Ask a STM w/o 4/30

BitterBetty12 · April 2018

Have a ton of questions about pregnancy, childbirth, or parenthood? Here’s your chance to ask our STM! We can’t promise we have all of the answers (I think I still make up about 90% of my ‘how to parent’ mental handbook) but we’ll try!

Ghostie625 · April 2018

How long did you wait before telling people? And if you waited, how hard was it to keep secret?
I really want to tell our immediate family but I also know I should probably wait until after my first dr visit- it just seems like so long to keep it quiet and we're seeing DH's family (his father's side- divorced parents) twice before then. I'm hoping that nobody notices I'm not drinking since one is a dinner to celebrate a first communion and the other is a wedding.
I also want to tell all our parents in person, but we live a few hours from my parents and MIL so we'll have to make an excuse to visit them.
We've been married almost 2 years, we're the only married kids on either side, and this will be the first grandchild on both sides. Our families have been good about not pressuring us or bugging us to have a baby but I know they're super excited for when we do which makes me that much more excited to tell them.

emmaaa · April 2018

@Ghostie625 With DD, we told our family right away (around 4w5d). We were excited and just couldn't wait. We told our closest friends after our first appointment which was around 7 or 8 weeks. Other friends started finding out after the first trimester. Like it wasn't a secret but it wasn't officially out. We didn't officially announce on FB until about 18 weeks when we found out the sex. I simply didn't feel like making two announcement posts.

This time around, we want to wait until after the first appointment to tell our family and closest friends and probably won't announce on FB until we have the A/S.

I felt like it was easier once we at least told a few people, that way I could talk about it and be excited about it. Luckily, this time around, I have the girls from my O16 bump board to be excited with while I wait to tell everyone else.

olivemomma · April 2018

I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer when it comes to telling family and friends, it’s just what you and your partner feel comfortable with. As @emmaaa mentioned we have also taken various approaches where we told our inmeridate family day 1 with our first pregnancy and this go around will be holding out at least until we see the heart beat. It can be hard keeping it in as I always feel the first trimester seems to last forever but you always have to do what makes the most sense for you.

dubcompanion · April 2018

Agree with @olivemomma that there really is no right or wrong time to tell your family and friends. Also similarly to @emmaaa, last time around we told immediate family and close friends on day 1. I’m almost 5 weeks pregnant this time around and have only told my best friend and DH. It’s kind of weird to not have our parents, whom we’re close to, know. We’ll wait until things are more concrete, such as a hearing the heartbeat, before telling immediate family. Same as last time around, we’ll wait until second trimester to announce to extended family and friends.

thetwistedwillow · May 2018

I don’t know when we’ll share the news. I kind of want to keep it to ourselves as long as possible. But I already look 4-5 months along by the end of the day (ahh the more you have, the faster you show, even if it is all bloat) so may not have a choice but to tell soon since family lives nearby and will see me anyway.

catlady2015 · May 2018

STM's, when did you all start needing/wearing pant hacks or maternity clothes the first time around? the bloat is real (ugh) ...

emmaaa · May 2018

@catlady2015 I want to say around 10ish weeks when I started using the hair bow trick (just loop through the hole and hook on the button), but I finally bought a few pairs of maternity capris around 12ish weeks and I HATED them.

BitterBetty12 · May 2018

@catlady2015 I think I started wearing maternity pants by 12 weeks. The bloat is real before then but I was able to make it work in my looser pants. I loved my maternity pants. I actually dug out a pair to wear today because I last minute realized I had left my laundry in the washer and didn't have a dry pair of pants!

olivemomma · May 2018

A think a belly band is a great investment! You can buy them and wear them with your existing pants/shorts and you don’t have to worry about sizing. It will keep them comfortably up even when you lose complete ability to zip them. It likely won’t be enough your whole pregnancy once your pelvis really starts to expand but will comfortably get you through the summer and fall. I think I needed it around 15 weeks my first go around but don’t quote me on that. That, some good pregnancy leggings, and a pair or two of pregnancy jeans has gotten me through both pregnancies!

ersh1010 · May 2018

I'm wondering how likely it is that I can get through the first trimester without gaining weight. I'm already 15 lbs or so overweight, I'd like to keep the gain to a minimum. Thoughts? Tips? Suggestions?

dubcompanion · May 2018

@catlady2015 I started doing pant hacks (hair tie trick) around 11 weeks pregnant. It was just bloat, but I have zero torso so there's not much for extra weight to go. I did belly bands before moving onto maternity pants, which I started wearing around 16 weeks? I probably didn't need to start in those that early, but the belly bands weren't really my jam.

emmaaa · May 2018

@ers7924 I guess it really depends to how you're feeling and your regular activity. With my first, I was about 20 pounds or more overweight and didn't really crave a lot in my first tri but I did have to eat to not feel nauseous. My job keeps me walking and moving and that helped.

A friend of mine was nauseous her whole first tri and a lot of her second tri and it was all about survival for her. Basically, she at what she could tolerate regardless of how healthy.

I basically try to have healthy snacks handy and not have the junk around so I don't eat them just because. This time around I have been running and walking a few times a week leading up to getting my BFP so I want to try and continue that and just eating well. But I could have really bad MS eventually so who knows.

