FFFC 6/29

tessiesmom26 · June 2018

Starting this early today because I have one finally!

I went to Motherhood Maternity yesterday after work because I needed something to wear under a dress to a wedding tomorrow. I grabbed a ton of things because I had two coupons and went to check out. The lady who was ringing me out was clueless and it took a good 35 minutes. At one point I asked her to check the prices on a few things because they didn't show the discount until she hit total. She ended up not knowing that, and discounting the items with an override. Then when she hit total, they went down again, so I essentially got 75% off of almost everything I bought. I didn't tell her either, I just let it happen.

wildrainbow · June 2018

Mine is I thank God for pregnancy sex. Yes it requires and extra bit of contortion, but it's much better than non pregnancy sex. You know, once you're past the bloating and the MS.

lachnessmomster · June 2018

@tessiesmom26 Sometimes the universe gives you a break, and you've just gotta politely take it!

@wildrainbow Girl. I am struggling. This was such a fun part of pregnancy the last time. Now it's like, okay, I could definitely get busy, but OH YEAH, MY HUSBAND IS IN ANOTHER COUNTRY FOR FIVE MONTHS. I'll just be over here not getting any and crying.

My FFFC: I am forever using food to bribe DS into coming inside, taking a shower, or to get him to do some unpleasant-to-him task. It usually goes down like this, "Okay, it's getting pretty hot outside, let's go inside for awhile." DS: "No." Me, rephrasing my request: "It's getting hot out, let's go in and get a popsicle." At this point, you've never seen him move so fast.

I don't even care. It's sink or swim, and I'm just trying to survive the "terrible twos." If giving the kid a popsicle spares me even one meltdown, I will do it.

MojieJo · June 2018

@wildrainbow I loved pregnancy sex last time, but I have to admit we haven't had sex at all (not even once) since I got pregnant. And my OB is being ridiculous and says no sex after 25 weeks, so the deadline is closing in.

I just have no libido at all and even masturbating feels weird and unpleasant. I feel terrible for my husband.

I guess that's my FFFC, although I do have one more:

I take an extra few minutes in the bathroom when I'm in there just to get some time to myself where I'm not being climbed on or whined at. I can hear the twins right on the other side of the wall so I know they're okay and I just need a couple of minutes to decompress.

firsttimespartanmom · June 2018

@MojieJo I’m right there with you - I think we’ve had sex twice since I found out I was pregnant. DH is afraid he’s gonna feel the baby kick while we’re doing it, and I feel like a giant unattractive beached whale so I’m not super into it. Totally didn’t get the “amazing pregnancy sex” symptom, I am so uninterested.

middleschoolmommy · June 2018

@MojieJo With you on that too. We've had sex 3 times since bfp, last night was the 3rd and I didn't enjoy it at all. I wasn't really in the mood, but every time I HAVE been DH was tired *eye roll*. It was so much easier when I could drink before hand... then it was always good! lol

lachnessmomster · June 2018

@middleschoolmommy Omg. Sex after a few glasses of wine is like heaven on earth. I miss it so much.

tessiesmom26 · June 2018

Count me in on the no sex train. I want to have it, but fear my pelvic pain won't be able to handle it and it will crush DH if we start and then have to stop due to pain. I know he is wanting to do it so I have thought about just sucking it up and trying, but he might not even go for it knowing that it might hurt.

lifesabeach85 · June 2018

@lachnessmomster Don't all moms do this? If I need DD to behave, especially out of the house, it's snacks on snacks on snacks! That's rough about YH!

I've been enjoying sex this pregnancy! I actually have some hickeys... Missionary has officially been retired though, until 2019 probably. But that's ok, we are enjoying all the other ways! DH couldnt really care less about the baby kicking. You know how people say "sleep now before the baby because you won't after it comes" yeah i feel that way about sex. I was benched for two months after DD was born, plus the exhaustion is no joke. And BF really zapped my libido, I had basically no interest the first year of her life until my period came back/started ovulating again (didn't happen until I quit BF at a year)

wildrainbow · June 2018

@lifesabeach85 That is the same for me. I'm trying to get it all in now because BF takes my libido, and I lose all interest.

pelorunningmama · June 2018

I'm also on the no sex train. I feel so awful for DH, but my libido is non-existent. Plus I know this is ridiculous because I'm growing a human yada yada, but I just have a hard time loving the way my body looks. With this being my 3rd I should be able to just go with it, but I don't even like looking at myself naked. Unfortunately I'm shirtless a lot because Texas heat and pregnancy don't mix. I live in a sports bra at home.

lachnessmomster · June 2018

@lifesabeach85 This made me feel much better! I just imagine people being like, "Your kid won't listen to you unless you bribe him?"

offtoneverland · June 2018

The December BMB is talking about us on their FFFC thread. They called us a snooze fest!

