Monday BF

tessiesmom26 · June 2018

DH was in the ER with MIL last night from 6pm-11:30pm. When he got home, he was overtired and couldn't fall asleep, so all he wanted to do was talk. All I wanted to do was sleep! I know this is not very loving of me, but after all that time, the ER sent MIL home telling her that they didn't find anything wrong and to check in with her PCP. Part of me thinks she isn't telling them everything that is wrong, so they can't diagnose anything with what little info they have, and the other part of me thinks she made the whole thing up just to spend time with DH. I know that sounds horrible of me, but she has pulled crap like this before so it wouldn't totally shock me...

loveallthings · June 2018

It sounds like you’re pretty possessive of your hubby. Why don’t you encourage him to take his mother out to lunch, dinner, whatever.

tessiesmom26 · June 2018

LoveyMe said:

It sounds like you’re pretty possessive of your hubby. Why don’t you encourage him to take his mother out to lunch, dinner, whatever.

I'm not sure how what I wrote makes me sounds "possessive." She asked him to just drop her off at the ER and I highly encouraged him to stay with her since he is all she has. I would never keep the two of them apart, and was more bitching about how I wish she would share more with the Dr.'s so that she can get some quality care, not about the fact that he was with her.

mockingjay1 · June 2018

LoveyMe said:

It sounds like you’re pretty possessive of your hubby. Why don’t you encourage him to take his mother out to lunch, dinner, whatever.

WTAF?

mockingjay1 · June 2018

I needed this thread this morning. This will probably be long because I have 2.

1. They gave me babies that had a hep B positive mom at work this weekend. I asked the charge nurse (who usually works weekend days and seems to hate me) if she knew mom was hep B positive. She said she did. Ok end of conversation with her. I said to my coworkers in the nursery I've never worked somewhere where they gave pregnant nurses patients with communicable diseases. Yeah sure if you wash your hands, use gloves, etc you should be fine, but why chance it when there are 2 lives that could be affected? Apparently one of my lovely coworkers went to said charge nurse and said I wasn't happy with my assignment. I am 95% sure I know who it is and interestingly enough she was complaining about her own assignment. Like I didn't throw a big fit, I was just annoyed and surprised. I did my job just fine without problem through the night. I HATE when people run to others tattling on coworkers. First off it really wasn't that big of a deal, and secondly WTF?! I feel like I'm going to go to work and stay in my own bubble and only talk to the few people I know I can trust there. Don't pretend you're my friend and do that crap behind my back.

2. DH's brother & his wife are having a baby! I initially was SUPER excited (and still am). This was a huge shock as last we knew they were not having kids until at least 35 (2-3 more years). They live in CO and went back to KS to tell DH's family. They told people they were coming home for DH's sisters birthday which was Friday. Apparently there was a cookout/get together and we didn't know anything about it until after the fact. Like DH's brother didn't say anything to DH to see if we could go back to KS too (we're 10 hours away). DH's mom didn't say anything... no one. If it was last minute we wouldn't have been able to make it, but if it was planned a little in advance we would have tried to. We haven't seen DH's brother and wife for almost 2 years. So while I was so excited for DS and this baby to finally have a cousin, I feel like clearly we aren't a priority to anyone in DH's family so it won't really matter anyway.

smulrich16 · June 2018

@mockingjay1 Ugh! I hate when people are like that at work. I'm a manager and every time I have an employee come to me with that kind of information, I usually ask them why they aren't worried about themselves more than other people. Obviously, if it's something serious, I'll deal with it appropriately, but usually it's something dumb when I'm talking about their performance and they bring up something like, "Yeah, but ****** is always having personal conversations at their cube." My usual response is - yep, and that person gets their work done with quality and on time and is quick to help out anyone who asks. I encourage my team to get to know each other on a personal basis - so it makes me happy to know that we have created a work environment where the team feels comfortable with each other.

My BF is that I just found out that every MFM visit I have is going to cost me $50 (with visits every other week, for now, and eventually weekly or more frequent). My OB visits are included in the global Maternity fee, but the MFM visits aren't. I get that he's a specialist and that the diagnostic work they're doing during those visits is covered at 100%, but it's a necessary part of my maternity care so I feel like it should be covered in the overall global fee!! I also feel like I shouldn't be upset because, overall, my insurance is awesome for the standard pregnancy care. It's just frustrating how quickly the $$$ are adding up.

herewegoagain3rd · June 2018

LoveyMe said:

It sounds like you’re pretty possessive of your hubby. Why don’t you encourage him to take his mother out to lunch, dinner, whatever.

