I went through a CP miscarriage just over two weeks ago and it's been hard. I feel very alone with this. But I've been sitting with questions and so thanks for any insights.
Some of my story is pretty typical I guess for a chemical pregnancy. I had a faint positive/bfp, had some symptoms (differently sore breasts, nausea from acidic foods, felt really hormonal all over), had a bbt that didn't drop down to my coverline like it usually does a day or two before my period is due. But when my period was a few days late, the temp started going down. Four or five days after my period would have been due, I still had a faint positive on a test, but the next day I started getting heavy bleeding and cramping, including passing a clot that looked like a yolk sac and was the size of a bean. It lasted for a few days (my period's usually really short with just one heavy day), and I had faint staining for over a week, with continued cramps about a week.
Because my situation is actually harder and more painfully complicated than I'd like it to be and not a classic story of someone with a spouse/supportive partner or a story of this being definitely the right timing (even though I'm getting older and afraid of not getting to be a mom), I didn't tell anyone except my doctor, and that still feels like the right choice on a gut level. My situation doesn't fit into any easy boxes. Even if I told close friends I think I'd be handling their surprise or assumptions about what my emotions are and so it might not be helpful. I feel alone with this, but at least the story is my own, and I'm not sure I see a real alternative. Anyone else ever felt that way or chosen to go through the complicated emotions of this stuff alone?
Here are some things that seemed odd or that I've wondered about. Some are frank and personal so maybe TMI, sorry.
1. To be blunt, for a week I was cramping if I tried to have an orgasm. I wasn't trying to have sex while this was going on, but normally for some people orgasm can soothe other body pain or ease cramps. But with this, the instant an orgasm would hit it felt like someone stabbed a dagger into my abdomen, and the cramping reverbed for hours. I have always comfortable with my body and sexuality but even though the problem is now gone for over a week I newly feel skittish and tense around that. I tried searching online about this and found ppl who experienced cramping with orgasm in early pregnancy or endometriosis but nobody writing about this with CP or other miscarriage. Anyone else experience this? (Also my cramping with this stopped but I got a pelvic exam two days ago and all the cervix-poking triggered cramps for a day again!)
2. I know there are so many reasons CP can happen especially for us on the older end of the fertility spectrum, but there is something that's worried me. For over six months now I have found that the first (light) day of my period fluid has a sharp and sour odor. No other day does and no odor in between. I've been tested for STDs and am negative. I did have some UTIs and BV a little before that started and maybe once after but I got antibiotics. I've always been familiar with my body and this is definitely different. Tried seeing a nurse about it when my doc was out of town and I asked her if there was any way it could be PID or there could be an infection in my uterus that isn't somehow showing up outside. She sorta blew me off and said only young women get PID and the symptoms are always extreme, but neither of those things are true and I felt too embarrassed to correct her. (I went to my actual doc two days ago and talked to her about this all again but she still didn't have answers, so I got tested again.) Have any of you experienced this? Is it nuts to worry there's something wrong in my uterus and this smell is my only hint of it and that somehow that made it impossible for implantation to occur?
3. I've read a lot about people's variations in bbt after a CP. I chart to be aware of my fertility and make sure nothing's changing about my body in that regard. My temps are pretty predictable. The weird thing this month is that around when I'd have normally ovulated, my temp stayed at the coverline (97.9 to 98.0) for five days straight. It's gone up now. What could that be about or is it just random? It's never happened before ever.