My FFFC: MH was outside with DD and I put the leftover stew on the stove for dinner, but when he walked in the door, he had the Little Caesars page up on his tablet, so I promptly put the stew back in the fridge and we had pizza for dinner instead.

I'm also on the no sex train. We've had sex a handful of times, but I just don't have any drive anymore. Plus it's just kind of awkward with a big belly.

@lachnessmomster I use EVERYTHING as a bribe. Anything and everything that will work in my favor.

lurvleybunchococonuts · June 2018

Pfft... I don't care if we're a snooze fest. I love our BMB snoozefest or not. They're just jealous that we get along so well

Mmmm stew sounds soooo much better than pizza to me.

Add me to the no sex train. We've done it a few times but like I have ZERO libedo these days.

@lachnessmomster wait... You mean bribery ISN'T the way you're suppose to get kids to do things? ... Shit. Apparently I've been doing it ALL wrong with dsd

My FFFC is that today was the fitst time ive worn underwear in like 2 weeks

they've been sooooo uncomfortable! Maybe i need to suck it up and buy mat unders? *shrug*

herewegoagain3rd · June 2018

@offtoneverland, why? Because we aren't petty, mean bitches

haha. Personally, I like drama free, has too much drama with the last group I was in. It was tiring.

offtoneverland · June 2018

@bfpafter4years They weren't talking about lack of drama, but just that this board is pretty quiet all around. It's much less busy than the other boards! I really don't mind though, because I feel like I've gotten to know everyone so well. It's a fun group of people!

offtoneverland · June 2018

I'm also very thankful we have so many Disney lovers here. Another board had people on the UO thread saying that adults who like Disney are super weird. I'm taking offense to that one!!!!

runningyogimama · June 2018

I will 100% take snoozefest over unneeded drama! I feel like I know most everyone who posts fairly regularly pretty well! I’m excited for when we do eventually make the move to FB (NOT saying now, just once we do) because I feel like there’s already a core group of people who post here, and it’ll be fun getting to know everyone at that deeper level (I know I definitely semi-censor what I post here, since it’s a public forum...).

runningyogimama · June 2018

Also, what they mentioned about no one commenting on the one-off intro post - I felt like that was all of us just being in agreement on not rewarding that kind of thing, lol. Or is that just me?

offtoneverland · June 2018

runningyogimama said:

Also, what they mentioned about no one commenting on the one-off intro post - I felt like that was all of us just being in agreement on not rewarding that kind of thing, lol. Or is that just me?

I just got tired of it and assume that the poster will figure it out eventually! But yeah, I kind of figured we were all in agreement about ignoring them.

lachnessmomster · June 2018

Every time I bribe my kid from now on, I'm going to think of you ladies and hold my head high.

And I was actually really impressed by the silent solidarity in regards to the one-off intro post. I kept waiting for someone to throw her a bone, and we collectively agreed to do nothing. Which I thought was pretty badass.

Don't get me wrong, I'd love more posters. But those are annoying for the reason that I was b****ing about in the UO thread. We put in the work to comment. They usually don't come back. It's a waste of time.

I also appreciate that we're pretty drama-free, and when I want to see some fireworks, I slip on over to January. I just wish, as I've already said, that there was more steady conversation here in general.

lachnessmomster · June 2018

@offtoneverlandOh, and also, only the heartless don't like Disney.

highsteaks · June 2018

curious— does anyone want to admit that they don’t reply after a post they vehemently disagree with? is there anyone out there that doesn’t post because they don’t want to get into it?

honestly, the vast majority of the stuff i see here is very agreeable to me, or sometimes i don’t have an opinion about it. i am struck by the fact that this board is very open... if that’s the right word. non-judgey? laid-back?

i just got back from reading some dec18 & jan19 posts. with how many active posters they have, i’m really scratching my head at how so many posters a month ago admitted to not joining us because we move too fast...

