Advice for First Time Moms (May)

knottieamusements · May 2018

Hello!

This thread is specifically for advice for First Time Moms (FTMs). Pearls of Wisdom, baby shower tips, anatomy scan stories, what you did or didn’t do that was fantastic that you want to share with other Moms (especially FTMs).

SawyerRichardson · May 2018

This is good timing, I was just thinking about this the other day. Some quick things no one told me that I wish I knew ahead of time.

If you are breastfeeding, be ready for lots of cramping each time you nurse for about a week after birth. Nursing causes your uterus to contract and shrink down to normal, which is great, but they can be stronger than you think. It's nothing at all like childbirth contractions, but mine made me feel pretty nauseous.

Also boobie related: Letdown happens on both sides at once. If you are nursing babe on one side, you are still doing to leak out the other boob a little bit. At least until your supply regulates a bit. I had no idea and because the milk is your body temp you can't really feel it leaking all over you. I was BF'ing topless when DD was like 3 days old and my H walked in the room and started busting out laughing. Well he walked in and saw a baby on one side and milk just dripping all over myself on the other.

sammierose464 · May 2018

Has anyone used any of those "catchers" to catch the excess milk from the other breast while nursing?

tinattt23 · May 2018

@sammierose464 I got some but I think I waited too long for them to be useful. I regulated pretty quickly and never leaked (from the non-nursing boob or just in general). But they may have been more use in the very beginning.

jengibre_zorro · May 2018

I liked the catcher! Yes, it's really only useful for the first few weeks before you regulate, but it allowed me to get just enough to freeze a bag and start the proverbial "stash" (which was a mental milestone more than anything) I used milkies last time around, but will probably try the haaka (sp?) this time

joey2831 · May 2018

Another helpful tip I learned, when baby gets their first scratch, you can put lanolin ointment on it. This was recommended to us by both our pediatrician and the pharmacist. I'm still using it on my almost 2 year old DD instead of neosporin.

purplegoldfish2 · May 2018

If you’re nursing and baby has teeth and bites, make sure you wash it, even if you don’t see any broken skin. Mastitis is not fun & that is how I got it when my boys were 9-10 months old. I didn’t see broken skin and I didn’t think to wash it. That’s where it originated so it was definitely from the bite.

tlmill · May 2018

My biggest piece of advice is DO NOT feel guilty if you can’t/don’t want to breastfeed. It’s not for everyone and you’re not any less of a mom if you choose formula. I kept breastfeeding DS through horrible PPD (even though I desperately needed to go back on my antidepressants) because I thought it would be selfish to switch him over to formula just for my sake. I only wish I had switched him sooner, because the change in our family dynamic was amazing once we switched. Your mental/emotional health is JUST as important, and you do whatever needs to be done to take care of you.

coffee-saur · May 2018

Amen to that @tlmill ! It didn't work at all with my first but I tried for 2 months to make it work. It was the best decision to switch to formula, because we were all SO much happier and relaxed!
One thing I thought of, which hopefully none of you first-timers have to worry about, if you have a C-section, make sure you find undies that the band doesn't ride right on your incision.. That hurts!

jwebbbber45678 · May 2018

The other end of the leaky breast spectrum is a tight nipple, mine never leaked, not once. But I think it made it harder for my son to get the milk out. I thought breastfeeding would be so easy and it was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. The first few weeks were intense pain and bloody nipples. If it's difficult see if your hospital offers a free lactation group or check for local groups, it was very helpful for me. The lactation nurse weighs your baby pre and post feeding and can tell you how many ounces they are getting and gives you advice on latching. I stuck through the tough weeks and then went on to breastfeed for nearly two years, it was a wonderful bonding experience. We always supplemented with formula though because when I went back to work after 2 months off I couldn't keep up the supply.

I agree that breastfeeding is wonderful but of it's not for you or not working don't let anyone make you feel bad about formula, it is perfectly nutritious for your baby as well. Some people can be so judgemental when it comes to the breastfeeding and formula debate, just do what makes you the most happy and the most comfortable and know your baby will be properly nourished either way.

nasalot188 · May 2018

On the breastfeeding topic - take a look at your nipples lol

I have what they call 'inverted nipples'. I didn't even know about it until I got pregnant and my MW mentioned it. I always knew i didn't have protruding nipples, but it never bothered me and i never thought about it. But nope, inverted. When it comes to breastfeeding that is the most difficult type you can have. Some people also have 'flat nipples'.

