GTKY: What do you want for Mother's Day?

maureenmce · May 2018

Slightly selfish because my husband keeps asking me and I can't think of anything because I'm so tired and nauseated - what do you ladies want for Mother's Day this year? And what are you giving your moms?

runrinserepeat · May 2018

Pancakes. I just want pancakes.

For my mom, cards from me and the kids, and a shirt that says, "this is my cancer fighting shirt".

tumbleweed-1 · May 2018

Mother’s Day is a hard one for me. I’m one of the people who didn’t have a “great” mom. And it’s such taboo to point out mother flaws and shortcomings. I’ve heard it all “she’s your mother, how could you say that?” “The bond between mothers/daughters...” “you’ll appreciate her when you have a kid”, etc.
When I have a kid, it won’t change the fact that my mom is a pathological liar with narcissistic behavior, but I truly do hope we can have a sincere relationship some day, sure. But I won’t hold my breath.

Obviously I love her and appreciate her, she’s my mom. I believe she did the best she could, but it’s one of those situations where if she wasn’t my mom, she’s the type of person I wouldn’t be make time for. You know? Mother’s Day is when I spend way too much time overthinking what card I’m going to mail her because I want something sincere and all of the “you’re my role model” or “mom is my bff” cards don’t apply to me. But I still want to get her a nice card, because she’s my mom.

On top of that, I have a step mom too to get a card for, something that shows my appreciation for her stepping up where my mom didn’t when I was a kid, but that doesn’t put her on a higher pedestal than my mom. And we usually have to do some extravagant brunch type thing with SO’s mom. She lives near us and he’s an only child, so he doesn’t have siblings to trade off attention like I do.

What I’d like to do for mother’s day is play my d&d game, because mother’s day falls on a game session, but we’ll probably have to cancel.

All of this makes me sound so selfish. I guess it’s a real deep gtky this week. Sorry for the long venting post. I know I’m not the only person with step parents, but holidays are just so much work having 4 parents to split my time between. Plus “in-laws” now.

maureenmce · May 2018

@tumbleweed-1 I *completely* get where you're coming from. My mom is an alcoholic and she's my only living parent, so it's tough, tough, tough on Mother's Day and other major holidays. She's sober right now, but she lies, so I never know. She's an amazing grandma when she's not drinking, but I literally never know when that will be, so she is intentionally kept at a distance. I just have gotten very good at compartmentalizing and keeping a giant emotional buffer between us (this is possibly unhealthy, but the only long term coping mechanism I have) so I just do something generic and nice like flowers and a card, just so she knows I love her anyway, but nothing overtly emotional or "you're my best friend" type thing. (God, I wish that were the case! But you get the family you get.) Anyway, big hugs to you. I hope you have a nice mother's day, that you do get to play your d&d game, and hopefully you don't stress too much over the perfect card for your mom and stepmom.

hkom · May 2018

@maureenmce and @tumbleweed-1 I feel you on the difficult holidays. It can really suck sometimes. My parents are divorced and my husband's parents live an 8 hour drive away, so someone is inevitably always disappointed that we aren't with them on whatever day. I'm afraid it will be even more difficult with a baby, although I am hoping it inspires my ILs to travel down here more instead of us always having to go there (but NOT to stay at our house, haha). Also to add @maureenmce my brother is an alcoholic as well. I know it's not quite the same as a parent, but it's very very challenging nonetheless. We have been aware for the past 2 years, and most holidays since have been rather miserable between him either being absent or showing up intoxicated. I do not believe he was present on Mothers' Day, Thanksgiving, or Christmas last year.

ANYWAY, we are hoping to go with my mom to my grandparents' house on Sunday. Saturday I may take my mom to the greenhouse to buy her some plants, which is what I usually get for her.

asun123 · May 2018

My husband works on Sundays.
I was in the middle of just ordering mini bundt cakes to bring over to my mom's house but I called her just now to see if she would be home and it turns out she wont be. My mom and stepdad are pretty young and own a house on the river few hours away with a boat and jet skiis.. so they won't be around on Sunday.
I was thinking of taking my boys to the park and having a picnic but then I just asked my husband if we came near his work on Sunday, can he go out to lunch with me and the kids. He said he thinks he can.
I'm someone who likes time spent together and go do things together rather than a gift or flowers. Honestly, there's nothing I hate more than junk in my house or just extra stuff that I don't need.

tumbleweed-1 · May 2018

@maureenmce and @hkom thanks for your sympathy and support today. Between this post and my comment on FIL in the bitchfest post, I’m quite the downer today. I guess I’ve got a case of the Mondays. I hope you both have good Mothers Days too!

trucksntutus · May 2018

I legit don't even know what to do on Mothers Day, probably go out to lunch or something with my Grams, my mom and my DD. My S/O is PCSing to GA legit the DAY BEFORE Mother's Day. (We'll be following as well, but not for a couple more months to tie up some loose ends) So, he won't be here for the actual day, unfortunately. He says he's going to do something before he leaves but as of now, I'm left in the dark lol!

