Baby shower polite refusal

eahayes · June 2018

Hi all-- would love some advice and insight! I have had an offer from a close friend to throw me a baby shower. I accepted, but am having second thoughts. It's near impossible to dial a date down, my list will either be smallish and full of groups that don't know each other well or quite large (because inviting some friends will lead to it being difficult to exclude others in that "group"), I know work and my mom's friends are also throwing me something, and I have a lot of items already from years of trying to conceive and receiving hand me downs! I don't love attention on me and at this point would prefer to not have my friend throw me anything, but rather take me to lunch or for mani/pedis. Is there a polite way I can tell her this without her feelings being hurt? It sounds simple in my head, but I am having trouble with the wording to ensure it doesn't come out wrong and I put my foot in my mouth..

stitchnz · June 2018

Maybe something along the lines of "Thank you so much for your offer to organise my baby shower. It's so kind and I really appreciate it. I've been thinking about it more, and I realised that I would rather spend time with you one on one than have a big group event. Would you mind if we just went out for lunch or got mani/pedis together?".

I don't think you need to provide all the explanation up front (because doing so can come across a bit defensive, even if you're just trying to provide your reasoning). I think suggesting an activity for just the two of you really softens it and makes it clear that your friend is important to you. It's ok to ask for what you want, and I think your friend will be fine with this, but if her feelings are hurt I think that's going to be more about her than you.

highsteaks · June 2018

i’ve never been to a shower where everyone knew everyone; i feel that’s the norm and usually expected. people go through the awkwardness because they love you and want to celebrate with you, and everyone survives. and, you really don’t have the power to dictate that the guest list be large because someone else is hosting—party size is mostly up to them, so it should be an easy excuse to apologize or explain to others that, “oh, i feel so bad that i couldn’t invite you, xyz asked that i keep it to only x number of people, otherwise i would have loved to have you there” if you felt the need to.

that being said, if you don’t want a party because it makes you uncomfortable, it’s not impolite to decline after the fact if the host hasn’t started making purchases or a downpayment on a venue. i would say that i’ve had a change of heart and while i’m so honored/blessed that you offered, i’d rather just have a fun day with you and me instead of a party.

good luck!

eahayes · June 2018

Thank you ladies! Great advice-- will definitely follow when I chat with her.

lifesabeach85 · June 2018

I think the fact that your moms friends are already throwing you a shower is a great excuse. Just say you forgot one was already in the works, and would really love to have some one on one girls time before the baby comes.

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Baby shower polite refusal

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