TTC#2- How long did you wait after the first baby?

cashewchicken · May 2018

Hi!

I'm a FTM of advanced age (turning 40 in a month... ugh) who just had a baby a little over a month ago via IVF. Now that my body is almost recovered from the c-section, baby #2 has been on my mind. My husband and I ideally would like to have two kids, and we don't really want to wait too long to start trying again, especially as baby #1 took 3 years to conceive (including the time wasted on TI and IUI). I've read online that ideally it's good to wait at least 18 months between pregnancies, especially after a c-section. I do understand the importance of letting the body heal to reduce any complications with pregnancy #2, but I also feel that at my age, I don't want to wait too long. We had four PGS-tested embryos after three rounds of ER, and transferred one that became my son. I have three more embryos ready to be transferred. I'm hoping that one of the three embryos becomes baby #2, but IF is tricky and I may have to retrieve more eggs which could make the process longer. One of the OBs mentioned that I can try again in six months, though that seems too soon. We are currently considering waiting a year before trying again... and wanted to know how long others waited before trying, especially from the ladies of AMA.

For those of you who are currently TTC#2 (or more) or are already pregnant, how long did you wait before you tried for #2?

Thanks in advance!

[Deleted User] · May 2018

This is a great question, and it's definitely on my mind, too (and we don't even have our first squish on the outside, yet! Lol)

My doctor mentioned waiting longer to transfer after c-delivery over vaginal, like I want to say at least 6 months for vaginal vs. at least 9 months, or a year for c - I can't remember which... because she also said they want you to be fully weaned prior to a subsequent transfer as well. Gulp.

So depending on your BF journey, you may be cleared to transfer closer to that mark, or you may end up waiting longer if you're still nursing. By my thinking here, the 9 months PP, plus 9 months gestation would approximately match up with the 18 months between deliveries you were told, but if it's waiting 18 months just to <i>transfer</i>, that seems a bit on the long side to me. Altough not unreasonable, and seems like it would give a nice long window to let nursing and weaning run its course.

Personally, I'm hoping to BF at least a year, and maybe if I were to have a good freezer stash, I'd feel more comfortable weaning at that point, but we'll see how I feel. I don't want to rush it, but maybe nursing won't go as well as I'd hoped and well already be done? Or maybe its going okay, but I don't have a stash really, and I'll choose to stretch it a little longer? Either way, we have 5 non-pgs embabies waiting for us, and we hope to transfer all. So if we get at least two squishy outside babies out of our original seven embies, we most likely won't attempt another retrieval, and hopefully we end up with the nice, full family on the "bigger" side we've always dreamt of!

Buuut... I'm also AMA, will be 35 at time of delivering our first in Sept. Which means at least 36 before our next transfer, 37 by the time we have our second. And I mean let's say we got lucky on our next transfer, and now I'm 38 with four more transfers to go??? Lol. Best case, I'm looking at being pregnant or pp for the next <b>ten years</b> of my life! :D Realistically though, we're "prepared" that they may not all stick. And what is the worst case, we're OAD (not by choice)? I would imagine after so many failed cycles would have a way of making me pretty darn extra-grateful for the one miracle we've already been given.

But I'm curious to hear more from other ladies who are already pregnant with or have had multiple siblings through IVF, too tho! Really puts a whole new twist on family planning...
*typo

adirat · May 2018

Great question and I am also eager to read others' answers. My RE also requires full weaning before restarting fertility treatment.

The other factor is what your dx is... With ours I don't think I would want to ttc naturally again (I have a genetic problem that can be passed on 50% of the time and I don't want to go through another second tri loss) but I have seen people on the boards, especially with "unexplained" dx, ttc naturally while awaiting treatment and some were successful.

coco305 · May 2018

Great question!
I asked my RE when I could try for #2 when I had my 8week scan (final scan with him) he said: as soon as you stop breastfeeding.
other people say 8months PP is the best time.

laurad75 · May 2018

I'm also so glad someone brought this up because I've been thinking about it too - even though our first won't be here for another 3 months or so. I started really thinking about it while we are car shopping and want something that will comfortably fit two car seats.

I'll be 43 when we have our first so we really don't want to waste too much time before transferring a second frosty. If I BF for a year than we would probably plan to transfer #2 sometime soon after that and they will end up being 20-24 months apart depending on timing and if the transfer is successful.

mechelita44 · May 2018

Both my high risk OB and my gyno suggested that we wait a year, then start infertility again. My husband and I were ready when my son turned 15 months (he was born in July, so in October we contacted my RE). Welp, of course getting ready for our FET took much longer than expected with several hiccups, so my FET didn't happen until Feb 27. Luckily I got pregnant on our first FET try so I am now 12 weeks pregnant and due in November

We do want to try for a third eventually so I think knowing that there might be some set backs, we'll probably start the process sooner next time, maybe right when baby #2 turns 1 or a month or two before.

