Monday BF 6/18

middleschoolmommy · June 2018

DH just can't seem to fathom that when I say how exhausted I am, after taking care of DS all day and doing whatever house work I can, that I'm actually tired and not just trying to "get out of" doing something. It's driving me insane. At this point, I can't wait for school to start again so he can wrap his head around me actually being tired since I'll have to physically go to work and not "just be at home all day".

tessiesmom26 · June 2018

@middleschoolmommy That's frustrating.

My BF is that a coworker and I have been discussing asking for one of the tabletop desks that allow you to stand while you work for a while. We both wanted one and have talked about it on more than one occasion. This morning she tells me that while I was out on Friday she asked our boss if she could get one and he said yes. He also told her to get one for him, so she ordered two. Really??? So I emailed our boss who is on vacation for the next two days to see if I could get one too. Now I feel like it looks like I am just mooching, but I have wanted one all along!

BabyBoyH92016 · June 2018

My H is leaving tomorrow for a week. This is one of FOUR week long trips he has to take before the baby is born. It’s going to be a long week taking of my toddler with no help/breaks.

The good old news is that he purposely scheduled them this way, so that when the baby comes, he won’t have to take any long trips. He’ll be done.

middleschoolmommy · June 2018

@tessiesmom26 how aggravating! Why would she not just include you when asking, especially when boss said order one for them as well?! I wrote a grant for standing desks for my students a couple years ago and got enough $ to get an extra one I ended up using a lot when working one on one with a kid. They are awesome and I hope you get one!

smulrich16 · June 2018

So, I'm a manager in an IT department. Our teams are split up into a support team and a new build (architecture) team for each area. My team is the architecture side and my counterpart support team is in complete shambles. The other manager keeps reaching out for help and I keep offering to help her if she can just send me a list of the items she would like my team to work on, but she wants me to just give her one or two of my team members to help her team instead. I'm happy to help (and have encouraged my team to reach out to hers and see what they can help with), but everyone on my team is currently pretty busy in their project work. I'm sure they could find an hour here or there throughout the week to help, but I can't take them off of their other responsibilities simply because the other team is a freaking mess. Plus, when one of my senior team members DID help her team out, my girl got her hand slapped because the other manager didn't want her to help that specific person (WTF?!).

The high priority emails of WE NEED HELP, with no real pathway to how we should help them, are really getting old - and another one of her team put in his 2 week notice today (with another rumored to be putting in his notice later this week). This is going to be a long week.

mockingjay1 · June 2018

Work has sucked the last 3 weeks/shifts. I've been there an hour late 2/3 of them and I think 30 minutes late the other. I just want normal healthy babies that don't require multiple doctor calls or a transfer to NICU. And our charge nurses to not be complete idiots and staff better. These headaches the last 5-7 days are also really affecting my mood.

lachnessmomster · June 2018

DS will turn two next month, and I've been working with him for quite awhile on his potty training. Admittedly, I haven't gone all-out with the training this entire time, but I at least introduced him to the idea of the potty and bought him his own as early as last summer, before he was even one, and he did use it a couple times. Fast-forward to this summer, and I've really been making the effort to get him fully trained. He has cool big boy underpants that he's excited about, talks about the potty, knows what it is and what you do there, has successfully used it many times, etc. So, in my opinion, we're making lots of progress! It's not perfection yet, but we're getting there!

My BF is that I was at my in-laws' the other day, and my MIL mentioned how she'd like to keep DS for a few weeks so she could potty train him. She was half-joking, and I laughed it off, but part of me felt like that was just an unnecessary comment. She knows I'm working with him, and while, yes, he's still currently in diapers a lot of the time, he's in big boy pants a lot of the time, too. I ask him multiple times a day if he needs to go, I'll have him sit down and try even when he says that he doesn't. While he's sitting, I'll talk to him, show him things like seashells or whatever random ass thing I can find in the bathroom to distract him. Like, I'm just doing my best over here, and the implication was that she could do better.

