DEPRESSION/RESENTMENT

bamadxoa · June 2018

pretty sure im going crazy. And i hate myself for the way i feel. SO just goes about his daily life meanwhile Im nauseous 24/7 exhausted but can never sleep and over all just miserable this go around

RawrDonnaSaur · June 2018

Sending you empathy and hugs. Make time to do stuff you enjoy and listen to a lot of music. That's how I'm coping. I hope you start to feel better soon.

sareej521 · June 2018

I had severe perinatal depression with dd2 and have been medicated since last November. I have major guilt right now because this baby was a major surprise and I had no chance to wean or lower my meds. Neither my Doctor or Psychiatrist feel very safe about taking me off completely because of my history but we may wean me down and start me on a different one so I know I'll be spending the entire pregnancy worried about the baby

leighbrek · June 2018

@bamadxoa I think the resentment and feeling a little down is normal. Your SO isn't experiencing what you're experiencing, hence has absolutely no way to relate. It's hard seeing the other person being all chipper and energized while all you want to do is go into a coma and fast forward time.
If, however, you are finding that your depression is getting bad or unmanageable, you need to tell your OB or midwife... Whomever you're working with.

parentingishard · June 2018

sareej521 said:

I had severe perinatal depression with dd2 and have been medicated since last November. I have major guilt right now because this baby was a major surprise and I had no chance to wean or lower my meds. Neither my Doctor or Psychiatrist feel very safe about taking me off completely because of my history but we may wean me down and start me on a different one so I know I'll be spending the entire pregnancy worried about the baby

I'm in the same boat. We had planned to start trying after weaning from my PPD/PPA medication and here we are pregnant before I started weaning. I weaned from a different medication in the fall and it was horrible and has me fearing ever weaning again, but I'm hoping to at least try in the second trimester. I've given myself permission to try weaning but also promised myself that I'd stop if any of my major symptoms returned. The risk to the baby on the medication is not nearly as bad as the risk to the baby if my mental health goes down the tubes again. I never thought I'd be a "medicated Mom", but I'm learning to accept it. Just wanted you to know you're not alone!

bamadxoa - I think it's somewhat normal to feel resentment towards your SO when you make so many sacrifices while pregnant. Those feelings will build after baby arrives, especially if you nurse. I'd have a very open conversation with your SO about your feelings. Maybe there are ways he can help but he's not aware you're upset. You should start the conversations now so that your relationship is strong when entering the newborn phase. If your depression overtakes your resentment, you should mention it to your OB. There's no reason to feel mentally unhappy during pregnancy.

greenhillgirl · June 2018

sareej521 parentingishard so sorry. Try not to worry too much. I have very serious depression managed by two SSRI's and my psychiatrist, therapist, and obgyn are all in full support of me staying on them. They have been in practice for decades and never or heard from coworker friends of a single baby, child, or grown up who has problems from a mom taking them in pregnancy. I refuse to even read anything about the risks since I've already made my decision and I won't talk to anyone I know about it either. If I couldn't be on my meds I wouldn't be having a baby. Anything that doesn't have extensive clinical research of pregnant women taking it can't be called safe, and clinical research on pregnant women isn't legal. The only med I've seen called safe is Claritin so far.

A mom who is pregnant and depressed and it is untreated can cause damage to a baby. You are doing the best you can

oaklandava · June 2018

@greenhillgirl
I second this. I've been on anxiety meds for quite some time now and I refuse to listen to anyone who says I shouldn't. My medical team is on board and like you said--without them....I wouldn't be able to have a baby. It's just the way I am made and that's ok. It wasn't always like this for me, but it's where I am now, and a safe baby is a healthy baby!

greenhillgirl · June 2018

@oaklandava Yay!! Great attitude. I'm from the Shenandoah Valley by the way- that looks like a Cavs logo... right?

oaklandava · June 2018

@greenhillgirl
YES

DH and I went to UVa. We loveeeddddd it! What are you near in the Valley?

kns1988 · June 2018

greenhillgirl said:

@oaklandava Yay!! Great attitude. I'm from the Shenandoah Valley by the way- that looks like a Cavs logo... right?

I love the Shenandoah Valley! That's my favorite place. We did a lot of hiking and camping in Luray when my husband worked at a camp down there.

I second everyone who is staying on their SSRIs. I went on Zoloft for PPD/PPA after DS was born, and my life has improved so much. I trust my doctor when she says it's safe.

greenhillgirl · June 2018

oaklandava and @kns1988 it's such a beautiful area! I'm from just North of Harrisonburg in Rockingham County but have lived in NYC my entire adult life. DH loves it and hopes to move there someday. We also talk about maybe living in Charlottesville one day.

merostomata · June 2018

I'm so sorry

Pregnancy is so hard and I feel ya. I both feel a little resentment (generally when my husband asks me to do, oh, anything even if miniscule) and shame at being such a boring downer. I feel crappy and am generally quiet and very low energy in any social interaction now with friends or at work, then feel kinda bad about myself for it. Wishing I had the fun personality back.

I think the only thing is remembering this is temporary and that your body is doing an amazing, difficult job right now and we are feeling this way for a reason. If your SO isn't giving you as much sympathy as you deserve, they probably just don't understand- it's very difficult to 'get it' before going through it! But taking them to prenatal appts can help. Sometimes having an outside expert verify how hard this experience is helps for them to understand.

Also~ if you are really struggling it is absolutely ok to talk to your OB/midwife about an antidepressant. My GP automatically took me off of mine, but I've been blessed with a pretty cool midwife who wants to check in a lot and make sure I'm doing ok, and said it's definitely ok to go back on it if I'm struggling. She says babies tend to be a little sleepier for the first week when they're born if mom is on an antidepressant, but they return to normal shortly after. In the long run it's much better for the baby to have a healthy mother. And remember, YOU matter just as much!

*Hugs*

sareej521 · June 2018

@parentingishard @greenhillgirl thank you so much for the reassurance!! Hubby was against me even going on medication to start with until he saw them start working and said "you're back... you're finally back!" I'm 100% all for meds now, just of course the one I'm on doesn't have a lot of supporting research for pregnancy and breastfeeding so that was why they are discussing whether to continue on as I'm going with a med that I know works or switch to one that has more research behind to the effects but that I have never tried

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