highsteaks · June 2018

i forgot i was in a fffc, and intended to post this after reading some jan19 posts about it:

mil and fil were in the delivery room with dh and me during most of the day labor AND delivery of dd1. i know this is weird. i honestly really didn’t care either way, but they were so excited for dd1 that i let them decide. they positioned themselves on the couch near my head, so they didn’t see anything below my waist. fil took the first photos of dd1 (which i’m grateful for because those are the only ones we have during the whole experience). bonus fffc, mil cut the cord; dh didn’t want to and it wasn’t a big deal with me. the whole thing with them being there was a nonissue. i’m not a passionate person about how i envision my deliveries. again, i fully realize the scope of how weird this is, so feel free to judge away.

runningyogimama · June 2018

@highsteaks I’m not judging, but very flabbergasted by it! I’m a very private person, and I don’t even want my own mom there, let alone both of my ILs! I’m one of those people who doesn’t like visitors while in the hospital at all - we allowed immediate family only, and for number two, it was only after baby was here and we were in the recovery room, and we called them and told them they were allowed to come. I’m probably private to the point of being prude, ha.

herewegoagain3rd · June 2018

The only people in the delivery room with me was my DH and my best friend. I am glad my BF was there because she took all the pictures. Dh was too busy being daddy for the first time to think about pictures! I am not sure what we will do this time. If it will just be DH this time or invite my bf again. We aren't as close anymore (which I feel so bad about) so I am not sure if it would be awkward.

runningyogimama · June 2018

Oh! I thought of another one - we are 6 weeks out from school starting, and I haven’t actually registered DD1 for Kindergarten. It’s bout neighborhood public school, so she’s guaranteed a spot (and she’s in their list, because I called), but I still need to do the district registration. I got like 95% of the way through it about a month ago (from my phone), when it crashed and all went away, and I haven’t had the energy to re-enter all of that information.

lifesabeach85 · June 2018

I agree that snoozefest is better than drama! But I do wish we had a few of our lurkers become more regular posters. We have had over 400 intro posts!!!

Who doesn't like Disney? I went there at my most cynical “whatever” teenage phase and by like hour two I was wearing Mickey ears and hugging Pluto

@highsteaks yeah I feel like every time someone throws some shade at a regular, all the other regulars jump on it fast. Like when someone tried to tell @tessiesmom26 she was too possessive of her husband, or @middleschoolmommy that she was a bad teacher

Having my ILs would definitely not be something I would want, but to each her own. I think as long as the couple, but particularly the mom, feel comfortable with whoever is in the room and it's their own choice it's cool. It just really rankles me when people feel pressured into having someone in there, or when moms/MILS think it's their "right" to be in there, or just because a mom has been invited a MIL should be too. Some people even have their other kids present at delivery but personally I can't think of anything more stressful than having DD in the room!

I just had DH and our doula in the room. My older sister had my mom at her first birth, and they both really regretted it. My parents came to see us in the hospital about 2h after the birth, and my in laws came a week later. Maybe it helped that this was neither side's first grandchild? Someone took pictures - I guess the doula or the L&D nurse.

highsteaks · June 2018

@runningyogimama i don’t think there’s anything wrong in keeping others away until they are 100% ready for visitors. yes, birth is such a personal private moment! i guess in the excitement of everything, i went the other way— it’s a rare opportunity to be present at the birth of someone, and why not share that (within semblance of safety/reason, and mom/dad’s ultimate decision). tbh, i did get mildly annoyed with them the next few days afterwards postpartum because it was so much more hectic: taking care of baby, revolving door of nurses and doctors and tests, feeling generally crummy because i was recovering myself. they were on their best behavior though.

eta (posted at the same time)— @lifesabeach85 agreed. if i felt pressured at all, they’re no longer invited. and dd will not be with me for this birth; for one thing, that’s an extra stress on me to worry about her, plus things can go sideways so quickly (especially with twins) that i don’t want to scar her emotionally should that happen.

pelorunningmama · July 2018

It’s weird because with my first two, I wanted only DH there. This time I’m more open to the idea of a photographer and my mom. I would never allow the in-laws and I doubt I let my mom this time, but I wouldn’t mind a photographer to capture some of the photos immediately after.

@highsteaks I love how we all just left that intro alone.

Our group may be slow, but we are drama free and really feel like we support one another. I can’t wait until we move to Facebook (but don’t want to go until after babies are here), but I am so much better about getting back to specific people there with comments and support. I struggle here because I’m on the app a lot and have a hard time tagging, etc. Regardless, I love the little space we’ve created.

mockingjay1 · July 2018

runningyogimama said:

@highsteaks I’m not judging, but very flabbergasted by it! I’m a very private person, and I don’t even want my own mom there, let alone both of my ILs! I’m one of those people who doesn’t like visitors while in the hospital at all - we allowed immediate family only, and for number two, it was only after baby was here and we were in the recovery room, and we called them and told them they were allowed to come. I’m probably private to the point of being prude, ha.