Um, not sure if you are new here (don't recall seeing your name before) or just having a bad day (no sweat, we all them!) but that came off as very rude to @tessiesmom26. I think her complaint is very valid. As one who had a MIL (she has passed away, God rest her soul) who is prone to the dramtic one minute and keeping important information from doctors and family the next, I can relate to this post!

MojieJo · June 2018

My MFM's office nurse said that she "guessed" they'd "probably" do my anatomy scan at my next appointment (I'll be over 23 weeks at that point).

My OB wanted to do it tomorrow, but decided not to schedule it since I was seeing the MFM and he expected him to do it (soon).

Yeah, no. I'm calling my OB once the office reopens from their lunch break and scheduling it through them.

Also, WTF to the 2 hour wait for my appointment with the MFM this morning? I got there early and wasn't seen for over 2 hours past my scheduled appointment time.

tessiesmom26 · June 2018

@mockingjay1That's frustrating about your coworker. I have one like that, and it makes simple everyday tasks so much harder. Sorry that you are dealing with that.

@smulrich16 Ugh, that's a bummer! Does any of those costs go towards your deductible? Or do you have an FSA plan you can sign up for to help?

@MojieJo Sorry you had to wait and had a less than great appointment. I saw your post in the appt thread too and I really hope you can get through to the office to get in tomorrow to have your AS. Fingers crossed!!

@mockingjay1 and @bfpafter4years Thank you. I had to step away because I thought maybe I got too sensitive, but I'm glad you read that the same way I did..

smulrich16 · June 2018

@tessiesmom26 That's the silver lining - it is going towards the maximum out of pocket. So, it's completely possible that all of this will add up to me having more services covered towards the end of the pregnancy...just stinks right now when we're trying to save money and get things set up for the babies.

MouseMama817 · June 2018

@tessiesmom26 Do we have the same MIL? Mine used to constantly go to the ER for any little thing and tell DH and his brothers that it was really serious. Then the doctors would tell us it’s nothing. We stopped rushing to sit with them in the hospital a long time ago.

Also, @LoveyMe Not cool dude. We’re a supportive board, 100%. Differences of opinion are important and welcome but, the tone....

@MojieJo Giiiirrrrrllll I would’ve left. That’s a ridiculous wait time.

@smulrich16 I completely feel you on this. It sounds to me like they should cover it. Can you call your insurance company and argue it?

DH’s company still hasn’t jumped on the employee health insurance bandwagon so it costs us $320/month for prenatal care. Not including the cost for blood tests and u/s. And I of course remembered last night that we’ll be paying out of pocket for the tdap shot and the strep test, all of those extras. It really adds up. DH is going to talk to his boss about helping to cover the costs as reimbursements, so FINGERS CROSSED there. He’s their only sales rep and he’s already doing WAY more than the share of work they hired him for, so he’s inexpendable. I’m really hoping they’ll do whatever they can to make him stay. I mean, insurance is sort of a deal breaker.

lifesabeach85 · June 2018

@MojieJo Oh hell naw! It drives me CRAZY when doctors don't see you promptly. As if a patient could show up two hours late and expect to be seen! I'd just schedule with both if possible and then cancel one if need be.

@tessiesmom26 I think your complaint is completely understandable. My DH is an extrovert so sometimes he comes home after seeing people all excited to talk and I'm like please be quiet I'm reading. if I was in bed...um no. That would be super crazy to go all the way to the ER just to corner your son, but I believe you! Sorry you got attacked!

My BF is that it seems like everyone is sick all around me! There are more sick people now than in the winter! I am about to break out a hazmat suit for my summer maternity lewk

smulrich16 · June 2018

@MouseMama817 I talked to the insurance company today. Unless the office visit is with the physician who will be performing the delivery, it is considered a specialist.

I'm sorry to hear that you have to pay out of pocket for everything. Ugh. That's so frustrating. Here's hoping your husband can work something out with his employer.

MojieJo · June 2018

@lifesabeach85 I know, right?

And they got super snippy when my husband asked if that sort of wait time was normal for them (he took a half day off work to go with me and then almost didn't make it in on time).

I was tempted to tell them that if it is normal, is be coming in an hour or two after my scheduled appointment time.

pelorunningmama · June 2018

@mojiejo that is awful! My OB was like that with my last pregnancy but somehow it has gotten better. I still wait at least 30 minutes, but it is better than it used to be. Good for DH for asking!

@tessiesmom26 you definitely weren’t being overly sensitive! I hope MIL ends up being ok though.

@mousemama817 I hope they can help reimburse. That seems like a lot!

