Feeling No Bond

babyadam18 · May 2018

I feel no bond. I am 14 weeks pregnant. This is my first pregnancy. And I don’t feel a bond with my baby. I have heard the heartbeat twice also seen baby through Ultrasound twice but no feeling of love has came over me. Should I be worried? Should I feel love already? Is it to early to feel love for my baby? Being pregnant still feels unreal to me it has not hit me yet that I’m actually pregnant maybe this is why. Has anyone else experienced this during their first pregnancy is this normal? I haven’t even felt happy about being pregnant I’m stuck in shock mode. Will I snap out of it? Is there anything I can do that can possibly help me bond?

vicioustrollop · May 2018

I didn't feel bonded or really "love" him until after he was out & then more-so once the PPD fog lifted. I was told it was normal.

preggersabroad · May 2018

I'm going through the exact same thing. I've been really upset about it, there are days (more than not) that I dont actually believe I'm pregnant, so I cant bond. I convince myself there is something wrong, and that the heart must have stopped. Then I go for an elective ultrasound and I can see the little one moving around and hear the heart beat. The calm lasts about a day when I go back into worrying. Yesterday, I asked the ultra sound tech if I could have a moment just watching the baby moving around, she let me have about a min, and it helped.

My wife also took a video of the heart beat and the ultrasound so I can rewatch it. That has also helped me.

I asked my OB about and was in tears, but she wasnt helpful at all saying theres nothing she can say/do that will help me feel better (we are looking for a new OB now).

My friend who is also pregnant (8 months) said that she felt everything- nausea, vomiting, heartburn, aches in every part of her body, insomnia, mood swings- but she never felt "pregnant". She said once the baby started to move it helped her bond a bit, but what did it for her was when she saw the ultrasound, and saw the baby move and felt it at the same time.

MouseMama817 · May 2018

I didnt feel a bond w/ my daughter until I saw her in the delivery room. It felt like a shot went through me. Up to that point I just felt like me with a belly. Right now everything is abstract but bonding will come, dont worry. Even if it doesnt happen during your pregnancy, it will happen.

Eveinshock · May 2018

vicioustrollop said:

I didn't feel bonded or really "love" him until after he was out & then more-so once the PPD fog lifted. I was told it was normal.

This. I was so worried I didn't love my son "enough" those first few days. I mean it's such a huge change, a shock to the system, physical and mental, the hormones going nuts....it totally makes sense now that I think about it. Anyway that totally goes away and then you love them almost TOO much.
Just brace yourself if you get that feeling post partum. I thought I was really effed up.

CopperBoom86 · May 2018

This is perfectly normal. Stop stressing. I didn't bond with my daughter until we were home from the hospital.

Jessie42613 · May 2018

CopperBoom86 said:

This is perfectly normal. Stop stressing. I didn't bond with my daughter until we were home from the hospital.

Yes. This. I’ll take it a step further and say I didn’t even love my daughter right away after she was born. I felt a strong instinct to be close to her and protect her, but I wouldn’t describe it as love. Love grows over time.

There’s nothing wrong with you or with feeling this way. It’s hard to love someone you’ve never met.

offtoneverland · May 2018

Jessie42613 said:

CopperBoom86 said:

This is perfectly normal. Stop stressing. I didn't bond with my daughter until we were home from the hospital.

Yes. This. I’ll take it a step further and say I didn’t even love my daughter right away after she was born. I felt a strong instinct to be close to her and protect her, but I wouldn’t describe it as love. Love grows over time.

There’s nothing wrong with you or with feeling this way. It’s hard to love someone you’ve never met.

So glad to hear you say this. I did not feel instantaneous love or a huge bond with my daughter right after she was born. It took a while for that bond to form, once she started interacting more and doing more than just sleeping and pooping and drinking.

I did feel a bond with her during my pregnancy, but not until much later when she was moving around all day long and I could constantly feel her. I think it's perfectly normal not to feel a bond yet. And even if you don't feel one at all during pregnancy, there's nothing wrong with that, and it does not mean you're going to be a terrible mother.

runningyogimama · May 2018

+1 for the feeling no bond while pregnant, with any of my pregnancies!

Jessie42613 · May 2018

I'm also just going to add the obvious, that now I love her more than anything and this child is my WORLD. Just give it some time.

eahayes · May 2018

Agree with your post, and also so glad to read all the responses. Right now my main thoughts are worry as to how to raise a human, and how to shift life around (I keep telling myself it happens naturally but still wonder if I’ll figure it out). I know a part of this has to do w me protecting myself after a long road to get here, but it’s also hard to feel a love when you feel generally the same. Sounds like it’s totally natural though, so I’m just looking forward to getting to know this boy or girl over the next few months until I can truly meet them!

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