Just an FYI so FTMs can do some research now, as it definitely took me by surprise and gave me a heads up that breastfeeding may be very difficult (it was). However, after using a nipple shield for 2 months, DS learned to latch on his own and I breastfed for 12 months! So anything is possible.

But I agree, don't stress about breastfeeding. Give it your best shot if it's really important to you, and if it doesn't work out you are not a failure. Breast is not best. Fed is best.

doula-mama · May 2018

Question for STM (and FTM)... did you have your own mother in the delivery room with you? Do you plan on having her there? And why or why not?

tinattt23 · May 2018

@Sailing_Mama Nope. And my mom really wanted to be there. Her and I have a great relationship, but I did not want her (or anyone else there) at all. My mom is all about the power of the epidural, which was not in my plan. I knew if she was there, she would constantly be trying to pressure me in to it. I wanted to be able to focus on me and not worry about justifying what I was doing/feeling to anyone else.

She was on-call to watch our dog while we were in the hospital. When the doula got to our house, my super excited dog was going nuts and distracting me. DH called me mom to come get the dog. I told him to tell her she was not allowed to even come into the house. He brought the dog out to her. I just didn't want someone coming in and trying to talk to me and taking me out of my zone. Sounds super rude, but it's what I needed. She laughs about it from time to time, but has no hard feelings so it's all good.

knottieamusements · May 2018

FTM - assuming timing works as anticipated (she is planning to come a few days before my EDD), I’ll have my Mom there with me. But her role is as photographer, and of she interferes with other things, I’ll ask her to go hang out with Dad. I know it comes from a place of love and worry, and she knows I don’t take direction well, so we should do fine.

SawyerRichardson · May 2018

I only had my H in the room with me. My thought was that this was something special between my H and I. I wanted us to be able to enjoy it together. My mom was very good about giving us the space we needed. My MIL on the other hand would have just showed up and the hospital and pulled DD out herself if I let her. I specifically told H not to even let her know I was in labor until baby was here because I didn't want her showing up before I was ready.

jennybean80 · May 2018

@Sailing_Mama my mom was in the room for my oldest, but *TW* with his delivery being at 27 weeks we weren’t sure he’d survive, and I wanted her to have that memory *end TW*. She babysat DS1 while I delivered the twins.

tlmill · May 2018

@Sailing_Mama my mom was going to be in the room for DD’s birth, only so she could take pictures so that DH wouldn’t feel like he needed to. However, she had to make the 35 minute drive from my house to the hospital, so she said she would leave once I was at about 5cm. I called her when I was at 6cm but I went from 6cm to pushing in about 15 minutes, so she didn’t make it. However, she DID barge into my room while my feet were still in the stirrups and my OB was stitching me up so that made things awkward for a while.

I made her and my siblings go to the waiting room when it was time to deliver DS. She probably won’t even be in town until a few days after this baby is born.

jynjer4 · May 2018

I really don’t want anyone around besides DH. Wasn’t even sure I wanted a doula but I’m leaning towards it now. I don’t know what I’m talking about since I’m a FTM but I really just want it to be a special time for just DH and I. Besides, I’m 100% sure I’ll be a hot mess and I don’t need any extra people around to see that or make me feel self conscious.

kiwi2628 · May 2018

@Sailing_Mama my mom and I are SUUUUPER close, but I wont even let her know until a few hours after the baby is born. I really want a few hours just DH and I and baby to bond, and then to nap/clean myself up/try to feel human again.

elothair · May 2018

@Sailing_Mama Seems I may be in the minority but I had my mom in the room with my first. We didn’t plan on it but she came to visit and just never really left, and by that time I didn’t care who was in the room because I was too absorbed in the pain. I did like having a woman who I am close with and who I knew had gone through birthing before with me in the room. With my second my sister came to visit and never left - I definitely think though it depends on your relationship with her and what kind of presence she will be. Both my mom and sister were super calm and supportive as needed. I know my mom said she’d never want to come watch again though because she had a hard time seeing me in pain.

