Dilevery Room

mechandave05 · April 2018

I planned to have myself and partner in the delivery room for the first 12 hours of our baby life. However, I am really close to my mom and I told her that. She became really upset stating I wouldn't be here without her and she wants to be there for everything. I honestly don't think she understands that I want this intimate moment for myself and husband. Am I being selfish?

LadyMillil · April 2018

Depending on when your baby is born it may not be an option to have visitors for several hours. My LO was born at 730pmand I wasn't moved to a patient room where visitors were allowed until almost 11pm, which was too late for visitors to come. Instead of giving your mom an arbitrary length of time before she's allowed to visit, why don't you tell her that you will let her know when you're ready for visitors.

kiki75 · April 2018

I wouldn’t say a blanket 12 hours because you never know when the baby will be born and how long labor will be so you don’t want people jamming in at 12 hours on the dot. Just go with what @LadyMillil said and tell them you’ll call when you’re ready to receive visitors. (The hospital I delivered at allows people to visit whenever.)

As for your mom specifically, the fact that she birthed you doesn’t mean you owe her a front seat ticket to your kid’s birth. At its very best, it is an intense, incredibly intimate event. Other than your partner, you don’t owe anyone else to share that with them. It’s too bad she’s upset but for me, I would stand my ground on it. In those hours right after birth, while we were marveling at our baby, catching our breath, sharing our perspectives on what happened, learning to nurse, and doing stuff like taking my first postpartum pee and having a nurse help me learn crotch care, I would not have wanted anyone else there. Even MY mom who is awesome and helpful and spending time with her is easy. But here’s the other thing. Once you allow someone other than your partner in there, now other people want in and will get offended. Partner’s mom, siblings, etc.

Worst case, in that it doesn’t help you start establishing that this is your baby and you’re in charge and your mom got to have and raise her kids, now it’s your turn... you can always fib and say labor was just so fast that there wasn’t time. But you’ll have to commit to that story for years.

DanyTargaryen · April 2018

Not selfish at all. This is you and YH's baby. If you want it to be just you at the beginning, then that's all who should be there. Be firm on this and do not let her guilt you into caving and letting her be there!!!

It was only me and MH in the delivery room (plus Dr and nurse, obvi) and I wouldn't have changed that for anything!

lovesclimbing · April 2018

I had only my husband and midwives in the room. I plan to do the same for future children. It is very important that you are comfortable. With birth, the mother's needs are the most important above all else. Being uncomfortable or less than relaxed can have negative consequences such as stalling labor and potentially leading to unnecessary interventions.

I would say something to your mother like "Mom, I love you, but I want this to be a moment just between my husband and I. How I choose to give birth has nothing to do with how close our relationship is."

CecilB93 · April 2018

Definitely not selfish, not one bit. I agree with all PP, just be honest and firm with her.

For us, we didn't plan to have anyone visit until at least 2-3 hours after because we wanted time to ourselves. Labor started around 2:30am when my water broke, so we didn't even tell anyone I was in labor until my son was born around 11:30, think we text people around noon when they were cleaning him up. Then we had the golden hour (enforced by my Hospital and midwife), and didn't get to our room for a good 2.5-3 hours after birth anyways.

Definitely check with your hospital, they may have rules about how long visitors have to wait. Use that to your advantage!

splsmama2016 · April 2018

If anything, your mom is being selfish. I think that’s incredibly low of her to try and guilt you like that.
Stand your ground. Establish those boundaries now otherwise it’s going to suck down the road.

nackie · May 2018

You’re not being selfish at all. I wouldn’t stick to a set number of hours, but just tell them you’ll call when you’re ready for visitors. You never know how things will go, you might want to see her sooner or even longer.

knottiebe83b6dccb6e493a · May 2018

Youre not being selfish. I have been having this battle with my in laws since they found out I was pregnant 9 months ago! Ive stood my ground though because its not about them. Its about you and the family youre growing. Ive gotten to the point where my husband and I have agreed to only tell our sitter for our son when i go into actual labor just to avoid dealing with any additional stress.

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