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I'm back *TW loss*

coco2787coco2787 member
edited June 2018 in TTC After a Loss
Hi ladies.  This was the last place I wanted to find myself again, but I need the support of people who get it.  We found out on Friday that I had another missed miscarriage.  I went to the OB for my NT scan and the ultrasound showed that our NIPT normal little girl had stopped growing 4 weeks earlier.  We had seen the heartbeat on a handheld ultrasound at 10 weeks when we went in for the blood draw, but she was only measuring 9w4d when we went in on Friday, so her heart must have stopped a day or two after we had last seen it.  I really thought things were going to be okay this time around and I can't even explain how devastating this news has been.  I wish I could wake up from this nightmare.  I had them print me a final ultrasound picture, it was the one thing I regretted not doing after my first loss.  Even though she was already gone I wanted proof that there was once a perfect little girl growing inside of me. 

They'll do testing on the tissue after my D&C on Tuesday, and hopefully we can get some answers as to why this keeps happening.  I don't even know at this point if we'll TTC again, I guess some of that depends on the results of more testing.  If we decide to try again we'll both do karyotyping and I'll go back to the RE.  
Me: 35  H: 35
Married: 4/5/13

"You know that place between sleep and awake, 
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I will always love you.  
That's where I'll be waiting."
~Peter Pan 

*TW*
BFP #1: 11/12/12  EDD 7/25/13 Baby boy: 7/27/13
BFP #2: 10/29/17   MMC dx @ 9 weeks
BFP #3: 2/2/18 MC 2/7/18
BFP #4: 3/2/18  MC 3/9/18
RPL testing and hysteroscopy: all normal
BFP #5: 4/1/18 MMC dx @ 14 weeks ----> genetically normal girl  :'(
Hysteroscopy to remove scar tissue 9/28
BFP #6 11/5/18 EDD 7/20/19  <3  Rainbow baby girl born 7/23/19 
BFP #7 12/8/2021 EDD 8/22/2022 
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Re: I'm back *TW loss*

  • prpl11butterflyprpl11butterfly member
    Oh @coco2787 I am so so sorry to see you back here. Absolutely heartbreaking. Know that I'm sending you lots of creepy internet hugs right now :heart:
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  • lin0442lin0442 member
    @coco2787 I’m so incredibly sorry you’re back here. I hope you are able to get some answers. We’re here for you.
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  • zamoraspinzamoraspin member
    @coco2787 I am so heartbroken for you and YH learning this news. This is incredibly unfair - to have a good NIPT and then a loss, I just can’t even, I want to scream at the universe. So proud of you for advocating for yourself in that moment to get the u/s picture. I totally understand wanting to have that memory. 

    You don’t have to decide right now what you want to do next. We are all here for you, holding your hand.

    I am so sorry.
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  • char245char245 member
    @coco2787 I’m so sorry you are going through this again! The whole thing is completely unfair! I’m glad you decided to come back and get support even if you don’t TTC right away. Sending thoughts of positive thoughts your way! 
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  • Mack2342Mack2342 member
    @coco2787 I’m so sorry to see you back here with another loss.  It’s not fair.  Wishing you an easy time on Tuesday and a speedy recovery.  I felt the same way you did after my last loss but as time went by I started to feel that urge again and then we got our results back and that solidified our decision to TTC.  You just have to take things one day at a time.  Again I’m so sorry 
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  • catlady2015catlady2015 member
    @coco2787- damn it! I’m so so sorry for your loss. I really thought this was your rainbow.

    The cat says it best:


    Im so glad you advocated and got your picture. I hope the testing will tell you something about why this loss happened. We are here for you. Big hugs!
    *TW*
    Me: 38 DH: 41
    Married: 2016
    BFP #1 4/23/18, blighted ovum 5/29/18
    BFP#2 7/14/18, DS 4/5/19
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  • cassafrass15cassafrass15 member
    Oh @coco2787 I am so incredibly sorry. I hope you’re holding your loved ones close and giving yourself time to grieve. We’re here for you if and when you need us.
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  • sagems10sagems10 member
    I am so so sorry. I don't know what else to say except I hope you find small moments of peace during this awful time. 
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  • bakerstreetboysbakerstreetboys member
    Oh no, I am so, so sorry to see you back here. It is so completely unfair. I hope you recover quickly tomorrow and get some answers. Take time for yourself. 
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  • Kath525Kath525 member
    Oh no. I was so sad when I saw your name on this post. I am so so sorry. Sometimes there are just no words. We're here for you. You are not alone.
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  • eleven_eleven_ member
    Sending so many hugs to you  <3
    TW
    Me: 33 DH: 32
    DS:  March 2014
    DD: May 2015
    BFP: 12/24/17 CP: 1/2/18 @ 4w 3d
    BFP: 1/26/18 CP: 2/2/18 @ 4w 4d
    BFP: 5/16/18 MMC: 6/15/18 @ 7w 5d
    BFP: 9/25/18! EDD: 6/9/19 TEAM GREEN  <3 

    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker
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  • tosh24tosh24 member
    ***lurking***

    Oh coco, my heart sank when I saw your name on this post. I am so sorry you're having to go through this again. RPL is so devastating and unfair. I hope you are able to get some answers this time around. Definitely take time to focus on your grief and healing. There's no rush to make any long-term decisions. I am thinking of you and wishing you peace as you put your heart back together ❤
    Me: 35 I DH: 38
    *TW loss and children mentioned*
    DD:2006 | Dx: Unexplained Secondary Infertility | DS: 2011

    TFAS since 2012

    Oct 16: Spontaneous BFP | m/c @ 9w1d (massive SCH) | D&C
    Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN
    May 17: IUI #2 = BFN
    Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w
    Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN
    Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies)
    Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN
    Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen  
    Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN
    Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = cancelled due to missed ovulation
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = BFP! Beta 1: 201  Beta 2: 585 Beta 3: 3254 Beta 4: 9715 U/S 19May - one bean measuring on track with a HB of 125!
    EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green
    My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019 <3 

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  • lelkcotlelkcot member
    I am so incredibly sorry for your loss, that you’re going through this again. It is devastating and so unfair. I hope the testing gives you some answers. And know you’re not alone.
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  • justariusjustarius member
    So sorry for your losses! Hoping you can take all the time you need to take care of yourself and be surrounded by family and loved ones. 
    Report Reply
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