Reactions - please help! — The Bump
Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Reactions - please help!

Hi everyone,

Sadly I have just miscarried at 11 weeks and wanted to see what people thought about the below..my husband and I didn't announce the pregnancy to anyone else so I don't need to let many people know about my MC. 

However I absolutely love bootcamp at the gym,and when I was 5 weeks pregnant I told my favourite instructor to see what she thought and if there were any moves I should avoid etc (also in the small chance that something happened during class and she had to call an ambulance or something!). It was the first time I'd met her properly and she seemed really supportive in our first conversation and gave good advice.. Although in classes after that, she seemed to ignore me or avoid saying hi when she previously always said hi before I became pregnant (I totally could have been me overreacting)..but personally I felt a little hurt, especially because she was the only other person who knew about my pregnancy about from my husband (I did also mention to her that I wasnt telling others yet until after the first trimester as I didn't want her to ask me about it in front of friends there). 

I'm not sure why she was avoiding me - she seemed so supportive and encouraged me to continue..however maybe after thinking about it she would really prefer me to stop going to classes after all and that's why she distanced herself..I have no idea. Anyway now I have taken a few weeks off exercise and really want to return to her class...considering for the last 6 weeks after I told her, she never asked me how I was, or even spoke to me, I feel so awkward going up to her and explaining I had a miscarriage..but then again I think its even weirder for me to not to address it and she realises a few months later that I still don't have a belly.. 

Does anyone have any advice? I don't want to bother her if she isn't interested or doesn't care to associate with me.. And its going to really upset me if she just ignores me after finding out this (as I have read often happens after miscarriage as people dont know what to say) or am I completely overreacting with my crazy hormones and being oversensitive/overthinking it and should just let it run it's course - if the opportunity arises I can bring it up with her? Any advice would be great.. I love this instructor's classes so much and don't want to stop going to them...thank you!

Re: Reactions - please help!

  • I'm sorry for your loss. 

    I feel like you are expecting a lot from a person who is pretty much a stranger to you, and it seems like she is more interested in limiting your relationship to a strictly professional one.

    I teach college English and while I am "friendly" with my students, I am not their "friend." I care, but caring from a distance where medical and emotional wellbeing is the professional standard and you should probably stick with that for going to the classes. 
    projectalice
  • Thanks for this, it was really helpful and I totally understand as I'm in a similar position at work and feel exactly the same way about students. I am probably taking things a bit too personally as I didn't tell anyone about being pregnant and now with the M/C I do feel like I'm over thinking this big time whereas if I tell her, its not something that will even mean much to her anyway. Thanks=)
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  • @olivia33 I think I would just let it be for a while. Maybe she'll ask and you can update her and maybe after a few weeks you'll feel more comfortable bringing it up. Give it time!
  • @bethica83 thank you, yes I will do that =)
  • 40momma40momma member
    I'm sorry you are going through this. My first thought is that she very likely has suffered a MC in the past as well. I have had friends and strangers tell me they're pg and I usually put on a happy face and congratulate them, and then go home and cry. Based on her reaction, I would almost bet on it that she's struggled somehow in the past and she just can't bare to face you. 
  • @40momma I'm so sorry you feel that way and really can relate to that right now. Thank you, and it's definitely a possibility I didn't think of (I don't know why not!?).

     Thanks to you all I do feel better about the situation and am not taking it so personally (time also helps and I'm mentally in a better place than when I wrote that first post a week ago). Also the instructor has stopped teaching the class and I'm not sure if/when she'll return so I have been going and it's a different instructor.. Which is great for me right now because she has no idea what happened and I'm not reminded of it. But if the opportunity arises I will talk to this lady (maybe just see if she approaches me if she returns to class) and whatever her reaction, I feel a lot stronger now not to take it personally =) thanks everyone!
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