@smulrich16 totally feel you on how fast it all adds up!

lachnessmomster · June 2018

Sorry to bring this back up, but I pulled this straight from your recent introduction @LoveyMe - "I read through a lot of the posts here, and you all seem very friendly. Looking forward to getting to know you ladies!"

Not really sure how your comment to @tessiesmom26 was contributing your own friendly vibe to the group/getting to know her.

offtoneverland · June 2018

My Tuesday BF: I walked in to work from the furthest away parking lot because I was running late, and immediately got a call that my car had been hit in the parking lot! So I trekked all the way back out to find the person behind me didn't put their car in park...it was in drive and rolled back into my car! The damage is minimal so I really don't care, but I'm annoyed standing around in the sun for the other person to come claim their car. And how do you forget to put your car in park?

EvilRaccoon · June 2018

My BF: I'll will have to talk to my mother about her attitude with DH, before I or him snap at her. I know she thinks she's funny, but this is getting old. She is constantly trying to "scare" DH with having kids. When my sister got her first, it was horrible poop stories during dinner. Now, it's all the comments like : "Wait until he's here, then you'll get no sleep at all, ahah" or, because she knows DH likes a clean house: "Your living room will forever be a mess full of toys".

And we're like: we know. And we also know that whatever we've imagined, it will be worse/different, and that's okay. Yes, Hubby is a clean freak, but he is not stupid either: he knows the house will often be a mess.

Is it the hormones again? What are you ladies answering to those comments?

jessielynn1 · June 2018

@offtoneverland that’s really annoying. As for your question I don’t know how you forget to put your car in park.

mockingjay1 · June 2018

@offtoneverland - Wow. I agree who forgets to put their car in park? Maybe they were running late and in a hurry too?

@EvilRaccoon - I'm sure your mom is trying to be funny, but I think it's weird when people make parenthood sound awful. If people say things like that to me and they have more than one kid I usually say something to the effect of "it must not have been too bad, you had more than one!"

@MojieJo - a 2 hour wait is ridiculous. Does your MFM doc deliver babies? That's the only reason I can think of for being that late. Hopefully it was just a fluke. Although that plus the not having an anatomy scan scheduled at an appropriate time would not give me a lot of confidence in that office.

smulrich16 · June 2018

@EvilRaccoon my FIL is like that, too. I've noticed it at DH's family gatherings that he's constantly criticizing the parenting of DH's cousin (whose kids are super well behaved) and my hubby is too laid back to say anything about it. It stresses me out and I know I'll end up snapping on him one of these days. Luckily, they live in Indiana and we live in Illinois, so visits aren't super frequent...yet.

If I were you, I'd have a talk with my mom about it - calmly and rationally. If she's anything like my mom, she'll be super dramatic about it and make a comment like, "Geeze, can't you guys just take a joke" or "Yeah, cause I've never raised kids before," but your DH is your partner in all of this and now is the time to set some boundaries. You can do it, mama!

lachnessmomster · June 2018

@EvilRaccoon I guess before I had my first, I smiled and said, "Yeah, I know," or something along those lines and moved the conversation along. I didn't encourage people to continue remarking on how little I knew about motherhood or how unprepared I was. I just wasn't interested. Although, it doesn't sound like I received as many unsolicited comments as you and your husband.

I don't know why people think those comments are cute or helpful. I agree, she's probably just trying to be funny, but I would definitely be annoyed, too. Maybe there's something more deeply rooted there, too. Maybe she really misses those days and making them seem unpleasant is a coping mechanism to deal with the fact that they're over for her.

That could be a stretch. I'm just spitballing.

lurvleybunchococonuts · June 2018

@offtoneverland ugh... I'd be so annoyed! Wth person! Also how did the person "park" not realize it wad in drive, get out, close the door, and go inside without realizing that. Shouldn't a car usually start to roll immediately not some random time later after the fact?

@EvilRaccoon good luck girl! That is really annoying.

Afm Tuesday BF: my MIL offered to throw us a shower which is cool however she immediately followed it up with some really appalling comments such as, "part of the reason I've been trying to get you guys to come to this new church with us is because there's a lot of nice retired ladies that would give really nice gifts" and "well I don't know your friends but make sure to only give me names and info for people that will bring and give really nice things, I don't want to invite people who won't bring something" uhm.... Wat!!!??? 1) I don't give a rats ass if people give us gifts, "nice" or not. 2) I would never join a church solely in hopes to have more people to invite to a shower plus wtf who uses people like that. 3) I want my friends included whether they can afford something or not, simply because they're my friends!

