Siblings.

Re: Siblings.

• acunamatada member

  May 2018

  Welcome.. Is she in any sort of EI/therapy? This would be a good question for one of her teachers. 
  Most people say it’s good to bring the sibling a present from the baby when they’re introduced- this doesn’t have to be a baby, and should rather be something that she’s interested in. 
  Have you or your H read any books with her? That can be a good way to introduce the topic if she’ll sit for it. DS has one about pregnancy and one about big brothers that’s he’s into. He’ll sit and read it with me even though he’s not interested in talking about the baby. 
  In the end the only way you’ll know how she’ll react to the baby is by introducing them. She may not care at all, but if your H is her favorite person make sure he still spends time with her and never leave baby alone with her until you have an understanding- even then, toddlers are unpredictable and baby shouldn’t be left alone. 
  BTW we have a whole community of women here and keep organized threads by topics- there’s more info in the **read this first** pinned post. Hope to see you on some other threads! 

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• marieandg member

  May 2018

  @acunamatada She is in a lot of therapies, We've talked with her therapists separately about it and they all pretty much said that if she's not interested just kinda dont.
  
  We have actually bought her a new lego table recently and we're going to buy her some new legos to go with it that will come from the baby, As well as a few other little things like a tub of stuff thats like... cotton candyish textured fluff.. And a new pair of shoes (Kid LOVES shoes.) 
  
  We have read two different books to her but she doesnt really do storytine, It's kind of us reading as she either runs around coming unhinged or climbs us like we're mountains. So I'm not entirely certain she understood anything e where saying, But the books are in her collection if she decides to read them (And I'm pretty sure one is textile? If i remember right.)
  
  She is definately close to my DH, He's kind of the biggest Advocate that she's ever had and I feel like she kind of senses that he'd never do anything to hurt her. With me she's fine with me, And doesnt mind when we're alone, but the second DH gets home she kinda forgets I exist until she wants to eat or she gets dirty and otherwise relies on him.
  
  Baby will not be left alone with her purely for the fact that she doesnt get left alone period, Because if you turn the corner for longer than 5 seconds or go out of her sight she Will have a complete and utter breakdown and require about 20 minutes of weighted blanket quiet time because she thinks you're leaving her for good. So for everybody, Both girls will be with someone at all times. 
  
  I have read it, I Just kinda didnt really know where this fit in and didnt wanna disrupt anything.

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• zande2016 member

  May 2018

  Are you or your husband a member of any support groups or even just social media groups for parents of children with special needs? You might find really good advice and first hand experience from parents who have personally experienced this. I can imagine it could change things when special needs are added into the mix. I’d definitely ask her speech therapist or anyone she works on social skills/speech with about whether it’s possible to incorporate language about becoming a big sister into their sessions with her. Sorry I don’t have any first hand experience to offer but those are the resources I’d turn to. Good luck and join us on some other threads
  

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• flockofmoosen3 member

  May 2018

  It may also be possible that she has some idea of what you're talking about if you tell her straight out that a little baby sister is coming, but she chooses not to care about it until it's real life to her. I think some kids may need more than a hypothetical conversation to fully grasp the picture, and dolls are not fully understood representations for real objects at that age (lots of studies done on that for typical children). FWIW, we have a friend whose son is typical but had absolutely zero interest in his baby sister (almost like she didn't exist to him) until she was old enough to engage him in play on her own. 
  Hopefully you can get in touch with other families with special needs children and younger siblings, and like zande said they should have good advice on how to approach this change. Good luck!

  
  

  
  

  Isabella & Julian & and now #3!

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• stillcozy member

  May 2018

  Hello and welcome! feel free to add your info to the spreadsheet if you havent and jump into the other threads as well such as the FTM check-in, symptoms and ask a STM as well!
  
  To answer your question, and hopefully give you some ease my 2 year old (non asd) throws her dolls and says ouch, or sits on them, or puts them in the rock n play and rocks it so hard they fly out. So I completely understand your concerns around gentleness and being safe. I think at that age it such an abstract concept transitioning from toy to real thing some of help comes when the baby is actually here. 
  
  Things that can be helpful for ASD is visual cues, so creating a book of how you will go to the hospital and have the baby (if she will visit you there) and adding in pictures of how to be gentle with the baby such as hold it, hugs, kisses etc. Keep reading the books they definitely can be sinking in even if they don't appear to be. She may be very interested in a real baby or she may not, it is hard to say with ASD and just young children in general. 
  
  So glad to hear she is getting early intervention and lots of assistance that is truly key these days We are also going to have a gift the baby gives our daughter for becoming a big sister. so maybe you could have the baby give her a highly preferred toy item. You have a great game plan and are doing so much good for this little girl. 
  

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• crabcake18 member

  June 2018

  I like the idea of the books you have tried. I think talking about the baby and what is coming is helpful even if it seems she’s not paying much attention. Sounds like especially if DH is modeling excitement and reminding her how loved that she herself is it would be really important too, kids are so in touch with our emotions as parents
  

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