I'm the same. I can't imagine anyone in the room when baby is born besides staff, DH, and maybe a photographer. We didn't allow any visitors the first day with DS. I wanted time with him to bond and work on breastfeeding and I wasn't sure how I would feel after my c-section. Our family was a couple hours away so it worked well that my parents, MIL, and FIL + wife came at different times/days and then I had some coworkers stop by for a bit (I worked at the hospital I delivered at). I don't know what we'll do this time, because I don't know that I want to wait 24 hours for DS to meet the baby, and I think I want him to be the first person outside the delivery room/hospital staff to know if it's a boy or girl. My parents will likely be the ones watching him, especially if we move to a new city where we won't know anyone.

lachnessmomster · July 2018

@wannaflickone I get so sad thinking about the switch to Facebook. I haven't used it in years, so the end of The Bump community will probably be the end of chatting with all of you awesome ladies for me.

BabyBoyH92016 · July 2018

+1 for liking that our board is drama free. When these babies come, sh*t is going to get real, and I love how supportive our group is. It’s not that I don’t have opinions on things (when it comes to my child, and my family). I definitely had stronger opinions, and was more judgmental before having children, but I feel like becoming a mother has humbled me. Unless it is endangering the child, my preference is to support someone in their decisions.

runningyogimama · July 2018

@BabyBoyH92016 I was wondering if that was part of why our board seems quiet/drama free - it seems like a lot of our more active members are STM+, and I COMPLETELY agree that there’s nothing like motherhood to knock you down a few pegs and humble you in general/make you less judgmental. Plus, I know I don’t have as much time to be on with two other kids as I did when pregnant with my first.

lachnessmomster · July 2018

@runningyogimama Well said. I know having my wild DS 100% knocked me down a peg. I used to say all kinds of things that I would/wouldn't do as a parent. It didn't take long to realize that I had to tailor what kind of a parent I wanted to be to the kind my son needs me to be. Even if that means Disney sing-a-longs on the laptop sometimes to get him to sit still long enough to eat his breakfast (I said I'd never allow electronics at the table) or letting him work through a tantrum on his own after trying everything to settle him (I was never going to let my babies cry it out).

I just have to figure things out as I go, and yeah, I think that's grounded me and allowed me to be more open to different parenting styles. As long as the best interests of the child(ren) are being respected, I just try to mind my own business in my mom circle. I understand we're all doing the best we can.

And I don't have the energy to argue with people that much. I've got my own fish to fry.

Sorry that went off on a tangent. The mention of motherhood humbling a person just really resonated with me.

pelorunningmama · July 2018

@lachnessmonster

that makes me sad too. Could you could create a fb for just using for a group? A few people did that in my last bump group
so they could stay connected.

offtoneverland · July 2018

I was lurking the January BMB's sex thread and I have to know.... Do any of you guys have sex with baby in the same room?? FFFC I find that totally weird. To each his own, and i know baby doesn't know better, but it still seems so uncomfortable! I won't judge if you do, I guess I'm just surprised that so many people on that thread said they do.
ETA: changed some words that sounded too judgy.

msb11182018 · July 2018

@offtoneverland nothing too wild and crazy, but yes, while baby is sleeping I'm not opposed to sex in the same room. Especially this time around because baby will be in our room for a while. Dont want to move him/her to share a room with DSD or DS until the baby is sleeping through the night regularly.

stitchnz · July 2018

I don't actually know if I'll have sex when the baby is in the same room because I'm a FTM, but it doesn't seem that weird or uncomfortable to me. I'm planning to have baby in our bedroom for the first couple / few months and the alternative would be doing it on the sofa? FFFC sometimes MH and I have sex when our cats in are the bedroom because we can't be bothered chasing them out.

offtoneverland · July 2018

I guess I just never thought of it as an option and thought it was against the rules. Lol. MH doesn't even like having sex with the dog in the room, so I think he'd be way too uncomfortable with the baby in the room. And if the baby started crying in the middle, I would probably feel really embarrassed.

I should add that our bedroom is teeny tiny, so the crib was at the foot of our bed. I guess it wouldn't be too bad in a nicely sized bedroom, where the crib is across the room.

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