Polythene Pam · May 2018

We had one “luck” baby (now 4.5) and an IVF baby (6 months). We have 4 spare embryos, and talk about this offen. The 4 year age gap wasn’t intentional but it’s amazing, but we don’t want to wait that long again on purpose. We agreed we’ll talk when baby is 18 months, and then decide if we want a 2.5-3 yr gap. I’d be 36/37.

we had a tough delivery with my oldest so we were under strict orders to wait a year + for another. This time no restrictions but I couldn’t nurse my first and it’s going well this time so I’ll let him wean first too. So much to think about!

stella_700 · May 2018

I confess I'm already thinking of another. With my age at 39 I know it will need to be sooner rather than later but I think we will wait until the twins are at least out of diapers before trying again. 3 babies in diapers seems like a lot to me. Also a third child will stretch our finances considerably, if the twins end up in a preschool environment for at least half time at three then it would be doable though.

DH and I will have to have a serious heart to heart. We went through the twin's clothes and decided what to keep and what we could either give to someone or sell back at the great used kids' stuff store that is close to us. His comment on keeping stuff was, "if we lose our minds and decide to do this again." It will only be one embryo at a time going forward though!

FuzzyDust · May 2018

We're also already thinking about it. Our first is due in 5 weeks, and we have one more pgs tested embryo frozen. We mostly plan based on the calendar (hubby is a teacher, no parental leave, but summer off, thus out first baby timing to be born in June). we're talking about either a) having second with similar timing, so waiting 15-16m, or b) trying to stack my maternal leave with his summer to follow, so waiting 10-11m. I like the second approach, as it gives more wiggle room if the embryo doesn't take and we need to do more IVF rounds.

cseley321 · May 2018

It takes longer to heal if you had a Csection, just FYI.

I had to wean my daughter anyway before starting treatments. She was completely weaned at 14 months. My RE had me do a hystetoscopy prior to starting to check my uterus for scarring since I had a Csection. After I healed from that we got started.

I would say given your age and the realities of IF, I would get started as soon as you are done BF and/or recovered from the birth. It just gets harder and harder as you get older.

Hopeful_mom · May 2018

Following as I too am thinking about it especially because of my age. I'll be 42 when I give birth g-d willing in a few week and all goes well!! I do have pgs embryos ready to go but I can see being pregnant and taking care of a Lil one is tough too!! Hoping I will have a smooth labor and can bf too and then start the process all over again, I hope!!

@cseley321 I keep seeing with a csection u need to wait longer, why???

have a friend who's celebrating her first baby's one year while preparing to deliver her next a month later....first baby was ivf second was a huge ass miracle. Just so interesting how our bodies behave!

mechelita44 · May 2018

@cseley321 I had a hysteroscopy too ( two of them actually ) due too scar tissue as well but mine was due to a post delivery D&C -- I had retained placenta. Timing those, healing and waiting for AF all took 5 months.

cseley321 · May 2018

@Hopeful_mom since it's a major abdominal surgery and requires the uterus to be cut open, it needs proper time to heal before it can grow another baby. It is just risky and most REs will not do treatments until enough time has passed. My RE also does a hystetoscopy prior to treatments just to be sure everyrhing healed okay and there is no extra scar tissue (scar tissue can cause early MC).

sarzee2 · May 2018

I'm so happy to see this thread as this is something I've been thinking about since before I even got pregnant.

Having no experience with kids and how difficult it will be to actually have one on the outside, I plan to BF for 6 months, which will put me at March 2019, try naturally for 6 months (hoping to have the magical unicorn of getting pregnant naturally after IVF when I'm in theory more fertile) and then if I don't have success, do my next FET September 2019 1 year after giving birth. My RE is on the conservative side, but I hope she'll agree to this. I have 3 frozen PGS tested embies, and DH and I have already agreed that I won't be doing any other retrievals.

I'm of the (probably deluded) mind-set that even if it's difficult financially, physically and emotionally, I'd like to complete my family by the time I'm 35, which for us means 2 or 3 children.

cashewchicken · May 2018

Thanks everyone for your input! I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who was thinking about baby#2 while pregnant with baby #1!

@BusinessWife Thanks for reminding me that I should be extra grateful for the miracle that I've been given. He is special and I enjoy being a mother much more than I imagined. As much as I want to have baby #2 to complete my family, I have to remind myself to enjoy the time with him and not rush into it. Not at the expense of him, anyway.
The 18-months recommendation was between pregnancies, meaning before transfer. It does seem a bit long doesn't it, but if we were to BF for a year, the time line does become close to 18 months, I guess. I wanted to give my son 6 months of exclusive BF, and 6 more months of BF with solid food. I knew that I had to be fully weaned before transfer, but I hadn't thought about when to wean. I don't know why this didn't occur to me, but I guess I can wean earlier if I have a large enough stash of milk to last my boy a year. Luckily BF is going really well and at this rate, I should be able to BF and have a reasonable stash of milk saved up before I wean.