I honestly am at a loss. I'm torn between telling her thank you for the offer but no thank you and hope someone else offers to do one because I would still love to do SOMETHING to celebrate or telling her ya know I'd rather we do something once baby is here so that my mom can be included (but then we run into the whole middle of winter/holidays insanity). Or do I just let her do the shower, give her the names of people who I want and just know it will *hopefully* go fine?

MH assured me that his mom is tactful enough that she would not say something directly to anyone's face regarding what they did or didn't bring but I'd probably hear about it later in private. I dunno... I don't want to be rude or hurt her feelings or seem ungrateful. I just really am at a loss about what to do.

lifesabeach85 · June 2018

@EvilRaccoon there’s a few approaches you can take, depending on how your MIL will likely react. The polite and direct: “We know that this baby will completely upend our lives, and it will be more stressful than we can imagine. But, we would like to spend the rest of the pregnancy excited about the love and snuggles this baby will bring. We would appreciate if you didn’t make any more negative comments.” Or, the sarcastic and blunt: “gee I didn’t realize it was going to be hard! Guess we better give the baby up for adoption to someone who can handle it!”

These types of comments are pretty common and really annoying. The worst is “sleep now!” Like you’re spending your pregnancy at all night raves?

MojieJo · June 2018

@mockingjay1 I don't think he does, but either way, he was in the office. There were a ton of people in the waiting room being slowly called back. Crazy for an early morning appointment.

It doesn't give me much faith, either, honestly, but this is the MFM my OB works with, so he's what I got. I really don't like him.

MouseMama817 · June 2018

Ugh, MILs. I love @lifesabeach85 ‘s sarcastic comeback for @EvilRaccoon. I mean, what does your MIL honestly expect you to say to all of that? Maybe she thinks she’s preparing you but A. Poopy diapers are not a big deal. When it’s your kid, it doesn’t gross you out. And B. Messes are a part of life and completely manageable with some effort and proactivism if a clean house is important enough to you.

@lurvleybunchococonuts That’s crazy awkward. If it were me, I would not rely on DH’s assurances that his mom has enough tact not to offend anyone w/ her gift-giving standards. I would ask him to have a talk with her wherein he explicitly states that neither of you are comfortable inviting people you don’t know for the sole purpose of gifts and that gift-giving period is an option for all of the guests as far as either of you are concerned.

lurvleybunchococonuts · June 2018

@MouseMama817 that's a good suggestion to have MH talk to her, thanks! I know if I were to say something it'd turn into a HUGE issue. I don't really think she'd invite anyone MH/I don't know, but the whole "only invite people that'll give 'good stuff'" was really awkward.

EvilRaccoon · June 2018

Thank you all ladies, I feel less like I'm just being hormonal.

Yes, @lifesabeach85, we are this close answering like that! It's especially annoying because she knows about my miscarriages, she's seen us trying for 7 years to have a biological child. Heck, we were in the process of trying to adopt a child coming from childcare who'd probably come with serious health issues and/or traumatism. So yes, we are committed to this thing.

And, for the record, it's my mother, not my MIL. Strange, I know, but I adore my MIL and have a great relationship with her. She is always very tactful and respectful of boundaries.

lifesabeach85 · June 2018

@lurvleybunchococonuts is there anyone else who wants to throw you a shower? I’d be shocked if this is the last crazy your MIL pulls about the shower. If some other friends would be willing to do it you could just side step and be like “oh thank you so much but Susie and Anne are already planning to host something, if you have anyone you would like to be included in the guest list, please pass their name along.” If she’s the only option, I agree with @MouseMama817 that DH should tell her the primary purpose of the shower is to celebrate the baby, not to get stuff, and you will be happy with your friends presence more than their presents.

@EvilRaccoon I guess my brain just autocorrected to MIL since they are usually the bsc ones!

herewegoagain3rd · June 2018

My BF is I still have a week until my AS! Why does it seem like time has slowed down to a crawl lately!

offtoneverland · June 2018

@EvilRaccoon I don't understand why some people choose to focus on the negatives of parenthood. Sometimes, when telling someone you're expecting, they respond "oh, you're never going to sleep again!" I don't understand those types of reactions. Parenthood is SO MUCH MORE than just sleep deprivation and poop clean-up. Sure, those things are stressful, but the joys far outweigh the extra stresses. Hopefully you can find the words to say to her to get her to stop trying to scare you and YH.