BitterBetty12 · May 2018

@ers7924 So basically I survived first tri last time eating bean burritos and mac and cheese. I couldn't tolerate anything fresh, especially chicken. I was already very overweight and I was afraid about gaining a lot. A good friend of mine told me that as long as you don't go crazy, your body will gain what it needs. If you eat sensibly and gain, it's because your body needs it to support the pregnancy! You will also have first tri bloat which can cause you to hold onto some water weight. And as second tri approaches your body starts to increase its blood volume. So basically the tl:dr of that is - eat sensibly, if you get sick eat to survive, and as long as you don't go crazy you will be ok. Your body will gain what it needs, only some of which will be fat stores

olivemomma · May 2018

Agree totally with @BitterBetty12 about eating sensibly. I’d like to add I think exercise is really important from early on. Even if you are nauseous try to get it in. It helps your body to continue exercising throughout your pregnancy and to bounce back quicker after birth. With my first I would take occasional walks but with my second I had a solid exercise routine and the difference was crazy - not just with weight but even just how I felt on a daily basis at the end of third trimester when things really get real

gorgeousariel · May 2018

@BitterBetty12 I thought about wearing my maternity pants today too because all my jeans are in the washer!

I don't remember when I started wearing the belly band but I waited a long time to switch to full maternity pants ( denial maybe?) This time, I'm braking them out ASAP.

Whitmore1027 · May 2018

@Ghostie625 For the first we told all the family pretty quickly. Around 5 weeks or so. Mainly because we found out we were pregnant in December, and the Christmas get together was the best time to tell everyone. We waited until about 10 weeks or so for the social media announcement.
This go around, I told my mom yesterday (I was at 4 weeks) and I have told two of my close friends. We will be telling my MIL probably next week or so, and the rest of the family within the next couple weeks or around the ultrasound (which is at 7w4d). Probably will wait till 10 weeks or so for social media again.

@catlady2015 I think I started using the belly band around...9 or 10 weeks or so. I just unbuckled my pants and wore that. It was great, but the best is just getting those maternity pants and going for it (I think I started wearing them around 14 or 15 weeks. People kept telling me "It's too soon for maternity clothes" THAT'S BS. It's 100X more comfortable and I am mad I didn't start wearing them sooner! Don't let people tell you it's too soon. For real, if it makes you feel more comfortable, there isn't anything wrong with it. I already have a little chubs, so I am thinking of getting them out of storage NOW because YES, the bloat is bad and my jeans are already splitting into me. lol

olivemomma · May 2018

I think the other thing people don’t talk about much with maternity clothing are comfortable bras. Wire was my enemy! I know we were on pants and all but I feel passionate about comfortable bras!

mandababy0326 · May 2018

@catlady2015 with my first I made it a bit into second tri before needing maternity clothes, I want to say 15-17 weeks? A lot sooner with my second though

emmaaa · May 2018

@olivemomma See I’m completely opposite! I need an underwire bra. Luckily (shamelessly) I bought nursing bras with underwire around 32 weeks with my daughter and am still wearing them most of the time even though I stopped nursing 3 months ago when she was 15 months lol

mandababy0326 · May 2018

@ers7924 I think this is really variable depending on the person. In my previous two pregnancies I gained the majority of my weight by mid point. My nausea has always been helped with food especially carbs so that’s just how it goes. But, I was sensible with eating overall and maintained an exercise routine and ended up doing fine (30 pounds first/ 34 pounds second). Just take it a day at a time, exercise, and portion control and you will do just fine

catlady2015 · May 2018

I’m definitely going to check out a belly band to save some of my jeans (for those rare times i need to be outside the house)! Thanks all!

berg · May 2018

Late to the party but....
@Ghostie625 We lived like 4 hours away from all of our family so we waited until 10 weeks to tell them, mostly because that is when we saw them. Now we live in my parents' house (2 more months! lol). We were planning on telling them memorial day weekend when my whole family was around. But my niece has a softball tournament and with DH's schedule and my parents' schedule I think it might be super hard to find a time when everyone is together. So we are telling them all tomorrow at my nephew's communion/birthday party. After everyone leaves of course. We'll tell our other close friends after memorial day, everyone else after July 4th.
@catlady2015 I made it to around 22 weeks before I broke down and put on maternity pants. I was a hair tie and belly bander. I was so uncomfortable and I totally should've given in sooner... lol

MrsHudson2014 · May 2018

@emmaaa 016 for life.

Also late to the party. We waited until 12 weeks to tell anyone. However, our planned Easter announcement got trumped when my B and SIL had our nephew run around in a big bro tee.

bradleysmommy28 · May 2018

I'd be lying if I didn't say I've already broke out maternity clothes. Otherwise maxi skirts and dresses are my best friends (the bloat is HORRIBLE with this one!!). As for spilling the beans, we did it at 6 wks last time after seeing a heartbeat. This time we told our parents and siblings after 3 betas (this week which was week 5) but won't tell anyone else until we get to the OB about 8-9 wks.

sparkymcgeee · May 2018

catlady2015 said:

STM's, when did you all start needing/wearing pant hacks or maternity clothes the first time around? the bloat is real (ugh) ...

the first time was like 9 weeks with a rubber band. Maybe 10. It gets earlier now. Last fall I was using a rubber band at 5 or 6 and used it until I lost the baby at 8.

emmaaa · May 2018

@MrsHudson2014 yay! You’re finally here!

joniandtoe · May 2018

1st pregnancy (loss) I didn't need maternity clothes until 15 weeks and then only jeans. 2nd pregnancy (DD) I was in pants and maternity shirts by 12. This time I am already unbuttoning my pants on the ride home from work!
1st pregnancy we told our immediate family after 8wks, social media announcement at 13. 2nd pregnancy (DD), told everyone immediately for support and did not do any social media sharing. Go with your gut and do what your heart tells you you need.

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