AGK2015 · May 2018

My heart goes out to our moms without moms, or without good relationships with their moms. Father's Day was always the hard one over here before having a husband and a child gave me a reason to celebrate it like everybody else got to. That yearly reminder that everybody else got to love and be loved by their parent the way was brutal for a long time. Hopefully growing into your own roles as mother is healing for you

Not really hoping or planning for much for Mother's Day; there's really nothing I need (except maybe a nap). I keep seeing ads on Facebook for a campaign to send packages to refugee mothers; alternately, I know last year there the National Bail Out did a Black Mamas' Bail Out that let incarcerated moms awaiting trial who can't afford to make bail go home to be with their families on Mother's Day. I think I'd prefer a donation to one of those organizations over a gift.

texas_t · May 2018

omnommer · May 2018

My husband will likely just call his mom to wish her a happy mother's day, since we saw them yesterday. (We usually see them about once a month.)

My parents are on an extended vacation (oh the joys of being retired!) and so I'll probably just email her something sweet.

As for me... my husband and I don't usually put stock into more corporate holidays like Valentine's Day, etc. So I'm really not expecting anything. If he did something, like make me breakfast that day or literally anything more than nothing, I'd probably happy cry from all the hormones in my body. Ha.

snugglyduckling25 · May 2018

@texas_t yes!! My original request was to get a hotel room near an outlet mall and stay there all by myself. I might go out to dinner, I might shop, I might just sit in the hotel room and stare at the ceiling taking in the peace and quiet. However, that was before I knew I was pregnant. We had a cruise booked for September, but I’ll be over 24 weeks, so we moved it up. So now, I’ll be spending Mother’s Day on an 11 hour drive with the family. So the complete opposite of my first request, I’m hoping the payoff of getting on the cruise the next day will be worth it!

echo-charlietango · May 2018

I took Mothers Day into my own hands this year

I wanted a specific leather tote, so I just bought it and told DH that it's his gift to me. It arrived a few days ago and I love it. Way to go, me! DH might bring me flowers or cook dinner though because he's the best.

One of the nice things about being away from family is that we can easily stay home and avoid all of them! Our parents remarried, so we each have moms and stepmoms. But each year most of them (and the grandmothers) receive postcards from us -usually our most recent portrait- so they can display it on the fridge.

tumbleweed-1 said:

... “you’re my role model” or “mom is my bff” cards don’t apply to me. But I still want to get her a nice card, because she’s my mom.

I never got the maternal BFF stuff either, in fact, thinking of my mom as a BF is just weird. I'm private, she's private. Also I'm a No-news-is-good-news kind of person so I only text my parents every few months

AshleyGemini24 · May 2018

**TW**
I just lost my mom not even 3 months ago. I won't be celebrating Mother's Day this year. FI family always has dinner at his grandmother's house, but i won't be attending. DS is only 19 months so he's not old enough to even know about Mother's Day. I'm actually quite sick of hearing about Mother's Day. It's all over the tv, the radio, and store advertisements. I'm glad there are some people who still velwbrate either with or without their own mother but i jist can't be one of them this year; Maybe next year when the pain isn't so fresh.

maureenmce · May 2018

@AshleyGemini24 I'm so, so sorry for your loss.

rosebud332 · May 2018

@AshleyGemini24 I’m so sorry about your mom.

clbness · May 2018

@AshleyGemini24 I'm so sorry for the recent loss of your Mom.

CecilB93 · May 2018

@AshleyGemini24 so sorry for your loss ❤️

AdorkablePixie · May 2018

runrinserepeat said:

Pancakes. I just want pancakes.

Did we just become best friends? lol!

@AshleyGemini24 I am so, so sorry for your loss. I can’t even imagine the heartbreak.

As for me, I told DH months ago I wanted a breast milk jewelry bracelet, necklace, or ring. I’ve sent him the link twice. He hasn’t ordered it and probably won’t. He works Sunday so I’m sure he won’t do anything.

I got my mom and MIL both tumblers and decals to put on them before I gift them. My moms says, “Nonna Live•Love•Spoil” and MILs says “Mom Moms hold your hand for a little while but your hearts forever.”

ETA: My husband isn’t a dick or anything, he just has a terrible memory!

mamajudec2018 · May 2018

@AshleyGemini24 I am so incredibly sorry for your loss.

We had an incredibly long difficult road to get pregnant. 3 years and lots of loss, infertility. Last mother's day I cried a lot and then booked a trip to Mexico.

I am just excited to not have to hide at home this Mother's Day! It's so incredibly huge for me! Such a blessing.