@lurvleybunchococonuts Oof, that is a really tough one. I wanted to say that you could talk with her and explain that you just want your friends there, regardless of the type of gifts they'll give you. But @lifesabeach85 makes a very good point that this is probably not the last crazy thing your MIL will do in regards to the shower, so it might be really stressful to have her host it. Do you have any friends near you that might want to host a shower? Do any of your friends know about your MIL struggles? Perhaps you could tell one of them that you're desperate to have an excuse not to have your MIL host it, and ask if they would host it for you, just by name, and that you would do most of the work. If a close friend asked me that, I wouldn't think it was tacky.
Or last thing--has your family mentioned hosting a shower for you? I think they live a few hours away from you (am I remembering correctly?) so you could invite your MIL to that one and just say you don't want to do two showers.

wildrainbow · June 2018

@EvilRaccoon I'm a pretty blunt person and I would probably respond with "since you are so concerned about all of our upheaval, we will expect to see you for middle of the night feedings and to cook and clean. If that isn't something you are willing to do, then please keep all jokes and "opinions" to yourself"....BUT that is just me and like I said, I'm pretty blunt when it comes to ppl talking about my parenting, etc. The other ladies had much nicer ways of saying keep your mouth shut than I do. However, I have found that, sometimes, you have to be blunt for it to sink in, especially when dealing with family. They seem to think it's ok to constantly push opinions, thoughts, beliefs, etc. I hope you find a good way to get your point across. I know that is hard to listen to after a while.

runwmusic · June 2018

My bf is how rude people can be. Monday I had three wonderful comments.
1- are you sure it's not twins?
2 - you're not due until November? But you're so big already!
3 - this one was from DH after I told him #1 and 2....'our renter' has gotten so fat. His stomach looks like yours.

What a wonderful way to start the week...

lurvleybunchococonuts · June 2018

@lifesabeach85 @offtoneverland I've thought about talking to one of my friends who stated she'd do one if my mom &/or sister didn't do anything, but I don't want to obligate her. And as much as I'd love a shower, I'm not going to throw one/plan one for myself (not trying to start a debate or anything regarding it, but that is simply outside my comfort zone). I mentioned it to my mom yesterday afternoon that my MIL was talking about doing one (to find out if she would be able to attend if we gave her enough time to get time off work) and even though she's in NJ (I'm in WI) she wants to be involved in planning it and would fly out for the weekend for it. So this could be even more disastrous

or the opposite end of the spectrum and my mom can curb some of MIL's craziness. My mom knows my feelings regarding most things in regards to showers/similar events and we have pretty similar tastes so I trust her a little bit more not to allow anything TOO bonkers to occur. So as of now it'll be a MIL/my mom shower <---lord help us all

pelorunningmama · June 2018

@ftm_jen on gosh, I'm sorry. Don't take to it to heart. People suck.

@lurvleybunchococonuts I'm glad your mom might be able to curb your MIL some. I'm assuming you are much more open with her and she can find a way to make sure MIL knows your feelings. I still am in disbelief that she could be so tacky regarding gifts. Sorry you are going through all that!

EvilRaccoon · June 2018

@lurvleybunchococonuts : I am not sure those are good ideas, but here goes: you might suggest that you'd love gifts, but you'd love homemade gifts even more: frozen food, offers to babysit your baby, help cleaning, etc. I know I would love it, and to me it's worth more than yet another diaper bags. So if you have friends whose budget is tight, it might be a good idea.

And if the nice ladies from her church really want to come (or your MIL really want them to come), why not suggest donations to a cause dear to your heart in the name of your child.

We know we want to do so for our son. We'll "adopt" 2 wild animals in his name to donate for wildlife preservation, amongst other things.

firsttimespartanmom · June 2018

Friday BF: I cannot get over how rude/invasive people continue to be to you when you’re pregnant! My husband is 12 years older than me. Yesterday someone came up to me to ask if, since my husband was older, he had children from a previous marriage. Um, what? He wasn’t married before, has no children, and if he did, which would have no impact on you, who cares?!

eahayes · June 2018

@MojieJo wtf!? a 2 hour wait is insane! I would be so upset too, since my husband also has to take work off for appointments.

@EvilRaccoon that's so frustrating. I get annoyed when people share horror stories to try to be funny, no tact! And the last thing I am when pregnant is patient- I am sure you are handling it better than I would have!

MojieJo · June 2018

@eahayes Yeah, it was ludicrous. And they acted like it was no big deal at all and we were being ridiculous for complaining (politely, no less).

I really hope that's not a sign of things to come with them. I already don't care for the doctor and getting to the office is a hassle (it's close by, but in a hospital and it's like a maze getting there one you're inside), so that's just the icing on the cake.

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