Lisa3379 · May 2018

@Sailing_Mama my mom was there, and I invited her because I thought it would mean a lot to her to be there. She’s super quiet and unobtrusive, so I knew it wouldn’t be a big deal at all. My mom has MS (she currently has been in the hospital rehabbing from a particularly shitty attack) and because of it, she can’t really do much. I figured that being there for the birth last time - and hopefully this time if she recovers - would be something special for her that no one else got to be a part of (other than DH, of course).

purplegoldfish2 · May 2018

@Sailing_Mama My mom was not there. We don’t have the greatest relationship and I didn’t want her anywhere near the delivery, even though it was a scheduled c-section. This time I wish MIL could come, mostly to keep MH calm, but she passed away shortly after our boys were born. I brought up a doula to MH and he was offended, but I’m super worried about him stressing me out more than helping and feel like I need somebody else there in case he isn’t as supportive as he thinks he’ll be.

SweetSweetTooth · May 2018

FTM here and I love my mom and we are super close but I just want it to be the midwife (only when she needs to be there) DH and I. My mom would drive me bonkers I think and I feel DH would fade into the dark if she were there and let her do stuff instead of him helping me. My mom is very touchy and I think I would get annoyed with her touch. Dh touch is something totally different His touch relaxes me.

KFrob · May 2018

@purplegoldfish2 when I had DD I was super nervous about DH and possibly delivering alone since he’s a fainter. I didn’t want him to be a distraction. I wanted to hire a doula but we just couldn’t afford it. I’m also not close enough to my mom or mil for them to be there. DH ended up being a trooper and made it through the pushing, actually saw her head coming out, ran to the bathroom behind him so he didn’t pass out then the doctor told him it was time to leave haha. I think me being a bit worried about him ended up being a good distraction.

knottieamusements · May 2018

@purplegoldfish2

Can you argue that the doula will be there to offer assistance to free him up to be more proactively supportive? For example, she would be keeping track of contractions so he could be focused on helping you with the pain.

One of the things I’ve been asking the doulas I’ve interviewed is how they work with the labor partner. And basically they have all said that they adjust what they are doing to make sure the labor partner is as included as he and the mother are comfortable with.

tinattt23 · May 2018

@purplegoldfish2 My DH was meh on the doula last time. He ended up loving her maybe more than I did. It was hard for him to try and physically support me while also timing contractions, filling up my water, fetching me blankets and whatnot, plus feeling like he needed to be able to judge if we needed to go to the hospital yet. As soon as the doula got there, he was able to relax and focus on me while she did the other stuff.

purplegoldfish2 · May 2018

Good idea @knottieamusements, I will try that. Thanks! Hopefully I can bring it up without him getting mad.

@KFrob This goes beyond a bit worried about him. He didn’t handle my mc very well and he only saw me with really bad cramps, but nothing worse than what I dealt with every month in high school. He was freaking out and tried to take me to the hospital. It got to the point that I made him leave the house. He didn’t see my next mc, which was like a labor preview and made those cramps seem like nothing. He insists labor will be more controlled than the cramps were because we’ll be at the hospital. He has no idea what’s coming.

princessandthegator · May 2018

@Sailing_Mama You're gonna get a lot of opinions on that. My advice is imagine what you want your experience to be like and go based on that. You'll want to consider your relationship with her, how many people you want in there, etc. Personally, I had both my Mom (we're really close, I definitely couldn't have done it without her), my husband, and my MIL (though this time around MIL will not be there, she couldn't handle it the first time). My thinking was I wanted as many hands on deck as possible. I also had a Dr, two nurses, and some nursing students in there. I work at a medical school and felt better having more people who could care for me or baby on hand if anything went array. But it's completely up to you, there's no right answer.

knottieamusements · May 2018

@purplegoldfish2 - Given what you just said, I would definitely plan to hire a doula. And make him go to a labor class or three. He sounds like he is unable to accept that much of what happens is entirely out of your ability to plan or control. Also- if you need to kick him out of the room during labor, you will still want someone there to support you.

FYI - I think @KFrob was just trying to suggest more ways a doula can be helpful without interfering with the labor partner.

purplegoldfish2 · May 2018

@knottieamusements exactly why I want one. I’m hoping having one there helps him to stay calm and I won’t have to kick him out, and she can also help me. I think he may be expecting it to go like the last one, but that was a planned c-section and I never went into labor. Everything was very calm and controlled, which is pretty easy to do when they’re expecting you and you’re not in labor.