AshleyGemini24 · May 2018

Thanks ladies for your kind words. At least we all get to be mommies for Mother's Day even if our babies are still on the inside.

texas_t · May 2018

@AshleyGemini24 I'm so sorry for your loss. Milestone's the first year after a loss are especially raw.

katy0990 · May 2018

@AshleyGemini24 I am so sorry for your loss!

@tumbleweed-1 You articulated that very well. I feel the same way about my mom. When she is “on” she can be great, but when she is not she is very hurtful. It is so hard to get others to understand. People do not believe that a mother could be so callous toward their child. *hugs* to anyone experiencing similar situations.

wickedtiny · May 2018

My girls and I usually do something with my mother, which I typically plan and pay for. Last year we saw Annie in Boston then went to lunch. This pregnancy is SO's first and I have no idea if he has anything planned; I doubt it. I am not sure he even knows it's MD. haha. His own mother will be out of town until Sunday evening I believe. I likely will just ask my mom what she wants to do, either brunch or lunch or something. Reminds me I should make reservations if there is even anything left. Oh, my kids want to go see a play at their school; maybe we'll do that too.

k_m10 · May 2018

@AshleyGemini24 I’m so sorry for your loss.
This is what I want:

rosebud332 · May 2018

I just want something yummy for mother’s day. That’s what I asked for for valentines (a treat in the form of food) and mh really pulled through even though we usually don’t celebrate v day at all. So hoping he will this time too. Cupcakes, here I come!

clbness · May 2018

@AdorkablePixie I bought a kit to make a breastmilk necklace before I weaned B...I love it!

We got 4 tickets to the Rockies game for Mothers Day. It will be DH, DD, my Mom and I. My Mom has never been to a Rockies game, so we are excited to introduce her to Coors field! I didn't ask for anything tangible (although I really need a new straightener...and clothes...and skincare...and...)...just a fun day out!

My brothers and I bought Mom a necklace with all the grandkids birthstones in it and some pearl earrings. We gave them to her on Friday for her birthday/retirement. She was a happy Nana!

barnwellcrew · May 2018

A roomba! I have 4 kids, a dog, and a cat

barnwellcrew · May 2018

So sorry for your loss!

Jens_Hoes · May 2018

@AshleyGemini24 I'm so sorry for your loss.

I just want to sleep in. My daughter is up at 645 at the latest most days, and I just want to sleeeep.
My mother is visiting my sister in LA so I won't be doing anything with her. But we have a big mother's day dinner at my in laws house that we'll go to.

AdorkablePixie · May 2018

@wickedtiny Aww, seeing Annie sounds like fun!! I love seeing plays.

@clbness I didn't know you could make them yourself!! How did that work?

@barnwellcrew But what if one of the animals poops on the floor and the Roomba runs over it? lol Have you seen those imagines floating around. That's the #1 reason we will never own one of those.

clbness · May 2018

@AdorkablePixie It was actually pretty easy! You mix your milk with a powder to make a paste and then spread it out on wax paper to let it dry. Then you crunch it up to make a powder and fill the little glass orb with the powder and seal the top. The kit gives you all the materials to do it. It's nothing fancy, but then again...I'm not fancy.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/529442221/diy-breast-milk-pearl-and-hand-wrapped?ref=shop_home_active_86

maureenmce · May 2018

@barnwellcrew A roomba is actually an amazing idea - I have two cats, a dog and a toddler, so it's probably long overdue! Plus, I think the kiddo and the pets would get a kick out of it moving around, haha.

echo-charlietango · May 2018

Re: Roomba @maureenmce @barnwellcrew
We don’t have a Roomba, but we have a different-brand robot vacuum. It is the bee’s knees, but sometimes gets stuck in our high pile carpets. We have two long furred doggos and the robot can handle it! But of course, I don’t like cleaning it so I run it once a week...if that.

Activebaby · May 2018

Another vote for roomba. We have 2. My kids will clean up when roomba is working. She’s great! (Roomba is a she at our house)

breadit124 · May 2018

@barnwellcrew I asked for a Roomba on a previous mother’s day! Although I felt a little odd asking for a vacuum, it was a great purchase. I love that thing. My husband is pretty neutral on it but I think he’s just jealous that the chores he typically covers can’t be conveniently reassigned to robots :-)

For a gift this year, I got a bugaboo bee stroller (used, because I’m cheap!) both as a lighter-weight stroller for the summer and to test it out with a rider board in hopes that we can avoid getting an actual double stroller when the new baby comes.

For what we’re doing... on Saturday I’m taking my mother out to brunch with her grandson, and then on Sunday my husband and I and our son are going to the local botanical garden because they do a mother’s day picnic with food trucks. I’m hoping the cherry blossoms are still up though I suspect we just missed them. My mother in law is out of town this mother’s day so we sent her sunflowers and will celebrate when she’s back.

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