@adirat My dx is "unexplained" though at 39, you could say that AMA is also my dx (though I did TTC for 9 months when I was 32 and was unsuccessful, so not just AMA I guess). I've heard that you are more fertile after birth, but I doubt I'd go back to TI or IUI. DH and I are old and tired, and even after being medically cleared to start BD, we have no energy to do so! lol. After I gave birth, the doctors and nurses kept asking me about what I would do about contraception, and I almost laughed. Luckily we have 3 more PGS-tested embryos so we'd go right back to transferring that.

@coco305 8 months PP? Is that for vaginal or c-section too?

@laurad75 I also think about baby #2 when we have to make big purchasing decisions. We recently bought Snoo, a ridiculously expensive baby sleeper designed by Dr. Harvey Karp and I justified the purchase thinking baby #2 will use it too! I was also thinking about my babies being born 20-24 months apart.

2MomsHoping · May 2018

@cashewchicken this has been on my mind too. So much so that I HAD to have the fancy stroller that has the option to turn into a double stroller…ya know it’s really just a sensible investment!

My little one is expected to make their debut in august and I’ll be 37. Through some insane stroke of luck we have 5 PGS tested embryos on ice burning a hole in my pocket. Even with our late start DW and I would like to use all our embryos with single transfers (I’m scared of twins) and embrace the mini-van if we are lucky enough to need one. My RE said typically they wait at least a year after delivery and the baby would need to be weaned to do a transfer. So basically every 2yrs would be 39/40 for baby number 2, put me at 42/43ish if I could have a 3rd child….and if we still had leftover to get to a 4th that would be 45/46ish and we all know treatments have unexpected delays…

After doing the math on this I asked her if this was negotiable, and basically she said that they in some cases will transfer as soon as 6months after a birth but I would have to be cleared by my OB, and generally to be cleared it needs to be an uncomplicated pregnancy, with a vaginal birth, and no longer breast feeding. I plan to breast feed for the first few months but honestly I’m noncommittal about keeping it going once I go back to work, everything else I figure is totally out of my hands so I’m just going to wait and see.

wabash15 · May 2018

@cashewchicken I had a c-section with my twins and was told it was ideal not to get pregnant till they were 9 months and then deliver at 18 months that way your uterus has time to fully heal. 6 weeks after they were born I knew I was not done. I had my first PP period at 13 months. We tried on our own, knowing full well it would not likely happen and saw the RE again at at about 20months after the twins were born. I was still BF at the time. We opted to start fertility treatments again but that meant weaning, which was really the hardest part of the whole process. Giving up that connection without knowing for sure if treatments would work was scary. Thankfully it did and #3 is now 4 months old. Good luck figuring out what is right for you.

cashewchicken · May 2018

@mechelita44 Good to know that both your OB and RE recommended waiting a year before transfer. I guess I should also keep in mind tests and other things that need to be performed prior to transfer that could possibly delay transfer. I guess I will get in touch with my RE a couple of months before my son turns 1. Congrats on baby #2!

@Polythene Pam My sister and I are four years apart and I think my mom enjoyed it too! It was good for my parents financially especially when we went off to college. Don't have to pay for both kids' college tuitions in the same year!

@stella_700 Three babies in diapers is a lot of work! Three kids in daycare would be expensive, too.

@FuzzyDust That's nice that you can maximize the time off to care for the kids by staggering your maternity leave with your husband's time off during the summer. Teaching is a lot of hard work, but I do envy the summer you get off (though I do understand that there's also workshops and whatnot so it's not completely off...) My SIL is a teacher too, and she was able to use her sabbatical to extend her maternity leave so she was able to stay home with her babies for quite some time.

@cseley321 Yes, I do remember reading that c-section does take longer to heal and thus requiring more time off between pregnancies (expected, due to c-section is a surgery). I also remember reading that for someone who had c-section, you need to wait a longer period of time to heal if she wishes to have VBAC as insufficient amount of time to heal could result in uterine rupture. Thanks for letting me know about hysteroscopy. It's a good idea to make sure that my uterus is healed properly prior to FET. I'll keep the procedure in mind so that the procedure does not delay the timeline for #2...

cashewchicken · May 2018

@Hopeful_mom I knew you were thinking about #2, too, as we both banked our embryos prior to FET! How are you feeling? Your due date is so close, wishing you have a smooth delivery (unlike mine, which was 30+ hours of labor, followed by a c-section. ugh).

@sarzee2 Completing the family by 35 sounds like a great plan! Wish I had started TTC sooner, but oh well. Hope you get the magical unicorn!

