Community› The Bump Month Clubs› July 2018 Moms
July 2018 Moms
New Discussion

Moms please help....

kchalmerkchalmer member
in July 2018 Moms
my boyfriend and i are completely happy with having a baby but we are both young. we both still live with our mothers. he wants to see his daughter a lot and wants her to 50/50 her stay at his house. i plan to breastfeed and i don’t think having a new baby going back and forth is smart and healthy for her. he stays most nights with me though. i’ve said multiple times i do not want her staying over there till she is bigger. he doesn’t think that’s a good idea and he should see his daughter as much. what do i do???
Report Reply to Post

Re: Moms please help....

  • zande2016zande2016 member
    Perhaps draw up a custody plan...I would stand firm that the baby is not going to be separated from you until weaned, and if it came to it, there’s no way a judge would grant overnight visits for a newborn who is breastfeeding. Once breastfeeding is over it’s a different story.

    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • stillcozystillcozy member
    I'd say you two stay together and rotate houses if he feels that way? 
    April Siggy Challenge Social Distancing


    Report Reply
  • stillcozystillcozy member
    Also unlike other sites we are a close knit group here :) We love for you introduce yourself in the intro thread and join in on our other daily threads so we can get to know you :) 
    April Siggy Challenge Social Distancing


    Report Reply
  • kchalmerkchalmer member
    @lindsayleigh1989 as soon as i figure out how to work this out i defiantly will!! thanks
    Report Reply
  • kchalmerkchalmer member
    i just don’t want it to come down to that ya know. @zande2016
    Report Reply
  • stillcozystillcozy member
    @kchalmer No problem It takes a little getting used to but pretty easy to navigate once you get the hang of it. make sure to check out the FTM's check in and ask a STM if you have questions the symptoms thread is also really helpful. 
    April Siggy Challenge Social Distancing


    Report Reply
  • flockofmoosen3flockofmoosen3 member
    @kchalmer You two may want to be clear with your respective parents about custody, too. Since you're young and possibly their dependents, some of the pressure to have the baby at your BF's house 50/50 and starting immediately may be coming from his mom. Just a thought since I don't know your whole situation.


    Isabella & Julian & and now #3!
    Report Reply
  • cseley321cseley321 member
    If you are BFing a baby, 50/50 overnight stays are just not very easy on you or the baby. You could pump of course, but it's much less stressful in my experience if you can be there for motn feedings, etc.

    I would either make sure I could be present, pr negotiate a move in, or come to an agreement of perhaps 2 nights a week giving him custody while you pump. 

    Honestly, and I hate to stereotype, but a lot of young guys will throw their hands up and run when they see firsthand how tough it is to care for a newborn.... it will probably be his mom doing most of the work. I may be proven wrong, but don't discount it.
    Report Reply
  • zande2016zande2016 member
    I understand not wanting it to come to that, but you have to protect yourself. Like others have said, it could be his mom pushing for this, and it could be his mom taking care of the baby overnight if this happened. Personally  there's no way I'd give in to sending a breastfeeding newborn away overnight just to be taken care of by the grandma, not even the dad. 
    Report Reply
  • acunamatadaacunamatada member
    If you aren’t going to be at his mothers house with the baby, that wont be easy on either of you. If you will be staying with the baby, it’s more of a matter of your own comfort rather than the baby- she won’t know the difference when she’s this small as long as you’re there for MOTN feeds.
    Personally, I wouldn’t let my BF baby stay overnight without me, it might affect your supply if you’re pumping for those feeds regularly. If it’s the grandmother making these
    demands I’d strongly suggest talking about a custody order, it’s important to protect yourself, especially if you don’t feel like you’re being heard. 
    Report Reply
  • stlmegsstlmegs member
    As others have said, breastfeeding is challenging enough without the added stress of only seeing the baby 50% of the time.  It's a full time commitment, and he needs to understand that.  I would not allow my EBF baby to stay overnight without me, and expect to continue to EBF.  It will almost certainly affect your supply.  

    Good luck trying to work this out. As others have suggested, I would look at a custody arrangement.  I know it seems "mean", but you have to protect yourself and your daughter.  These situations have the potential to turn nasty, quick. 
    Meagan
    <3 Married 6.12.10 <3
    DS 11.8.12
     Baby GIRL! due 7.4.18
    Report Reply
  • amdftwamdftw member
    I agree with what everyone has said here.  I know the custody order seems extreme but it actually does protect your boyfriend too, whether he realizes it now or not.  Just wanted to throw that out there - it's in both your best interest.
    Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    Report Reply
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"