I could be taking this to heart and making a bigger deal about it than it actually is, because I tend to do that a lot when my MIL is involved, but it was a pretty back-handed comment and left me feeling like shit.

highsteaks · June 2018

@lachnessmomster sounds like you’re doing an excellent job already potty training. it’s hard and continually a work in progress for quite some time. i think some grandparents either 1) want to sincerely help take the load off and/or 2)forget how tedious and mundane it is. either way, perhaps they may see stuff like this as a bonding opportunity or a way to re-visit the past. not saying that all grandparents are completely making the offer with the best intentions; you’d know better what your mil is getting at than i would. but, on one hand, perhaps she does help reinforce what you’ve already done, and on the other hand, maybe she’ll quickly realize that potty training is harder than she remembers. could be a win-win.

highsteaks · June 2018

@lachnessmomster also, yea i’d probably be annoyed with how she went about “offering” and also annoyed if she tried to take credit for what you’ve already been working on. so, yea.

vrj0522 · June 2018

@lachnessmomster - I'm sorry your MIL made you feel bad with her comment. I agree that her comment was completely inappropriate. If it helps you feel better, my DD is 3.5 and not potty trained. I think she is now ready to be though so I plan on using the rest of the week while my oldest is in summer camp to train her. She's been physically ready since before she was 2 but she has not been emotionally ready and completely refused it until recently. So your son being willing and starting to train when not even 2 is so great! Most kids don't potty train until after 2.5 so there is absolutely no need for you to feel bad about where you guys are at.

@middleschoolmommy - Solidarity! DH has been very similar. It's so frustrating and right now I have no patience for it. You would think that by our 4th child he would've figured out the toll that pregnancy takes on me.

pink_polkadots · June 2018

@lachnessmomster I am a firm believer in “it’ll happen when they’re ready”

I saw it first hand with my daughter. We introduced her to the potty when she was 2 and A few months. We had a few successes and a lot of failures. We were planning a Disney trip for a few months from then, and I didn’t want to be still potty training/learning while running around Disney world all day. I knew I just wouldn’t have the focus or time to make sure I was being consistent. Plus, who wants to potty train in public restrooms

So we took a break, went on our trip. As soon as we got back I started with her again. And she just got it. It only took a few days and she was in undies and staying dry during the day. It was really quite amazing. Now night time took a bit longer to master, but I also read that that would come when the child’s body was ready, and eventually it did.

So just keep that in mind and don’t let other people’s comments get to you. When his body is ready, it will happen. You’re doing the best you can in teaching him and being consistent.

tessiesmom26 · June 2018

@lachnessmomster I have no experience here, but it sounds like you're doing a great job and MIL is being a snot.

Update to my BF: My boss emailed back and said I could get a desk too. They were ordered Friday and two arrived today. Since he is out of the office until Wednesday and mine should be arriving tomorrow, I took his and set it up! I'm so excited!

middleschoolmommy · June 2018

Apologies in advance for the novel, I need to rant and no one in my family is being helpful...

Little back story: My grandfather has always been my favorite person since I was little. My husband and I even lived with him for 5 years while going to college. He's getting older and more and more forgetful. My mother had said she would watch out for him, since they lived 5 mins apart, but she has since moved out of state. My grandfather lives about 45 minutes away from us. Originally, he agreed to move with us when we bought this house, but changed his mind because he was "too set in his ways". So, we have him stay with us 2-3 days a week to "help us out" with DS.

A couple week ago, he injured his shoulder and the only thing the VA has done is give him pain meds, which do not help his memory AT ALL. He has forgotten conversations he's had with other family members, plans he's made, and even got lost on the way to my house last weekend (we've lived here for 3 years now). Anyways, we have him on our cell plan and he wanted to get a new phone - a flip phone because the "smart-ish" phone we got him was too complicated. He went to 2 different sprint stores, by himself, and ended up getting a phone he felt comfortable with. This morning he brought me a receipt from Sprint for over $600 for some LG phone that he didn't have. He said he was on "the pills" when he went to the store and just now saw that he was charged that much money. I had to do some digging and make some phone calls, just to find out he was given the wrong receipt (thank God).

I called my mom to share this story and she basically told me that my grandfather is now "my problem" since she lives so far away now. He has 3 other daughters near by... Then I called my husband to tell him what happened and his response was "well, what do you think you need to do about it?" I have no idea what I can or should do. I started feeling a little resentful that *I* was expected to be the one that has to handle this, and now I'm just bawling because I feel guilty! My grandfather has given me so much, done so much for me and my family, and I hate that I was feeling burdened. He is 84, and his family has a record of living well into their 90s. I just don't know what to do about him getting so forgetful and being so far away! He's on a fixed income and says he can't afford an apartment and he doesn't want to give up his space. I guess I just feel overwhelmed and don't know what to do.

lachnessmomster · June 2018

@highsteaks @vrj0522 @pink_polkadots @tessiesmom26 Thanks, ladies. He's at least interested in trying lately, after a long time of having no interest, so I think that's a win! I admit, it's hard for me to filter out when my MIL is genuinely trying to be helpful. I need to snap out of that mentality and recognize that yes, sometimes she's just trying to be nice. She just has very strong opinions when it comes to pregnancy, birth, mothering, etc., that she often feels hard to please.

Also, awesome that you're getting your desk, @tessiesmom26!

lifesabeach85 · June 2018

@middleschoolmommy I am so sorry you're going through something so difficult and that so much has fallen on your shoulders. That is really a hard thing to deal with. Having watched my parents and my in laws go through their parents aging into their 90s, I can't imagine having to do so without a strong family support system. I would strongly advise you to have your grandfather thoroughly evaluated by a neurologist who will be able to tell you if his memory lapses are not too concerning/just part of the aging process or are a sign of something more serious like dementia. They will be able to tell you if it is safe for him to continue living on his own and especially if it is safe for him to continue driving (if he is getting lost on the way to a familiar place you may have already crossed that bridge). If he has a primary care doctor, maybe they can refer you to a specialist. Even those who are fortunate enough (like one of my grandfathers and both of DH's grandmothers) who live into their 90s still sharp mentally, there eventually comes a time where it is just not possible to live on one's own unless you have a lot of help. You will at least need some resources for both you and your grandfather to help with inevitable transitions no matter what ends up happening.

mockingjay1 · June 2018

@middleschoolmommy - I am so sorry you're in that situation. Your mom's response would piss me off. I can't imagine saying that about my father. Do you think he would quality for any home health visits? Do any of his other daughters live closer that could alternate checking up on him so it's not just one person's responsibility?

middleschoolmommy · June 2018

@lifesabeach85 He doesn't have private insurance and only goes to the VA hospital. The care he is currently receiving for his shoulder injury gives me zero hope that they would be helpful with any type of memory care or testing with a specialist. After 3 weeks, they are still refusing to do an MRI of his shoulder and only giving him pain meds. Unfortunately we are fast approaching the point where we will not let him have DS in the car with him (he currently only drives him to a neighborhood park, but still).

@mockingjay1 his other daughters live about the same distance away as I do, or a little further. They don't really have the best relationship with him. He's a very stubborn man and holds grudges, which is why I'm very fearful of offending him. He has cut people out of his life completely (his brothers and sisters) and all of his children and grandchildren for different amounts of time. I can't imagine what I would do if he decided not to speak with us. My sister actually lives very close to him, but she is adapting the same attitude as my mom in that he's "my problem". I'm hoping this changes as she matures...

One of the only things I can think to do is to start researching senior living facilities and start mentioning to him how we wish he was closer to us. He has always been very physically active and has just in the past year come to realize that he sometimes needs to take it easy.

MojieJo · June 2018

I had a dentist appointment today and both the hygienist and the dentist asked me if this baby was planned.

The answer is yes, absolutely (we had to do FET again), but WTF, people? It's none of your damn business!

tessiesmom26 · June 2018

@MojieJo Ugh, I got asked that too. I DO.NOT.GET. how people think that is an acceptable thing to ask someone who is pregnant. Sorry you had to deal with that, and at the dentist of all places.

gracie4400 · June 2018

@middleschoolmommy I'm so sorry to hear about your grandfather and the stress this is putting on you. I dealt with a similar situation with my mom and I know how difficult it can be. When I was going though it the best piece of advice someone gave me was to not be afraid to ask for help. Please feel free to PM me if you want to discuss further.

My BF is in regards to moving. We are now officially out of space in our current house and we're looking to buy another, but there is like nothing on the market right now. And furthermore, how to do simultaneously sell your current while at the same time finding a new house you love that is the right price and move in ready? Hoping the stars will align and we'll get this figured out

offtoneverland · June 2018

MojieJo said:

I had a dentist appointment today and both the hygienist and the dentist asked me if this baby was planned.

The answer is yes, absolutely (we had to do FET again), but WTF, people? It's none of your damn business!

I will never understand why people think it's okay to ask this question. My old boss asked me that during my first pregnancy and it was so awkward. Like, are you really asking me if we planned to have sex or if it was spontaneous? Ugh!

MojieJo · June 2018

I swear pregancy makes people's sense of what's appropriate and not appropriate (questions, belly rubs, etc.) go out the window.

It's like pregnant women are open season for social stupidity.

offtoneverland · June 2018

@middleschoolmommy I'm so sorry about the situation with your grandfather. I wish I had advice, but I don't. It makes me so very sad to see the type of care we give (or don't give...) our veterans though.

ETA: It's probably obvious, but by "we" I mean our country, not you!

Monday BF 6/18

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