@2MomsHoping I think I know which stroller you're talking about! I hadn't given much thought when I purchased my stroller (I got the Chicco Bravo travel one) and then later realized, what am I going to do with baby #2? I may have to purchase another stroller system, if we were lucky to get baby #2! Are you transferring all 5? That's great, and I know what you mean about only wanting single transfers. I elected to have a single embryo transfer as well, as I had no idea whether I will have a healthy pregnancy or a difficult one.

@wabash15 Your doctor said 9 months? That sounds good. I definitely do want to make sure that my uterus is fully healed before jumping to baby #2, there's too much risk for the baby and myself.

wabash15 · May 2018

@cashewchicken yes my MFM said ideally no pregnancy before 9mo Post c-section, but if something happened before then it would probably be ok but there are more risks. I was also able to have a VBAC this time

cashewchicken · May 2018

@wabash15 I just had my 6-week PP appointment and the nurse practioner recommended (ideally) 18-month wait but minimum 12 months to allow the uterus to fully heal. This is more of what I expected to hear (unlike the 6 months recommended by a resident...) My feeling is that it’ll be ~15 months or so, probably depending on how I feel at the time. Since it’ll be my last baby, a few months shouldn’t make a huge difference timeline wise.

You had a VBAC? That’s great. I think the next delivery for me will be a scheduled c-section as the reason I had a c-section this time was because my son’s head was too big for my narrow pelvis (he’s an average size baby) That may change the next round, but the thought of going through another 30+ hour labor only to get a c-section anyway is... shudder...

liljoy-2 · May 2018

@cashewchicken My ob said 6 months ok, and I had a c-section after water break, 12 hours of labor and pitocin (same as you, narrow pelvis and average baby ugh). My RE said 10 months, after stopping BF. So I guess I'll try again at the 1 year mark.
For ladies that had c-section first time, how do you decide on VBAC? I wish I could experience natural birth the 2nd time around, but given that the first time I couldn't due to stalled labor/narrow pelvis, I don't think it's an option. Plus, I read that if you attempt VBAC and it doesn't work, c-section is quite tricky...

Hopeful_mom · May 2018

@cashewchicken it's interesting hearing all the different drs opinions. I feel ancient at this point having a baby. You're trying in ur upper 30s u never think ur really going to be in ur 40s giving birth as a FTM!! I am just over 36wks 9 months it's surreal!! I'm terrified of labor and am discussing a scheduled csection....
i want to enjoy this baby as I don't kno what the future holds but also kno I really can't wait to long either. I have 4pgs left and I really want to transfer 2....I kno it sounds insane but we kno I lost twins and still have that dream. I already know my dr will be against it but I also kno I truly won't have much time either.
sounds like BF is great! Truly hoping that my boobs will give me a nice amount of milk!! So it's even a thought for me

cseley321 · May 2018

@Hopeful_mom try not to stress so much about labor! I had a pretty bad experience.. epidural did not work, contractions came at double time but still labored over 30 hours, pushed for 3 hours but baby had "arrested dissention", resulted in an emergency c section. Was it painful? It didn't feel good, but tbh my adrenaline was so high that it really wasn't as bad as I anticipated. The delivery and aftercare is going to be a pain no matter which way you go, but you will be so caught up with the new baby that it will be an afterthought.

Anyway, try not to stress. I had myself worked up to be downright scared of labor, but it sincerely wasn't as bad as I had expected. Whichever route you go, you will do fine!

Hopeful_mom · May 2018

@cseley321 whoah!! Woman r such warriors! Thanks for the advice!! Will u be planning for a csection this time around?

liljoy-2 · May 2018

@Hopeful_mom I was also terrified of labor, and that's probably one of the reasons my labor stalled and after 12 hours I was still only 3 cm dillated and the baby was still not descended, so had to go to c-section. Truthfully, after being in labor and doing c-section, I wish I did all I could to NOT end up with c-section (delay epidural, squat/walk, relax, etc.). C-sec wasn't a pleasant experience for me, while the 12 hours of "labor" were easy breezy (granted, it was only early labor, but still).

Drove2u · May 2018

@hopefulmom my Labor was 72 hours and after 3 hours of pushing I ended up with a c section. We’re now trying for our second and I want to try to deliver vaginally again. Even if it takes 72 hours. But please let’s hope not. Lol

Polythene Pam · May 2018

@hopefulmom try not to worry! 2 babies here, both blessed epidurals, both over 8lbs vaginally, and I’d do it again

i remember thinking “ugh i cant!” But then they promise baby is so close and you can feel them so close... and the second that baby is in your arms, somehow you forget any pain. It’s not fun haha but honestly it’s also not bad. No matter how that baby gets out of you, you are a rockstar. ❤️

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