I just need an encouragement. — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

I just need an encouragement.

Hi all. Hope everyone is well.

I recently had a miscarriage(7w). I was close to a month late. I told my partner and we took a home test and it came out negative. I was thinking it's probably due to work stress. A few days later I had my "period" (which was not) and it was really weird. Very light spotting and very mild cramping. Days later i started to feel nausea, terrible headaches and i often feel grumpy. I took a test again and i turned out positive. Before this, my partner and I talked what would we do if we were to be pregnant. Nope, he doesn't wanna keep the baby. He said that we're not ready to have any babies yet. I didn't know what to do. If i were to tell him, he would make me abort the child. So I decided to keep it to myself. Not my best friend, not my sister, nobody. It took me days to decide what should I do with the baby. Several days after the home kit test, I've decided to keep the child. Day by day, my feeling grew for my baby. I became so in love with something that I've yet met or felt. I called the hospital for the official test and for appointment to meet the gynae that I've chosen. When I came down to the hospital for my official test, series of question and a blood sample, they confirmed that i was 7 weeks pregnant. I felt really happy even though I know that I'm gonna go through this pregnancy alone and will get all the name-shame from people that I know. I know that family will be very disappointed with me knowing what I've done. But I have to push all of those things aside just to have a smooth, stress-free pregnancy which i know i would be difficult. So at the end of the official test, they told me to come back the following Monday for ultrasound. I was really looking forward to that, I mean which mother isn't excited to hear her baby for the first time. A day after I went for my official test, I woke up to a terrible cramping; a cramping that I've never experienced before. The cramps come and go. That morning, I still have to go to work since I'm having an important meeting with my client. During the presentation, the pain was so intense but I still have to keep it cool and suddenly, I felt something big slipped of my vagina and I can feel that panties are wet and a little sticky. After the meeting presentation, I excused myself to the toilet to see what's going on. I saw a huge clot on my panties. I picked it up, place it in the sanitary bag, told my boss that I had to go the hospital right away. I still have cramping, still terrible but not as bad as during the presentation. My head went empty throughout the car ride. Tears keep on running down my cheeks, thinking how's my baby doing. When I reached the emergency, I told the triage nurse about my condition. They wheeled me in, got me cleaned and changed to the hospital dressed, took a blood sample and told me to pee in the cup. I got admitted as my BP were really now. After I told them how I wanted this pregnancy to be private and anonymous, they put me as a private patient and kept my condition a private, on a private suite, which means only I can know what's going on. The results came back, my HCG wasn't within the safe range. They told me they wanna do an ultrasound, but I was too afraid to know the truth. Then came my family. I kept my tears away, didn't want anyone to know what's really going on. After they left, another group of gynae came to persuade me about the ultrasound, I gave in and let them do what they need to do. They confirmed that its a miscarriage. They only see a sag, but there's no baby. They took another blood sample for evaluation and send me for D&C first thing in the morning. My heart crushed. It's a lot worse than knowing the father of my baby doesn't want it. To all mummies, I wonder how you all overcome this. And lastly, I wonder when will I stop bleeding. It feels like I'm having period like forever.

Anyways, thank you for time on reading this. I need a place to rant though. Much Love.

Re: I just need an encouragement.

  • I am so sorry for your loss. This is very tough, and you have to give yourself time to heal. When I went through my miscarriage, I really got involved with my work, and the gym helped a lot. I would pray a lot. I spoke to a counselor and that helped. The bleeding will take some time. You may want to seek a second opinion on the D&C. I was actually told that it was not necessary and risky for your organs. I lost a baby at around 6 weeks and it took about a month for the bleeding to stop. My prayers are with you. I send positive energy your way. Please take care. 
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