@KFrob said she didn’t have a doula. I took it as her trying to reassure me that it could be ok if I don’t end up with a doula, but I feel like our situations are very different.

knottieamusements · May 2018

Whoops! I was totally mixing her comment up with @tinattt23! Sorry about that. And yes- I think your situation is unique to what the rest of us are going through.

KFrob · May 2018

@knottieamusements and @purplegoldfish2

I guess I'm just saying that if I could have had a doula I think I would have but in the end I didn't and it turned out okay. But of course it depends on the person, and other support people that might be available. And I guess don't be afraid to have the doctor kick your husband out?

arome2311 · May 2018

@Sailing_Mama- I personally didn't want anyone besides my husband in the room with me while I was in labor, but I'm not super close with my family. Two of my sisters did have my mom in the delivery room and they were very happy that they did. They felt that she was supportive and having had 5 kids of her own had good insight and experience to provide.

mommy2ane · May 2018

@Sailing_Mama I agree that it definitely that it depends on your relationship with your mom and what type of person you are. My mom and I have a good relationship overall but she drives me insane. There’s no way in heck I’d have her in the delivery room with me. She’d make my labor about her and stress me out even more. Only DH has been in with me both times and the same will happen this time around. I am definitely more private so I can’t imagine having anyone other than him and medical personnel in the room with me. Now DH’s cousin had her dad in the room with her. I can’t even imagine that!

knottieamusements · May 2018

mommy2ane said:

Now DH’s cousin had her dad in the room with her. I can’t even imagine that!

I can, and I can’t even. I was talking to my Mom last weekend about whether she wanted to be in the room, and somehow that came up, and I was like “yeah, Dad doesn’t get to see that.” Her comment was that when the time comes, I’ll likely be so far gone that I won’t care.

Maybe, but I care now, and I’ll probably care afterwards. Nope, Dad isn’t invited into the delivery room.

nasalot188 · May 2018

Funny enough if I had to choose between my Mum and Dad, i'd probably pick my Dad haha. He's so much more calm and collected in stressful situations. He's witnessed 4 births so he has some good experience lol. My Mum is too high strung and worries about EVERYTHING.

But no, just me and DH. Sorry parents!

bel194 · May 2018

Omgosh.. With DD I only had DH in the room. I would have liked to have my mom there too, but my dad and MIL were offended that my mom got to and they didn't. My dad also offered to be my labor coach early on.. hard pass. This time I plan on being much more assertive about it so my mom and DH will both most likely be there.

Has anyone had an older sibling in the room? DD will be 5.5 and as long as everything works out logistically, I think would like her to be there as well. I still need to see if the hospital that I plan to deliver at even allows this.

doula-mama · May 2018

Thanks for all the great perspectives. I am definitely leaning towards having just DH and I but wanted to make sure I wasn’t missing anything that would change my mind

mommy2ane · May 2018

@knottieamusements I can honestly say that I was never that far gone that I wouldn’t have cared.

@Sailing_Mama I loved the intimacy of just being a family of three together when A was born. I also got to hold my baby and snuggle him for over an hour without having anyone else clamoring to hold him. My husband got to hold him first, so he just let me be for that time. With E, it was even more peaceful since no one was in the waiting room and we were able to just be with her.

adahl311 · May 2018

I only had my husband in the delivery room with me, but honestly he could have been in the other room and I probably wouldn’t have even noticed. I was the type that during labor I just wanted/needed to focus on my own and not have anyone bothering me!ha plus my husband doesn’t really like anything Medical so it worked out well for both of us for him to have more of a hands off kind of role. He was right there after she was delivered though, so he was still part of the experience. I know a lot of people have their partners be really involved during the whole labor process which is great,but just know that it is okay if you need a little space Too!

nmadjeski · May 2018

I only wanted it to be me and my SO. My mom had a fit but I knew I wouldn't be able to handle having her in there. She doesnt remain calm, she wants to take charge and boss people around and God forbid something went wrong she would have made a scene. I had borderline pre e and gestational diabetes and was induced at 38 weeks. I was under enough stress I didn't need any more. Plus she and I dont have the greatest relationship. She came up the day after the baby was born but no one else came.

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