How do you talk to people?

irishcyclone29 · June 2018

I have been an emotional mess since Friday. I haven’t slept well. Keep tossing and turning and having these horrible dreams. I woke up dry heaving today with a fever and chills. I ended up calling into work about a half hour before I was supposed to be there. Our policy is it has to be an hour before so my manager will probably pull me into the office tomorrow. How do I tell her what’s going on and why I called in? I haven’t actually said anything out loud because I can’t without crying.

justarius · June 2018

I’m so sorry for your loss @irishcyclone29 I personally had to also talk to my manager and I won’t lie I couldn’t keep my pieces together through it. I broke down right there in her office. I was so mortified but she showed me such compassion and it ended up being just fine. We are all human and emotions are all part of it. I ended up taking a week off work because I was just so emotionally unstable. And I was able to arrange that over the phone with my Human Resources department. I actually didn’t have that meeting with my manager until after my time off and I Still couldn’t keep it together. It’s a huge loss, allow yourself time to grieve. Take care hunn

prpl11butterfly · June 2018

@irishcyclone29 I am sorry for your loss. In my experince, I found it best to just talk. Even though the tears. I told my boss via text but she knew everything and had gone through a loss about 6m before. When I did go back, a few of the guys asked how I was feeling because she had said I was sick. I broke down talking to each one of them. And they were all amazingly supportive and shared their own stories of their wives having MCsas well.

It won't be am easy conversation, but I am sure your manager will understand. And you may find that she knows your pain and can be a great support system.

Noodlepig · June 2018

I ended up emailing mine as i couldnt have the conversation. She was very kind but i think understands im not at a point i can talk about it. For me that was the easiest route as i know one day i can be braver about this but for now i am just a soggy mess and dont want to be that all day. Good luck and you are not alone. Id say somehow having the conversation is better than not as you dont know what you may need down the road

irishcyclone29 · June 2018

I was thinking of sending her an email as well. The most I’ve said out loud and not through a text or something similar was just to my mom and it was only “when things happen” or something along those lines. I wake up cramping each morning and with chills because of them. I started spotting yesterday and it brought back literally every bad feeling and emotion. Every time I see more I start crying all over again. There’s nothing in our handbook about it so I’m thinking of sending HR a message too and seeing if I have any options. I only have 2 more PTO personal days until I get time back which isn’t until the 17th of this month.

bakerstreetboys · June 2018

Sorry for your loss. With my second loss, it was a MMC, and I e-mailed my manager to tell her what had happened. I left work for the u/s, expecting to go back afterwards, but obviously that didn't happen. I don't get along with my manager at all, but it turns out she had the same experience and was quite understanding. Good luck, and I hope HR gives you some reasonable options.

catlady2015 · June 2018

hi, @irishcyclone29, so sorry to see you here, too.

I work remotely, so I emailed my boss. With my loss, I had to take the day unexpectedly to go in for the ultrasound, but given the bleeding, we had a feeling it was bad news so I just pre-emptively took the day instead of a few hours for the appointment. Once we found out it was a loss, I was in touch with her and let her know what was up. She was really great about it and gave me all the time I needed. I took last week off and am headed back to work today.

I understand wanting to keep it together but at the same time, your manager really needs to know what is going on. Not that they need all the details, but a simple, "I was having a miscarriage" is often enough. I would probably an email early to explain the situation, that way you can let them know what's up without having to have a meltdown in your boss's office. But if a miscarriage doesn't allow for some leeway in company policy, your company sucks. Please email your HR department. Sometimes for extenuating circumstances they can allow you to take days off ahead of time, maybe this is an option for you if you feel like you need to take more time.

irishcyclone29 · June 2018

I sent my managers an email. They called me into the office a short time later and I told them about my appointment I’m having in about a half hour(this was 2 days ago). I cried a lot. They hugged me and said they will use my vacation if need be and if I need a day or even just someone to cover the floor for a short time I am more than welcome to ask them to do so. I was an emotional mess that day. Emotionally I’ve gottne better. Physically the cramps are getting worse and there’s more brown discharge like stuff. I am opting for the tablets to do everything on my own and avoid going to the OR. I’m supposed to let them know what’s going on after my appointment. I’m scheduled tomorrow and Friday then have 3 days off so I could do everything Friday and be okay to have that day off as well and then be fine by the time I go back Tuesday. They were more than understanding and it actually helped a ton to talk to them.

Mack2342 · June 2018

@irishcyclone29 sorry you are going through this. I’m glad you reached out to work. I’ve had 3 MC now and opted for a d & c each time. It was quick and virtually painless. My Dr told me I could let it pass on its own or with meds but that neither of those options guarantee when the MC will happen and complete but the d & c is quick. So I wanted to go that route as it appeared to be the fastest and I felt I could recover the quickest. I was able to return to normal activity the next day. Whatever you decide, I hope you have a speedy recovery

irishcyclone29 · June 2018

I went to my doctor today. He confirmed the loss. I started bleeding just hours later with small clots. I have the cytocec tablets but haven’t done them yet. If it gets worse I’ll be calling in tomorrow. I kind of hope it does so it’s all over but I still dread seeing it each time. It’s so real now and emotionally draining.

catlady2015 · June 2018

@irishcyclone29 - big hugs. I did the cytotec just to accelerate the process - I really wanted to get it over with. Once I knew it wasn’t there I wanted all parts of it gone. I hope your body cooperates and it goes sooner for you. It’s traumatizing to just wait and see when it might be done.

40momma · June 2018

@irishcyclone29 I'm so sorry. I've had 3 mc's and have passed them all without meds. It's heartbreaking and unfair. The emotional side is so devastating and the the physical part of it all is like a big kick in the teeth. You will get through it though, and eventually you will get stronger. Hugs

Want a personalized experience?

How do you talk to people?

Re: How do you talk to people?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards