt relieved when I got pregnant and my supply dropped because it wasn’t my “fault” and I could add in a little formula. It took a lot of pressure off me. I don’t really *get* nursing like I dont feel some great bond or anything. It’s just convenient and “free” and what the doctors recommend. But I’ve spent more time in the first year stressed about milk production than anything else. I’m proud of myself for making it as long as I did with the supply and circumstances I had but the guilt over it is really tremendous. Happy to be done w it soon... it’s def weird af when your kid has teeth and is like a real human sucking your boob, not just a tiny innocent sleepy baby.

... written while hooked up to the damn pump.

pttomato · June 2018

I have flashed at least one person while NIP. We were on an airplane and I was in the aisle seat attempting to nurse DD who always popped on and off a lot. It was the first time I attempted to use a cover and I was struggling with the cover and flashed the teenage boy in the aisle across from me. That was the last time I tried to nurse with a cover. Also, window seats on airplanes.

kmvisioli · June 2018

ladystout08 said:

I broke down and got a pregnancy pillow and I'm taking back everything I ever said about it being a waste of money and a gimmick targeted for pregnant women. I love it and it may never leave my bed.

I use my twin nursing pillow as a pregnancy pillow. His name is Burt, and he is a member of our family.

UnbreakableKimmySchmidt · June 2018

@CoastieGirl79 BF is SO hard and after I struggled with DD I heard similar struggles from other moms. Definitely does not come natural to many people! That being said, I am so glad I stuck with it for DD! After she got the hang of it did become natural and easy to always have a way to feed her quickly. Do whatever works best for you and baby!

wkuandrea · June 2018

thanks @PolarBear517 and @Potterphile that is GREAT information! I will definitely plan to talk with my HR before any of this becomes reality... it's just stressful to think about. I work for a very, very large company (health insurance) and in a specialty field (data science), so *hopefully* they wouldn't try to edge me out without FMLA protections. They also seem to like me (I just received an award) and we have had contractors in my role prior to me joining, that could take over for 6+ weeks if/when needed. I'll have to bite the bullet and talk to them soon... just been putting it off because of PGAL brain thoughts. Thanks so much for the advice!

DLpanda08 · June 2018

I caved and booked a gender sneak peek ultrasound for three weeks from now. Our next ultrasound with the midwife isn’t until 20 weeks, which just happens to be during my first week of school this year. Even when I’m not pregnant I’m dead on my feet that week. The money seems totally worth it to be able to actually enjoy that moment with DH and take a day to celebrate the news with our kids.

kns1988 · June 2018

I've been doing a ton of solo parenting lately, so DS is currently having secret cartoon time before daddy gets home.

drabong88 · June 2018

Also agree that BF is hard. I thought about quieting seriously at least twice. My DH was very supportive in those times. We introduced DS to a bottle pretty early on because we had a wedding we couldn't take him to when he was about 4 weeks old so he needed to take a bottle. So when I got overwhelmed I would pump and DH would feed him a bottle. Once I got the hang of it it was much easier and much less painful. But it took about 6 weeks for me.

saltedcaramel518 · June 2018

kns1988 said:

I've been doing a ton of solo parenting lately, so DS is currently having secret cartoon time before daddy gets home.

A few weeks ago, DH and I had a discussion about the fact that I think he lets DS have too much screen time. After much grumbling, he agreed to a certain limit. I’ve been solo today, and DS has definitely had more than the limit. I feel like such a hypocrite, but nausea + exhaustion and toddlers don’t mix well.

kns1988 · June 2018

@saltedcaramel518, parenting a toddler while pregnant is really hard! They're just non-stop. He's 14 months and we let him watch 2 Mr. Rogers episodes in the morning, but then we watch adult TV in the evening (which he ignores). Right now, Clifford is on and he's quietly sitting on the couch while I poke around on the computer.

peachy104 · June 2018

Here’s my FFFC: Got an email and went to pay my NIPT fee online but the amount was wrong. Called them they said they fixed it. Go to pay today and it says “your balance has been paid in full.”

Feeling too tired to call them back. Figure they’ll bill me. Eventually. Right?

sfgiantsgamerbabe · June 2018

@saltedcaramel518 I totally hear on you on screen time. I try not to have DS on his kindle but sometimes it’s easier when you’re pregnant (and potty training!!!). We subscribe to Amazon Free Time so at least the things DS is watching are educational programs and games.

Mandamay1414 · June 2018

DD has watched way too much peppa pig and daniel tiger lately. But it's too hot and I can barely keep my eyes open... something's gotta give..

sweetyjenj · June 2018

DD has been enjoying Little Baby Bum on Netflix, and when she's being obnoxious (or I'm feeling exhausted) I turn it on and she looooves it. She's 17 months, and while I wanted to wait until 18 months before watching any TV, Little Baby Bum is all nursery rhyme or learning songs that teach really good things, so whatever.

Also FFFC...when I was a pregnant FTM I wanted to nurse, but was actually afraid it would feel sexual and that seemed really weird to me. My only experience having someone suck on my nipples was sexually, so I was afraid it would be too weird and I wouldn't be able to do it. BUT, hormones are cool in that it was completely different! I thought I would BF a few months only, but love it and made it to a year and also ended up with 4000oz frozen milk and she's still getting cups of thawed breastmilk. I would have kept nursing, because it's so convenient and fast and cheap (and the only time she would snuggle once she was mobile), but I HATED pumping in the car between clients every day.

CoastieGirl79 · June 2018

@UnbreakableKimmySchmidt I hung on for 13 months until I weaned my son. I had to supplement big time. I'm not a believer in breast is best. I believe whatever works best for your family. Fed is best.

pttomato · June 2018

Some days I just want to yell “leave me alone” to my toddler. On one hand it’s cool that she’s so social but I’m very much an introvert and I just want a little quiet time to myself.

FFFC 6/29

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